Marriage and Courtship
Shira's Courtship and Marriage in the Late Eighteenth Century Page
SIA
This page will focus on Courtship and Marriage in three different social groups during the 18th century; European Americans, African Americans and Native Americans. All of these groups’ customs were very different concerning marriage and courtship. One thing that they all had in common was that the word dating did not exist in their vocabulary.
European Americans
Unlike many people believe, men and women in the middle class were able to choose their mates. Parents did have some control, though it was indirect. A man could not marry until he had the means to support a wife and children. This made the man dependent on his parents. His land was a share of his father's property. "A man could marry only when his father was willing to divide the family's land and to forego the son's labor on the farm," says Ellen K. Rothman who wrote Hands and Hearts. A History of Courtship in America. Even in wealthy families the parents would only suggest a desirable match, the children still had the right to say no. By the late 1780s, men and women looked for someone who they loved and who loved them. A person having the right family connections, money, or religious affiliation became less and less important. Even though when a woman married it mean subordination to her husband, almost all did wed. Woman who did not marry would probably have a life of dependency and poverty.
Not much is known about marriage in rural communities. One theory is that love was not too important. Most women were happy if they married an honest, respectable, unabusive husband. Marriage was not to bring excitement into a women’s life, it was a way not to be lonely, to create a family and a way to gain protection. Premarital sexual activity was quite frequent in rural communities around this time. It was not exactly the way we think of premarital sex today. Marriage would always follow, and mothers AND fathers were responsible for children born out of wedlock.
African Americans
Survival was one of the most important things when considering marriage for free African Americans. These people had very few potential mates. More free black women would forgo marriage than white women because few black men could offer economic stability in exchange for the loss of a woman’s rights. Marriage was a practical matter to free black women, and love was not important.
Slave’s courtship was much different from the other groups talked about so far. Premarital sexual intercourse was more open and frequent. A slave woman may have a child because it could secure her place on a plantation and decide not the marry the father. Marriage meant that the couple had to worry about being separated at a later date if one of them were sold. Many slaves preferred to marry someone on another plantation if they did marry. They would not have to watch their significant other being beaten, insulted, raped, overworked, or starved and not be able to say anything. Slaveholders had the final say in slave marriages. Many masters liked the men to marry women on their plantation because the children followed the life of the mother. This would increase the number of slaves a master owned. Motherhood was very important and sacred in a women's African roots.
Native Americans
When a Native American girl reached puberty, she and her parents started making plans for her marriage. Almost all women married because there was no place for a single woman in a Native American civilization. A woman depended on a man for food and protection and a man needed a wife to process the meat, dress the skins of the game he killed, to cook his food and to make his clothing. The people getting married did not have much of a choice of whom they married. The survival and well being of the tribe was the most important thing. Young women were told legends about the awful things that happened when someone did not go with their parents’ choice for marriage. Boys and girls were married around the age of 13 or 14. At many times a young man and an old women or vice versa would be married, so that the younger mate could learn from the experience of the older one. Most married several times because of this. People were widowed early and remarried as soon as possible. Courtship was not allowed in some tribes. Entering into marriage as a virgin was important for a woman so as soon as she hit puberty, she was wed. In other tribes, men and women would be introduced at some sort of dance.
That's all the marriage and courtship in the late 18th century learning we're going to have today! I hope that you learned something, but had fun while doing it!
Created by Shira Levy with the help of a handout from Mr. Vlasits
