His eyes burned. The pain in his stomach and the burning in his throat were too much. It was too much this time. He should've stopped an hour ago. But he didn't.

Hell, he should've stopped days, weeks, months ago. But he didn't.

Looking down into the toilet bowl, at his vomit, Zac became disgusted with himself and flushed the toilet. Futilely he tried to get up. His head ached beyond anything. Feeling as if someone was pounding on his head with a hatchet.

Zac shook his head gently. "No, it feels like a damn axe." He muttered, correcting his own thoughts aloud.

Stumbling towards the medicine cabinet, he fumbled his way through bottles of medicine before he grabbed for the right one.

"Aspirin." He stated softly, a smile of relief tugged at the corners of his mouth as he shook out five of the white pills and dry swallowed them. He grimaced under the taste but didn't dwell on it.

Again, he started stumbling, towards the door this time. Beer cans and bottles clanked and clinged nosily together as he tried to walk all the way to his room without falling over. The noises of the empty containers echoed painfully in his head and his eyes started to burn from the sunlight shining through the hallway window.

After what seemed like an eternity he finally made it to his room. Tired, worn out, sore and in much pain. It didn't take him too long to collapse in his bed.

"Ike?" Taylor murmured sleepily. "Is that you?" He mumbled.

Tears pricked Zac's eyes instantly. "No, Tay." He answered softly. "It's just me. Zac."

"Oh, okay, Zac." Taylor mumbled, still half asleep. "Don't wake up Ike, Zac." He warned as he yawned and rolled over. "He's grumpy when he gets woken up."

Zac could only stare at the ceiling. Would only stare at the ceiling. The tears slide down the corners of his eyes and down into his ears, burning his blotchy skin.

He wanted to wipe them away, but his arms felt like lead.

Damn, his whole body did too. Slowly and as gently as possible, he rolled over onto his right side and stared at the Hanson symbol drawn on their wall.

Memories flooded his brain, until his eyes drooped, too heavy to stay open.

"Sooz, c'mon let's jus go." Zac begged.

Susan just gave him a 'whatever' look. "I'm not going anywhere, Zac." She stated stubbornly, her chin lifting defiantly.

"C'mon, Sooz." Zac said holding his hand out to her. "Ike's a mess and miserable without you." He said softly. "He misses you."

Her face softened, and Zac knew he had hit his mark. "Come on." He coaxed gently.

Susan looked away for a second, then back at him. "No, Zac." She answered. "I can't have a boyfriend…" Her voice trailed off. "It's too hard for me."

Zac angrily grabbed the drink out of her hand. "But this makes you feel better?!" He questioned harshly. "This makes everything easy and to go away?!"

"Yes." She replied as she grabbed it back and guzzled the beer quickly.

She looked back at him, and he knew she saw the hurt that plagued his face. "Zac, I can handle a drink. I can't handle love." She explained slowly.

"No, you can handle it, Sooz." He snapped out. "You just don't want to." He was angry that she wasn't listening to him.

That's when they started to stare each other down, and Susan looked away first.

"Give me your keys." Zac demanded, as he held his hand out, palm up.

Susan's head snapped upward. "What?" She raged.

"You heard me." Zac replied. "Give me your keys. You're not driving home like that."

"Oh, give me a break, Zac." She said rolling her eyes. The effects of alcohol had already taken its toll. "I'm not even drunk yet." Her denial slurred by the many drinks she had already consumed.

Zac shook his head. "You drank. That's enough to tell me that you are not driving. Now give me the damn keys!" He yelled.

"No." Susan replied nonchalantly as she grabbed for another plastic cup full of the fowl smelling liquid. She guzzled that one too.

The smell stung Zac's eyes as he stared long and hard at Susan. "Okay then." He said shrugging. "Then you have to pass the key test."

Susan glared at him. "What key test?" She questioned before she hiccuped.

