Coin Toss

It was suffocating inside the bunkhouse. It was an unusually hot day and Lou could feel the familiar trickle of sweat work its way down the hollow of her back and she pushed her hair out of her eyes to wipe her brow. Carefully wiping all traces of sweat and dirt from her hands she gently lifted the dress that Jimmy had bought for her in Willow Springs out of her bag. They had just returned from their trip there and after all that had happened it felt like weeks since they had left Sweetwater instead of days. Fingering the dress’ soft loveliness however Lou thought not of the ghost of Jimmy’s past who had tried to use her to hurt him, but instead of their brief dance in the street. She carefully put the dress away with her few other things that she saved for when she could act like a lady, giving the fabric one last feel. Whatever else was said about Jimmy Hickok he was certainly a generous man.

Funny, she reflected, how in so many ways he and Kid were really just flip sides of the same coin. They were forever butting heads with one another, two determined Alpha males, who both believed that they were doing the right thing. Hot-headed and bull-headed both, it was little wonder that they were always at odds. The thought of Kid twisted Lou’s heart. The last she had seen of him before she had left he had been following the new schoolteacher, Samantha, around like a lost puppy dog. Did she really mean so little to him that he could simply move on to someone else, seemingly without so much as a backwards glance in her direction, so quickly? She sank down onto one of the bunks wrapping her arms around herself, absolutely determined not to shed one more tear.

Her determination might have failed her for one of the few times in her life had she not sensed someone else entering the room. She looked up to see Cody nervously shifting his weight from one foot to another. For once in his life William F. Cody actually looked to be at a loss for words.

Lou smiled in spite of herself. She and Jimmy had no sooner ridden up than Cody had immediately began filling them in on the latest gossip, not even leaving out Kid’s near duel over the new schoolteacher or that he was, even now, over at her place trying to convince her stay. It was that last bit that really hurt Lou the most. Cody had been oblivious to the warning glances from Noah and the near growls out of Jimmy, and the words were out of his mouth before the full impact of what he was saying, and who he was telling, actually hit him.

"So, um, Lou...how ya doin’?" He cleared his throat nervously and had his hat, quite literally, in hand.

"I’m fine Cody. Really." She reassured him simply though she wasn’t sure if it was really the truth or not.

"Good." He replied grinning, the relief evident on his face. Whether it was relief from realizing that he was forgiven, or that he hadn’t hurt Lou as he had feared, or just not actually having to apologize--most likely some combination of the three--Lou wasn’t sure.

"Have I told you about my newest idea yet?" he went on already forgetting the reason he had been tense just a few moments before, "this one is a guaranteed, sure fire money maker. I’m going to get rich off this one I can feel it!"

Lou sighed and leaned back patiently listening to Cody’s latest idea finding his chatter preferable to dwelling on the conversation that Kid was having even now with another woman.

Kid kept fighting to take the smile off of his face before he made it back to the stationhouse and was failing utterly. He knew that he would get a hard time of it from the other riders if he walked in grinning as broadly as he was now. Lord knows that they had already spent enough time teasing him about Samantha. Against his will his smile broadened even further as he remembered the teasing he had taken when she had only first arrived in town. It slipped only a few seconds later however as he thought of the pained look on Lou’s face as he realized that she had heard every word that had been said. He sighed to himself, the last thing in the world that he would ever want was to hurt Lou but he just didn’t know what else to do. Things couldn’t have gone on the way they were between them and she wouldn’t marry him so what else was he supposed to do but move on, he tried to convince himself. Kid sighed again, it all made perfect sense but none of it made him feel any better. He hadn’t even noticed that his formally uncontrollable grin was now quite gone.

Kid dismounted from Katy in one smooth motion. Taking her bridle to lead her into the barn, he reached up to pat her neck, grateful that the night air had cooled things off somewhat. Inside the barn he saw Lightning and Jimmy’s golden palomino softly snickering in their stalls. Jimmy and Lou were home. As much as he didn’t want to face Lou he was glad to see it. He had been more worried than he wanted to admit when she and Jimmy hadn’t returned yesterday as scheduled. He had only refrained from saying something about it out of the knowledge that bank drafts were often delayed and the near certainty that Teaspoon wouldn’t let him do anything about it for at least another day. That and the fact that a little voice whispered it wasn’t really his place to worry anymore--so he had worried in silence.

He was in the middle of putting Katy away when he heard someone enter the barn. "So, did you talk that new schoolteacher into staying here in Sweetwater?"

