My personal stories of how chronic illness has affected me.
My name is Heidi and I am a 26 year old, happily married woman with two sweet cats. My life is very different from people who don't suffer from chronic illness. I personally suffer from three chronic illnesses; chronic depression, fibromyalgia and vulvar vestibulitis / vulvodynia.
Fibromyalgia limits your ability to move freely and painlessly, it deprives you of sleep, it makes the simplest of tasks extraordinarly difficult.
For me, fibromyalgia has caused great emotional and physical pain. There is not a day that goes by that I am unaware of the gnawing presence of it. I wake each morning feeling pain in varying degrees. My capacity to enjoy activities is limited. I cannot make plans very far in advance, because I don't know how I'll be feeling the day of the plans. Cleaning gets put off, dishes sit in the sink, the laundry remains unfolded until the pain is manageable. The saying "one day at a time" is imperative to me. (If you'd like to read more about my experience with fibromyalgia, click on the highlighted text)
Depression sneaks up and manipulates your thought patterns, makes a sunny day blue, causes you to cry at a commercial, makes you comtemplate taking your own life.
Depression has been a big presence in my life since I was quite young. It caused me to attempt suicide at the age of 16. Many people refer to depression as a type of "beast", and it is understandable why. Depression is an unrelenting monster that can be tricky to tame, while in the meantime it can cause utter dispair and chaos in your life. (For more of my "depression story", please click on the highlighted text)
Vulvar Vestibulitis / Vulvodynia is a secret pain from a private place. It is difficult to admit that you have a problem; with your sexuality, with your ability to wear normal clothing, with the way you move.
Vulvar Vestibulitis has been, probably, the most difficult condition to deal with emotionally. Aching, burning, and gnawing pain is centered in the location which is supposed to be a center for pleasure. My sexuality is questioned. My ability to become a mother is questioned. And worse, it is difficult to find people who are comfortable enough to let you share your worries. (Please click on the highlighted text to read more about my life with vulvar vestibulitis.)
I believe that people with chronic illness become extraordinarily strong individuals. It takes a great amount of strength to face each day filled with pain, uncertainty, fear. It takes great strength to ask for help, to admit you're not as independent as you'd like to be and once were.
