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Funny Jokes

Here is a joke or two that I found particularly amusing. These were sent to me *smile*
Any of the jokes posted here do not reflect my opinion in any way
updated on: 23 July 2000

The Parrot A friend received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were to say the least, rude. Mark tried hard to change the birds attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Mark put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, cursing and screaming - then suddenly there was quiet. Mark was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mark's extended arm and said "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior." Mark was astonished at the birds change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
The Bat A vampire bat came flapping back in from his night out covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him where he got it. He told them to rack off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until he finally gave in. "Okay, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Finally, he slowed down and the bats excitedly milled around him. "Now do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good ," said the first bat. "Because I didn't!"

The Parrot

A friend received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were to say the least, rude. Mark tried hard to change the birds attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Mark put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, cursing and screaming - then suddenly there was quiet.

Mark was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mark's extended arm and said "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."

Mark was astonished at the birds change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

The Bat

A vampire bat came flapping back in from his night out covered in fresh blood.

He parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him where he got it.

He told them to rack off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until he finally gave in.

"Okay, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Finally, he slowed down and the bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good ," said the first bat.

"Because I didn't!"