*tuesday, april 17
I'm back in school after our wonderful easter holiday... Which was wonderful, esp. as one week of it was filled with Mere... Okay, my main problem right now is that I have NARY a fucking clue where Jog is, and because my parents are dumb they didn't regularly put money in my bank account. Therefore, I have no money. And none to buy a bus ticket if we never meet up. And what if we don't meet up? I'm going to die. Everyone knows that. Oh god, oh god, Luke just left CDI and he takes my bus. But I don't have money for a bus. But it's possible that Jog's at the doors of the school, waiting for me. Oh god, why didn't I talk to him in Physiques? Allofasudden (archie comic book style) I feel like a character in a book. Umm, I'm sure things'll work out fine, I can always call home if I get raped. And by raped I mean... don't get home. Makes sense? Not really.
So, let me talk some more about stuff here... Things have been going really good and I don't really want to leave. I mean, I DO, but I don't. The thing is, it's just so beautiful here... And actually, one thing I'm really sorta dreading is that if I go home people will expect me to talk... Like, right now I'm picturing me at school with a group of people, lets say a big one, eg. Russell, Julian, Diana, Mariea, Danielle, Mike, Katé, Julia, Giulia, Andrew, Aaron (if it's after school), and more... And how much I would or am going to flip out. Like, just from so many voices and they'll all speak english and expect me to say something. Doesn't anyone understand how much culture shock I'm going to have? That, along with trying not to hug Julian so much that it makes otherzz (erg?) jealous and wondering whether it'd actually be okay if I even just kissed my boyfriend (who will then be of 7 and a half months...). I'm so afraid to leave the trees and the horizon here... And the terracotta roofs.. I don't really want to leave anything, but fuck, I miss you a lot.
I don't know what this third paragraph is, but I know it's going here cuz of what you wrote. And I should write it in an email, but I always write it in an email. And even if it was in January, I just wanted to tell you that I did wait for you, after school, but I think ended up doing something really broken. Like, not just hanging out, but had some crazy shit to do with my parents or something. And don't worry about forgetting my phone number- it's not really a big deal, it's not that easy to memorize. And if it makes you feel any better, at least you remembered it? And you told me yourself you still have that something sitting in your cupboard (and I know now, cuz Jog's dad said I should taste it, that sangria is really good) and I still have mine sitting in my closet, so we can always try again. Maybe rent a movie or something so we don't get bored ;) I think, actually, the reason I didn't write this in an email is because I've written you emails before, that become big and blown up in my head, almost over emotional, trying to prove myself to you. And I don't even know if Pedestal was about me, but you certainly know what you're talking about, is what I have to say to you: this beautiful in 14million ways girl, who I honestly love and try to somehow find the weirdest ways to say it.
~check ya later
