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"As long as you command respect, even fear, from your peers, you should keep on playing."
"Virginity is like a bubble. One prick - all gone!"
"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film."
Save the whales. Collect the whole set."
"A day without sunshine is like, night."
"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you."
"I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges."
"Honk if you love peace and quiet."
"Pardon my driving; I'm reloading."
"Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?"
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool."
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."
"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling
exception, is composed of others." John Andrew Holmes"
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm"
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"
"I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week"
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met"
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol"
"I intend to live forever - so far, so good"
"I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy"
"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"
"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane, going
the wrong way."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
"He who hesitates is probably right."
"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with."
"No one is listening until you make a mistake."
"Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view."
"The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it."
"The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to
reach it."
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research."
"Two wrongs are only the beginning."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."
"Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life."
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before."
"Change is inevitable....except from vending machines."
"A fool and his money are soon partying."
"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of
payments."
"Get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade!"
"Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
"Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks."
"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."
"Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back."
"Half the people you know are below average."
"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."
"42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for
you...."
