*saturday, june 2
I'm listening to #41. It reminds me of earlier... Maybe of earlier this year, or even summer. I can't even tell. Something is telling me I want those times again, but when I think about it I still get the same feeling from this song, like something beating inside of me wanting to get out, but I won't let it because it feels that good. So maybe when it's later from now I'll look back on this time and want it back. Don't I do that always? Whatever stage in life I am I look back, and think the one before was better. But that doesn't mean my life is getting progressively crappier, it just means it's staying the same, and it's all been great. Get it? Because whenever I look back it's been great, and I'll just always look back. And maybe that's not such a bad thing. Because I'm also good at enjoying the present.
It's been almost a year since I started writing these. I don't think that means anything, but I still remember one of the first ones I wrote, the one after Garth's party. I remember I printed that out and sent it to Spanky when he was at camp. It talked about the air smelling like lemonade, and how good the dirt felt. I thought about that day today, about how that was the night Julia and Devon first broke up (*sigh*). It's funny how free I was that night, even though I got home earlier than I did last night. Tonight I felt free also. Because I decided to go when I wanted to, when I felt cold and ready to go home. I didn't just push it until when I HAD to go home. And I walked really slowly home from the subway (drag, drag, drag... my jeans are too long and my sweatshirt (Spanky's) is too big) and the Mad Ave smelled like calamari and french fries.
~check ya later
