"I love you more than anything, than anything, I do. And I'd give anything and everything I have, just to be with you." Isaac sang as he sat cross legged on his bed, hunched over a little electric keyboard.He was fighting to hold back the tears that threatened to fall because of Stacie. He looked at the smiling picture of her that lay next to the keyboard,"These feelings I hold inside, are emotions I can not hide, these feelings will not subside, I'd give anything, anything."
"I almost forgot about that song." Taylor spoke from the doorway.
Isaac's head shot up,"Oh." he said quietly as he turned the keyboard off and pushed it to the side.
"Ike?" Taylor spoke quietly as he shifted his stance. He didn't continue.
Isaac, for the first time in a long time, studied his brothers face. How had he managed to push everyone so far away that he didn't even know what was going on in the house? Well, he did know about the Samantha thing, but there was something else bothering Tay now. His face was creased in concern and he looked like he just lost his best friend,"What's up?" Ike asked scooting over to make room for Taylor to come up on the top bunk.
Taylor finally ventured into the room,"I feel weird." he announced before climbing up next to him. "I have this horrible feeling that something is really wrong."
Zac walked around the corner from where he was eavesdropping,"It's probably just mom's dinner." he joked.
Taylor shook his head and didn't even laugh at Zac's joke,"No, it's not. Something is wrong. Something is really bad, I can feel it."
Isaac furrowed his brow,"Is it Samantha?"
Tay shook his head,"It can't be. I just talked to her and I'm not the father."
"Maybe that's the problem." Isaac offered. "You might have gotten subconcsiously excited at the thought of being a father. You know, creating a life is a big thing."
Taylor pondered that for a minute,"No, that's not it. It's more than that."
"I think he's right, Tay." Zac interrupted. "It does make some sense."
Tay shrugged,"Maybe, but I think that something is really wrong." he pressed.
Isaac put his hand on his brother's shoulder,"Maybe you're just tired. We'll all go to bed and in the morning this feeling won't even be a memory." he suggested.
Tay looked from Ike's face to Zac's face. They seemed convinced that that was the problem, but it seemed like it was so much more,"Yeah, I'll probably forget about it." he agreed.
Erica blinked in the bright sun. She sat straight up from her desk and groaned at her stiff neck. She glanced around wearily. Her eyes rested on the pills, note and journal on her desk.
"Oh shit." she mumbled to herself. She then picked up her pen and quickly scribbled her name to Taylor's note. She yawned and glanced at her clock. Her parents had to be at work by now. Perfect timing. But first, she wanted to eat something. It's a last supper kind of thing. she thought to herself as she rose from her seat. She went downstairs in search of pancakes. Just a quick breakfast and then the pills. Don't lose your nerve. she told herself.
Taylor woke up slowly. He blinked away the darkness of sleep for a minute. He lay perfectly still, staring at the wall. He realized that his feeling yesterday had not passed. It had, if anything, intensified.
He rolled over and looked around the room as he stretched. He glanced at the clock. Too early... he thought to himself. He looked at the bottom of Isaac's bunk as he yawned. He smiled at the pen writing on the wood that was supporting Ike's bed. Erica and Taylor.
It was then that realization hit Taylor, and it hit hard. Erica. This feeling was about Erica. He only felt it when she was in some sort of trouble while he wasn't with her. Why hadn't he known before?
He put his thoughts on hold as he struggled out of bed. He tripped over Zac in the process.
"Hey..." Zac groaned pulling his blanket over his head. He curled himself into an even tighter ball.
"Sorry." Taylor mumbled as he threw on the first pair of clean pants and the first clean shirt that he saw. He shoved one foot into one of his Docs and grabbed the other. He half ran and half wobbled out of the bedroom. Once in the hallway, Taylor bumped into his mom.
"Tay? Honey why are you up?" Diana asked her son. Taylor never got out of bed this early unless he was forced out. And even then, he really wouldn't leave his bed.
Taylor hopped on one foot trying to put his other boot on,"I was heading over to Erica's."
Diana looked him over,"Hon, you look like 'who did it and ran'." she informed him.
"So?" he shrugged,"I just have to run over there really quick ok?"
Diana hesitated,"Well, alright. Just get something to eat first." she reminded.
"Okay." he replied as he sprinted down the hall and then down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs he tripped over his untied laces and fell. He groaned as he pulled himself off of the floor. I should have just tied them, he thought as he jogged into the kitchen.
"Taybear!" Avery shrieked upon the sight of her older brother.
"Babie Avie!" he grinned as he pulled a package of Pop-Tarts from the cabinet. "I'm running across the street you guys, see ya." he told his younger siblings as he started to leave the room.
Mackenzie attatched himself onto Taylor's leg,"Taybear no go." he pouted.
Taylor attempted to shake his younger brother,"I'll be back later Mackie." he bargained.
"No!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
Taylor sighed and bent down to pry his little brother off of him,"Okay Mack, okay. You win. I'll stay."
Mackenzie gave him a satisfied smile,"Cool."
"So, let's play a game." Taylor suggested. He made it look like he was thinking of a game,"I know," he said snapping his fingers,"how about hide and seek?"
"Okay." Mackie agreed. Taylor knew he couldn't resist hide and seek.
