Part One
Striding into the smoky, badly lit bar, Leg Breaker Cye looked around. Unfortunately, because of a combination of bad lighting and sunglasses, he could see only vague outlines.
Kento of the Steel Buns[1] stood at Cye's back, and because he wasn't wearing sunglasses, he could see somewhat better than Cye. He used this advantage to admire Cye's backside.
Cye, oblivious to the admiration his butt was getting, looked at the coat check 'girl' at the counter.
"Coats, please," said a bored voice between cracks of 'her' gum. Cye handed his coat to the 'girl', as did Kento (who is still of the Steel Buns). The coat 'girl' tried not to laugh as 'she' spotted the little fish on Cye's suspenders.
"Have a nice evening, miss," Cye said with a wave, walking on. The coat 'girl' glared at Cye's back.
"I am not a girl!" Sage insisted. Kento shrugged.
"Sunglasses," Kento said as an explanation. Cye paused to give the bouncer, a Mr. Ryo, a once-over. Mr. Ryo returned the favour, picturing Cye in light blue gatchies and those suspenders. He smirked.
Cye continued to the bartender, a Ms. Mia, who was out of work after her stint as an obligatory female character to co-star with the leading male. This was the best she could do.
"I'll... have a screaming orgasm..." Cye said, voice taking on a sly tone. Mia blinked, then slowly began to unbutton her blouse. Fortunately, she spotted the menu and did up her blouse quickly, pouring him the drink. She was blushing by the time she handed it to him.[2] Cye of course was oblivious to this and merely nodded, tossing a bill on the counter and strode away.
Kento hastily added money to the 1$ bill Cye has put on the bar and ordered a bloody Caesar for himself. Mia smiled happily to herself and mixed the clamato, tabasco, vodka and other special ingredients and added a celery stick.
"Let me know if there's too much tabasco!" Mia said brightly. Kento smiled and took a sip. There was too much tobasco!. Kento belched, breathing a stream of fire in Mia's face. Mia blinked comically. Kento carefully gave her a large tip, then followed Cye to where the Boss was.
On a stage, a singer began to croon bad Sanatra. A blur of dark blue light engulfed the singer, as a holy sign of The Gods. After all, through divine intervention we know that even They think that Sanatra is evil.[3]
The singer was replaced with a slim young man in a dark black cat suit, all leather, all the time. The arms and legs were scattered with artistic cuts in the pattern of stained glass roses. His eyes, blue as his hair, were closed as he softly sang "Little Black Backpack".[4]
The singer seemed to be having a bit of trouble with the lyrics as he kept singing 'little black bagpipe'[5] instead. Cye and Kento headed over to a small, hunched figure sitting in a particularly shady corner. Cye and Kento bowed.
"We are here, Master Yuli," Cye said. Kento resisted the urge to snap Cye's suspenders and settled for nodding.
Yuli nodded solemnly and indicated for them to sit. This was a problem, seeing as how there were no chairs.
"We cahn't sit on the floor!" Cye noted, his accent miraculously appearing. Yuli frowned and snapped his fingers. After several minutes and a song change, a bored looking blond ran over holding a bright pink and an acid green inflatable chairs.
"Sorry, all we had," she said casually. Yuli nodded and shrugged. After a small fight over the green chair-- Kento won-- they sat down.
"Thank you Relena,[6]" Yuli wheezed out, in a horrible impression of the Godfather's[7] voice. The blond flipped her hair and walked off. "So... you've come, have you? Excellent... I'm having a bit of trouble with... The Head." Yuli paused for effect.
"You know, a visit to the 'ospital would fix that right up," Cye observed. Kento chuckled. Yuli glared.[8]
"Not that head!" Yuli said loudly, dropping the accent all together. A significant look from the author was all it took for him to quiet down.
"What head do you mean?" Kento interjected quickly.
"You know..." Yuli said, continuing to wheeze, "The Head."
"No, I don't know," Cye argued.
"Everyone knows," replied Yuli.
"Not everyone, I don't!" Cye persisted. Yuli stood up and and slammed his hand on the table. People turned and the singer glared.
"Oi, 'm tryin' to sing 'ere!" yelled the singer, accent of origin hard to place, but it was certainly not from Constantinople![9]
"Sorry..." Yuli wheezed, sounding like a toy with a broken squeaker. He sat down, and the buzz of conversation returned. One scrap of conversation reached Cye's ears. It flapped a bit until Cye flicked it away. As it flew, it declared:
"So I says to Lenny, I says, 'we piled the furniture to the ceiling'. And Lenny says to me 'you don't say'..."[10]
TBC
Dear lord, it's just begun and there are already footnotes!
1- This is a running gag involving a gif of Kento doing pushups from behind. Go here to see it!
2- Gag from the Vampyre Inn bar bot.
3- Physh.
4- I needed a song, okay?!
5- Physh doesn't know the lyrics to LBB so she kept saying that.
6- Yes Physh! There will be GW in this! Ahahah! *evil*
7- You know, that 'I'm in the last stages of emphysema' wheeze
8- There will be many head jokes in this fic.
9- There is a poll going on for the RW fans to guess the origin of Rowen's accent.
10- Long, long story!
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