Formal Dress
The proper dress for these events is always formal. Be sure to arrive on time.
Receiving Lines
It is a courtesy - and therefore mandatory - that you go through the receiving line at a formal. Wives precede their husbands (wives go first). Women can keep their purses with them. A table is placed near the receiving line for drinks. Do NOT carry drinks through the receiving line. When you are standing in line, if a very senior officer comes up and stands in line behind you, it is proper for your husband to offer for that officer and his/her spouse to precede you. (This includes any function receiving line i.e. change of command, promotion etc.)
It is important for guests to understand that the first person they come to as they approach the receiving line is not actually a part of the receiving line. He is the adjutant and is there to hear the guest's names and introduce them to the first person in the receiving line. Do not shake the hand of the adjutant. Even if you know the adjutant personally, tell him/her your name.
As a guest, you may not know the people standing in the receiving line waiting to greet you. After the adjutant, the first person in the receiving line is the most important person there. He is not necessarily the highest ranking in attendance, but for this event he is the most important. This usually is the host, and he stands in this position of honor.
In Army receiving lines, wives usually stand beside their husbands. As the adjutant gives your name to the first person in the receiving line, simply step in front of him, turn to face him, shake his hand, look them in the eye and exchange a BRIEF greeting. Continue down the line, greeting each person in turn. If your name is not passed down the line, (it is hard to hear every name correctly and pass it on as you are "receiving guests") introduce yourself to each person.
Every guest except those who are actually in the receiving line should go through. Even guests, who are helping with other details of the event, should find time to go through.
(Note from Miss Manners -When proceeding to the dining room it is not appropriate to carry a drink from the bar.)
Seating
Once you find your seat for dinner, don't automatically sit down. Check to see what the ladies at the head table are doing or listen for instructions. If those at the head table are already sitting down, you should follow their lead. There may be a printed program at your place that will indicate the order of events.
Men assist the woman to his right with her chair when she sits down at the dining table, and when she rises. The chair is pulled back as she steps into place from the left, then he slides the chair under her (gently) as she bends to sit down. When she rises from the table, he draws the chair back without jerking it.
Posting Of The Colors
During this ceremony, military members stand at attention and civilians stand quietly with their hands at their sides (not the back of their chairs). Keep your eyes on the American flag as long as you conveniently can, turning your head or body slightly if necessary. Don't pirouette or turn in a complete circle to "follow the flag." It is all right for the flag to pass behind you; simply follow it with your eyes once it moves into view. If the band is present, the "National Anthem" may be played after the colors are posted. Because you are indoors, it is not necessary to put your hand over your heart at this time.
Toasting
Two rules to toasting:
1. Do as the toastmaster does. Stand if he/she is standing. Sit if told to. Ladies join in on the toasts, as long as they are not toasting to the ladies.
2. Never drink a toast to yourself.
The printed program for the evening's events may list the toasts that will be offered and possibly the responses expected of the guests. Don't hesitate to join in the toasting, even if you prefer not to drink any alcohol. The spirit of the toast is served equally well by lifting a glass to your lips without drinking, or by drinking whatever beverage you have.
Speeches/Entertainment
Later, there will possibly be a speech or entertainment, followed by the retiring of the colors, and finally, dancing! Please keep quiet when the guest speaker gives his speech. It is considered rude to talk when our invited guest is speaking. Also, refrain from getting out of your seat for any reason. When everything but the dancing is over, you may leave the table briefly to mingle with the other guests. Use this time to go up to the head table and speak to the host, hostess, and guests of honor. It might strike you at first as "apple polishing" but it is really just being courteous.
If the senior military man/woman present removes his coat and tie, the other military members may also. If he doesn't - it's not appropriate for the those in uniform to do so.
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