Childhood

Courtney Michelle Harrison was born on 1964, July 9. Courtney’s mother, Linda Risi, was born into a rich family and was an heiress to a fortune. However, she rebelled from her upbringing to do some soul searching in San Francisco. There she met Hank Harrison, a Grateful Dead groupie. Hank and Linda got married after Linda became pregnant with Courtney.

Courtney’s father said Courtney was “a dream child.” Her mother called her “an absolutely, unimaginably calm and happy baby. She hardly cried.”

About a year after Courtney was born, Hank and Linda got divorced and Linda married garbage man whom she had been having an affair with. Hank ran off with a fellow Grateful Dead groupie. Linda took Courtney and her new husband and moved to a new state. There was also a court order for Courtney’s father not to see her until she became an adult.

Courtney started to take therapy at the age of two. “She was in so much pain. And that manifested itself ever since she was a little girl, in ways in which I had no clue how to deal with.” Says her mother who now goes by the name Linda Carroll, in a June 1995 issue of Vanity Fair.

Courtney went to counsellor after counsellor. Each one had a hard time diagnosing Courtney, for she was “amazingly bright but a frighteningly angry child.” Courtney finally just stopped talking and became autistic. Her mother started to study therapy and later became a counsellor herself.

Linda was in four other marriages and had five other children, Courtney being the oldest. This always upset Courtney because it meant she did not get very much attention. She would always have crying fits and tantrums and she hated school. Her mother always had her moving around a lot so Courtney was always the new kid in school. She says her clothes always smelled bad when she went to school because they never got cleaned. She was nicknamed “Pee Girl” by all the other children. She later wrote a song about it titled Softer, Softest. “Pee girl gets the belt…/and I can only cry/I can only cower/I can only cry/You have all the power.”

Courtney always wanted to be the centre of attention. Although her mother always had plenty of money, she was against capitalism, so they lived among other hippies in communes, teepees and farmhouses. This took the attention away from Courtney even more.

It is obvious that Courtney never fit in. While other children would draw happy, rainbow pictures in brownie classes, Courtney would draw war-victim pictures.

Courtney’s mother said the following about Courtney in a June 1995 Vanity Fair article about Courtney:

"When Courtney was in second grade in Eugene, Oregon, she was having a lot of nightmares. I had no idea what to do. I took her to a psychiatrist just to try to find some way to bring her some solace. The psychiatrist said part of the problem with her was that she needed to join Girl Scouts. She needed to be in normal kid activities. I dutifully went to a Brownies meeting with her....I could tell it was really hard for her to be in this room with all these kids. The person who was the Brownies leader suggested they have an art show. She asked all the kids to draw something. The things that Courtney drew were always startling. She didn't draw sunsets and apples trees. She would draw sort of...wounded figures. I can still see her that day-her little face so intense with those crayons. At the end of that, the teacher told the troop that they were going to see what drawing they liked the most by holding them up one by one and everyone applauding. I knew that this would be terrible for her. When it got to hers, she just grabbed it and ran over to me, and we left. At that time, when a child was exhibiting the kind of pain Courtney was exhibiting-a lot of nightmares and a lot of crying and hating school and hating everything -the treatment was pretty much to try and make that child what they called 'normalized' rather that saying, What kind of creature is this, and how can we make her be O.K. with who she is? That whole belief system was really awful for her."

When Courtney was eight years old, she started to take acting lessons in her need for attention. “I studied the part of Snow White (for an upcoming school play) forever and had it down, and they gave me, without even auditioning me, the part of the Evil Witch.”

Linda met another man who was a busboy and got a new idea for a different kind of lifestyle. Shepherding. Linda packed up the entire family and moved with her new husband to New Zealand. Her entire family, except for Courtney. Linda left Courtney in Oregon with her therapist. The message was clear enough to Courtney. She was not wanted.

The therapist could only handle Courtney for a few weeks, so she was shipped off to New Zealand after the rest of her family. She ran away numerous times though, even on the way to New Zealand, when she bolted during a stopover en route.

Once Courtney was in New Zealand, she was sent to live with another one of her mother’s friends. That friend too, could not handle Courtney, so she was sent to boarding school. After a few weeks there, she got expelled. She was than sent to a liberal free school.

When Courtney was ten years old, her mother brought her back to the United States to Eugene, but than sent her to live with one of her ex-boyfriends in Portland. Linda’s other children lived happily with their mother and current husband, while Courtney was constantly being shuttled between foster homes. Every time she was sent back home, they booted her out again for one reason or another.

Nobody wanted Courtney because nobody could handle Courtney. She was a drama queen and a manipulator. She lied, she was violent, and she challenged authority. But than it got even worse. Courtney hit puberty.