I know you; for the man you were, the man you've been forced into... the man you want to be. Among your many, many attributes, I don't think you realize that those men - they are one and the same. Sure, while each subsequent man is tweaked and bettered, if not "perfected" in ways; you may feel as though you‘ve lost a part of what you were or perhaps a loss in the ease with which you could do and feel things. We've discussed, numerous times, who you are, what you are, how you are. Even knowing your lack of objectivity for your own person, I sometimes wonder just how well you know yourself. Not this freckle here or that gray hair there, but... in some other indescribable way. We talked one night, not long ago. You, in a manner, questioned your worth in being on the receiving end of how I feel for you. While there are many things to be said for modesty, there is something that I'm not sure you grasp. Granted, I haven’t shown this, but I’d like to enlighten you, just a little more, on my opinion of you.
From the first time we spoke, I felt a connection, no matter how corny that may sound to you. It was a gut reaction, one that says, “This person, this complete stranger… is meant to be a part of my life.” No, I had no idea just how much a part of my life you’d become; but I knew you’d be in it. In some capacity or another, I felt the need to have you become a part of my life, that first night. Within weeks, if not days, it was more. The need was still there but some sort of a primitive force pulled you into me. You were no longer just a part of my life, but a part of me. Your intelligence sped up my brain waves. Your sense of humor tested my wit. Your warmth and compassion broke down walls I’d put up long ago. Your sense of justice, parenthood, and overall morality just added incredible flavor to an already irresistible blend that is you. Your mere presence made my day and lit my face with a smile, and made me want to better myself and change in ways I knew not before you came into my life. While I felt happier, safer, more loved than ever before in my life; I remained scared. You calmed my fears, even not fully understanding them.
In hopes of avoiding as much bad as possible… over time, and through many tribulations, my opinion of you was only reinforced. While all your aforementioned qualities remained, there was so much more. Less leniency and tolerance combined with an inner strength only you could pull off as yet another attribute for which to be loved. Being on the receiving end of your sense of justice, although it was one of your qualities I always thought highest of, only augmented my desire to change to be someone you could like again. To be someone you could be proud of and want to spend time with… to be someone you could love again.
This isn’t meant as a testimonial to all your attributes nor a way to compliment you in a manner you can’t reject. It simply is what it is… an honest opinion of you, given by someone who truly loves you.
I see you, Shawn; really see you. It’s like, I see everything you could be, if only you weren’t you. The clincher of it all… I see everything you are now, because you are you: the greatest man I’ve ever known.
