I cast my net. The sun sparkled off the waxy twine as it flew
out across the water. I was reminded of beauty - of a
spider’s web covered by dewdrops in the morning.
There was a time when I rested bitterly in the land of dreams;
when I wandered restlessly over a stony desert. People say
that dreams are joyful, and liberating - I have been taught
that they are as sweet as the dust, and as edible as pure
salt.
And so the net strikes the glittering water, and sinks down
beneath. I turn my back on it. I am seary of the act. It is
no longer a part of my story. I have decided to invent a new
story, in which a princess carried a burden of dreams.
And a stranger came to her, and asked that they might be
friends.
And the princess agreed. So they set out on a journey
together, a journey in which they were companions. All that
should be shared were shared, and those things which were
secret remained secret.
Until one day, the stranger asked the princess, “What is the
burden that you carry?”
And the princess replied, “These are my dreams,” and brought
them out to show him. They were small and sparkling, but
heavy. The stranger looked at them one by one. Now he knew
and understood more than any stranger should about a princess.
Silence.
Silence.
I do not want to tell you how the story ends. Only that it is
possible to cast dreams into an ocean as if they were a net.
I watched him do it.
I ask only that you do not weep for the princess. There is
already too much weeping.
I am dying. I can no longer write clearly. The flavours all
taste like salt.
I will lay me down on the bed of the ocean, cast like a net
into the waters.
The sun will sparkle off my eyes and hair as if they were
beauty - a spider’s web covered by dew drops in the morning.
And I will sink beneath the surface, and the folks above will
turn their backs on me.
For I have cast adrift to rest bitterly, to eat the dust and
the salt of hopeless dreaming. He can forget without
remembering; he can wound without hurting. Where is his pain?
Why must I have it all, and none to share it with?
I will cast myself into the ocean, striking the glittering
surface so that it is shattered like a mirror.
I never wish to see another reflection. I am hideous,
defiled, corrupted. He has taken all that was small and
sparkling, and thrown it into the water.
No princess should ever trust a stranger.
Please do not weep for me. There is already too much weeping.
When I am gone, turn your backs and cease your remembering. I
only want him to remember, not you. The pain of my casting
will be enough if only he feels it too.
How hideous I am, and how rotted inside. All the ugliness
that pours out of me now is more than I can bear.
Hold me. Love me. Somebody. I don’t want to die.
How bitterly I have rested in this place. I could not find a
single name to call for help. Were I to call, only another
stranger would answer me.
I could never trust a stranger.
This ocean is so empty. My net is empty too. It seems
strange that I will never cast it again.
It is hard to finish when the end arrives. Please remember
me. I do not want to die and be forgotten.
Find somebody to love you, but be careful who you trust. Do
not die alone, like I am dying. Find somebody who will hold
you.
Rest peacefully, and walk carefully. Never taste the
bitterness of dreams.
Forget me not. Remember me each time the sun strikes your
net, and every time you see a spider’s web in the morning.
May my story rise again from the ocean one day. Good night
