Our kids .....I would love to say something poetic and profound here but I feel speechless. I am overwhelmed by the feelings I have toward my daughter. There are no words to describe it.

Since I was pregnant, actually before, I began thinking about the day I might become a mother. She will be 15 years old in August of this year and everyday I have the same overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that she is in my life.

Children are a direct cause of great pride, floods of fond memories and hope for the future. It is with great joy to know that my child will be a part of that and contribute all that she is to our future.

I am a single parent for those of you who do not know and have been since she was a mere two years old. She has contradicted the people who had convinced me in the past that I was of a selfish nature. Though "they" may still not be aware of it, I have fully become aware that I am not selfish. My daughter has given the gift of that knowledge. What a great gift. I, in the past, caused myself alot of anger and depressed feelings trying to figure out how to change. My daughter has released me of that.

I know that the mass majority of parents share my view that sacrifice for your children is not really a sacrifice but a choice that we make for the greater good, not only for our children, but for ourselves. We, in that 18 years of raising a child, discover things about ourselves we might not otherwise would have become aware of, we grow and mature and find out what really is important.

For those of you that are afraid of sacrificing for your kids, for fear of being unhappy, fear of losing yourself, fear of the financial strain hurling you into poverty, fear of not getting back all that you give, let me ease your concerns. Please do not be afraid of these things. Use that 18 years to find where your real joy can come from, use it to find out who you really are, use it to learn that financially speaking, your time will come and that patience really is a virtue and during that 18 years you will receive so much more back than you give.

Now I am not saying that love conquers all. "All" is a pretty broad subject and I have found that my electric company and mortgage company does not respond to any amount of love I have tried to give them in lieu of cash. What I am saying is that if you allow yourself to fully accept your role as "parent" and all that it entails you will find yourself becoming more responsible in all areas of your life than you ever were in your "younger days".

You may go through some very rough times, I know I have, but we somehow survive it. Our children can help us through their love to not allow these "hard times" to make us become hard and resentful. We can see the bigger scheme of things.

Going through this myself and having a child has taught me to be more compassionate to others who are having difficulties at no fault of their own. I have heard over and over, "you made the choice to marry that man and you made the choice to have a baby and then you made the choice to get a divorce".

I made a choice to trust someone. To believe that someone was honest and sincere. I believe he made that choice as well. Who is at fault really isn't the point, the point is that there is a child who made no choices at all.

Hopefully this months column finds most of you in a happy marriage where a sincere love is shared for your children or if you are a single parent, it finds you with the same, both parents sharing a sincere love for the children. For those of you who have chosen to be single parents without the other parent involved at all I hope it finds you happy and sound in all matters.

For those of you who have a situation that isn't so "white picket fence" I would like to share this:

• Children need to see both of their parents happy. Whether you are married to one another or not.
• Children are caused alot of pain when this is not the case. They may not let you know, but they do.

Divorced parents, in some cases, will withhold giving something to the child or doing something for the child because they know that the "other parent" will also benefit. Such as a non custodial parent not paying child support or giving a gift such as a VCR or computer. Custodial parents will sometimes not allow visitation because it benefits the other parent.

This has to stop. It isn't about Mom or Dad. It is about the children. So what if the other parent benefits? I will say it again, "Children Need To See Both Parents Happy" and children should not be made to do without because of some selfish resentment that has absolutely nothing to do with them.

I have said it before in previous columns:

• Let it go for the greater good
• Get your priorities straight
• Do not let the fact that others may benefit stop you from doing what you know you should be doing.
• Stop arguing, your only going in circles. What kind of goal is that?

Parenting is of utmost importance and though it seems to be talked about in a "do it this way", "do it that way" approach in so many different types of media, please come back next month where I won't tell you what to do, but tell you what I have done; what worked and what didn't.

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