Pwayland

Terrell,

I think I've pieced it all together now and learned how to use this computer,

and feel quite a sense of relief, thanks to your web site and others. I had

absolutely no contact with Order members or the Order after I left in the

mid-70's. Looks like I missed a big storm, or I was just one of the few who

figured it out earlier...don't mean to sound bloated or egotistical, but I

somehow lost myself in the Order instead of finding myself. The book helps me

figure out just what happened. It surprises me that the money from the Order

never went to the Boy Scouts, as that is what I understood was what would

happen if it ever broke up. But I guess enough people held it together under

the auspices of the Orthodox Church to hold onto all that dough, and of course

for the support they need from one another and the joy of brotherhood, which I

also miss sometimes - and perhaps with a true spiritual direction from our

Lord Jesus Christ. I find your erotic expressions unusual, but interesting,

sort of a combination of all your different experiences that you are also

trying to make sense of. But we all have to piece ourselves back together

after being involved in the Order's separateness from the world, and like you

I do it through writing also. I prefer a simple life, close to nature, read

spiritual works particularly the Orthodox fathers, and am studying

horticulture therapy, which was the only way I healed myself after 4 years of

self-denial in the Order and emotional needs I went in with and came away

with.

Anyway, thanks for this opportunity to share our feelings publicly. But do you

get some crazies, like that last one from another 'Master Mary'. Man, you can

chuck that Master title forever as far as I am concerned. I have contact Br.

Michael Harris who I always adored when we were in St. Pete together. To be

able to commiserate is just what I needed. As Rev. Benjamin once said, Misery

Likes Company.

I have some pictures I'd like to pass onto you when I get copies and get the

time. None of you, but of Br. Shawn and others who were in Cheyenne about the

same time. Thanks again for creating a medium for communication that even

that Master Mary can't resist..