She watched from where she sat crouched behind the bush. She was hiding; keeping herself well hid, like she was used to. Keeping herself under her rock, making sure that no one saw her, that no one noticed her, and that no one knew her.
Jasper kept crouched behind the low prickly bush as the kids from her school walked on by. She had to get to her home soon, but she would not let anyone see where she lived. It was bad enough people saw how she dressed and how she acted. If anyone saw her home they would definitely tease and make fun of her. She had enough problems, as it is she didn't need anymore.
Jackie watched as the neighborhood kids played in the street with a lonely interest. He would be out there playing with them, if he were normal…
Here in Tulsa Oklahoma the parents would warn their children about him. They weren't really scared of him, but more of the fact that they were scared because he was different from them.
That he had no real home and that his mother was only eighteen years old. But no one knew all of what he had, they just knew that he was not like them.
"Jackie? Jackie, what're you doing?"
Jackie looked up at the voice of his mother. "Just watching the neighbor kids, Mama." He replied shrugging his shoulders tiredly.
Jasper walked over to him and looked out at the neighborhood children. She smiled down at Jackie. "Why don't you go play with them? They have uneven teams. They need a sixth man." She asked hopefully.
Again, Jackie looked out at all the other children playing, a wistful yearning crept in his eyes for a second before vanishing. He shook his head and looked up at his mom, "Nah, I can't play with them anyway." He answered.
"And why not?" Jasper asked as she lifted Jackie with ease and started messing with his hair as she carried her child under her arm. "Ugh, you're getting heavy." She said laughing.
"Stop!" Jackie yelled laughing as he tried to defend himself weakly.
"Now why can't you play with those kids?" Jasper asked as she sat Jackie down.
"Because I'm too different from them." Jackie said regretfully. "They don't want anything to do with a bastard." He mumbled ashamedly.
Jasper stepped back, enraged. "Is that what they said?" She asked shortly. "Don't ever say that word, Jackie! You're not one!"
Jackie looked up at his mother's angry face. "Yes'm." He murmured softly, his eyes focusing in on his old and worn sneakers.
"You are as normal as they are! You can do the same things that they can." She barked out. "It doesn't matter that you don't have a father. But you do have one!"
Jackie merely shook his head. "I don't want to play with them if they have to be forced to. I don't want anyone to be with me if they don't want to. It wouldn't be right."
"So you being alone all day is all right?" Jasper asked harshly.
"Yes." Jackie answered her truthfully, though he was afraid that she was going to get angry with him for sassing her. "I'd be angry if I had to hang out with someone I didn't want to. Forced to play with someone that I didn't want to."
Jasper listened as Jackie gave his defense and his reasoning.
"And I don't want them to be forced into it either." He concluded sulkily.
"You have grown too smart, kid." She said proudly as she messed with his hair again.
Jackie laughed and pushed away her hand. "I learn from you." He said just as proudly, matching her tone with his.
Smiling a small smile, Jasper gave his head a small peck. "I gotta go to work, baby. Are you going to be okay today? Do you need anything while I'm out?"
"Nope." Jackie said as he stood up and checked around to make sure he had enough food.
"Okay, then what do you want for dinner?" Jasper asked as she pulled her worn jacket on.
Today was the first of the month and she got her paycheck. Which meant that they were allowed to indulge in one restaurant meal.
Jackie shrugged smiling. "Can we order some Chinese?" He asked rubbing his stomach in delight.
Jasper smiled and nodded. "Sure can." She stated. "See ya in a few!" She called over her shoulder as she walked down the old street, dodging children as they ran past her.
Jackie went to see his mother off, and watched as Jasper stopped to talk with one of the neighbor kids.
He sighed angrily and went back into the small kitchen. He looked around the tiny apartment that him and his mother were living in. It was in an old abandoned apartment building, and other people lived there too. Only none had kids his age, some were teen mothers as his mom was.
They had no electricity, no running water, and no furniture really either. Just a small bed that both he and his mother shared. He looked at their dirty clothes piled up in one corner. It was a small pile, but it was two weeks clothing for them.
"All of this just because of me." He thought glumly.
Bored, he sat against the cracked wall and watched as a cockroach searched blindly for food on the cracked floor. "You're not going to find any in here." He told the bug before he smooshed it under his shoe.
At work, Jasper was working hard at waitressing and was feeling the effects of it in her arms, back, and feet.
"Oh! Jasper! I didn't know you worked here." A voice stated behind her back.
Jumping slightly, then freezing for a moment, Jasper turned around slowly to face the owner of the voice. "Hi, Isaac." She said softly as she looked away instantly.
