Isaac drove carefully over the bumps in the road trying not to upset Erica's stomach. Erica had spent a good half an hour in the ladies room in the hospital and he had already had to pull the car over twice for her.
She had her head leaning against the window as she thought about Stacie. Or at least tried to think about her. She just kept clouding over. Her memories were almost fading. It hadn't even been a whole day and she was still having trouble envisioning Stacie's face. She was so angry at the world. Why, after everything Stacie had been through, did she have to die? She came out of all of those horrible life situations and found happiness. So Erica wanted to know why God decided to take Stacie's happiness away. Why? She hit her head as they went over a bump,"Ow." she muttered.
"Sorry." Isaac apologized numbly.
Erica snickered,"Ow," she said again and shook her head,"Ow! Ow?" she yelled.
Taylor turned around to stare at her.
She began to punch and kick the seat in front of her,"How do I even have the nerve to say 'ow'?" she yelled,"That's not pain! Stacie went through so much pain and I said ow because my fucking head hit the window! Jesus help me! Oh, fuck!" she screamed punching everything that didn't move until she was red-faced and panting.
Taylor looked at Isaac and raised his eyebrows. Isaac didn't look his way, he kept his eyes on the road.
They drove in silence once again for about five minutes until Erica reached for the door handle,"Ike, pull over again." she said while clutching her stomach.
Taylor walked through his house in his suit. He couldn't remember the last time that he had worn one. Zac was still in the bathroom combing his hair and Isaac was still getting dressed. Diana walked into the front hall where Taylor was standing,"Where are your brothers?" she asked.
"They're still getting ready." he replied.
"You know I'd go with you there but I don't want the little ones tagging along and if your father didn't have to work..." she trailed off.
"It's okay." he mumbled.
She gave him a small smile,"Go and check on your brothers okay? I don't want you all to be late."
Taylor nodded and walked past his mother and up the stairs. He walked into the room that the three of them shared. Isaac was staring at himself in the mirror, his tie was dangling from his fingers.
"Need help?" Taylor asked from the doorway.
Isaac looked at him,"I'm having trouble with the tie, my hands are shaking really bad." he admitted.
He walked over to Isaac and took his tie. He picked up the collar on Isaac's white dress shirt and threw the tie around. He meticulously tied the tie, making every loop perfect. It was a real humbling experience for him. His older brother, who up to this point had always helped Taylor with everything, including his necktie, was now looking to him for help.
Isaac looked at Taylor and spoke as if reading his thoughts,"Who would have thought that you would be the one tying my tie when I was the one that taught you how to tie one in the first place?"
Taylor kept his focus on the necktie. It broke his heart what Stacie's death was doing to Ike. And he knew it wasn't easy for Isaac to admit he needed help with something so small. It was never easy for Ike to reach out,"Well, under the circumstances..."Taylor stuttered.
"It was rhetorical." Isaac interrupted.
Taylor noddded,"I'm finished."
Zac walked in the room,"I feel uncomfortable in this suit." he said playing with the jacket.
Taylor laughed,"That's because it fits you and it's not ten sizes too big."
Isaac grabbed his keys off of the dresser,"Let's go guys."
They walked through the funeral home to the place where the viewing was. All three of them were quiet and respectful to everything and everyone, especially Zac. They heard the soft buzz of a few select people talking when they were outside of the door.
They signed their names in the book right outside of the room before entering. Taylor spotted Erica right away. She was sitting all by herself in the middle of the jumble of chairs. Her eyes were closed and a tissue was jumbled in her hands. She had on her black velvet dress. He remembered it from that night at the restaraunt on their one month anniversary. Everything had seemed so simple then.
Taylor walked up to her and tapped her shoulder. She picked her head up slowly and opened her eyes. Suprisingly it didn't look like she had been crying at all. She carefully rose to her feet,"Taylor." she murmured to herself as she hugged him.
He embraced her back,"How are you holding up?" he asked.
"I'm...holding." she replied letting him go.
He nodded and then moved past her to pay his respects.
Isaac hugged Erica next,"How are you taking this?" she asked him.
He looked in her eyes and shrugged,"Well, I'm alive. That has to be a good sign."
She nodded,"Well, my door is always open." she offered.
