Tonight I'm in trouble. I don't want to lay down and sleep. I want to stay awake and see the first streaks of morning, as my thoughts run rampant; and they turn my mind, heart, and soul against me.
   I've always worked hard. On everything I've ever done, I've worked hard on it. Every special connection with my family, my friendships, my career choice, my studies, and of course, most definitely my relationships. But I still seemed to have failed.
   It a certain sense, we've all built up a certain armor that we use to protect ourselves from the cruelty of others. Be known to them or not we do. We usually build them up after the first disappointment, the first pain that hurts us the most. The feeling is so new, it feels as though it's torn you apart inside, and left this hollowed shell.
   I made my shield as impenetrable as possible. But yet it still didn't work. Someone had to break in. They had to hurt me.
   I suppose I deserved it though. Didn't I? I allowed them to break in. My armor was not as thick as it should have been, and they instinctively tore their way through and made themselves rip apart the tenderness that was inside. My mistake.
   I should have been stronger. Should have known better. And it hurts more because I can hear my heart begging for some sign of forgiveness and mercy. To be given the chance to heal properly, and mend.
   But I can't allow that. I must carry on, I must prove that they did not hurt me so badly. Which means, my heart gets another layer of armor, my soul now gets locked up, and my mind gets guarded as well.
   I am convinced that these tears will end. They scorch my face as they fall from eyes closed in pain. God, these feelings… they know no race, no gender, no age, no nationality… it's disease-like, striking everyone that it can. Rendering us all weak and unable to carry on for what feels like endless periods of a darkened time.
   Yet somehow we all manage to scrape ourselves together once again, mend our armors, working out a few of the kinks. It is this vicious repetitive circle that tears us apart, when we try so damn hard to prevent others from doing it to us.
   We keep going around and around, always continuing to have to rebuild our armor. Hoping to make it thicker for when the next encounters, so that possibly we may walk away with no new wounds.
   But alas, there is no real cure. No ice, nor armor, and no silent pleas of surrender prevents them from getting in. They always find the 'weak spot' and work it until it fully gives away. Showering new pain, and ripping open the old unhealed injury with a savageness that blows your mind.
   You sit and wonder, ask, 'Why, why me? What have I done? What did I do to deserve this?' Simple answer really, you were there. You were made a target simply because someone wanted their 'conquest'. What other reason could there possibly be? What other reason could she have done that to me, when just nights before I poured my heart and soul to her, and made promises of forever?
   The new day is breaking, along with the last few pieces of my heart. The light is making everything so much easier to see… now I must build up my armor, dry my tears, and shield myself in case of another battle.