Vive l'Amour!

Title: Vive l'Amour!
Author: Gwynn
Song: Vive L'Amour by François Perusse. The man is insane. Really.
Disclaimer: These aren't the pilots you're looking for...
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4 (ish)
Warnings: Language (if you speak French), French song (if you don't), violence (sort of...), generally pissiness.
Note: Herve, please read this, I think you might get a kick out of it...
~Lyrics~ (most are spoken though...)

"Heero! I need to talk to you!" Relena called. Heero winced, ever so slightly, and unwrapped his arms from around Duo. He turned.

~Il faut se dire des mots d'amour, des mots d'amour, Vive l'amour...3...4...~

"Yes?" Heero said.

Relena opened her mouth. What came out shocked Heero beyond all reason.

"~Niaiseux, têteux, morveux, licheux, kickeux, pèteux, grincheux, flâneux
gratteux, senteux, baveux, quèteux, air de beu, taponneux, pouilleux,~" Relena managed before she had to stop to breathe. Heero blinked. Duo glared at her. But she wasn't done yet. She turned to Duo.

"~Fifi, tata, toto, cucu, moumoune, poupoune, toutoune, épais, pourri
pissou, macho, macro, putain, radin, crétin, coquin~" she hissed. Duo's lips curled back in a snarl.

"~Casseux de party, ti-cul, gros tas, vieux cave, innocent, mongol
quétaine, bitch, kitch, cheap, sans dessein, cocu, vieille folle,~" Duo spat back at Relena. She took a step back, but wasn't shocked into silence quite yet.

"~Fatiguant, achalant, tannant, collant, ennuyant, fainéant, rushant
moron, cochon, bougon, tôton, colon, sti d'con, fripon, couillon!~" she shot at Duo.

"~Salaud, pas un cadeau, nono, gino, guerlot, ti-coco, loser,~" Duo replied, looking like he was going to rip her another hole somewhere.

"~Tout nu, foutu, trou du cul, parvenu, l'eusse-tu-cru, pis qui pue,~" Relena replied, not looking much happier with Duo. Heero wisely decided to take cover.

"~Crotté, raté, fucké, craqué, mal élevé, pogné, magané,~" Duo snarled.

"~Jaloux, filou, voyou, guenillou, plein de poux, marabout,~" Relena practically screamed back.

"~Snob saf poche plate, ma p'tite vache a mal aux pattes,
moche louche tarte poire, j'te ménage pas trop à soir,~" Duo shot back. Relena jumped Duo and began beating him to the best of her abilities. Somewhere she had gotten a gun and she was attempting to pistol-whip him.

"~Hypocrite, twit, tas de shit, tite bite au litte
pas fin, lambin, radin, mesquin, malin, donc ben bon à rien!~" Relena shrieked in between blows. Duo grabbed her wrists and twisted. She yelped and bit him. Duo smacked her.

"~Ah, Vive l'amour!~" commented Hilde, leaning against a nearby tree.


Trowa stood back and watched as Quatre and Dorothy insisted on fencing, again. Or, at least, Dorothy insisted. Quatre didn't really care.

"Dorothy, this is stupid. What's the point?" Quatre said finally, stepping back and dropping the point of his fencing foil to the ground. Dorothy made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snarl, ripped off her helmet and threw it at Quatre. It caught Quatre square in the chest.

"~Voyons donc, tais-toi donc, veux-tu te battre, écrase scram fly!~" she yelled. A look of fury came over Quatre, and Trowa knew there was going to be trouble.

"~Vas chez vous, viens pas chez nous pis vas chez l'diable, remonte ta fly!~" Quatre said, bringing up the sword.

"~Y'é pas de ma race, ça c't'une agace, c't'un dégueulasse, c't'une tête enflée,
tête de linotte, tête de mule, tête de plomb tedeletetedelete!~" Dorothy taunted.

Quatre's eyes burned with cold, blue fire. Trowa had a very, very bad feeling about this....

"~Vas donc... pis mange d'la... pis va te...fourre-toi le dans l'..."

"Quatre!"

"~Vas te faire...t'es donc ben fendant, fendant!~" Quatre continued.

"~Sacre-moi la paix baquet, es-tu malade, t'es dehors, pas rapport,
ah ben là toi-là, fais la? verrat, scélérat, tu sauras!~" Dorothy snarled.

"~Oh toi!~" Quatre called.

"~Moi?~" Dorothy asked.

"~Oui toi! viens avec nous!~" Quatre said. He brought the point of his fencing foil up and waggled it.

"~Mais je suis un fifi tata toto!~" Dorothy said, affecting fake surprise. "~Euh...c'pas grave! viens, viens-t-en chez nous!~" Quatre challenged, making the 'bring it' gesture.

"~Oui, mais j'suis un morveux niaiseux téteux!~" Dorothy replied nastily.

"~Euh... ne dis donc pas ça et viens avec nous!~" Trowa interjected. Twin snarls met his ears and he decided it would be safer to stay out of it.

"~Oui, mais j'suis un tôton moron couillon!" Quatre said sarcastically.

"~Voyons...allons donc...of, pis reste donc chez vous!~" screamed Dorothy, throwing down her fencing foil. She stalked away, slamming a door on the way out.

"~Oui mais ça c'est de la discrimina... AAADAAABAAA... Vive l'amour!~" Trowa muttered under his breath.

The End
~~ou~~
Fin

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