On the Second Day, KJ discovered Windows, liked what he saw and said it was good.  On the third day, he found Solitaire, Hearts and Mine- sweeper and said that it was really good.  On the fourth day, he discovered Prodigy and loaded it and said, "OH BOY, I LIKE THIS!!!!!" and was up all night.  On the fifth day, after 38 straight hours on Prodigy, he was beaten by Mrs. KJ and he kinda liked that too.  On the sixth day, he discovered his web browser and punched in www.hooters.com; he liked it so much that he was sick from work for the next two days. 

          Some days later,  he looked around and saw what he had done and was fulfilled.  So he rested, mostly because Mrs. KJ had hidden the mouse and threatened his life.  

           In the following days, an emptiness began to return, and KJ looked to the heavens and said, "Is there nothing more?" 

          Then, more in desperation than by design, he found the help files and learned to find the rooms list.  And thus the heavens opened, the clouds parted and the sun shone down upon #Beginners; so KJ entered. 

           And thus KJ happened unto Sprig, Bluboo and Flannie.  They com- forted him, clothed and fed him (he had been naked and looked silly), and began to give him lessons from The Book of Chat.  He looked to the heavens and said, "This is good!"  Mrs. KJ thought about buying a gun. 

          TWAS a Friday night when the heathen gods of chat claimed their first sacrifice to mIRC, and so it was that Flannie was claimed.  The follow- ing night, it was Bluboo to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous for- tune.  Although damaged and savagely violated, the poor souls recovered, much to the amazement of KJ. 

          It was then that KJ happened upon the Goddess of Chat, the one named Breeze.  While Bluboo, Flannie and Sprig nurtured and coddled the flotsam and jetsam that continually poured into Beginners, Breeze and KJ developed a close friendship (not that they didn't do their share to help).  The Goddess Breeze was fearful of mIRC, as was KJ, so she typed the magical words before his eyes: 
 

          Some days later, KJ awoke from the mIRC coma and realized he had survived the ordeal.  He and his 'puter were intact and, other than some rectal discomfort from the initial installation, he felt good.  But this was a turning point for KJ, and he was determined that no other should suffer this fate again.  With that, he patiently guided the Goddess Breeze through the mIRC'ing and she felt no pain or discomfort.  With the knowledge he had gained, he spoke unto Sprig, Blu and Flannie and gave them the hidden knowledge that would forever banish the mIRC sacrificial altar. 

        With KJ's passage through the mIRC "Death from Above", it was time for him to take his place amongst the chosen ones.  The first thing to do was to complete his passage to manhood.  Blu put on his rabbi robes and, with scalpel in hands, swapped KJ the sacred operator key for a piece of fore- skin.  And KJ felt the surge of power and said,  "This is F***ing Great!" and immediately kicked five people from Beginners (including Bluboo). 
  
          As the power and knowledge surged through his veins, KJ realized that he had grown weary of the Chat Lounge Lizards trying to pick him up at every turn (due to a womanly name, he believeth).  To assert his masculinity, he entered the sacred garden one evening with the name "KJ30Male" stapled to his forehead.  The gods were not pleased and immediately pounced on him.  When given the opportunity to plead his dilemma, the edict came down from Bluboo: 
  

          And so it came to pass in the first 30 days of KJenesis that the Lords of Evil saw what the blessed Beginners Garden had begun to achieve, and they grew jealous.  They struck at will with takeovers and used floods to devastate the unprotected.  And KJMan, now regarded as the mightiest of warriors and protectors, was the most obvious target  of these attacks. The peace-loving warrior attempted to contact the creators of the Chat Garden for help, but his pleas were ignored.  With his first ever utterance of his battle cry, "Prodigy Sucks!", KJMan set off to defeat the enemy. 

          With that, KJMan developed an effective array of remotes and scripts to battle the evil hackers and chat debris.  KJMan brewed a secret concoction that not only removed any evil lurkers, it banished them back to their septic pool and kept them from ever returning.  During this period of the Great Floods, the transition from Beginners to BestLounge took place and, thanks largely to the skill and battle tenacity of the mighty warrior, the Hot Tub called BestLounge became the safest and friendliest of all places in the Garden of Chat. 

          Having successfully developed the strength and techniques to battle the Lords of Evil, KJMan had unwittingly issued a challenge that was just too compelling to resist.  As daily attacks upon the mastery of the BestLounge military defenses increased, the generals grew weary.  In his heart, KJMan prayed for help for he and his friends, and received a vision of The Promised Land where all were safe and manna, honey and nectar were in abundance.  The mighty KJMan set out in search of this new land and, on the verge of starvation and dehydration, crawled into an oasis named Anothernet.  He was immediately granted asylum, and feverishly built a new hot tub. 

          Using all his skills and acquired knowledge, the new Hot Tub was in- vincible and, under the protection of The Lords of Anothernet, completely safe.  Having enlisted the undying gratitude and support of Bluboo, they attempted to lead the bedraggled Hot Tubbers across the barren desert to The Promised Land.  Unfortunately, the masses had bungee cords at- tached to their belt loops, so everyone always seemed to wind up back on Prodigy.  Tired of the numerous trips across the desert, the two returned to the battleground of Prodigy Hell. 

          To this day, KJMan and Blu occasionally stand on the ridge overlooking The Promised Land, wondering why the masses never followed them into Paradise.  

          The conclusion to the story of KJenesis and the gospel of KJMan is best expressed in the following psalm (any resemblence to Psalm 23 is purely coincidental and not meant to offend).  However, one footnote first: having witnessed the recent birth of KJBoy to KJMan and KJWoman, we can all pray that their child may be the Messiah who'll someday lead us to The Promised Land: