By Cheryl
Chapter IV
Buck sat in the barren jail cell. The soldiers had found no signs of other braves. They had locked Buck up, sure that he was the one responsible for the death of the guard. Cody looked through the bars of the cell to Buck. Buck sat on the bunk in a trance-like state. The guard outside the jail told Cody that he had been sitting like that since he awoke.
"Open the door, Tyler." Cody ordered the guard.
Tyler eyed Cody oddly, wondering if he knew that he was going into a cell with a deadly Indian.
"Come on," Cody added getting impatient with the guard. He knew very well what he was doing.
The guard unlocked the door to the cell and let Cody go inside.
"Leave us," Cody then ordered. Tyler shrugged his shoulders and closed and locked Cody into the cell and left as he had been told.
Buck had sat in his motionless trance the whole time. Paying no attention to the actions of Cody and the guard.
"Buck?" Cody asked to get his friend's attention.
Buck made no move, but slowly his eyes looked up at Cody. "Have you told them yet what I have said?" Buck asked.
"No," Cody answered, "And I'm not gonna." Cody knew what problems he could get into by doing that, but he couldn't turn his friend in. He wouldn't let Buck die like that. Even if that was what he wanted to do.
"Why not?" Buck inquired calmly.
"They'll hang ya, Buck!" Cody stated wondering if that was what his friend really wanted.
Buck simply looked at Cody. He realized that Cody did not want him to hang. And would make sure that it didn't happen. He also knew that Cody knew that what his heart desired was death.
"Is that what you really want?" Cody asked. He knew the answer already, but he needed to hear it from Buck before he would really believe it.
"I killed a man in cold blood. In the white world that is what I deserve." Buck plainly answered.
Cody knew that Buck was right. That was the penalty for killing a man. But he knew that not all men that killed another deserved that, even if that was what they often got. Buck was one of those men.
Cody and Buck let silence fall on the small cell as they both collected their thoughts on the others actions and opinions. Finally Cody broke the silence by quietly asking, "Why did you do it?"
Buck looked up at Cody and answered, "Your cavalry attacked my village. They killed my wife. They killed my son. I came to avenge their deaths."
Cody nodded his head. That made sense. "Why didn't the rest of the braves come with you?" he inquired.
"Red Bear stopped them," Buck replied. "He knew that they would only meet their deaths. It would have done no good."
"Then why did you come?" Cody questioned.
Buck sat silently for awhile then quietly he responded. "I can fight no longer. I can not live in that world again. I came to kill two soldiers to avenge the death of my wife and child. And then to have your soldiers kill me and take me to the other world beyond life."
Cody stood in silence, shocked by his friend's response. He remembered how full of life Buck had been long ago when they both rode for the Pony Express. And now he saw before him a man that had been broken by the world. He had lost his best friend, saw his family ripped apart by war, lost his first wife, fought in an unwinable war, and now had lost his second wife and child. Cody doubted that he could live through the same.
"What about Ike, your son?" Cody asked.
Buck looked up at Cody. His eyes that he been lifeless up until now, filled with love and sadness. Cody knew he had made a point that Buck had not thought of lately.
When Buck gave him no response Cody added, "He's already lost his mother, don't make him lose his father too."
Still Buck sat in silence. He turned his eyes from Cody. Went back to his trance like state. Cody knew that right now no more words would help. He would be back later though. Cody banged on the bars to get Tyler's attention. He then left Buck sitting there just as he had found him. Cody hoped that his words would help his friend realize that he deserved a second chance. Now all Cody had to do was figure out how to get Buck free. ·
Cody's words had haunted Buck. What of his elder son? Isaac was still alive. But Buck was sure that he would be no use for his son as he was now. He thought and mediated and sat in the empty jail cell wishing for death.
Eventually Buck fell into a fitful sleep. He found himself dreaming. Ike's face appeared before him. His gentle blue eyes full of questions. It had been weeks since Buck had talked to Ike in his dreams. Maybe his friend would help him see things better. Just the thought of talking to Ike calmed Buck's troubled soul.
"Why do you wish to die?" Ike asked.
"What do I have to live for?" Buck replied.
Ike silently shook his head and looked disapprovingly on his friend. "It is not your time to die, Buck." Ike answered. "You have much left to do."
Buck shook his head, "NO, Ike! I've had enough of this world! I want to be done with it!"
Ike looked at his friend and sadness filled those beautiful blue eyes. "I am sorry that you've had such sadness in life, Buck. You've known such loss and grief. But it is not your time to go. You must wait."
Buck grew angry. "I do not have to wait for anything!" he yelled at Ike. "I can take my knife and slit my wrist in one quick move."
"No you can't," Ike plainly stated. "The soldiers took your knife. You have nothing in this cell to kill yourself with. I've made sure of it."
Buck looked around the jail cell in his dream. He realized that Ike spoke the truth. There was nothing that he could use to harm himself. Then a light dawned in Buck's head. Why hadn't he thought of that sooner. "I can tell the soldiers what I did. I can confess my crimes and have them hang me."
Ike nodded his head. "Yes, you can do that. That is in your power."
Buck smiled. "Good then when I awake I will call for the guard and do that."
Ike looked at his friend with sadness. "You've forgotten about Isaac." Ike stated.
The smile left Buck's face. No not Ike too. Must they always keep bringing this up?
"He's your son and he needs you." Ike said.
"I will do him no good," Buck quickly replied.
"But you will," Ike responded. "You must have faith in yourself."
Buck shook his head, "I can't go back to the white world."
"You don't have to," Ike said. "Now that you have fully lived in both worlds you will spend the rest of your life in neither."
Buck said nothing. He thought of Ike's words. He didn't have to go back to the white world. He couldn't ever fully do it anyway. He would never truly fit in. And he didn't need to go back to the red world. He couldn't live seeing them suffer anymore. And Isaac needed him. Not everyone that he loved was in the other world. Isaac his son needed him. He couldn't not be there for him.
Ike sat patiently as Buck sorted his thoughts. Finally Buck asked, "What do I have to do?"
Ike smiled at Buck. His friend was willing to try and live. It was a start. "Do as Cody asks and promise to see Isaac."
Buck nodded his head. "I will."
Ike smiled and then reached out to embrace his friend. Buck let Ike hug him, glad to know that he was never alone. Ike ended the embrace. "I'm glad you made the decision you did." Ike said. "You will make the world such a wonderful place."
With those last words Ike disappeared a smile still on his face. And the dream was over. Buck didn't know how he was going to get out of the situation he was in. But he did want to live. He did want to be there for Isaac.
Chapter V
Buck stood on the porch of Rachel Dunne's house in Rock Creek. He had been released from the army jail two months ago. He now owed Cody his life. He hoped that he would live up to Cody and Ike's expectations for him. And now Buck stood on that porch working up the nerve to simply knock on the door. He wondered how he would be able to do everything else that he needed to do after that.
When Cody had come back to the jail cell Buck had done everything that was asked. The two of them had lied. Told the soldiers that other braves had unknowingly been outside the fort. And that one of these men had killed the guard. It was dishonest, but Cody had seen no other way.
And it had worked. Cody had voucher for Buck. Said that his good friend was incapable of killing a man in cold blood. The soldiers had believed their story. When Buck said that he wouldn't fight any longer--couldn't fight any longer--the soldiers had let him go. Buck had asked that Cody not tell the others of the truth. Cody promised not to, and Buck knew that he would keep the promise.
Cody had offered to let him stay with his family. But Buck knew that Cody's wife did not desire a savage half-breed to spend the night under her roof with her and her children. Buck figured that Cody himself was a little reluctant about letting a man he now knew was a cold-blooded murder in his house.
And so Buck had left. He needed to go see Isaac. But first he had other things to sort out. Returning to the white world, even if just to visit his son, would be hard. He had changed much in the last 6 years. He could never go back. He could never look at a white man and not hate the way that they hated the red man. Once the white world and Rock Creek saw him as an equal. But this time part of him had never returned from the Kiowa. And that part of him stopped him from fully reentering the white world.
Buck slowly knocked on the door. Waited for Rachel to answer. When she did she was shocked to find Buck standing on her porch. When he had left all those years ago she was sure he wouldn't stay gone for long. When he hadn't returned she wondered if he was dead. Hoped with all her heart that he wasn't. And now he stood before her. She couldn't believe her eyes. She hugged him as tears of joy rolled down her checks. Buck hugged her back.
Once Rachel's senses had returned she stood back and looked at the man before her. Buck wore Indian buckskin pants, a new blue shirt, and a worn navy U.S. cavalry vest. His feet were covered with tall Indian moccasins, his knife strapped to the left one and his gun belt was around his waist. His hair was longer and combed neatly. He still wore an earring in his left ear, and his medicine pouch and Clara's locket hung from his neck. His eyes were full of sadness though. He looked like a man who had already seen too much of life. And Rachel noticed a coldness to him that had never been present before.
