Title: After the Storm 2/2
Author: Elandae
Pairing: Karl Urban/Craig Parker
Rating: R
Warnings: Swearing. They made me do it *gestures to little people that only I can see*
Feedback: Always welcome!
Disclaimer: Don’t know these people; make no claim to actor’s actual lives, preferences, etc. The only true part is that Karl likes to fish. Everything else is my creation
Author’s Notes: For Dae-sey Doosey.
Part 2: Another Look
Craig awoke with a jerk; the room silent and dark around him. It’d been a dream. Just a dream. It had been so bloody vivid, Craig could still see Karl in front of him, could practically reach out and touch him. Wait, he had shut the door in Karl’s face?! He wondered uneasily if that meant something. Craig pushed it from his mind, as he realized that he didn’t remember turning off the TV before he fell asleep. He looked out the window, the sky was unusually dark. A rough wind was tossing the trees all along the street. The power was out.
Craig pushed himself off the couch, and walked into the kitchen, rummaging in the drawers until he found a couple candles and a pack of matches. He lit one, and set it in an old fashioned candle holder that had been thrown in the drawer along with everything. Craig wasn’t even sure where on earth they had gotten it. He set the candle on the table, sinking back into his place on the couch. Great, now he was all alone with his thoughts. Fucking brilliant. He glanced at the fireplace, dark and empty, and thought briefly about building a fire. Craig dismissed the idea quickly; he’d never had much of a hand with that. Karl had always done the fire building. He remembered the last time the power had gone out, Karl had built a roaring fire, and they had lain on the floor in front of it, watching until his attention had wandered off and settled on Karl. The fire had been quickly forgotten as they got wrapped up in each other, in hot kisses and eager touches.
Craig shook his head again, the warmth of the memory dissipating into the cold room in front of him. He turned around on the couch, leaning against the back as he peered out the window. It had started raining now, pouring really. Craig watched, spellbound, as the raindrops splattered thickly onto the earth outside. Something about storms had always fascinated him, the very wildness, the release. He had a sudden urge to do something he hadn’t done since he was child.
* * * * *
Karl tapped his fingers on the edge of the Formica table in the diner, a rapid unending rhythm. He couldn’t sit still, he must have looked as if he had drunk too much coffee but the cup before him was untouched. There was an oily looking sheen on the top of black coffee that had long since grown cold. The waitress walked past the table, smiling sympathetically at him, but he took no notice. All he could think was what an idiot he was. He seriously doubted that if there was ever any person who did something dumber than what he had done yesterday.
His head fell forward into his hands, and he bit hard on his bottom lip. SO hard that he could taste blood, but he took no notice. Even now, his foot twitched under the table, as if once his hands stopped moving, his foot had to take up the rhythm. His body simply couldn’t handle in inertia, if he simply sat there, he would explode. There was too much in his mind, he didn’t quite know how to handle it
Karl ran his hands through his hair, sending the dark strands even more into disarray than they had already been. When had he last brushed his hair? It didn’t even matter any more. He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on yesterday, dirty from fishing, and rumpled from sleep. Karl had never been overly concerned with his appearance, but it was the farthest thing from his mind at that moment. Even the odd looks he got from some of the other customers had failed to penetrate the fog in his mind.
“You okay there, honey?” The voice was gravelly, and Karl looked with bloodshot eyes into the kindly gaze of the grandmotherly waitress. The chain smoking grandmotherly waitress. Her hair was pulled up into some hairstyle that Karl couldn’t name, very old fashioned, and very big. But there was something comfortable about the way she smiled at him, the look in her gray eyes.
Karl sighed deeply, surprised by the tears that suddenly pricked at his eyes from the kindly voice.
“Uh..yeah,” he replied. He’d never been less okay in his life, but there was no way he was going to get into it in the middle of a diner with some woman he’d never even met before.
“You sure don’t look it,” she replied, sitting down across from him and studying him intently across the table, making Karl vaguely uncomfortable at her assumed familiarity.
“I’ve, uh, well I’ve had better days,” Karl admitted, rubbing his temples. For some reason he didn’t understand, he suddenly wanted to tell this woman everything, and let her make it better. It was ridiculous, but she had an air of quiet competency that comforted him right now.
“Oh, you just tell Lois here what’s wrong.” She said, and it didn’t even strike Karl as odd that she spoke of herself in the third person, something he had always found strange.
He heaved a great sigh, studying the depths of the cold coffee in front of him before pushing it to the side. “I’ve been an absolute idiot.”
She smiled in sympathy, “Let me guess, you’ve fought with your girlfriend?”
For the first time since he had come home last night, Karl let out a laugh, though it sounded hard even to his own ears.
