Quatre looked at the woman before him for a long moment. If his presence there worried her in anyway, she certainly wasn’t showing it. He took a deep breath, and began to speak.
“Dorothy, maybe you should sit down for a minute.” Her eyes fixed onto his as she seated herself in a nearby chair.
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
For the longest time he had thought he loved her. It wasn’t until he met Thea that he realized had bound him to her was fear. Fear of hurting her, fear of being alone, but most important, the fear that no one else would love him.
He realized that Dorothy had played a part in creating those fears. He had begun to see that she didn’t really love him and that she feared being left alone even more than he did. It hurt him to see what had been in front of him all along. Her fear of losing him had led her to pushing him away.
It was sad really. They had created a rift between them. ‘Who am I kidding? This relationship had a snowball’s chance in hell of surviving.’ It had been over before it had begun.
“Quatre? What is it that you wanted to talk to me about? I do have other things to attend to today.” Dorothy said from her perch in the long silence. Quatre inhaled deeply. ‘Here goes nothing.’
“Dorothy, I think it’s time we go our separate ways.” For a brief moment she sat still, as if not believing what she heard.
“Why?”
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
“I’ve come to realize that our relationship was nothing but a buffer.” Dorothy looked at him, confused. “Love was never a factor. We were both trying to keep a grip on what we thought was reality. I’m sorry, I really am, but I can’t do it anymore. It’s time to move on.”
The expression on Dorothy’s face went from quizzical to angry. “Is that what you believe? Is that what all of this has meant to you? Nothing?” Her tone was smooth and almost emotionless. Her eyes bored into Quatre betraying the rage she was feeling.
Quatre felt himself shiver, but shook the feeling, willing himself to have the strength to tell her off.
Saying you love but you wont
You give your love but you wont
“That’s not what I said.” He said, exerting every ounce of energy to keep the shake out of his voice.
“But it’s what she told you to say, isn’t it.”
Now the anger rose inside of him. How dare she speak of her that way? She loved him more than Dorothy ever could. Her proclamations of love were real, they were true, they were what he wanted to have from Dorothy, but couldn’t get. “No, she didn’t tell me to say anything. How dare you compare yourself to her? She is everything you believe you are. You want to know the difference between you and her?”
“Breast size?” Dorothy smoothly answered, sounding more like a statement.
Quatre resisted the sudden overwhelming urge to hit her. “No.” He said through clenched teeth. “The difference is sincerity. You accuse me of lying, cheating, and being insensitive. You say, I’m the one who is afraid. You say that I can’t survive without you. But you’re wrong. I can survive and I will. You are the one who’s afraid. If you could only see…” He left his sentence trail off.
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Quatre turned towards the door, the anger he felt at a low boil below the surface. Dorothy watched him go. She trembled inside, but was determined not to show it. He had hit the proverbial nail on the head, and it had hit her like a ten-ton sack of bricks. He turned back towards her. “I’m sorry Dorothy. But can’t live in a lie anymore. And there are some things that I wish were different. But I can’t ignore my heart anymore. I just can’t. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well congratulations Mr. Winner. You did.” She spat, visibly beginning to shake.
Quatre looked at her with sudden sympathy. It was true. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, even though he knew he would. The years of pain that the war had caused ate away at both of them, in a slow and deliberate manner. The reason he was living had escaped him long ago, but recently he had found it again, in Thea. All the joy, the happiness, the love that had been missing in his life for so long had returned. He could live again. He could love again. He could be free again.
He remembered the whole reason he joined the war. Escape. It had been to escape the pressures of being a Winner, and the responsibility of inheriting the fortune. It had been to escape the dress up that he had been so brutally exposed to by his sisters. Once he joined the war, he discovered the life he left was nothing to escape from. His purpose became escaping the war, the death. And now, as only fate would have it, he was fighting to escape a meaningless existence. An existence he had entered into, ironically, to be able to stop fighting. He was tired. He was tired of fighting. He was tired of running.
Seems the road less traveled
Shows happiness unraveled
And you gotta take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That’s what you gotta do
His “light at the end of the tunnel” had shown itself when he met Thea. She was a Preventer. They had worked together on numerous occasions. Quatre couldn’t seem to get the blue of her eyes, or the curve of her hips, or the sound of her laugh out of his mind. Everything he did with her seemed to be less of a chore. Fun was back in his vocabulary. He could laugh again. And then he would go home to Dorothy. He would go home to his normal routine of finding an excuse to leave the room, issuing a hallow ‘I love you’, and waking the next morning to start the process again. He had had enough. He wanted Thea. He wanted to be happy again. Dorothy was a painful reminder that his life up until this point had been mere survival.
Sayin you love but you wont
You give your love but you wont
You’re stretching your arms to something that’s just not there
Sayin you love where you stand
You give your heart when you can
“Quatre.” Dorothy said, interrupting his thoughts. “I asked you a question.”
“What?” He asked, resigned to tell her what she wanted to know. She deserved that much at least.
“What changed you? I thought we were happy. I thought you loved me.”
“I did love you Dorothy. But did you love me?” Dorothy was visibly confused at the question.