"Rachel, I've come to see Isaac," Buck stated.
Rachel had so many questions to ask him. Where had he been? Why hadn't he returned for so long? Was he home to stay? Would he take little Ike with him? There would be plenty of time for Buck to answer her questions though. She knew that first Buck needed to see his son. She always knew that the thought of little Ike would eventually bring him home. Rachel smiled and said, "I'll go get him. Wait here."
Buck waited on the porch for Rachel to return with his son. He would be 6 now. The last time Buck had seen Isaac he was small enough for Buck to hold in one arm. Buck wondered if he would even recognize his own son's face. It had been so long. He knew that Isaac would not know him. Buck was a stranger to him.
Then Rachel returned smiling with a young boy by her side. That would be Isaac, Buck thought. The red blood of his mother had been washed out of his white son.
"Ike," Rachel said addressing the boy, "this is your father, Buck."
Isaac looked up at the strange Indian before him.
"I told Teaspoon I'd meet him at the hotel for lunch" Rachel said to excuse herself from the reunion, "I should be goin'." With that Rachel left the porch leaving the two strangers staring at each other.
Buck looked at the child before him, his son. Isaac had the pale blue eyes of his mother. His hair was brown and curly, cut short. His complexion, although a little too tan, was white.
"So you're my father?" Isaac asked Buck.
"Yes," Buck answered.
Isaac looked Buck over. Starting with Buck's worn moccasins and ending with his long black hair. "Huh," Isaac finally said, "Thought you'd look more like an Indian."
Buck looked down at his clothes and then back at his son, "Thought it would be better to look like a white man."
"You've been gone a long time." Isaac stated, "You've had Rachel worried."
Buck realized that there was knowledge in the words of his son. Concern for Rachel. Wonder at where his father had been and why it had taken him so long to return. But there was no anger in those words. Buck was glad for that.
Buck knelt down before his son. He wanted to get a better look at him, to see his son eye to eye. Isaac still looked at Buck. His eyes were the color of Clara's but they carried a great intensity with them. They were calm and watchful and seemed to bore a hole into Buck. Like this small child before him already knew all about his troubled soul.
Buck wanted to take his son into his arms. But he didn't. This child before him didn't know him. To him Buck was a stranger. Then Isaac stepped forward and reached out his arms to hug Buck. His small arms circled Buck's neck. Buck pulled Isaac close to him. Isaac was small and light in his arms. And for the first time since he had talked to Ike in his dream he was glad that he made the choice he did. ·
Buck and Isaac had walked down to the pond outside of town. Buck was amazed to find Isaac so full of words. Neither Clara nor himself had ever been much for words. He found that Isaac had a wonderful way with them, even at such a young age. Buck had walked beside his son. Heard him tell story after story of his life. Buck enjoyed hearing Isaac's perspective on the world, it was fresh and creative and full of energy and life. He wondered when the last time was that he himself thought such things of the world.
Eventually Isaac had taken his hand. And now Buck held that little hand tightly, never wanting to have to let go of it. He looked down at his son. He was so full of life. Buck hoped the world would never steal that from him. Isaac looked up at him with Clara's blue eyes. A smile graced his face. Buck thought of Soaring Eagle. Isaac and him would have really liked each other.
Buck noticed that the sun was beginning to set in the sky. He should get Isaac back to Rachel's. She would be worried if they were late to supper. "Come Isaac, we should be getting back for supper," Buck said aloud as he turned back in the direction of Rachel's house.
Isaac turned around also. "Why do you call me that?" he asked Buck.
"Why do I call you what?" Buck responded.
"Why do you can me Isaac? Everyone else calls me Ike." Isaac said.
Buck didn't answer.
"Is it because of your friend Ike that died?" Isaac answered for Buck.
"Yes," Buck said.
"Rachel's always telling me all about him," Isaac continued. Buck let him talk. "I'm nothin' like him, am I?" Isaac asked Buck.
"No," Buck answered. He saw Isaac's face grow sad. They were different people. And they held different parts of his heart and would hold different places in his life. "That is fine." Buck said to once again return the smile to his son's face. "I named you after Ike to honor who he was and so that he would have a place in the future. You are different people though. That is okay."
Isaac looked up at Buck, this man that was his father. That had been the most words Ike had ever heard Buck say at once. They had been good words though. He was glad he hadn't disappointed his father for not being more like the man he was named after.
TO BE CONTINUED...Chapter VI
Copyright 1998-This work is not to be reproduced without the permission of the author
The Way Station
Campfire Tales
