The Best Movies Ever of All Time
In the History of Movies
Best Movies Ever
1. Fight Club (1999)
Suffering from insomnia, the Narrator (Edward Norton) begins visiting support groups to help take his mind off his problems. The groups help to ease his sleepless nights until Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter) enters the picture and disrupts his routine. Desperate to find a new escape, the Narrator meets Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), a destructionist with a unique and candid view on how the world should work. The Narrator and Durden end up living together and forming Fight Club, a secret organization dedicated to helping men forget their problems by beating the crap out of each other. Fight Club escalates to dizzying heights and takes the audience, and the Narrator, on one hell of a ride. Fight Club is the only movie that I could watch 10+ times, and notice something I had never seen before each time. An amazing film with a rare anti-social, anti-commercial, anti-everything view.
2. The Rules of Attraction (2002)
Sex, drugs, more sex, violence, death, drugs again, even more sex, heartbreak, drugs, and sex. Bizarre film which focuses mainly on the lives of three college students in New England. Sean (James Van Der Beek) is a sex-addicted, self-indulged, drug dealer who believes himself to be in love with Lauren (the very beautiful Shannyn Sossamon), but still manages to have sex with half of the other students. Lauren, however, is an almost-virgin who is saving herself for Victor (Kip Pardue)--but Victor is spending the semester in Europe and doesn't have a big part in the movie until near the end. Paul (Ian Somerhalder), Lauren's ex-boyfriend, finds himself falling head-over-heals for Sean, who he thinks returns the feelings. A twisted love triangle square polygon of some weird type is formed, and their lives will never be the same. It's a very dark, very twisted comedy that will offend most, but amaze all. The subject matter is very controversial, so I wouldn't watch this one with your parents.
3. Memento (2000)
"Memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts." Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce) cannot form new memories; he lost that ability when intruders entered his home, raped and murdered his wife, and bashed his head against a wall. Now he has taken it upon himself to find his wife's killer, depending completely on his notes, his photographs, and his tattoos. Who can he trust? He doesn't know. The viewer doesn't know. With help from Teddy (Joe Pantoliano) and Natalie (Carrie-Anne Moss), Leonard fights to avenge his wife's murder. The plot of this movie is secondary to the way it is presented, backwards. The end (or beginning, however you want to look at it) is ambiguous enough to keep you guessing, but final enough to keep you satisfied. Overall, this movie is absolutely breathtaking.
4. Evil Dead Trilogy (I can't pick just one)
Evil Dead (1981): Ash (Bruce Campbell) takes a trip to a deserted cabin the woods with his friends. The teens play a tape that they find in the cellar, which unfortunately contains the reading of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis, the Book of the Dead. Ash is forced to become a hero when the book causes demons to possess his friends, turning them into "Deadites". Filmed on an extremely low budget ($300,000) this film strangely contains the best special effects of the series. Throw in some bodily dismemberment, a hell of a lot of fake blood, and a tree-rape and you've got yourself an instant classic. In my opinion, this is easily the best one of the series, and one of the greatest horror movies ever made.
Evil Dead II (1987): So. . .um. . .are we supposed to pretend the first one never happened? Ash (Bruce Campbell again) finds himself back in the same cabin--this time with a different girl--playing the same tape, having his girl getting possessed by the same demons as in the first movie. This time, Ash turns out to be a little more of a tough guy. He, himself gets possessed this time, and has to battle his own hand (a great scene). In true hero fashion, he cuts off his hand with a chainsaw, and then replaces it with the same chainsaw that cut it off! What a trooper! Throw in some trademark Campbell one-liners and some crappy special effects, and you've got yourself an instant classic. According to most people, this is the best movie in the series, but I happen to think it is the worst. . . which is still pretty good.
Army of Darkness (1993): "Groovy." This one's a change of pace from the other two. It abandons trying to be scary and transforms itself into an adventure/comedy movie. Ash (Campbell, of course) is transported through time to the Middle Ages. Armed with his chainsaw and boomstick, he is recruited by the townspeople to find the Necronomicon and help fight an army of Deadites. Throw in some Good Ash vs. Bad Ash fighting and some claymation and you've got yourself an instant classic. This movie is one of the most entertaining and most quotable movies of all time: "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun," and, "I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town," and the wonderful, "Hail to the king, baby." Ash is my freaking hero and will be forever. Bruce Campbell is one of the greats and should be a bigger star than he is. He deserves it. He'll always be at the top of my list.
5. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Harry Goldfarb (Jared Leto), his mother Sarah Goldfarb (Ellen Burstyn), his girlfriend Marion Silver (Jennifer Connelly), and his best friend Tyrone Love (Marlon Wayans) all have big dreams for the future, but these dreams soon become nightmares as each of their drug addictions grow stronger. The first time I saw this movie, it kicked my ass. It's honestly one of the scariest movies I have ever seen, but it's not a horror movie--it's real life. It contains probably the strongest anti-drug message ever, and the creepy images and haunting music stay with you long after the movie is over. Ellen Burstyn's chilling performance is one of the best I have ever seen in a movie, and she got robbed of the Oscar by, who else, Julia Roberts (gag).
6. American History X (1998)
After going to jail for the murder of two black men, Derek Vinyard (Edward Norton), a neo-nazi skinhead, befriends Lamont (Guy Torry, in a hilarious role), a black man. In jail, Derek realizes the mistakes he has made in his life and the negative effects they had on his family. When released, Derek decides that he must do what is right and save his brother Danny (Edward Furlong) from going down the same path. Amazing performances are given by everyone in this movie, especially Norton, and give the film a really "real" feeling. Derek, although hateful in the beginning of the film, turns out to be a very sympathetic character in the end. There are many messages to be taken out of this film, and the ending is one that you can never forget.
Funniest Movies Ever
1. Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
"You taste like a burger; I don't like you anymore." This movie takes place on the last day of camp in the summer of 1981. As the counselors are trying to wrap up the summer, they need to find a way to balance their responsibility with the kids and their love lives. The humor in this movie is very immature, but somehow it is smarter than most comedies (does that make sense?). Co-written by David Wain and Michael Showalter (who also plays counselor Coop), Wet Hot American Summer is filled with ridiculous dialogue, a talking vegetable can, a sweater-fondling cook, and 97 minutes of non-stop fun. It's pretty much the funniest movie ever. "It's in the kitchen above the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream. . .I mean. . ."
2. Spaceballs (1987)
"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine." Written and directed by Mel Brooks, who also plays President Skroob and Yogurt, this movie spoofs the science fiction genre, with specific focus on Star Wars, Alien, and Planet of the Apes. The Han Solo/Luke Skywalker character is Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) who, accompanied by the Chewbacca-esque Barf (a Mog--half man, half dog--played by John Candy), is hired to save Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) from the clutches of the evil Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis, who really steals the show). The film contains the typical Brooks low-brow humor, and, despite its age, never seems to get old with repeated viewings. "Oh my god, it's Mega Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!"
3. Dumb and Dumber (1994)
"Mary. . .I desperately wanna make love to a school boy." I'm pretty sure everyone has seen this movie, and if someone hasn't, then he should. Friends Lloyd (Jim Carrey) and Harry (Jeff Daniels) are dumb and dumber. When they both lose their jobs, they decide to drive cross-country to return a briefcase full of money to the mysterious Mary (Lauren Holly). As it turns out, the money is a ransom for Mary's kidnapped husband and the two are trailed by a couple of thugs who want the money back. The title of the movie not only descibes the characters, but also the plot. It's a pretty ridiculous movie, but it definitely keeps you entertained.
4. Young Frankenstein (1974)
"What Knockers!" When the infamous Dr. Frankenstein dies, his grandson Dr. Frederick Frankenstein--pronounced Fronk-en-steen (Gene Wilder)--inheirits his entire estate. Determined to prove that his grandfather's work was only a myth, Frederick journeys to the old castle and repeats the experiments. To his astonishment, his creation (Peter Boyle) comes to life and . . . well . . . it's pretty funny. Make sure you look for Gene Hackman as the blind hermit. The movie is filmed in black and white to give it the old monster movie feeling and it's another Mel Brooks film, so you know it has to be good, right? Right.
5. Snatch. (2000)
"Protection from what? Ze Germans?" Turkish (Jason Statham), an unlicensed boxing promoter, gets under the skin of the wrong people when his fighter gets knocked out by Mickey (Brad Pitt), the gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion. Boris the Blade (Rade Serbedzija), the Russian arms dealer, provides weapons for a huge diamond heist., and Doug the Head (Mike Reid), the supposedly Jewish jeweler, is in charge of bringing the 84-karat diamond to his Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina). All of these men's paths cross when the diamond turns up stolen. Statham and Pitt are really the stars of this movie, but the entire cast give hilarious performances. It's the only purebred comedy to make it into my list of the top 10 movies ever.
Best Movies-within-Movies
1. Sand Pirates of the Sahara from The Majestic (2001)
Bruce Campbell plays Roland the Intrepid Explorer. What else do you need? How about an electrifying swordfight, forbidden Egyptian artifacts, and quippy one-liners? This is the main reason I keep watching The Majestic over and over and over. Bruce Campbell freaking rocks.
2. That one from Goldmember (2002)
It was just pretty funny, I guess. Danny DeVito as Mini-Me? C'mon, you gotta love that!
Best Actors
More to come!
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