Kid sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that night and turned to face the voice behind him.

"Yeah, Jimmy I did." He had had quite a time of it too. Samantha had been packed and ready to leave before he had been able to convince her to finally quit running away from who she was and to stay instead. "Why?" He said, carefully eyeing the taller man.

"No reason. Just asking." Jimmy shrugged with a deceptive casualness. He hadn’t missed the flash of pain in Lou’s eyes when Cody had mentioned where the Kid was. "It just seems kinda funny that’s all."

"How’s that?"

"Well, you sure look like the same man who tried to kill me not too long ago ‘cause he thought I was trying to come between him and a certain female Pony Express rider. But it must have been somebody else because you're the guy running after the first pretty face that came along." Kid’s mistrust had rankled Jimmy more than he cared to admit, more than it should have probably. He didn’t know why that was but he was sure that he didn’t like it.

"Mind your own business, Jimmy!"

"You should go on the road with that act Kid because coming from you that’s even funnier."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Means that you can’t stay out of anybody’s business, especially mine, you’ve just always got to give advice!"

"Well here’s some more advice, stay out of it. This doesn’t concern you!"

"If it hurts Lou I’m going to make it my concern!"

"Is that a fact?"

"Yes. It is." Hickok whispered in a deceptively low tone.

"Jimmy, you in here? Jimmy?" Lou’s voice called breaking the argument between the two men. She rounded the corner to see the two of them standing mere inches from each other, fist clinched by their sides. Kid turned to see her and automatically took a step back, not sure what to say. Jimmy too backed off without seeming to realize that he was doing it.

"Dinner’s ready" She supplied simply. "Rachel said you’d better hurry."

When neither made a move she took Jimmy’s arm with an ease that stabbed at Kid’s heart and, not quite able to meet Kid’s eyes, led Jimmy out of the barn. Kid leaned against a wall and let out a long slow sigh, they were beginning to become rather comforting really.

Teaspoon eyed his three most stubborn riders carefully. It didn't take years of experience dealing with people and broken hearts to be able to tell that something was definitely brewing between the Kid, Jimmy and Lou. It just made it absolutely impossible to miss. Everyone was gathered around the table for breakfast, except for Ike who was out on a run, the smell of Rachel's pancakes and crisp bacon wafting through the air. Lou was seated on side of the table next to Jimmy, while the Kid had developed a mysterious preference for sitting on the opposite side and opposite end of the table.

They had all managed to be polite to each other ever since Lou and Jimmy had returned from Willow Springs a week before, in fact they were almost too polite to each other. The friendly bickering and sparring had been replaced by monosyllables and cool inquires about the weather, as if they all had suddenly turned to stupid to notice that it was stifling hot out there.

Kid seemed torn between avoiding Lou as much as possible and looking desperate and guilt ridden whenever she was around. He spent more and more time at Samantha's place and yet whenever he laid eyes on Lou, that same haunted, hungry look crept back into them.

As for Lou, she seemed to determined to spend more of her time Jimmy. Whatever it was that had happened in Willow Springs that they refused to talk about had cemented some bond between them. Teaspoon shot Rachel a look, asking an unspoken question, but when she merely raised her golden eyebrows and gave a barely perceptible shake of her head he knew that she had had no luck talking to Lou. The young woman was as resolutely avoiding Kid as he was her.

Jimmy seemed content to just enjoy Lou's company for the time being though that certainly put him in the middle of things. Considering the bond he and Kid also shared Teaspoon knew that it must be terribly confusing for the young man. He hadn't' missed the fact that Jimmy's concern for Lou had always nearly rivaled the Kids nor had he failed to notice the looks Jimmy sometimes gave her when he thought no one was watching.

Teaspoon shook his head. He would never have admitted it but his three most stubborn were also the ones that held a special place in his heart and he just couldn't see any way out of what was coming without one, or all, of them getting hurt.

The strain in their relationship was affecting the other riders as well. No one seemed to be willing to be the one to break the delicate balance that seemed to be holding between the three of them.

"So, Kid, how's that new schoolteacher of yours doin'?" No one except Cody that is. Teaspoon closed his eyes and inwardly groaned. Even with his eyes closed he could feel both Lou and Kid suddenly stiffen.

"Hey Cody," Noah said thinking quickly, "ain't it about time you got a new hat? Must have been nearly a month since you last bought one." With that he yanked Cody's hat off of his head and tossed it to Buck. "What do you think Buck?"