“Hardly. Try boyfriend,” he said wryly, trying to roll out the kinks in his neck from last night.
“Oh!” She said, the surprise evident in her voice, and Karl half expected her to get up and leave right then. He looked up, and saw that her eyes were still warm with sympathy.
“Surely it can’t be that bad?”
Her nonchalant acceptance of it quieted his mind a little.
“It is that bad. We fought last night, and I stormed out. The worst part is that it’s all my bloody fault.” Karl now found that his voice shook the slightest bit when he spoke.
“You still love him,” Lois said, “I can hear it in your voice. I’m right, now aren’t I?”
Karl nodded miserably, and this time Lois did get to her feet.
“Well then, go!” He looked up in surprised at her stern tone.
“What?”
“Go! Go and tell him you’re sorry. Don’t sit here feeling sorry for yourself and telling me about it. That’s not going to help anything, now is it?”
Karl stared at her blankly for a few moments, too surprised by her words to even react.
“Shit, you’re right. What the hell am I am doing still sitting here?” He jumped to his feet, heading for the door, before turning back around quickly.
“Thank you.”
“Think nothing of it. Now go and tell him you’re sorry!”
Karl turned and headed for the door, noting the steadily darkening sky, but he paid no attention to it. There were more important things.
* * * * *
Craig got up off the couch, pulling his socks off and leaving them on the floor. He walked down the hall, and pulled the door open in front of him. The wind blew in, swirling fiercely around his body. Craig stepped out onto the porch, pulling the door closed firmly behind him. He stood on the porch for a moment, admiring the power of the storm blustering before him. The wind blew raindrops directly into his face, making dark spots on his shirt, ruffling through his short dark hair. Craig stepped off the porch, right out into the storm. The wind blew and sucked, and the fat raindrops drenched him immediately, running down his face much like the shower had earlier, but even though it lacked the heat, it was more soothing.
He walked slowly across the lawn, feeling the spongy wetness of the grass beneath his feet, the squelch of the water that was falling too quickly to be absorbed. He gloried in feeling the mud squish up between his toes, in the wind driving against him. His wet clothes stuck to his skin, clung to his body. Craig closed his eyes, and just stood there in his front yard, not caring what the neighbors might think of this man embracing the storm. He just stood there and let the storm rage, listened to it, felt it all around him until he could feel it within him. Until he was part of the storm. No longer a man, standing on his lawn, but a part of this unstoppable force.
Craig was so wrapped up in the sounds of the storm; he didn’t hear the familiar rumbling that was not part of nature, until he opened his eyes and saw an all too familiar truck pulling into the driveway. Karl. Real Karl, not dream Karl. Craig felt his stomach tighten as Karl stepped out of his truck, drenched in a matter of seconds, and walked toward Craig, his hazel eyes fixed firmly on Craig’s blue ones. The rain streamed down Karl’s face, over his mouth, down his throat.
And then he was in front of Craig, his shirt clinging wetly to his body.
“Can I talk to you?” Karl asked, his voice much softer and unsure in a way that it hadn’t been in the dream.
Craig couldn’t speak, could merely nod his head.
“I—,” Karl started and seemed to falter under Craig’s gaze. He had rehearsed over and over what he was going to say when he was right in front of Craig, and now that the moment had arrived, the words all flew right out of his head. “Why are you out in this weather?” Karl asked instead, mentally kicking himself. Tell him that you were an idiot, that you fucked up. And yet out came this inane comment.
Craig felt his heart sink; this was certainly not what he had been hoping Karl would say. “It’s just something I used to do when I was younger,” he said uncomfortably, looking down at the ground, wondering why Karl had come here, had asked him this of all things.
Karl watched him for a few moments, opening his mouth to say something, but closed it again. The silence grew between them, broken only by the sound of the wind swirling around them.
“Maybe I should go inside,” Craig said, turning for the house, a desperate look passing over Karl’s face. He couldn’t let Craig go, couldn’t things end like this.
“I didn’t mean it,” Karl blurted out suddenly, startling Craig “What I said before…..about us,” he amended, “I didn’t mean it.”
Craig stopped, turned to look at Karl, not daring to hope, to believe that things *might* be okay, that maybe, just maybe, Karl truly hadn’t meant what he’d said. Hadn’t meant to make Craig feel like this. Those words that had shattered everything Craig had come to believe in.
“Why did you say it then?” Craig asked, needing to know.
“I don’t know, it---it just came out,” Karl said inadequately, and then seeing the look on Craig’s face at his answer, he added “Look, I was…..I was angry…. I was scared. When you said those things, I just, I was so fucking scared. Of what I felt, of what you might say. I thought it was the end, and I just felt so damn…vulnerable,” He replied softly, his words nearly inaudible, almost stolen away by the wind.
