Title: The Naivety of Elves
Author: Elandae (j_3101@yahoo.ca)
Pairing: Boromir/Legolas, sort of
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, just using Tolkien’s characters for a bit of my own fun. Chalk it up to too much time on my hands.
Feedback: Always welcome.
The sun shone brightly down on the two people seated next to the sparkling waters of the river. One man, with shorter light brown hair, shot through with golden highlights leaned back against the firm support of the boulder behind him. The other was seated next to him, looking up with starry blue eyes at the clear sky above him.
Boromir’s voice broke through the silence, “Legolas, there is something I wish to tell you.”
His companion turned his attention to the man seated next to him, taking in the serious expression with concern.
“Does something ail you, my dear friend?” He asked, his melodic voice clouded with apprehension.
“No, no. Not wrong exactly. It is just that I have some news that I much desire to tell you.”
“Is it bad? I admit your expression makes me fear it is,” Legolas confessed, speaking softly and leaning closer to his companion so that he could hear the words. Boromir’s gray eyes darkened at this.
“It is just- Legolas, I am gay,” Boromir finally burst out.
Legolas’ expression lightened immediately. “Oh, I am so pleased for you!” He exclaimed with genuine happiness. “I do not see why you thought this would upset me, how could I not be pleased to know that such a dear friend of mine is happy?” His blue eyes glowed warmly as he spoke, impulsively leaning over and hugging the other man.
“No, it’s not that, Legolas.”
“You mean you are not happy?”
“Well, yes I am, but-“
“If you indeed happy, then I do not see why you are so serious!”
“Well, Legolas, I did not come here to tell you that I was happy.”
“I am confused. You said that you were happy.”
“Well I am, but once more, that is not what I meant to say.”
“Well what was your news, Boromir? Do not hesitate to tell me,” Legolas said earnestly, studying his companion’s face.
“I did tell you my news. I’m gay.”
“Boromir,” Legolas shook his head sadly, “You have told me this already. Perhaps the mental infirmities that your people suffer from in their advanced years is setting in already.”
“I am not *senile*,” Boromir snapped, his patience wearing thin with this roundabout conversation.
Legolas furrowed his brow, but before he could speak, Boromir cut in.
“I meant to say that I *like* Aragorn.”
Legolas smiled once more, “Oh, so *that* is what you mean to tell me!”
Boromir sagged with relief, “Yes, you finally understand what I am telling you.”
“Yes, I now understand what you mean. I like Aragorn, too!”
“You do?” Boromir’s expression was guarded, trying not to give away his surprise.
“Oh yes, of course I like Aragorn! He’s so wise and strong, and such a trustworthy friend, is he not?”
“No, I don’t mean that I like Aragorn as a friend!” Boromir said, rolling his eyes as he spoke.
“You do not think he is a good friend? Why then does he make you happy?”
“He does not make me happy; I meant that my feelings towards him mean I am gay!”
“Boromir, really, you are not making any sense today.” Legolas shook his head, certain that his friend was showing his age.
“I will put this in the plainest terms possible. I. Want. To. Get. In. Aragorn’s. Pants.” Boromir stated as he got to his feet, biting out each word, hoping to finally make his friend understand.
Legolas let out a peal of laughter as he stood alongside his friend “I will never understand you humans and your odd ways!”
“Ah, you finally understand what I have been trying to say, then?”
“I think so.”
“Excellent.”
“May I ask one question of you, my friend?”
“Anything you wish, Legolas.”
“Why would you want to wear Aragorn’s pants? Your own look perfectly suitable to my eyes.” Legolas’ expression was quizzical as he waited for the answer from a dumbfounded Boromir.
“I don’t want to *wear* his pants.”
“Well, I still do not understand why, but if it would make you happy, you can wear *my* pants,” Legolas said, smiling earnestly at his friend, confused but still wishing to make him happy.
Boromir stared at his friend for several moments, unsure how to respond to such a comment. He reached out, and with a sharp push, sent Legolas tumbling over into the clear waters of the river behind him, before storming off. He always knew the elves were innocent, but this was ridiculous.
The End.