As Duo walked into the facility at Heero's side, he couldn't help but note how dismal and grey the building was. They were met by an old man with long, iron grey hair, odd glasses and one artificial, clawlike arm. Heero knelt in front of J, to Duo's astonishment.
/It was late in September
And I've seen you before (and you were)/
"Ah good. Heero, you brought him. Welcome, Duo Maxwell, to my humble abode," J said. Duo sneered at him.
"I've seen you before. You ordered Heero to self-destruct, you sick fuck. What the hell did you do that for, anyway?" Duo demanded. J just chuckled.
"Such concern. I suppose he hasn't told you. What a shame. In any case, I would prefer to kill you, though it seems that isn't possible," J said, shooting a glare at Heero's bowed head. Duo felt chilled.
/You were always the cold one
But I was never that sure/
'I didn't realise J was that sick. I mean, sure the docs taught kids to fight with machines of mass destruction, but at least they kinda cared. Quat told me all about H and G was pretty cool. J is so... cold. Like a machine.'
"So, what are you going to do with me?" Duo asked quietly. J put his human hand under Heero's chin, raising it upward. Heero's eyes seemed to rest on the grey metallic ceiling.
/You were all by yourself
Staring at a dark grey sky/
"Heero, take Duo to one of the 'guest' rooms and lock him in their. You will deliver him his meals and make sure he stays alive."
"I understand," Heero said, voice dead. Duo shivered. Not even when they first had met had Heero sounded like that.
"For how long will I be your 'guest'?" Duo asked. J smiled at him. Duo had only *thought* he'd felt cold before. NOW he was cold.
"Until you die."
/I was changed/
As Heero marched Duo down the hall, it felt like he was marching to his doom. He shot looks at Heero as he walked. Perhaps one not so familiar with Heero would think he didn't care, though Duo knew how deeply affected he was by this. His heart bled for his friend, really it did... wait, maybe that was the internal bleeding...
"I-I'm sorry, Duo," Heero said quietly as he opened the door. Duo smiled, clapping a hand on Heero's shoulder.
"I understand," Duo said. Heero pulled him into a fierce, tight hug. Duo hugged back.
"I could set you free..." Heero whispered, breath fanning over Duo's cheek.
~If you want to
I can save you~
"I can charge the guards and rush you to the door. You could be free." Duo closed his eyes briefly.
"Would you come with me?" Duo asked quietly. Heero released him and gave him an anguished look.
"No."
~I can take you away from here~
Duo looked into the room. It was small, with a single bed, a small bookshelf, a bathroom, a desk and a lamp. He looked back into the hallway where Heero was standing, the quiet murmurs of busy support staff working were heard.
~So lonely inside
So busy out there~
"I'll stay here then, until you will come with me. Who knows, might be nice to rest a bit," Duo said, stepping inside the room confidently. Heero reached for the door handle, then paused, gently and hesitantly giving Duo a kiss on the lips.
"I love you," Heero said, closing the door. There was a pause as Duo reached up to touch his lips in wonder. He pressed them to the door.
"I love you too," he said, hopefully loud enough to be heard through the door. The lock clicked into place. Duo walked to his bed and lay down.
~And all you wanted was somebody who cares~
Duo banged the back of his head against the wall. It hurt. He glared at the wall like it was all it's fault. The wall was unafraid.
/In places no one would find/
"Damnit, I miss Quatre. He was fun to talk to. I wonder if he was okay after launching into space. And Wufei. And that Trowa guy. Wonder if G is worried yet... not that they could find me here..." Duo said to the wall, sighing. "Heero..."
His thoughts returned to the kiss. It meant Heero was interested, the words following it most certainly confirming the idea. Duo leaned back against the wall with a deep sigh. He drew his legs up to his chest.
~I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me~
'I don't want to be here... I don't want to be trapped here... what if there are rats...' Duo felt hysteria grip him. The rats had been everywhere on L2. You didn't get used to them, not like spiders or cockroaches. Spiders were pretty and cockroaches could be squished and sometimes eaten, when necessary. But the rats... there weren't many that left the streets without being bitten and maimed by them. He was lucky, they'd taken a chunk out of his thigh instead of his face. Some hadn't been so lucky... he could still hear them calling, begging him to take the rats off of them. Instead, he'd run away. They were calling....
"Duo... Duo... are you okay, Duo?" asked the voice. A hand was placed on Duo's shoulder.
~Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on~
Duo started, looking up, eyes filled with unshed tears.
/All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realised
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry/
"Duo, what's wrong?" Heero demanded, setting down the tray he had been carrying. Duo shook his head and Heero wrapped his arms around Duo's shoulders, making a sort of crooning noise.
"Don't let the rats get me..." Duo whispered, clinging to Heero tightly. Heero stroked his back.
"There are no rats here. This place is completely sterile," Heero assured him, gently kissing his eyelids. Duo nestled his head under Heero's chin, sniffing slightly.
"I guess you think I'm a wuss for being afraid, huh?" Duo said softly. Heero cupped Duo's chin.
"Of course not. It's healthy, normal and human to be afraid. I-" Heero broke off, looking away. Duo looked concerned.
"What is it?" Duo asked. Heero smiled faintly, gently dropping a kiss on Duo's lips.
"It's time for you to eat," Heero said instead. Duo nodded. Careful not to disturb Duo, Heero grabbed the tray, setting it on both their laps. Duo was distracted until the food was half-gone. He noted Heero hadn't eaten anything.