"Alright," Tay agreed,"you go and hide. I'll count to one billion, trillion, million and then find you." he instructed.
Mackenzie nodded and ran from the room in giggles to hide in his "secret" place.
Taylor stood up and looked at Avery,"Wait a little bit and then go and get him out of his closet okay?" he asked.
Avery giggled,"Okay Taybear."
Erica had finished her pancakes and meticulously cleaned all of the dishes that she had used. She filled a glass with water and slowly headed for her room.
She tried to remember everything about her house while she ascended the stairs. The way it smelled when her mom was actually home cooking dinner. The way the fourth step on the stairs always creaked when someone walked on it. The small chips in the wooden banister.
She quietley entered her room and shut the door softly behind her. It was as if she thought that any loud noise could talk her out of what was going to be done.
She sat, sadly hunched, at her desk and staring at the pile of white pills on the desk. She glanced around the room, a tear forming in her eye. She wanted something to happen. She needed someone to talk her out of this because she was too stubborn to back out of it herself. Seeing no such oppurtunity, she popped the first of thirty-five pills in her mouth. That's one. she thought.
Thirty-five pills and an empty glass of water later, she was feeling dizzy and extremely tired. Her heart was racing and she felt like there was cotton stuck in her ears because every sound she made seemed so far away. She had to gather all of her strength to walk over to her bed and lay down. She closed her eyes and waited with her arms at her sides.
Taylor bit into his Pop-Tart as he crossed the street. He glanced up at Erica's bedroom window. From the street, everything looked fine.
He trotted up the steps and onto the porch. He then pressed his finger to the doorbell and shoved the rest of the Pop-Tart in his mouth. He chewed and waited impatiently. Again, he pressed his finger into the doorbell and again, he waited. Nothing.
He pounded his fist on the door twice,"Erica!" he called loudly. And again, nothing.
He sighed and kicked the doormat over with his boot to reveal the spare key. He bent down and picked it up. He unlocked the door and then returned the key to it's rightful place underneath the doormat.
He entered the house and shut the door behind him,"Erica?" he called once again. He listened to nothing for a moment and then heard a faint sound coming from someone upstairs. It sounded like she was crying.
Taylor raced up the stairs. Thousands of thoughts running through his head at that moment. None were actually being thought completely through. He pushed them out of his mind as he ran the short distance down the hall and burst through Erica's bedroom door. He gasped in horror.
Erica's eyes fluttered open. Was that the doorbell? She strained to sit up and she listened once again. There it was.
Just go away. she thought as she let her body fall back down onto her bed.
"Erica!" she heard Taylor yell as he pounded on the door.
She rolled onto her side, No! Oh please God, no! she thought as she tried to get off of her bed. Her muscles just would not cooperate though.
She heard him fumbling with the door. He was using the spare key! She rolled off of the bed and onto the floor, Oh God! Please take me now! Don't let him see me like this. she thought, I can't see him before I die. I'm scared of what I'll feel! Please, let this just end! she begged in her mind.
"Erica?" she heard him call again, this time from inside her house.
She started to cry, No Tay! You're too late! You are just too late this time! Suddenly, a strange calm overcame her. She closed her eyes as she heard his footsteps thumping on the stairs. Too late, I'm ready to be welcomed by darkness, she thought.
"Oh my God!" Taylor yelled rushing over to Erica on the floor and getting on his knees next to her,"Erica?" he asked picking up her head. A few tears were finishing their slow course down her cheeks.
He raised the upper portion of her body and cradled her to him. With one hand he gently tapped her cheek,"Come on Erica. Get up, wake up." he pleaded.
She didn't budge. He placed two fingers on her neck. Where's her pulse...where is it? he thought feeling around her neck. He felt a tiny thump on his fingers,"Yes!" he exclaimed outloud.
He let her body lay back on the floor as he ran over to her desk to call for help. She must have hit her head he thought not knowing any better.
As he picked up the phone, he noticed a piece of paper with his name on it. He grabbed the phone and paper and rushed back to Erica's side.
Once again, he joined her on the floor. He set the paper aside as he dialed the hospital and felt for a pulse again. Still there. When the nurse answered, he explained the situation. She told him that all of the ambulances were out on call and he had to bring his friend in by himself. He shouldn't worry though, not if she bumped her head. Taylor easily complied and hung up. He then dialed his house for Isaac.
"Hello? Hanson residence." Avery answered.
"Avie, it's Tay. Get Ike on the phone now." he commanded.
"Okay." she replied sweetly as she dropped the phone to go and get Ike.
Taylor felt for Erica's pulse again, still there. His eyes fell on the note. He grabbed it and unfolded it.
Taylor, by the time you read this I will be gone... he read.
"What do you want?" Ike's groggy voice came into the phone.
"No." Taylor whispered not even hearing Ike. It was then that Taylor noticed a bottle that was half hidden under Erica's bed. He grabbed it and hopped to her some pills rattle inside. There was nothing, the bottle was empty,"Oh God..." he murmerd looking at Erica. Relaization not yet hitting him.
"Tay?" Ike asked confused,"What's going on?"
"Ike!" Tay screamed,"Get your fucking keys and start the damn car!"