As US Forces Begin War Against Iraq, Aged History Teacher in Herber Mills, PA Still Unaware of Conflict---
(Harrisburg, PA) According to Mr. Mark Prosser, an 87-year-old Social Studies teacher at Herber Mills High School in rural Herber Mills, PA, the United States is nowhere near an attack on Iraq.
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Mindless Idealistic Communism Running Rampant at New England Preparatory School
(Greater Kensington, MA) In the Hundson Wood School for children of bourgeois liberals with little knowledge of real life, instructors from all over the world work to pervert their students’ minds with discredited ideas and pathetic, hopeless dreams.  (Click here for full story)

Pennsylvania Contractors Pledge to Cover Entire State With Strip Malls and Suburban Dwellings by 2010
(Philadelphia, PA) Speaking to reporters on Tuesday, Arthur Rossi, President of the Pennsylvania Association of Farmland Developers revealed plans of his bold new strategy to turn Pennsylvania’s picturesque countryside into corporate owned strip malls and tract housing to complete what he called “decades’ worth of progress in destroying beauty and nature.”  (Click here for full story)