Our family home was nestled in a cove about one mile
(as the crow flies)
from the nearest paved road in rural, southeastern
Kentucky. We lived at Litt Carr, Kentucky, which is located
in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. It was a
pleasure just to be alive and feel a part of those beautiful
hills.
At the age of fifteen, I spent my summer vacation at the
home of my brother and his wife. They were expecting their
first baby, and he didn't want her to be alone during the
days of her final stage of pregnancy. I enjoyed being with
them that summer, but I missed my Mom so much. We were a
close, loving family, and I had an especially close relation-
ship with my Mom and Dad. They came to visit us at my
brother's house during the summer. Our visits were
wonderful, but when they left, I cried. It was like a part
of me left with my Mom.
My Mom was physically beautiful and had the smile and
personality of an angel. She was about 5'7" tall. Although
she was slim and not a large woman, she somehow seemed strong
to me. I felt she could handle anything. With a glance, she
could calm us when we were frightened or comfort us when we
were sick; yet, she could put THE FEAR into us if we did
wrong. She was strong but oh, so kind and understanding. Her
physical characteristics were inherited from her Indian
ancestors. She had long, straight, black hair which reached
almost to her waist. She had dark skin, green eyes, and high
cheek bones. She was born Juanita Newsome in l9l9 to Minus
and Selina Newsome. At the age of eighteen, she
married my father, Noah Hall.
On August 3, l965, I became an aunt to a beautiful baby girl
named Charlene. Elated, I returned home with my parents!
Life was going to be back to normal again.
A few mornings later, I arose early and went outside to greet
the dawning day. What beauty! I loved to watch this new
birth; the fog lifting from between the hills to join the
fluffy white clouds, the dew still on the grass and flowers,
and Mr. Sun peeking over the tree tops to put a smile on this
newborn day. I loved the smell of fresh, clean, country air:
I loved to listen to the morning sounds of birds singing from
the trees and animal sounds in the distance. I just stood
there and absorbed the beauty. This was the time of day in
which I liked to be alone with nature and think. My Dad had
left before daylight to go to work in his coal mine. My
brothers and sisters were still in bed, and my Mom was busy
with morning chores. As I started to think, I began to feel
a little uneasy. Why? Nothing concrete. But why did I keep
having this terrible feeling that I might lose my Mom? Was
it because I had just spent a summer away from her and knew
what an emptiness I felt when she wasn't around? I guessed
that explained the uneasy feeling. "Relax. That's all it
is," I said aloud. But the questions kept coming. Why did
she take naps in the daytime now? Why would my normally
energetic Mom be so tired? Was she trying to tell me
something when she smiled so lovingly and winked at me from
across the room? Why, when we were out for a walk one
afternoon and I asked her for something, did she say, "What
would you do without your mother?" This question was asked
with her arm around me and a beautiful smile on her face.
"Oh, please, God, don't let anything happen to my Mom. Don't
take her away from me."
Summer ended, and autumn was in the air. My Mom said autumn
was her favorite season. Mine, too. It was time for
sweaters and cozy fires in the fireplace. My Mom, my sisters
and I went for walks together and enjoyed the beauty of this
new season. The hills appeared to be on fire from the
bright-colored leaves on the trees. There were greens,
yellows, browns, reds and bright oranges. Such a blaze of
colors! As we walked with the cool, autumn air on our pink
cheeks, we laughed and talked. I felt alive, loved, and
happy. As we walked, we caught leaves in our hands as they
fell from trees. We picked up nuts from the ground and
stopped to watch squirrels scurrying around, getting ready
for winter. Then we would return home and have dinner with
the family. After dinner, we all gathered in front of the
television with popcorn and home-made candy. Life was
wonderful, and I felt so secure. But when bedtime came, I
prayed, "Please, God, don't let anything happen to my Mom!"
A few weeks later, we looked outside one morning and
exclaimed, "Winter is here!" Big, white snowflakes were
falling. My brothers, sister and I ran outside with glee.
How picturesque! We stood there in awe. Everything was
white! The trees and shrubbery were laden with snow.
Delicate, little birds were searching for food in the snow,
and others were calling out to each other from the trees! I
thought this must be what Heaven is like; so much beauty and
peace, so pure. We played in the snow for awhile and then
went back inside for breakfast. I couldn't wait to walk that
mile to catch the school bus at the paved road that morning.
I carried an umbrella over my head as I walked. I let my
brothers and sister go ahead of me so that I could
concentrate on the sights and sounds around me. I could hear
the snow mixed with freezing rain hitting my umbrella. I
reached my hand out to feel it on my skin. I watched and
listened to snow falling out of trees. I listened to the
birds and watched for squirrels. In one place, we had to
follow a narrow path high on the side of a steep hill. Down
below was a creek. We walked carefully so we wouldn't fall
down that steep hill. Oh, I loved walking along that path.
On one side, I could hear the water running and babbling from
the creek. On the other, I could hear little noises from the
woods. When we reached the paved road, we took off our boots
which we wore over our shoes and hid them in a cave. This
cave served as a shelter from the weather until the school
bus came to pick us up. We attended Carr Creek High School.