"Do you want some?" Duo asked, gesturing towards the food. Heero nodded and shared the food, though eating only half of what Duo ate. Once finished, Heero set the tray aside, wrapping his arms around Duo, they sat back on the bed, sighing happily.
"I wish things were different..." Heero said after a moment. Duo looked up slightly.
"J said something about you not telling me something. What was it?"
Heero gently removed Duo from his lap and stood, gathering the tray. Duo blinked, then scrambled to stand.
"Heero.... what is it, please?" Duo asked, a slight tone of begging entering his voice. Heero paused a moment.
/Please can you tell me/
"I'm... not human enough for you," Heero said quietly. Then he left. Duo stood there for many moments, staring at the door.
/So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone/
Duo sat down to think. Not human enough? What did that mean? If it was that whole Perfect Soldier bunk, then it wasn't an issue. They were *both* soldiers, and they were going to have to become damn near perfect to destroy those nasty clockwork mobile suits.
/If you want to/
~I wanted to hold you~
Duo frowned to himself. Wasn't it better this way? After all, wasn't the idea of homosexuality fundamentally wrong, an abhorration of nature, thou shalt not lay with a man as you would a woman, repeat ad nauseum?
**flashback**
'Father Maxwell is talkin' to people in the chapel. 'Little pitchers have big ears' Sister Helen always says.' Duo hunkered down, trying to pat down fly-away wisps of hair.
"Please Father, you have to help us. We didn't know anywhere else to turn," a young man, not older than fifteen, said. His companion merely nodded and clung to him tightly.
"All are welcome in a house of the Lord," Father Maxwell said gently, laying large, callused hands on their heads in blessing.
"I- we," the first boy said, flushing with shame. The second boy spoke quietly, so Duo had to strain to get closer.
"We had sexual relations, together, and we were caught. We have been disowned, and were told that if one day we repented and confessed our sins, we would be forgiven." He looked at Father Maxwell, eyes flashing. "I do not repent."
Father Maxwell smiled at them both. "Homosexuality is not a state of becoming, it is a state of being. Either you are, or you are not. And certainly the Bible says that a man should not lie with another man as they would a woman; how could they? If I recall, the anatomy is not quite the same." He chuckled softly, inviting them to share the joke.
"As for being a sin, how can love be a sin? It is a perfect, wonderful thing to feel. We all need love. I draw love from my congregation, the children and my dear Sister Helen. It is not wrong for you to draw love from each other. It is simply a great travesty that your parents do not understand that.
"It is not against nature, because that is how you were born. Perhaps it is not common, but being uncommon merely makes you special, and in fact lucky, not abhorrent. Remember this, my sons, God does not make mistakes. If God chose for you to be homosexuals and find each other, then who am I to argue with God?
"Feel free to stay here as long as you need. We will nourish your bodies and your minds, while you nourish your souls. God knows, you will need plenty of nourishing of the body after the nourishing of the soul," Father Maxwell finished with a twinkle in his eye. Both boys blushed this time.
"Thank you. I don't know how we will ever repay you..." they said, as they stood and were led from the chapel.
"Pass the message on. Share your knowledge with others. They will need it," Father Maxwell replied. He let the boys walk past him, and looked down into a pair of very wide violet eyes. He winked and walked on.
**end flashback**
Duo smiled at the memory. Somehow it didn't surprise him that the Father had known before him.
"Thanks Father. God does not make mistakes, so now all I have to do is get out of here." Duo bit his lip and began to plan. "Heero said he can't go with me. This is my goal: get out of here *with* Heero. Heero said J wouldn't hurt me, as long as Heero didn't hurt him. And J wants me dead. I don't plan on staying here that long. I need to find the chink in J's armour...."
/I can save you/
~I wanted to make it go away~
Heero stood stalk still in front of J as the old man muttered and paced. Only his eyes flicked back and forth, watching. He was... amused. Yes, amused. He was feeling all kinds of interesting things now...
"OZ is closing in. They have already captured O from L5 and H states he will not be able to remain under cover for long. Fortunately, the Winner family is wealthy and naturally secretive. He will be able to hide our research there," J was saying.
Heero did a reading on J. Is pulse was slightly increased, due to the pacing and anxiety. His brain waves were slightly increased as well. Duo would have fun with that thought. Duo...
'I'm not human enough for you Duo. J disgusts you, and I... I am far worse.' Heero sighed a little to himself.
/I can take you away from here/
~I wanted to know you~
"Is our guest comfortable?" J asked, as if picking up on Heero's thought. Heero could never be sure that his modifier *couldn't* read his mind. J had never told him what his modifications did.
"Yes," Heero said shortly. For all of J's long-windedness, he hated it in others.
"Good. Are your servos working properly?" J asked, apparently satisfied. Heero nodded as J poked and prodded him. J dismissed Heero, who wandered the mostly empty halls like a lost ghost.
/So lonely inside
So busy out there/
~I wanted to make your everything, all right....~
'I have to tell him,' Heero thought logically. If I don't, he'll never know, and I can't lie to him. What's the worst that could happen?'
His imagination filled him on what the 'worst' was. He winced. He stopped, finding himself directly in front of Duo's room. He shook his head ruefully. Time to bite the bullet, as it were.
/And all you wanted was somebody who cares/