"It's been a long while since you've been to the house. What's keeping you away?" Isaac asked as he followed her around the restaurant.
Jasper shrugged her shoulders. "The fact that Taylor and I are no longer going out?" She supplied him as she walked behind the counter.
Isaac nodded his head slowly. "Yep, that can sure do it. We just got back from some traveling and I noticed you hadn't been around in a long time. About a few years to be exact."
"Oh." Jasper got out as she stiffened noticeably. "I'm sorry." She apologized. Not exactly sure why she was though.
Shaking his head Isaac replied. "Don't be. It's not really your fault. But the girls have been asking for you lately. More often lately actually." He said smiling.
Jasper returned his smile weakly. "I always did love babysitting them."
Isaac grinned. "Then you wouldn't mind babysitting them again, would you?" He asked sweetly.
"Isaac... I can't. I kinda have to look out for someone else right now." Jasper slowly tried to ease her declination.
"Then bring them along. They need someone new to hang out with, besides the family." Isaac stated shrugging his shoulders as if it were no big deal.
Jasper looked up at him. It is a big deal. She wanted to shout at him. "Okay." She muttered. She could use those extra few dollars anyway. "When?"
"Tomorrow night at six." Isaac informed. "My parents are going out, and Tay, Zac and I have to practice."
"Okay." Jasper nodded numbly.
"Great, you're an angel." Isaac replied as he gave her a friendly hug and a peck on the cheek.
"Yeah, I must be." She muttered as two images flashed in her head, one of Taylor and one of her son. The closeness of their features scared her. Everyone would guess the truth in an instant.
The next day Jasper was getting ready to walk over to Hanson's house with her son. "You ready, baby?" She called out anxiously as she stepped inside the run down apartment.
"I'm ready, Mommy." Jackie responded instantly as he stepped out from behind one of the broken down walls.
Jasper looked him over, then grabbed a worn out blue baseball cap. "Now you need to keep this hat on for mommy, okay?" She asked him.
Jackie nodded. "Yes'm, Mommy."
Looking him over again, Jasper gave him a short satisfied nod. "Okay, come on, baby." She said as she held her hand out to him.
He grasped it tightly in his little hand and struggled to keep up with his mother's steps. His short legs stepping three times in her one step.
"Jasper, you made it. Great!" Isaac said enthusiastically as he stepped aside and allowed her entrance into his nice warm home. "And who's this?" He asked smiling at the young boy in her arms, who was about three or four years old.
Jasper's teeth clattered and so did Jackie's. Slowly and carefully Jasper let Jackie down.
"Mommy, I'm cold." Jackie whispered as he looked shyly up at Isaac.
Rubbing her hands over Jackie's tiny ones she tried to rub heat back into them. "Is that better, baby?" She asked.
Jackie nodded his head. "Thanks, Mommy."
Isaac looked shocked by what the little boy had just called Jasper. "Umm." He said clearing his throat. "Let me take your coats." He offered as he already started helping Jasper take off hers.
He went over to what appeared to be her son. "May I take your jacket, sir?" He asked politely.
Nervously Jackie looked up at his mother. "Can I, Mommy?" He asked.
Jasper nodded her head. "Yes baby, go ahead." She replied a little startled that Isaac had yet to say something about her son.
"How about your hat?" Isaac asked as he folded the little jean jacket over his arm.
Jackie shook his head 'no' roughly. "Nu, uh!" He replied loudly.
Smiling, Isaac straightened his back and nodded. "Tay used to do the same thing when he was a kid." He stated looking over at Jasper.
"Yeah, I know." Jasper said weakly. "I remember."
Jasper had been over at their house for almost two hours and when she was sure that they were about to leave, she looked around for her son.
"Girls, have you seen Jackie?" Jasper asked instantly when she didn't see her son.
"No." They chorused.
"Oh, no." She said as she got up and started looking for him. Almost going over the house twice in search of her son, she found him in the kitchen... with Isaac and Taylor.
"There you are." Jasper said as she pushed the door open wider.
Jackie giggled from where he was sitting, perched on Taylor's knee. The sight threw Jasper off guard for a few seconds.
"Mommy, Tay and Ikey gave me some c.d.'s." He said grinning.
Jasper nodded. "That's good, baby. Did you thank them?" She questioned weakly.
Jackie nodded quickly. "Yep, I sure did. They gave me ones that they did when they were young."
Looking over at Isaac, she saw him nod his head and smile at her.
"Mommy, do you think that I could sing like they do?" Jackie asked hopefully.
