Is Shopping Too Boring?

Look, shopping in a department store can be awfully boring, but that's about to change. Here's my anti-bordom plan:

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Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
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Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
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Try on bras over the top of your clothes.
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Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
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Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
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Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
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Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
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Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
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Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
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Put M&M's on layaway.
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Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
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Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
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Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
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When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
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Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
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Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
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Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
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While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
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Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
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Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
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Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
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In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
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Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me!! Pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
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When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
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Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
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Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
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