Zac leaned forward and motioned for her to do the same, as if he were going to pass along a secret to her. "The key test that the cops are doing now." He whispered loudly, his eyes looked around to see if anyone had heard him, trying hard to play this off.

Susan had looked around as well, "How does it go?" She whispered back, before giving him her full attention.

He had to lean back from the stench of her breath, Zac grimaced at how stupid Susan had already become, compliments of the alcohol. "Well here," He said holding out his hand, "Let me see your keys and I'll show you." He sighed impatiently when she just stared at outstretched hand.

He watched her as she reluctantly handed him her keys. Wanting to know about the key test that the cops did.

Once he had closed his fingers around the cool metal keys, he looked sadly up at her. "You fail, Sooz." He said softly before leaving her standing alone with the beer in her hand.

Zac shifted in his bed as the memories started to come much faster, much clearer, and much more painful. Tears were already flowing freely down his face.

He watched as she got into someone else's truck. Watched as she laughed and waved at him as she stated the car and drove off.

Angrily he stormed off to find one of his friends and took their car also. Speeding up to follow Susan to make sure she got home all right. So that she got home safely.

But when he saw the truck she was driving, picking up speed every time the turned another corner, a serious wave of uneasiness and dread filled his body.

He just knew what he was going to find once he turned the next corner. And he was right.

The truck Susan was driving was on the other side of the road smashed against another vehicle.

Only he could never have guessed that the van held her parents and his oldest brother.

Again Zac shifted uncomfortably in his bed. Trying to soothe himself unconsciously as his brain relived a moment he desperately wanted to forget.

Instantly he dug out his cell phone, that was given to him in use of an emergency. Everyone in his family knew he was at the party, and anyone could have easily spiked his drink. He was to use the phone if he had had any problems.

His fingers flew over the lighted numbers. Once he described the situation to the nine-one-one emergency medic, he hung up and tried to look out for Susan.

She had gotten out of the truck and was walking dazedly up to the road. Figuring she was all right he went to the van. Needing to know if they were all right.

Once he had gotten there though, he instantly fell down onto his knees. He saw the two front seat passengers had smashed their heads into the windshield. Blood stained the clear spider-webbed glass.

Quickly getting off his knees he noticed that there was someone in the middle seat. With nausea filling him and weighing him down, he ran as best as he could to the side door and slid it open.

A body fell out and heavily into his arms. Reflexively he pushed back the blood soaked and matted hair and cried out painfully. His brother's dead body lay cold in his arms.

He looked down into Isaac's eyes that were gazing up at him. He had cried out again. A gut wrenching sob that made his throat burn from the strain. He cried to God. Screaming the unfairness of this whole situation. Screaming and crying that he tried to stop her.

Asking why he was being punished so cruelly.

At that moment Zac jerked awake. Throbbing pain took control over his body, as he noticed the sweat drenching him and his bed. His hands were rubbing against his chest as if to wipe away his brother's blood that had discolored and permanently stained his skin that night.

Taylor was staring down at him from his sitting position in his bed. His eyes held sympathy, pity, and sorrow for him.

But Zac could only read accusation and disgust. He launched himself out of his bed and headed towards the bathroom. Eagerly he jumped into the cold water of a shower. His clothes still on.

After ten minutes and being unable to bare the shivering and the goosebumps, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Not wanting to make a complete mess.

He walked dazedly back to his room, with cold chills over-taking him, he sighed with relief when he saw that he was alone.

Once he had changed into fresh clothes, he heard a small knock on the door. He ignored it, hoping that whoever it was would get the idea and leave.

They didn't.

Mackie slowly opened the door and stared at what looked like might be his brother. "Hey, Zackie." He said softly as he walked towards him.

Zac gave him a small smile. "Hey, Mack. What's up?"

"Zackie, why are you so sad?" He asked as he climbed onto his lap. "Is it because Ikey went to heaven to become an angel?"

Zac painfully gulped down the harsh lump in his throat. "I'm not sad, Mack." He stated quietly. "Just... I feel responsible."