"You can do anything that you want to, baby." Jasper said smiling. She watched as Taylor placed his hand on Jackie's head.
Jackie tried to shake it off and the cap on his head slid off the side. Blonde locks showered down and his bright blue eyes widened in shock. "I'm sorry, Mommy." He said quickly, fearing her anger.
Isaac stared at Jackie, his eyes fixated on his features. Taylor was bending down to retrieve the lost cap, placing it on his Jackie's head he noticed Jackie's mortified expression, and Isaac's shocked one.
"What?" He asked curiously.
"Tay, look at Jackie. Take the cap off of him and look at him. Tell me what you see." Isaac commanded him.
Rolling his eyes Taylor did as he was told. He looked down into the same eyes as his, the same blond hair, and the same dimple in his left cheek. "Oh my, God." He whispered.
Jasper was leaning up against the wall for support and Isaac turned to look at her. "Is this why you never came around anymore?" He questioned, doing the math in his head.
"Yeah, but I…" She started off, but then stopped and sighed. "Like it would have mattered. You had your music!" She shouted as the tears were already streaking her cheeks.
"I have a son?" Taylor asked quietly as he stroked Jackie's hair and cheeks, mesmerized.
"Are you my daddy?" Jackie asked with sparkling eyes, wishing that finally he would have one.
"Yes." It was said so surely, that the sudden doubtful look was almost comical. "At least I think I am. Am I?" He asked looking up at Jasper.
Reluctantly, Jasper nodded her head slowly. "Yes, Tay. You are."
"God, why didn't you tell me?" He asked as he went back to looking at his own flesh and blood.
Jasper went and sat down in one of the chairs. "I couldn't. I wanted you to do your music."
Taylor sat Jackie down on the floor. "I think you should go." He stated softly as he turned away from his son.
"As you wish." Jasper said after a few seconds of shock passed over. "Come on, Jackie. It's time to go home."
Jackie looked over at Taylor and then nodded his head and went to his mother.
Isaac got up; "I'll get your coats." He murmured.
"Thanks." Jasper said as she followed him out.
"I'll talk to him." He said as he helped her into her coat.
Jasper shook her head as she put Jackie's jacket on him. "No, don't." She remarked with an unknown calmness. "I wanted it this way." She said before she picked up her son and walked out.
That night Taylor and Isaac talked. They agreed to help Jasper and Jackie out as much as they possibly could with out it getting into the press and fans.
"I still can't believe I have a son." Taylor murmured in awe.
Isaac nodded. "I know, me neither."
"It's so weird, Ike." He said softly. "This morning I woke up and I was your average teen. Now I'm going to bed and I'm a parent and an adult." He confessed as he stared at Isaac's bed above him.
"Things change too fast." Isaac replied. "They change just too damn fast."
Taylor simply nodded his head. "Good night, Ike."
"Night, Tay." Isaac responded as he rolled over in his bed.
"Come on, baby we have to hurry." Jasper whispered loudly as she and Jackie crammed their stuff into bags. "Our bus leaves in a few minutes."
"Why are we leaving, Mommy?" Jackie questioned as he pushed clothes into one bag and then successfully zipped it up.
"Because grandma and grandpa don't want us, and neither does daddy." Jasper replied hurtfully.
Her heart broke when she saw the crushed look on her son's face.
"Okay, we're ready. Let's go, baby." She said as she slung the backpack over her shoulder and he put his backpack over his.
"Okay, Mommy." He said as he lifted his arms and in return got lifted into his mother's arms.
They seated themselves on the bus and Jackie took out the c.d.'s his father and uncle gave him. "Mommy, how can I listen to these?" He asked quietly.
"Baby, we don't have a player for those." Jasper told him softly.
"Would you sing them for me then?" He questioned.
Jasper was about to decline, but when she saw his eyes light up at the thought she agreed to. "Which song, baby?" She asked.
Without thinking or knowing, he just pointed to one of the titles.
Jasper swallowed the large lump in her throat. She nodded her head. "I only know a little bit, okay?"
Jackie nodded his head fervently.
"Okay." Jasper said. "Here I go."
Is there no one who could love a lonely boy? At the end of the day, there is no one to hold his hand? Is there no one who could love a lonely boy? At the end of the day, there is no one to understand. He's looking in the spring, looking for another place to start. Trying to find the switch, and turn on the light in the dark. He found the answer, that your love can prevail. Through the darkest nights, coldest winters, through the fires of hell.
She started to repeat some of the words and Jackie joined in with her. They sang that song all the way into their new lives. Wherever that may be.