“What are you talking about?” She asked, grasping at words to collect herself and coming up with air. “Of course I loved you. I still love you.”
“I don’t think you do Dorothy. I think that you are just as scarred as I am. I don’t know what to say to make you see it. But I’m obviously not helping you, and you’re not helping me. There’s nothing I can do anymore. My heart tells me to move on. It tells me that you need to find someone who can help you move on. It is my deepest wish that you find that person.”
The tears welled in her eyes. It had somewhat of an air of force to it. “But weren’t we happy together?”
Quatre looked at her for a long moment before finally deciding to tell her the truth. “No Dorothy. We weren’t.”
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Rage, this time unchecked and about to be unleashed, flashed in her eyes. She was shaking. “Get out.” She whispered.
“Dorothy?” He tested.
“GET OUT!” She screamed. He turned and walked through the door. A crash, something most likely expensive and heavy, followed him. He walked to his Harley, pulling the keys from the pocket of his soft, black leather pants. Picking the black helmet, he sat down on the seat. A sigh was issued from his lips. He ran his hands through his blonde hair, put the key in the ignition, turned it, and put the helmet on.
Another sigh. “Good luck Dorothy.” He whispered the house he was leaving. For good.
Sayin you love but you don’t
You give your love but you wont
Sayin you love where you stand
You give your heart when you can
The Harley roared down the bleak and darkened highway. The road ahead of him was empty. He shook his head slightly as the thought occurred to him that it resembled his life. But he had the feeling that that was all about to change. He had never felt so vulnerable in his entire life. The woman he loved held his heart in her hands.
Love. The concept felt awkward on his lips. He had never really loved anyone the way he loved Thea. His thoughts, his dreams, his daily activities were consumed with her. The ride came to an end suddenly, and he found himself and the door of the object of his every waking moment.
With a deep sigh, he removed his helmet. He put down the kickstand and got off the bike. The door to her home seemed to be bigger, and a little more threatening than usual. With shaky steps, he climbed up to the door and, exhaling, he knocked.
No turning back now.
Within a few moments, Thea opened the door. She was dressed in her Pj’s, which happened to be a silky black negligée and a matching robe. It ended around mid thigh. Needless to say, she was a little surprised to see her blond haired partner standing on her door step. And looking quite sexy in his leather pants too.
“Quatre! What a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?” She asked, pulling the robe tightly closed to protect her body from the cold.
“Hi…” Quatre started uneasily. “I… I, uh. I’m sorry. I…” He continued to stumble over his words.
“Quatre.” Thea said, quieting his rambling. “Quatre, come inside out of the cold, and then you can tell me whatever you need to.”
‘Promise?’ He thought, entering after her.
“Now,” she said turning to him. “To what do I owe this sudden arrival?”
‘Here goes nothing.’ Quatre thought. “I, uh. Huh.” He shrugged and laughed nervously. “There’s something I have to tell you. Something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time.” Thea looked at him, patient but expectant. He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled deeply once more.
“Well, here goes.” He said again, this time aloud. Thea looked at him, slightly confused. “Thea, I… I can’t get you out of my mind. Everything I do, I do it with you in my head. I… have been doing a lot of thinking lately. When I met you, things became very clear. I realized that everything in my life had been something I had been trying to avoid. And, I got really, really tired of running.
“You have been there every time things with Dorothy got to be to much to handle. You have been there for me, even when I refused to be there for myself. Thea, I’m 26 years old. I haven’t felt what it’s like to be alive since… since before I was fifteen. And you made me feel it again. I…” Quatre rapidly blinked back tears.
Thea put her hand on his shoulder, suddenly understanding what he wanted to say. She had wanted to hear those words from his lips, from the moment she met him. She loved him. And now she knew he felt the same. “Quatre..” She looked into his eyes.
The pools of blue in front of him overtook him. “Thea I… I… I love you.”
There. He had said it. Everything was on the table. It made him more afraid than he had ever been. She moved closer to him slowly, as if unsure of herself. ‘Say something.’ He begged her silently.
Thea said nothing. She gently closed the distance between them, leaning upwards towards his lips. The kiss was slow, and passionate. Their tongues dueled softly. Their arms encircled each other. Thea pulled away. “I… I love you too.”
They moved slowly towards the living room. They moved to the couch were Thea pushed him down and gently straddled his hips. The kiss that they now shared was steamy, and rougher than the one at the door. Her hands were busy riding him of the boundaries he wore. Quatre moaned low in his throat. It was the moment he had been dreaming of for some time. He managed to move, to share in the passion and remove the black material from her body.
It took precious little time for them to be free of all barriers that kept them apart. Quatre cupped her chin. He moved her head so that she was staring strait into his eyes. She had a dreamy, and lust filled look in her eyes. “I love you.” He whispered again. They kissed, and she shifted. Her inner walls gave way. The feel of him easing inside of her was unlike anything she had felt before.
He was inside of her completely. The last of his fear melted away with the look in her eyes. This was home. This was home, because nothing else could feel so right. They started a gentle rhythm. She rocked her hips into his and all the outside world fell away. They moved slowly, easily to completion, welcoming each other home.
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me