At the end of the day, we walked the mile back to our home.
Our Mom met us with a big smile and a delicious, warm dinner.
After chores, she helped us with our homework from school
before we all sat down to watch television together. And
then it was bedtime. "Please, God, don't let anything happen
to my Mom."
A few days later, we were enjoying a cozy evening together
when I noticed that my Mom and Dad seemed to be concerned
about something. My Mom went into the kitchen, and my Dad
followed. I waited awhile, and then I went in to see what
was happening. My Dad was telling my Mom that she must go to
see the doctor. Oh, no! She didn't want to go, but he
persuaded her. That night, I prayed, "Please, God, don't let
anything happen to my Mom!" I cried myself to sleep that
night.
The next afternoon, while we were sitting quietly together in
the living room, our Mom told us how important it is to live
right and to worship God. She then told us that the doctor
had found a growth in her right lung. I was in a mild state
of shock by now. I think I knew what this all meant, but I
asked, "What does this mean?" She said, "It usually means
cancer and then death." I was so deeply hurt and shocked. I
didn't know what to say. What do you say when your worst
fears are turning into reality? How can a forty-six year old
woman die? How could God take her away? Then it was
bedtime. "God, please don't let anything happen to my Mom!"
The next day while I was at school, my Mom was admitted to
Home Place Hospital. I went to see her after school, but I
couldn't speak. I just stood there with a big lump in my
throat. I knew she understood. She sat there on the edge of
her hospital bed and smiled so sweetly at me. An angel.
"Please, God!" My whole body and soul felt pain and fear.
The next day as I walked up to our house after school, I saw
my Dad standing on the front porch crying. "Dear God, no!" I
walked up to him and said, "Daddy, what's wrong?" He told me
that the doctors had said nothing could be done to save our
Mom. The cancer was too advanced. Hodgkins Disease. I
didn't know it was possible to feel such pain and despair as
I felt right then. I knew my whole family felt the same way.
She was transferred to the University of Kentucky Medical
Center a day or so later. She didn't want my sister and me
to visit her very often. She didn't want us to see her
suffering. So we baked cookies for her and sent letters by
our Dad. She returned letters to us. When we did go visit,
she looked so shockingly different! So thin and weak! But
still smiling. An angel.
Christmas arrived. This was always an exciting time of the
year at our house. Our Mom persuaded her doctor to allow her
to come home for the holidays. We were happy and excited.
How ironic, I was listening to our school choir sing, "We
Wish You a Merry Christmas" that day. We were excited but
also scared when our Mom was brought home that night. What a
shock! She was even thinner now. She was in a lot of pain.
It was as though she looked at me, but she looked through me.
I hurt all over. I had already lost my Mom. She groaned and
prayed all night. The next morning, December 23rd, she was
hemorrhaging and had to be taken back to Home Place
Hospital. "Please, God!"
We always opened gifts on Christmas Eve. This year was to be
the same. Our Mom told our Dad what she wanted us to have
for Christmas, and he went shopping. Through sadness and
pain instead of the usual Christmas cheer, we opened our
gifts. Then Dad went into their bedroom and cried. Our
older brothers and sister spent this time at the hospital
with our Mom. Just a short time later, they walked through
the front door, and, between sobs, my brother said, "Mommy's
in Heaven."
Christmas would never be the same for me again. This was a
milestone in my life which made the difference in before and
after. There would never be another Christmas that would go
by without memories of my Mom and her death. She was brought
home in her casket on Christmas Day. She was in a pink
casket and had on a pretty pink dress. Her black hair was a
beautiful contrast to the pink pillow on which her head lay.
She looked so peaceful lying there. No more pain. God was
taking care of her now.
On Christmases past, my Mom always cooked big Christmas
dinners. Our home always smelled of pine or cedar Christmas
trees which were beautifully decorated. The house was filled
with the smell of pies and cakes baking. Our home was filled
with laughter and merriment. This Christmas, the beautiful
tree was taken down to make room for mourners and visitors.
There was no Christmas dinner to smell. My Mom's bed was
removed from her bedroom, and her casket was placed there to
await her funeral service. This Christmas, our home was
filled with loss, emptiness, and grief.
"Why, God?" Our Mom died on Christmas Eve, was brought home
in her casket on Christmas Day, and her forty-seventh
birthday was three days later, December 28th.
I awoke one morning, and it was Spring. This was the season
of new beginnings, new birth, a fresh new life. Isn't that
what Spring is? What would this new life without my Mom be
like? All I could feel was pain and loss.
In the seasons to come, I would remember things that she had
taught me; remember her laugh, her touch, her smell, her
smile. I haven't lost my Mom. She is right here in my
memory, and we will be together again some day. We'll go
walking hand-in-hand and make up for all the lost seasons.
You see, it is Spring in Heaven. A new birth, a new life,
a new home for eternity. No more sickness, no more pain, no
more parting.
"Thank you, God!"
