Chapter 46: Rearranged

Just think about it, just think about it. Lately I've been skeptical. Silent, when I would use to speak. Distant from all around me who witness me fail and become weak.*

Isaac sat uncomfortably in the hospital waiting room. The small room that sick people were put in to wait for care. He shook his head when he thought of all of the people who had to sit there in pain. Not to mention all of the people who were just waiting for a reassuring word about a loved one. The despair that filled the room was almost over-powering.

He leaned forward on his knees and dropped his face in his hands as memories of the notification of Stacie's death filled his head. He became choked with emotion and he felt a few tears wet his palms.

His surrogate sister. Erica was his surrogate sister. It's like it would be if Jessie or Avery or Zoe was in there. It's the same. She was like my sister. How didn't I notice? How could I let her do this to herself? I wasn't there for her. I should have been there. Just like I should have been there for Stacie. I let them both down, I let them go. Please let me have saved Erica, God. I couldn't live, I can't deal with this...

He rolled his head to the side and glanced at Taylor in the seat next to him. How was he taking it?

Life is overwhelming. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. I'd love to be the one to dissapoint you when I don't fall down. But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain. Because you know it all and I guess things will never change. But you might need my hand when falling in your whole. Your disposition, I'll remember when I'm letting go of you and me. We're through and rearranged. Think about it, think about it.*

Taylor sat rigid in the hard plastic chair. He kept his eyes locked on the hallway that Erica had been wheeled down. He was hoping that a doctor would come strolling down the hallway with some small look of triumph at saving a life.

He felt Isaac shift his position next to him. He was staring at him. Tay looked into Isaac's eyes. It looked as if Isaac had been crying. Taylor's leg twitched as he stared back at his brother and then he jumped to his feet. He couldn't take Isaac's eyes on him.

He walked up to the nurses station and placed his arms on the desk. A tired nurse glanced up at him with her face set in a frown. She had bags under her eyes and her hair was pulled back tightly,"Yes?" she snapped.

"Um, Erica Patten?" he asked quietly.

"She's still in the operating room. Go back and wait there." she said pointing towards the waiting room with her pen. She then looked back down at a huge stack of papers.

"Well, I've been waiting for a long time already." he said biting off the end of each word as he became agitated with the nurse. Erica was in this building somewhere and she needed him, but they wouldn't let him see her. What kind of shit was that?

She glared at him,"Everyone has been waiting a long time. So go back and sit down." she sneered.

He slammed his hand on the desk,"Well I want to know what's happening!" he demanded.

The nurse stood up,"Go and take your seat before I call hospital security." she warned.

Taylor felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around to find himself face to face with Isaac.

"Come on Tay, sit down." he said soothingly.

Frustration ran through Taylor's body,"I don't want to!" he yelled at Ike and pushed his hand off of his shoulder.

"That's it!" the nurse announced,"I'm calling security."

Isaac stepped up to the desk,"No please don't," he pleaded,"he'll sit down, I swear."

She slammed the phone back in it's cradle,"Make sure that he does! Next time I will call."

"That won't be necessary." a voice said from behind Taylor and Isaac. The two of them turned around to see a doctor standing behind them.

"Hello boys, I'm Dr. Michaels."

It seems that you're not satisfied. There's too much on your mind. So you leave and I can't believe all the bullshit that I find. Life is overwhelming. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. I'd love to be the one to dissapoint you when I don't fall down. But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain. Because you know it all and I guess things will never change.*

Isaac and Taylor glanced nervously at each other. This was it now. Had they protected Erica from herself? Did Taylor still have his best friend? Did Isaac let Erica down as he had done to Stacie?

"Well," Dr. Michaels began,"she's out of the operating room and we were successful at removing all of the medication from her stomach."

Taylor grinned and let out a sigh of relief at the word successful,"Can I see her?" he asked immediately.

The doctor hesitated and then nodded,"Follow me." he said turning around.

Taylor looked excitedly at Ike,"She's okay." he whispered.

Isaac nodded and looked at the doctor's back. He had noticed the hesitation to let them see Erica. What was this guy so hesitant about? Isaac's fears had to take over before he could celebrate with Taylor. Something just did not seem to fit together here and Taylor was oblivious.

"There's more though," the doctor said as they stopped in front of the room that held Erica.

Isaac felt his stomach drop. Taylor glanced at Ike and back at the doctor,"I'm sure that Isaac can take care of signing admitting forms or something until her parents arrive." he offered.

Isaac patted Taylor on the back,"Go ahead Tay, I'll take care of whatever this is." he told him. He didn't want Taylor to be there if there was bad news.

The doctor stepped back and allowed Taylor in the room. After Taylor entered he pulled the door shut.

"Do you need me to sign some papers?" Isaac asked hopefully as he held his hand out for a form or a pen.

"Look," the doctor said placing his hand on Isaac's shoulder,"there's something your brother doesn't understand."

Isaac felt his heart plummit to the bottom of his shoes to be with his stomach,"What?" he choked out.

"We did get all of the medication out, we just didn't get it out in time." he informed him.

Isaac put his fingertips to his temples and closed his eyes,"Wait, I don't understand." he said slowly.

