Title: Honor Bound 16/16
Author: Elandae (j_3101@yahoo.ca)
Beta: The lovely and charming Daea
Pairing: Craig/Karl, Craig/Dave, Karl/Dave (implied)
Rating: NC-17 overall
Disclaimer: Don’t know them; make no claims of any sort. This is nothing but fiction.
Warning: violence, AU
Feedback: Love it
Dedication: For Daes and Kels.
Website: https://www.angelfire.com/hero/worship0/homepage.htm
Chapter 16: Where The Road Ends:
Karl forced himself to breathe in deeply, exhaling slowly through his mouth. His eyes burned with each blink; there was a dull ache at the base of his skull and matching ones beginning to flourish at his temples. Sorrow sat heavy in his breast, all the stronger for not having had its chance for release. Too long had this day been, and yet Karl did not wish for it to end. He did not wish for the time to advance as it insisted on doing, he did not wish for the moment when he could no long prolong his return to his chambers. He did not wish for the moment when he must lay himself in his bed, when all that would be present in the dark would be his own thoughts. He did not wish for the weight of this day to crash down upon him then as he knew it would.
He had known that this day would come, had known it for some time. That did not ease its appearance any less. He found he was not as prepared as he had hoped he would be. He could still hear the rattling of his father’s breath in his mind, the papery sound of his voice as he asked for his wife to be by his bedside, only the soft tones of his son there to tell him there was no woman who stood by, softly weeping for her beloved husband whose time upon this earth had elapsed.
Karl ran his hands through his hair, realizing that he truly could not put this off any longer. There was nothing he could concentrate on here, and his body was betraying him with its singular wish for the warm comfort of his bed.
Another slow breath in and out and he stood up, forcing his muscles to obey as he wished them to. The walk to his chambers was silent, every person he encountered bowing low and passing on without a word. David had grown weary, and though Karl knew that his loyal friend and lover had not wished to be sent from his side, he had bade him leave, telling him that he wished to be alone. Karl wondered for a moment if he ought to have allowed David to stay as he had wished, for now the solitude did not seem such an enviable option.
The air in his bedchambers was cool, exactly as he liked it. He pushed the door closed with a sigh. He leaned back against it, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. Opening his eyes he realized that through the filmy layers of material around his bed, there was the clear outline of a man. A brief hint of a smile touched his lips as he realized that David had not indeed done what he had wished.
He moved silently towards the bed, stopping when he approached its side. With one hand he carefully pushed the material aside. The man seated on his bed turned to look at him, a sympathetic smile touching his handsome features. He moved forward, taking Karl’s face gently into his hands, still not speaking. Karl stood there, allowing the caress though he did not respond, he was too surprised.
“Craig.” The word was soft, like an autumn breeze that carries no more than a threadbare hint of the warmth of summer.
“I am sorry, Karl” Craig said softly, eyes fixed keenly on the Prince’s face.
Recovering from his shock, Karl stepped back, looking warily at Craig, his eyes shuttered. Craig seemed to hesitate for a moment, the rebuff clearly having an effect on him.
“What are you doing here?” The old arrogance seemed to come back into Karl’s face now, but it seemed a shadow of what Craig remembered.
“I came because….I came because I needed to see you,” Craig said softly.
“What for? There is nothing left between us.”
Craig did not speak for several moments, simply watching Karl. “There is something yet.”
“I am in no mood to deal with this now, Craig. I've made my choice. There is no place in my life for you any longer."
Craig swallowed, the simple action seeming to take more energy than usual. “Why must you keep pushing me away? You may say there is nothing left for us here, but I know otherwise. I see in your eyes that you do not mean what you say.”
Karl shook his head slowly, his voice flat, “I do not know what game you are playing, Craig, but now is not the time for this.”
“This is the time for it, Karl.” Craig returned softly, his eyes not moving from Karl’s face. “This must be said now, while my courage remains. These words haunt me, your face haunts me. I cannot turn my back now.”
Karl swallowed and Craig could see that this seemed to take more effort with him as well. “You are wasting your time here,” he said, his voice rough.
“I will not leave you.” Craig said simply, “I know what it is that I want, and I will not abandon it. You cannot make me leave this time. I am not like her, Karl.”
Craig stood up then, moving slowly towards Karl. He stopped just short of the other man. Karl made no move to reach out to him, no sign in his eyes that he wished Craig to advance, but he did not move away.
“Do not do this to me now, Craig,” Karl said again and Craig felt his pulse catch at the raw tone of his voice. “I...I cannot deal with this now. I have made my choice; will you not let me be in peace?”
Craig paused for a moment. Karl seemed so changed from how he recalled, dimmed as though he alone had somehow slipped out of focus. “You made your choice a long time ago, Karl, but you left me out of it. You never asked me what I wanted. I will not move from this spot until you understand what I am saying.”
Karl shook his head, “I know what you are saying. And my answer remains the same. You cannot mean what you persist in offering me,” he finally finished.
“I do mean it. I love you, Karl,” Craig said, pausing at the way Karl flinched at those words. “This is no game I play. I see in your eyes that you do not want me to leave.”
“You do not love me,” Karl said, making no effort to deny Craig’s other claim. “I have done nothing to earn your love.”
“That may be true,” Craig said, a flicker of a smile flashing across his face, “But that cannot change what I feel. And you cannot push me away again. Yet, still you deny what you know is in your heart. Why do you cause yourself such pain? It will not bring her back.”
“Do not speak to me of her,” Karl said, but his voice lacked the edge it had had when Karl had previously spoken those words. “You cannot understand.”
“Perhaps. But I see what you are doing to yourself and I understand that. Why will you not let me love you?”
“Why? Because your offer does not come without its own demands and I cannot be what you want. There is nothing for you here, Craig.”
“What do you think I wish of you? I know what you have to offer me. I need no words of love, I need nothing from you that you cannot give me.”
“Then what is it you ask of me?” Karl asked, and the sound of his voice now almost made Craig stop, almost made him doubt himself.
“I ask that you let me love you, Karl. I see in your eyes what I need to know, though you will not admit it. All I ask for is you.”
Karl shook his head wearily, but Craig was not sure that he was even aware of the action. “I am not deserving of this, Craig,” Karl finally said, his words shocking Craig, making him unable to answer.
“Will you not let me stay?” Craig finally asked, unable to force his voice higher than a whisper. He watched Karl carefully, his breath caught in his chest.
“I cannot…this day has been far too long,” Karl said, his voice soft, sounding younger than Craig had ever heard before. “I…I do not have it in me to say no to you,” he said finally.
Craig stood where he was for another moment, frozen to the spot before he took that final step forward, his arms fitting around Karl. He felt Karl’s arms go around him in response, holding him so tightly that he could not draw a deep breath. He could feel the shudder in Karl’s frame as he breathed against him, the feel of Craig’s arms around him knocking down his last barrier.
Craig could feel the wetness on his skin from the other man’s tears and not knowing what to do, he simply held Karl tighter in his arms, smoothing back his hair, whispering soft words of comfort to him.
* * *
The morning sun shone in through the window, its rays still weak. Craig shifted slightly, feeling the solid warmth of Karl’s body next to his. He moved closer, slipping one arm around his lover’s waist. He felt Karl stir, not waking but moving closer to Craig’s body, face lightly pressed into Craig’s shoulder. Craig smiled softly, breathing in the soft scent of Karl’s skin. His eyes closed once more, the warmth of the Karl’s body soothing him as he fell back asleep.
The End.