"Oh, definitely," Buck answered slowly. Getting up he sprinkled just a little of the flour Rachel had used to cook with onto the brim of Cody's hat. "I think it might be getting a little dusty."

"Give that back!"

"Give what back?" Buck asked innocently as he tossed the hat to Jimmy.

"You're going to ruin it!"

"C'mon Billy you know you're just dying for an excuse to go get a new one anyway." Jimmy answered standing up to enjoy the full advantage his height gave him over Cody.

"Just because you're all jealous that one of us has a sense of style is no reason to take a man's hat. I've got a look to keep up." A red-faced Cody shouted as he lunged for Jimmy.

"Yeah, but what exactly is it you're trying to look like Cody? I think I've seen a couple of circus performers look like you" Kid supplied.

"Those were the monkeys, Kid, not the performers."

"Hickock you're gonna pay!"

Teaspoon breathed a sigh of relief and grinned.

Conrad Linton eyed the scene before him with no small amount of distaste. He was from a semi-tropical land of green, lush, jungle beauty and he was blind to the tawny beauty of the desert. His lips unconsciously curled in disgust from the smell of the pungent odors that surrounded him. The smell of human sweat and excrement combined with God knows what else filled his unwilling nostrils leaving him with little more than a strong desire to leave as quickly as possible. A well dressed man with golden looks and piercing blue eyes, he looked nearly as out of place as he felt in run down room he stood in.

"Will it work?" he asked the old man in the indolent, rolling, voice that belonged exclusively to coastal Southerners.

The old man simply nodded his white, matted, hair touching his shoulders as he did so. Reaching out a dirty hand he dropped the small vessel into Conrads hand. Smiling to reveal his one tooth as Conrad dropped the gold into it his hand grasped the coins tightly. His fingernails were so long they had begun to curl back.

"Tell me," He whispered, his breath even more foul than himself, "what do you want it for. Ahh, I see. A woman. Careful rich man, careful." The old man began to laugh, it was the laugh of one who had both seen too much in his time and had left a part of himself somewhere along the way.

Conrad left the depleted shack as quickly as possible, not wanting to listen the old man's wild cackle any longer. He mounted his horse to head through the desert towards the town known as Sweetwater. He hoped that he wouldn't have to use what he had just bought but he would take no chances either.

He was a man who had never failed to get what he went after...

Samantha stood on her front porch and let the arid, desert wind whip through her hair. It was so dry here. She was used to a land where the air was so heavy with humidity that one could all but swim in it the thickness of it laying over you like a blanket to make the days even hotter. Everything was so different, even the colors her eyes were used to taking in had changed. The million shades of green and subtle blues had been changed to a kind of stark, golden loveliness. The air that had once carried the scent of jasmine or azalea now held a clean sweetness to it. She liked this new land. She missed her home but she knew that she could come to love it here. She smiled suddenly as she spotted a now familiar figure riding up.

"Well, hello there sir. Fancy seein' you here." She said with a pretend coyness.

"Thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing is all." Kid grinned back at her.

"Oh, about like I was when I bumped into you in town this afternoon, but I'm glad to see you all the same. Have a seat." She said gesturing towards the bench that sat on the porch. Martha began almost instantly banging pans around in the kitchen. Martha always made her presence known one way or the other.

"Pretty ain't it?" Kid said indicating the sun sinking into the mountain tops like a king retiring for the night. The sky was streaked with gold and red making the sky seem to be on fire.

"Yes, it is. I was just thinking how it's very different here."

"Do you miss it? I, mean, I wasn't sure...well considering..."

"Yes, yes I do." She broke in "At least, considering... Mostly I miss the family I had in Charleston."

"Family? I thought Martha was your only family." Kid asked plainly puzzled.

"She is really. But I lived with a white family in Charleston, passed myself off as a cousin. They weren't slave holders, one of the ones who don't believe in it, and they helped me. Helped me to fit in, to get an education...a better education than most women of any color get really. I loved them. They became my adopted family."

"What was their name?"

"Linton"

"Oh."

"What about you? Do you miss it?" She asked.

"It's home." Kid answered simply as if that was all the answer needed, and really, it was.

"Been lookin' all over for you." Lou turned from the corral fence she had been leaning on to look at the tall man approaching her. Turning back to the direction she had been staring in as Jimmy joined her by the fence she merely shrugged her shoulders.

"Just watching the sun set is all."

"That's all, huh?"

