Mood:  d'oh

Obviously, he's just not that into me. And I wasn't all THAT into him, either. How could I be into someone and not recognize him after what?.. 8 months? I know I can almost say the final goodbye to him.

But, not another one?!?? =/

Mood:  hug me

back again.. i'm always back at the wrong time, always back here when i have a paper or something big i had to finish. haha, what the heck is wrong with me?

I miss you, Gelles.. i heard that you were sent to Monterey to study Spanish? Does that mean I will never to be able to work with you again? I really miss you, I want to talk to you and know what has been going on with you lei... I want to share my joy and my sadness with you.

Wait till the days we met again. Really, am I ever going to find someone like you? Will I ever? :/

Meanwhile, hopefully the meet with ivan will not be too awkward, i feel like nothing will really happen.. but whatevers...

Mood:  not sure

Where is my man?

Who is and will be my man?

Mood:  not sure

looks like all my 04 05 pictures are all gone :(

i heard your name couple times again tonight! :9

and then i yelled i miss you in the car :/

Mood:  happy

I see the King of Glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
Selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and sing
We're on our knees
On our knees

[Chorus]

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you
Have loved me

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

[Repeat]

Hosanna in the highest
(Hosanna)

while driving back tonight, i was thinking a lot again. after exiting 14th, i was glad it was all green, made me went over the limit a bit, saw a cop turned around just to follow me. i was scared at first, but it brought back feelings of you again after being followed for a bit. Then i was sad that it left me.. felt like you were leaving me once again. always a mixed feeling when i see popos

Mood:  down

SHIT!

i seriously feel like shit today after that torture. i feel like i am so stupid i can't even pass a freaking stupid test! WTH is wrong with me? 

in my mind, i thought i saw you today... i really thought i did. i miss you again.. wthhhhhh. if i don't pass, that means i won't be able to see you next case? :/ and that means no money. :// i hate myself.

i hate myself for being so stupid all the time.

today was the first time hearing your name in months.

i think i'm missing your outstandings again. :/

i really can't wait till i go back there and work in the same office with you again!!! i can't wait to see how much you've changed, and just to see your face.. how i miss thee...

how are you?

Mood:  hug me

i will remember you
it's been couple times i signed on here since last month's blog..
i've been thinking alot, alot of PG and alot of ivan.

i always wish my phone will ring one day hoping that you'd call, you'd call for help, or you'd call to say hi. how silly was i. and still am. =/ i looked through alot of stuff and i really miss when you tell me that i was doing an outstanding job, i really miss your outstandings. i saw the news that the houses was seized. i'm happy for you guys, but sad that i couldn't be part of it.

i missed hearing your voice on the phone everyday, i missed hearing you sing "i need you boo, i gotta see you boo", i missed helping you out when you need, i missed working with you, i missed seeing your face. and you still owe me pho.

Eight years later
Time goes by fast
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple cause I hate goodbyes
I try to keep it simple by telling myself that

I, I will remember you

and this time took.. 6 months? lol.
i can't believe its already 6 months, i've been here for 8 years. 8 whole freaking years in the states, so much God has taught me and so much i've learned from others and God. i must say it has been a great experience and i guess i won't regret coming after all. but i do miss the home and what's there.

School is almost done and it's just the beginning of another stage. Grown-ups doesn't seem so much fun after-all, why do we have to grow up and not stay in the orignial state? So much to think about, so much more to take care of, and so many problems..

I wanted to be older when i was little, and i actually dont want to grow up now that i grew older. Every time i'm here i always say so much has been happening and it's true! Seriously so much has happened. Who would ever thought that i would fall in love with a married man? The original purpose of this blog was to write down happy things that happened between me and k, but as i was reading the older entries, it just seemed that the purpose of this was just to remember so much of my little guy problems. It's funny how i talked about so many guy here. And it definitely would not complete the purpose i dropped by here to talk about that married man, right?

Seriously, i started working in late April and i never trusted love-at-first-sight, but i just happened to meet PG at work and fell in love with him. I was never interested in white man, i don't know what it was that attracted me. Maybe his voice? who knows, so i guess what's bad with love at first sight is that you don't know much of that person and you just falls in love. MAN, can you be anymore careful, B? So it was a little fantasy for me untill school was out, untill there was no more contact with PG. The day i found out that you had a girlfriend, i knew it was not going to be a happy ending for me and the night i found out that you had a kid, i knew it was never going to be a happy ending. And there it was, it is over now. I do think about you and miss you from time to time, but all i can do is to bless you. Here it is, a final goodbye to you, Paul. =/

What's more funny, is i started to think about k again. K, all i got to say is WRONG TIMING. Everything with you is wrong timing, wrong timing. I never understand why you were so nice to me when i was in high school, and we were cool friends right? but why are we like this now? I am sad because i lost a good friend without knowing the reason why, I am sad cause you like one of my friends and not me. I am sad. well, i was. Why did i think about you all of a sudden? I have no freaking clue. k,k,k,k.........
Exactly 3 years ago, I was still really into you. And you were going off to China for a month. Even though i didn't get to see you consistently back then, i still felt very sad about you going away. My heart hurt knowing the fact that you were going away and i had to be stuck here doing nothing. Why does it had to be the same this year? or is it going to be the same this year for your going away? Why are we always wrong timing? If i didn't go back to hk last year, maybe i was going to go this year, no? Then maybe i would run into you somehow?

Anyhow, I still miss Ivan despise all the above happened, but i'm just worried that ivan is actually not the one for me. Or is it who i desire? a white k? lol.......

God, what do you want from me? Why can't you just put someone in front of me instead for me to search hopelessly? 

hey! back already! lol.. this time didn't take 8 months XD

I MISS IVAN HO! really really ho missssss hiiiiim ://///

kick kick kick.. 

my dear ivan, how are you todddayyy?