Here are some of my favorite jokes!! I have a really stupid sense of humor so you might think some of these are a little ~lame~ if you know what I mean. heh heh I'll add to this every so often, too. Have fun! ::By the way, if you have any jokes, please Email them to me at WinterVixen89@hotmail.com::
1. What is black and white and swirly all over? ... A nun falling down the stairs! What is black and white and shaky all over? ... The other nun laughing!!
2. What is a twip? ... What a wabbit takes when he wides a twain!
3. What college has the best view of Los Angeles? ... UCLA!
4. You know how indians have names like Singing Bird, or Little Hawk, or Owl Feather? Well, once there was a young indian boy, who asked his dad, "Father, how do we indians get the names that we do?" and the father replied, "Well son, after the baby is born, the father steps out of the birth teepee, and glances around outside. The first thing that comes to his eye, is what he names his child. Does that answer your question, Buffalo Terd on Maccasin?"
5. What is long, and thin, and goes 'Hith Hith'? ... A snake with a lisp!
6. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a poodle? ... Cocka-poodle-doo!!
7. Once there was a doctor, and a patient. The doctor said, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 more to live". The patient said, "Ten?? Ten what?! Years, weeks, hours?!" Then the doctor said, "9, 8, 7..."
8. What is yellow, then gray, then yellow, then gray? ... An elephant rolling down the hill with a daisy in it's mouth!
9. What is the name of a lady who has only one arm and one leg? ... Ilene! What is the name of a Chinese lady who has only one arm and one leg? ... Irene!
10. Where do cows go on a Saturday night? ... To the MOO-vies!!
11. There were 3 ladies who escaped from prison one night: a red head, a brunette, and a blond. As they were walking down the road, on their escape, they saw a police car driving up behind them. Alongside the road, they saw 3 paper bags, so they decided to hide themselves in those so the policeman wouldn't catch them. They each put the paper bags over themselves. When the policeman came out, he kicked the first bag, which the red head was in, to see if anything was in the bag. "Meow", she said, disguising herself as a cat. The policeman kicked the second bag, which the brunette was in. "Ruff!", she said, disguising herself as a dog. Then the policeman kicked the blond's bag. "Potatoes", she said.
12. What is the computer's favorite dance? ... Disk-o!
13. What color is a burp? ... Burple!
14. Why do seagulls fly over sea? ... Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagulls.
15. Why did the gum cross the road? ... Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!
16. Knock knock. Who's there? Cow goes. Cow goes who? ... No, cow goes moo!!
17. Do you know what really burns my butt?! ... a fire that comes up to my waist.
18. Once there was a blonde, who kept going out to her mailbox to look for mail every morning, even though it was days before the mail man was supposed to arrive. The neighbor began to notice the blonde's daily routine, so he asked her why she was doing this. The blonde said, "Because my computer keeps telling me that I have mail".
19. What happens when a fly eats some butter? ... He turns into a butterfly!
20. Why didn't the skeliton cross the road? ... Because he didn't have the guts!
21. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert? ... "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
22. What do frogs drink? ...Croak-a-Cola
23. Why don't eggs tell jokes? ... They'd crack eachother up!24. Knock knock. Who's there? Atch. Atch who? ... Bless you.
25. Why did the dog cross the road? ... To get to the barking lot!
26. Why did the spider go inside the computer? ... To work on his web site.
27. Once there was a woman who was very strict towards her daughter. The day before her daughter got married, the woman said, "Now, you must never get naked in front of your husband. You must always wear something." About 2 weeks after the daughter and her husband were married, he asked her, "Honey, has there been any history of insanity in your life?" "No", replied the daughter, "Why?" "Because, after 2 weeks, why are you still wearing that silly hat to bed every night?"
28. A woman went to the doctor complaining of body odor. The doctor said, "Do you wash?" The lady replied, "Yes! I start from my head, then wash all the way down as far as possible. Then I go from my toes, and wash all the way up as far as possible." "Well", said the doctor, "you should try washing possible."
29. Once there was a lady sitting alone at a table in a restaurant. Just as a handsome waiter was walking behind her, she accidently let out a huge fart. Feeling all embarassed and trying to cover up for herself, she blamed it on the waiter by saying, "Hey Mister, stop that!" The waiter said, "Ok, which way did it go?"
30. Ya know, I just went to a ballet the other night, and I was thinking.. all the ballerinas stand on their toes. How come they just don't hire taller ballarinas?
31. What is a complete waste of time? ... Telling a bald person hair-raising stories!
32. Once there was a man who wanted to start a small little gardening business of his own. He hired three guys: two macho dudes, and a little Chinese guy. He said to the two macho dudes; "Ok, you're in charge of the wheelbarrow, and you're in charge of the shovel." Then he said to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of the supplies." So, the next day, the guy arrived to his work place, and he saw the two macho dudes standing there-- the wheelbarrow's wheel was broken off, and the shovel was broken in half. The guy said, "What the heck happened?!" One of the macho dudes said, "We don't know. We just came to work, and these things were broken." Where is that little brat, thought the guy. He went into the employee room, and as soon as he opened the door, the little Chinese guy popped out and shouted, "SUPP-LISE!!"
33. Which pets make the most noise? ... Trum-pets!
34. Which person has the biggest hat? ... The person with the biggest head, I suppose!