"Yep, that's all."

"Okay."

"I saw her in town today, while I was buying supplies."

Jimmy didn't have to ask who she meant. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again as he realized that he really didn't know what to say. How did he tell her that he thought Kid was a fool for thinking he was ever going to find anyone like her? He couldn't. His loyalty to Kid had never let him. He had finally admitted to himself that was what had really bothered him about Kids outburst of jealousy before.

Jimmy had always felt something special for Lou, Kid wasn't the only one who didn't have the eyes of a brother watching a sister when it came to her, but he had done his best to lock it tightly away where no one could see it. Sometimes, at night, he took out those feelings like treasured pictures from a box, but he had always put them away again. Mostly out of the bond he had with the Kid. He had been as loyal as he knew how and to have that loyalty question had stung for more than he liked to admit.

"All that time I was with him," Lou was continuing, "him protecting me, smothering me, driving me crazy, thought I was going to have to shoot him a few times. In his heart of hearts Kid always did wish I could just act like a normal woman. Hell, sometimes so do I."

Jimmy put a protective arm around her slim shoulders. He desperately wanted to tell her that it didn't matter if she rode for the express or not or if she wore dresses--she wasn't a 'normal' woman. She was to brave, too independent, too strong to be limited by any word like normal. She was amazing. But he didn't have the words.

"Awww, Lou. You don't really mean that." He said clumsily searching for the words he wanted, "Who you are isn't about wearing dresses and doing, well, whatever it is that ladies do. I know that you should get to act like a lady more than you do, but who you are Lou, inside, that wouldn't change."

"I guess not." She all but whispered the doubt evident in her voice.

"You're prettier than she is." He told her with a sudden instinct into the feminine heart.

"You're sweet Jimmy."

"I ain't bein' sweet Lou." He whispered bending his head down so that it was but just a few inches from hers.

He kissed her gently. Kid pulled Samantha closer to him, his arms instinctively tightening around her waist. It felt all wrong in some way though, the hair he ran his fingers through too long, the scent of her to soft and floral somehow. He pulled back to look into eyes that were a shade too dark and smiled to cover the guilt that he knew he shouldn't be feeling and yet couldn't seem to help.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" She asked softly

"I've got a ride first thing in the morning. I should be back the day after though. I'll come by then."

She nodded as Kid mounted Katy feeling more confused than ever. 'Lou,' he wondered, 'when am I ever going to get you out of my mind?'

"Jimmy."

"Yeah Lou?"

"Ummm, thank-you." She cleared her throat and took the tiniest of steps back, "I just wanted to tell you thank-you, not just for what you said but for always being my friend. You are a good man Jimmy Hickok."

"Guess I'm always going to be your friend Lou." Jimmy said with a significant amount of meaning. "And I ain't such a good guy."

"I think that you are."

"Yeah, well, if I was I probably wouldn't do what I'm about to do."

"What's that?"

"This." And with that he suddenly reached out and pulled her to him. Before she had time to protest he bent down and placed the gentlest of kisses on her lips. Lou found herself responding in spite of herself. He pulled her closer to him as the kiss grew firmer and she found herself tightening her arms around his neck. Then just as suddenly as had grabbed her he let her go.

"Sorry Louise. It was just something I had to do." He turned without giving her a chance to answer and headed back to the bunkhouse. Leaving Lou alone by the corral with a sudden feeling that the night air was hotter than ever as she felt flames creep up her cheeks.

Conrad Linton started as the seemingly innocuous bottles that sat on the table in front of him. He was alone in his hotel room, a tiny little box of a place that was well below the standards he was used to. He picked up the tiny brown bottle that he had bought from the old man only a few days before. He very carefully removed the cork taking precautions that none of the clear liquid should touch his bare skin. Holding it up to his nose he could smell the sweet, floral scent that was released from it. He then poured the contents into the ladies perfume bottle on the table. It was ironic really that something that could pass for the sweetest of perfumes was really a quite deadly poison.

It worked by being absorbed through the skin. A few drops administered over the correct period of time, a week or so, would cause a deep coma-like sleep that lasted for several days with negligible side effects. The dosage had to be given carefully however, too much absorbed too quickly and it could kill. Even a slight alteration in the dosage could cause permanent damage allowing the victim to live but forever weakened by the chemical that had racked his body. Conrad wasn't quite sure how the poison did it's deadly work but the old man whose name he had never learned had made it clear that it was a far from gentle death.