"Is that why you drink now?" Mackie asked while watching as he fidgeted with his hands.

Exactly how was he supposed to explain this to a five-year-old?

"Mack," Zac started off, then he shook his head. "I don't know how to explain this to you."

"Zackie, it's not going to make it all better." Mackie said looking up at his older brother. "Mommy said that she can't even put a band-aid on it to make it all better."

Zac gave him another small smile. "No, Mackie." He said shaking his head. "Mommy, can't even put a band-aid on this to make it all better."

"Then why do you think drinking can make something better when mommy can't?" He asked curiously.

"It can't." Zac said simply.

"Then why do you do it?" Mackie questioned.

Zac found himself lost for words. Mackie had set him up on a good question. One he couldn't answer. One he even tried to get Susan to answer before she died, taking three people along with her.

Mrs. Hanson called Mackie downstairs, and he went without any more questions for Zac to answer.

Zac slowly started to follow. He saw his family crowded around the dinner table, and he felt tears when he saw Isaac's empty seat. "Mom, Dad, I may not have been able to stop, Susan. But I can stop myself." He stated quietly.

Mrs. Hanson had tears sparkling in her eyes when she rushed to him, hugging him tightly. Zac let a few tears fall, and then hugged his father as well. Then Taylor hugged him, so did Jessica and Avery.

Though when he was done with them, he went over and picked up Mackie and held him tightly to him. After that they all sat down and started to eat dinner. Mrs. Hanson setting a plate of food for Zac in front of him, as he held Mackie close to him on his lap.

The next day, Mrs. Hanson had walked him up to the glass door, but Zac asked her to let him do this alone.

"Please, Mom. I just need to do this on my own. And don't worry, I'll get home on my own too." He assured her, giving a weak and nervous smile.

Mrs. Hanson looked at him doubtfully but nodded her head silently, and left to walk back to her van.

Zac took in a deep breath and walked through the door. "Hi," He said giving a small smile. "I'm Zac Hanson... and I'm an alcoholic."

The group smiled at him, and so did the instructor. He then sat down in a chair that was pointed at, and listened as the instructor began to talk.

"I know it's been a long while since I've seen you bro," Zac started off as he looked down at Isaac's grave. He gave a short laugh. "You won't believe what I'm doing now."

He was silent for a moment. "I'm in AA now." He said shaking his head. "I needed some serious help dealing with a lot of things. I tried to hide it like Susan did. But I found out the hard way, that Susan's way wasn't right. And I can stop."

He gave another laugh. "Mackie was even the one pointed who it out to me." He felt his eyes growing watery again, so he looked up at the dark sky.

"It's been raining since you've been gone, Ike. The sky has been an ugly grey for the longest time now. Almost admitting your death. And then mocking us with its color. Reminding us of it." He was silent again. "As if we could forget it." He added bitterly.

He sighed and got down on his knee. "Mackie's got a good voice, Ike. He's only five now, but I started out when I was six with you and Tay." He bit his quivering lip as his tears began to fall yet once again.

He stood up after a moment. Rain falling down, outta my eyes and I'm a wondering why, you left without goodbye and left me brother. All alone in my life. As I think back, to when you were around. And we were together. We never cared about the weather. Cause we were together.

But now that you're gone, well I have to say, that the rain is fallin' down each and every day. Well outta my eyes, and I'm wonderin' why. Rain fallin' down, outta my eyes brother. And I'm a wonderin' why you left with out goodbye.

Well now its cold outside, and it's not summer anymore. And so I have to go inside, and shut the door. But perhaps if you were here, the weather wouldn't seem as bad. But since you've been gone, I've been so very sad. Rain fallin' down. Outta my eyes, brother. And I'm a wonderin' why. He sang softly as the tears still continued to roll down his cheeks.

It was then that it started to drizzle lightly, and Zac started on his way home. "I can stop." He told himself over again.

And he knew that he could.