“Scared of what?” Craig asked, his expression unreadable as he waited for Karl’s answer.
“Of everything,” Karl confessed. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.” He finished brokenly, unable to look at Craig.
“Really?” Craig breathed, unable to quell the feelings rising unbidden within him. And then Karl looked back at Craig, so damn relieved that Craig hadn’t laughed at what he had just said. He met Craig’s eyes, and could see the tears pooling in their cerulean depths. Karl roughly wiped away the tear that slipped down his own cheek, “God yes. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Really, I know I was an asshole, but I can’t lose you, Craig. I can’t,” he gasped out, not caring
Craig looked at the man in front of him, soaking wet and baring his soul to him, and had to force himself to harden his heart. Had to force his hand to stay by his side and not reach out and brush away the tear that slid down Karl’s cheek, mingling with the rain.
Craig licked his lips, “How do I know that you’re not gonna do this again, hurt me like this again? How can I be sure that you won’t get scared again and then we’ll be right back here?”
He had to know. Craig knew that he’d rather have his heart break all over again, right now, than have to go through this again. Karl felt Craig’s word slice through him, wincing, chastising himself that he had done this, *he* had done this to Craig.
He reached out and grabbed Craig’s hand, desperate for contact, needing Craig to feel how much he meant this “I can’t promise that I won’t be scared again,” he started and Craig’s heart fell at his words. “And I don’t know what it will do to us,” Karl continued and Craig wanted to pull back, he didn’t think he could hear this. But his hand would not obey, would not let Karl’s hand go. This might be the last time he would ever get to touch him. Craig’s breath caught in his chest at the thought.
“But I want to try….. I *need* to try, because I know that I could never live with myself,” Karl went on, his face wet with rain and a few tears that ran unchecked down his cheeks though he seemed oblivious of the fact, “I can’t stand knowing that I hurt you, and I couldn’t go on…if I didn’t let you know how I felt, how sorry I am for what I said…for what I did. I *know* that if I walked away from this, if I let myself walk away from *you*, there wouldn’t be a day in my life that I would not regret it. Wouldn’t wonder what could have been. I need you Craig, I need you, and I *know* that now.”
Craig didn’t hesitate, before he even knew what he was doing, he threw himself into Karl’s arms, wrapped so tightly around this man that he’d thought he’d never hold again, that he couldn’t breathe anymore. And it was okay, because he needed this more. Craig felt Karl’s arms tighten around his body and he pressed his face into Karl’s neck, that familiar smell overwhelming him.
Craig pulled back just far enough to look into Karl’s eyes, to see the love there, before his mouth was on Karl’s, savoring the feel, and the salty tang of tears mixed together with rain. He barely felt the rain pour down over them, the warmth coursed through his veins until Craig’s skin was tingling.
* * * *
The fire crackled, its heat quickly warming the two wet bodies in front of it. Karl had built it once they had gotten inside, wet and shivering, but together. Craig had pulled some of the blankets from the couch and they were cozily ensconced before the fire, mouths questing, hands wandering. The firelight danced on wet skin, glistening in the flickering glow.
“Now, about this promise *thing*,”Craig started. “I don’t want to make it seem like I am harping on it, but it can’t go on. This can’t keep happening all the time,” he stated, hating to break the mood, but needing to get this cleared up.
Karl’s eyes were fixed on the floor, “I know. It’s just-- I was scared of this. I have no excuse, but really, it’s true,” he continued, rubbing his arm. “I’ll work on it. Really. And you have to promise to let me know when things are bothering you. Don’t keep them bottled up inside until they explode. Just…just let me know.”
Craig smiled softly, “Okay. I’ll promise, if you will.” And he knew that Karl meant what he said, Craig could feel his sincerity. It might happen again, but he knew that Karl wouldn’t mean it, and really that was all the mattered.
“How come you slept on the couch?” Karl asked, suddenly changing the subject.
“Well, um…I didn’t want to sleep in our bed,” Craig mumbled. “It smelled like you. Everything in this house made me think of you.” This was said with a self conscious smile.
Karl looked at Craig, and pulled him closer.
”God, I don’t know what I would do without you,” he said, with an affectionate smile. “I can’t believe I almost destroyed this because I was too stupid to realize how great you are.”
Craig smiled at Karl “Well, I’m glad you’re back, every minute you were gone felt like forever. Plus, I’m lost without your fire building abilities.” he joked.
Karl smiled softly, and the fire shone off his skin, “I remember another time in front of this fireplace,” he said, nuzzling into Craig’s neck.
Craig smiled in response, and the fire was forgotten once more as they made new memories.
The End.