He really wasn't sure that he could go through with it. The last thing that Conrad would willingly do was hurt Samantha. If something should go wrong the guilt would destroy him. But he couldn't bring himself to leave her out here, in this wild place, either. He knew Samantha so well. If he gave her the perfume bottle she would use just the lighest touch. She wouldn't suffer anything more severe than a long nap and when she woke up she'd be back with the family who loved her. She would be safe as long as he could keep an eye on her, at least that was how he reassured himself. He would only use it as a last resort, if she just wouldn't listen to reason. Feeling somewhat better he put the perfume bottle away and turned in for the night. He would be in Sweetwater soon enough.

Lou sat in the empty bunkhouse wondering for about the ten thousandth time what it meant that she could still feel the pressure of Jimmy's lips on hers. She could feel her face flush again just remembering it. The last that she had ever expected Jimmy to do last night was kiss her. They had always been such good friends. And yet, she put her own fingers to her lips tracing them softly, and yet she had kissed him back--wanted to kiss him again. Lou's cheeks grew hotter than she thought possible. And then there was the Kid, she hadn't exactly been able to banish him from her thoughts either. Lou stood up and punched the wall with all her strength. It didn't make her feel any better but now at least she could concentrate on how much her hand hurt instead of her love problems. Lou felt like she was being torn in so many different directions that she was amazed she didn't just shatter into a thousand pieces right then and there.

"Well, I bet that is just one mightily impressed wall."

It was with great reluctance that Lou turned to watch Samantha walk into the bunkhouse. Samantha was wearing a simple red dress that was still finer than any Lou could remember owning, she noted enviously. She watched as Samantha carefully removed her riding gloves. The kind that most ladies always wore to keep their delicate hands from getting cut up and callused. Lou wrapped her arms around her chest and with as much control as she could muster said, "Kid ain't here. Try back tomorrow."

"I know. I was actually hoping that you and I could have a little talk."

"And just what do you think that we have to talk about?"

Samantha shrugged as lightly as she could, "I don't know really. I just thought maybe a little woman to woman chat was in order."

"Who told you that?!?" Lou all but hissed feeling horribly betrayed. It was one thing for Kid to see another woman but if he had told her secret she didn't think that she could stand it. She could feel a sick anger bubbling up in the pit of her stomach.

Samantha took an involuntary step back from the fire that suddenly leapt into the other woman's eyes. She was abruptly reminded of Shakespeare's Hermia-'though she be but little, she is fierce'-and answered as carefully as she could. "No one told me Lou. Kid didn't betray any confidences if that's what you think. I've spent every single day of my entire life pretending to be something other than who and what I am. I know the look of someone whose survival depends upon disguise. No one had to tell me." Samantha secretly wondered where people's eyes were that they could have mistaken the woman in front of her for being anything other than what she was.

Lou let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. The anger in her quenched when she found out that Kid hadn't stabbed her in the back, she stood and considered the woman in front of her carefully. She better than anyone knew how much courage it took to face the world everyday with the fear in the pit of your stomach telling you that =this= would be the day you were found out. But at least it was only her job that was at risk, Samantha was in fear for her freedom and possibly her life. In a way she felt better being able to respect her. Of course that didn't mean that she wanted to sit down and have tea with her either. "That still doesn't explain what you're doing here. What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"I'm not exactly blind you know. In fact even if I were blind and deaf and mute I think that I still would have noticed that you and Kid were something special to each other once."

"That was then." Lou said somewhat uncomfortably.

"Maybe. Listen, I just want to be sure you know that if you want to change that I'm not what's standing in your way. I don't think I could. So, well, I guess I was just wondering."

"Wondering?" Lou repeated dumbly.

"You know it looks like you're going to have to think about that. I'll go now." Samantha said unable to miss the look of confusion of Lou's face.

Lou just nodded mutely. Somehow she felt like she only heard about half the conversation and was still waiting for the rest of the words to register in her mind. Exactly what had Samantha just said? Did Kid still love her and if so why wasn't she jumping at the chance to do something about that. Lou hadn't thought that it was possible to be more confused than she was before but now she just how wrong that was.

"Lou? Is it Lou?"

"Louise."

"Louise, I know that it's asking a lot for us to be friends but I was hoping that at least we wouldn't have to be enemies. I think we might have a lot in common." Lou considered that for a moment and then just nodded her head again. She sank down onto one of the empty bunks once again as Samantha let herself out.

TO BE CONTINUED...On to Chapter III

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