He nodded and patted her shoulder as he moved past her.
Zac stepped in front of her next. She gave him a small smile and stuck her hand out in rememberance of his anger at her and how he would prefer to never hug anyone.
He pushed her hand aside and hugged her,"I'm sorry, for everything."
She hugged him back. It was funny how such a small gesture could bring tears to her eyes,"I'm sorry too."
"And now," the priest said,"I am told that there is a family member that would like to come up here and share a fond memory and a kind word or two for Stacie." he stepped away from the podium and sat down.
Erica took a gigantic breath and rose from her seat. Taylor stared at her in awe. He didn't know she was the one giving the eulogy at the funeral. That must be difficult for her. She had to put together just the right words to give Stacie a memory that she deserved.
Erica gazed out into the sea of tear stained cheeks and broken hearts. She eyed the casket where Stacie's body, that once was filled with energy and life, lay motionless now. She crumpled the speech, that she had spent two days on, in her hand and breathed again under watchful eyes,"Um..." she closed her eyes.
Everyone was waiting. Waiting for her to console what layed so heavily on them. To justify their feelings and tell them that they were not alone. That this would not be their fate. Who was she to lift everyone into false hopes? No one. Who was she to console them and not be among the consoled? No one. Stacie, I need you with me now. You need to help me like you've helped me before. Just give me sign that it will all be okay, she thought, Please.
She felt new strength within her. Almost as if Stacie was handing her the courage to speak to everyone in grief. She opened her eyes and looked out into the sea of now eager faces. A thought came upon her.
She held up the crumpled ball that used to be her speech,"This was what I had planned to say," she paused as she glanced at a few faces,"it's garbage." she dropped it to the floor.
There was a soft buzz as people began to whisper. Where was this going?
"I've decided," she spoke over the buzz,"that no pre-rehearsed speech is worth a life. Not Stacie's life anyway. So I'm going beyond all of that. I refuse to make Stacie out into something she wasn't. So I'm going to speak to you from here," she placed her hand over her heart,"and I want you all to listen through here."
She watched as the bodies of the people in their seats relazed and gave their attention.
"Stacie, what is there to say abut her? She was a great cousin, friend, daughter, girlfriend or anything else that she was to any of you. If I had to find one word to describe her, I couldn't. It is impossible to sum up all of her life and everything about her in just one word. So let's talk about Stacie. Let's talk about the wonderful person that we, as well as the world have deprived of. She was kind, helpful, resourceful and stubborn," she smirked,"yeah she was stubborn, but in the best way."
Little smiles spread through the crowd as they reminisced.
"She would go so far out of her way to prove herself right that you had to agree. She could tell you that the sky was pink and you would have to agree. But that's not what I'll miss." she paused,"I'll miss how she used to help me with problems. How when she laughed, no matter what mood I was in, I'd laugh. The way she would get all worked up over nothing," her voice wavered,"I'll miss her. Just her. And the memories are nowhere near enough." she ended as tears touched the corners of her eyes.
Taylor choked down another screwdriver,"Who'd have thought I'd be drinking this?" he slurred.
Samantha smiled,"Yeah."
He waved his glass through the air,"All because of...Stacie, God bless her." he mumbled spilling some vodka and orange juice on the carpet,"Whoops." he laughed.
Samantha pulled the drink from his hands,"I think you've had enough." she said setting the glass aside.
Taylor slouched into the couch,"I do believe I've had enough." he giggled.
Samantha kissed his neck as his head bobbed while he tried to keep it steady,"Do you wanna do it Taylor?" she asked.
"Poor Stacie...and Ike...and Erica." he muttered unaware that she hand even spoke.
Samantha groaned,"Let's not talk about Erica."
Taylor fell into a drunken cry,"S...she was s...so sad about S...Stacie."
Samantha kissed his neck again,"Don't talk Taylor."
"I really c...care about Erica." he blubbered half awake.
"Hmmm, I care about you." Samantha whispered in his ear as she unbuttoned his pants and undid the zipper,"Wanna do it?" she asked again.
He didn't answer.
"Taylor?" she looked at him. He was passed out.
She stared at him in amazement. Talk about someone who can't hold his liqour. she thought, Maybe we could still do it though...
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