Was it jealousy that made me like this? I don't know. I don't think it was. It was more… lack of acknowledgement. My brothers started ignoring me, then my parents started, and then… it was my sister Avery. Next it even came down to Zoë. She'd start screaming every time I went to hold her. Which meant somebody else would have to come get her, either ignoring me or just giving me a dirty look and snapping.

But I don’t think it was ever jealousy. No, I envied my brothers. They were at least getting attention. All my siblings would get the attention of everyone else while me… well; I gave myself my own attention, and then started getting others.

It took me a while to fully understand what I was doing. Hey, I was young! But it didn’t matter to them. Nothing did. As long as I was paying, as long as I was delivering, as long as I kept quiet, they didn't care.

Funny, I never knew drugs could be quite so easy to come buy, to sell, or to hide. Shows what I knew.

Taylor was the first to find out about it. It wasn't my fault; he was the one who messed up the toilet. If he hadn't have done that, then he wouldn't have had to look in the tank and find the stashes. Yet it was my fault, because when I went to get them and couldn't find them, I started panicking.

Yes, he found out it was mine. But the strangest thing happened. He didn't tell mom or dad…

"Jessie, are these yours?" Taylor asked quietly, his hand clenched tightly around the large plastic bag with several tinier plastic baggies inside.

I stared at him in alarm. I had hid that in the best place I could think of. A place where no sane person would look… it just goes to show Taylor is not sane. Blinking, I started to shake my head 'no.' There was no way I was going to turn myself in without a fight!

His eyes held mine for a few seconds, and then I looked away. Busted!

"I won't tell mom and dad, Jess." He murmured, his gaze still penetrating.

My head snapped back up, okay, so if he didn't figure it out by now it was mine, he did now. Slowly, I took in a deep breath. "So?" I asked harshly.

"So what?" He shot back, his eyebrow quirking in question.

"So what are you going to do about it then?" My feet started swinging back in forth; sitting on the toilet in front of my brother was decidedly an uncomfortable thing. "If you aren't going to do nothing, then give 'em back. They're mine anyway."

Holding up his hand, Taylor scrutinized the baggies with intensity. "How much is here, Jess?"

Okay, so that threw me off guard. How was I supposed to expect that question? As nonchalantly as I could, I shrugged my shoulders and muttered, "About five grand."

His eyebrow raised up again, okay, that's annoying me now.

"What if I want to buy some?"

That question didn't throw me. Okay… I nearly fell off the toilet. How could he ask me that! Cautiously I started looking him over, "Depends on what you want to buy."

His eyes were staring at the goodies. "Something that’s not too powerful."

I nodded slowly; okay this was way weird. I was selling to my older brother. I was shaking my head now, wuss, "Just do some weed then."

"How much?"

Okay, I really need to just leave now. "Just a couple joints." I grabbed the bag, opened it, and pulled out one of the baggies inside. Carefully I started rolling out what he wanted on the counter and wrapping them for him as well. I just knew, he wouldn't know how to. "Free." I muttered closing the baggie and putting it back with the others. "First time's always free."

"Thanks." He grumbled.

I think it was at that time, when we finally really looked at each other that we knew everything changed. We were no longer sweet. Taylor was going to become a user, and I would be his dealer…

It continued on. Lord, how it did. Not only was I dealing to him, but also Zac got in on it too and slowly but surely, Isaac was recruited as well. And they actually started paying attention to me. A lot. But it got even better. For me anyway. I was selling to their friends, and everyone that came to a party of theirs in whatever new city we were in.

It was a dealer's heaven. I was making it big, my brother's were making it big, and the man I was working for was making it. What could go wrong?

Well, actually a lot could as I soon found out. Zac messed up, and od'ed. Yeah, that was a bad thing. But what made it worse was the fact he did it on stage in our hometown… family members and friends front row center. It was all going to come to an end.

Amazing how well money talks. Zac only was dehydrated. Ask the hospital, it's in his report. My brother's didn't turn me in to our parents when they asked what happened. But they did mention about somebody who was messing around backstage. Could've slipped something into his drink or something, right?

He went through a drug re-hab, our parents insisted on it. He came out, better than ever. Taylor and Isaac refused to buy more, and wouldn't allow Zac to either. They feel as though I betrayed them, so they ignore me now. More than ever before. But was it jealousy that made me like this, I don't think so, but maybe, just maybe...