"You're friend," the doctor said grimly,"is in a coma."

Isaac dropped his hands to his sides,"S...so what's that mean?" he stuttered.

The doctor hugged his clipboard to his chest,"Right now I see three possibilities. One, she could wake up and be fine."

Isaac nodded and bit his lip.

"Two, she could wake up, but the longevity of that medication in her system could have caused brain damage." Dr. Michaels said.

Isaac swallowed hard,"And three?"

The doctor coughed slightly,"Or she could never wake up."

Isaac ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath before talking,"So, you're telling me that she could either die, be a vegetable or be fine?" he asked in an upset tone.

The doctor nodded,"In lamens terms ,yes. She could go either way."

Isaac locked the doctor's eyes in a stare,"Well, what is most likely to happen?"

The doctor glanced at his clipboard as if it held all of the answers,"Well, uh, I really couldn't say at this time."

"Please?" Isaac's voice wavered with sincerity.

The doctor looked up again. Once he saw the desperation in Isaac's eyes he had to tell him,"The odds are all against her." he admitted.

But you might need my hand when falling in your whole. Your disposition, I'll remember when I'm letting go of you and me. We're through and rearranged.*

The door to Erica's room creaked open and Taylor whirled around in his chair to look at who was entering. Isaac. Taylor leaned back in his seat again and stared at Erica lying in the hospital bed. She had tubes up her nose, an IV in her arm and heart monitors all over her chest. Her heart rate was moving at the same pace.

Isaac entered the room more and stepped by Taylor's chair. He placed his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Please just tell me that she is heavily sedated, Ike." Taylor spoke quietly trying to hide the concern in his voice. He looked up at Isaac through wet eyes. Isaac opened his mouth but no sound came out.

Taylor leaned forward and grabbed one of Erica's hands. He watched her face in hopes she would move. She didn't. "She's just sleeping." Taylor told Ike innocently.

Isaac squatted next to Taylor's chair,"Tay," he said.

Taylor refused to look at him. He stood up and stared at Erica's face,"She's fine, she's fine." he said.

Isaac stood up again and placed his hand on Taylor's shoulder again. This time he didn't try to speak.

Taylor bowed his head down and his body started to shake as he cried,"I failed her." he whispered,"I failed her Ike." he repeated looking at him with tears streaming down his face.

Isaac's bottom lip trembled and a tear escaped his eye.

Taylor shook his head as he watched his brother crack,"No. Oh God no, please." he sobbed.

Isaac pulled his brother into a hug.

You're no good for me. Thank God it's over. You make believe that nothing is wrong until you're cryin'. You make believe that life is so long until you're dyin'. You make beieve that nothing is wrong until you're cryin', cryin' on me. You make believe that life is so long until you're dyin', dyin' on me. You think that everybody is the same. I don't think that anybody is like you. (you ruin everything and you keep fuckin' with me until it's over and I won't be the same)*

Isaac and Taylor drove home silently. They both said that they would go back after dinner and Isaac knew that Taylor would probably be back there alot more often.

Isaac stopped at a red light a quickly lost himself in thought. I gave up. I let her go. I could have got there faster, I could have driven faster. I'm so sorry Erica, I'm sorry Stacie. I know you're up there wishing that you could yell at me. I could have done something more. I am so sorry that I let you down...again.

"The light's green, Ike." Taylor said quietly.

Isaac glanced at his brother who was leaning against the window on the passanger side. He went through the intersection.

Taylor stared out the car window at the images that quickly passed by. The car suddenly got so big and he got so small. He struggled to hold back tears. He glanced down, blurry-eyed, at his shirt. His eyes fell upon the patch of now, dried up blood on his shirt. He couldn't hold back anymore and he collapsed into a fit of tears. Her blood is on me! Oh my God, it's her blood. She's gonna die and it's all my fault! Why didn't I get over there sooner? Why didn't I know? It's all my fault and I couldn't protect her. I failed her. I could give her anything but her life. Why couldn't I give her her life? Am I being punished God? What did I do to you? She doesn't deserve this! Whose left for me now? Huh? WHAT NOW? he screamed in his head.

Isaac pulled into their driveway and shut the car off. He glanced wearily at Taylor,"Let's go inside."

Taylor nodded and slowly found some strength within himself to pull the door handle and let himself out of the big, little car.

He and Isaac trudged towards their house. They tried desperately not to look in the direction of Erica's house in order to hold onto some form of sanity.

They entered the house and barely made it inside when Diana entered the front hallway. She studied her boys who looked as if they had gone through a long journey in hell and somehow had found their way back to the safe sanctuary that the Hansons called home,"I heard about Erica, her parents phoned."

Taylor started to sob again,"Mommy, it was horrible!" he cried out from the depths of his heart as he hugged his mother.

"I know Taylor, I know." she said holding her son as he shook and cried.

Isaac sat down in the front hall and leaned against the front door with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He let himself cry quietly.

The house was so quiet, so still. The only sounds heard were Taylor's sobs and his mother's words of uncomforting reassurance. Uncomforting to Taylor and Isaac anyway.

Just think about it, you'll get it. Think about it.*

*-Lyrics by Limp Bizkit, "Rearranged" off of Signifigant Other

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