By Joanna Phillips
"Come on, Reb, if you want water today," The large guard growled at the man huddled in the corner of the tent with a dirty piece of paper in his hands.
Kid looked up, his thoughts about Lou and the baby interrupted. He'd been sitting there grasping the letter for a day and a half, his mind working in circles.
"Do you want to drink today or not?" The guard repeated, growing impatient with him.
Kid didn't say a word, put pushed himself to his feet and walked to the opening. He stopped outside the large barrel of water that had just been filled and looked to the guard, "Where's the ladle?" he finally dared to ask, already knowing the answer.
The guard scratched his head and tried to hide his gleeful smile, "Guess I must of lost it," he shrugged, "I guess you can drink from the barrel."
Sighing, and knowing this sport of the guards almost as well as the one where they fired into the mass of prisoners, Kid shook his head, "I'm not thirsty."
The guard wasn't prepared to let it go that easily, "You know we ain't gonna be bringing water around until next Sunday. You might want to take a drink now."
"I guess if I get too thirsty I can just drink the water under my feet," Kid said sarcastically.
Suddenly the guard was pointing his revolver at Kid's forehead, "Drink, boy."
Kid, knowing that the man wouldn't think twice about killing him, sighed and took a deep breath before leaning down to drink directly from the barrel, feeling like a horse at a trough. He knew what was coming long before the guard placed both hands on the back of his head and forced him under the water.
Enraged to be dunked under the water once again, Kid twisted and flailed his arms and legs, but the guard easily avoided him and continued to hold his head under. Kid felt this temples start to throb and his chest get tight as the time went by, and wondered if the guard meant to drown him. He opened his eyes and looked around the murky barrel, thinking that this might be his last view of the world.
Kid decided it wasn't to be so. Not when he'd survived the Pony Express, and the first two years of the Civil War. He wasn't going to die here, with his head held in a barrel by a guard who probably didn't know what real danger was.
Kid stopped his struggle, and allowed his limbs to go limp, praying the guard would believe him dead. The second he felt the grip on his hair loosen, Kid flung his head back and drew air into his burning lungs with a mighty gasp.
The guard paled at the look in Kid's icy blue eyes, but didn't have time to draw his weapon before Kid rushed him, tackling and pinning him on the ground, while sending fists flying at the man's face. Kid struck him again and again, a rage unlike any he'd ever known invading his whole body. He was angry at the guards, at the Yankees, at Ben Raymond for dying, at Lou for not telling him about the baby, but most of all at himself for not being able do stop any of the senselessness.
The guard's face grew bloody, and he ceased to struggle, but still Kid pounded him madly. He might have killed the man with his bare hands if two of the prisoners hadn't come to drag him away, still swinging.
"Calm down boy!" The older of the two men growled, "You want to die?"
They all but carried him away from the scene, and probably saved his life by making sure he was lost in the crowds before any of the other guards made it to the fallen man's assistance. When finally they sat him down in another tent, far from the scene, the fight had left Kid, and the realization of what he had done sank in. He'd been totally prepared to die back there, he suddenly realized, so miserable and lonely was he. He hadn't been prepared to let the guard kill him by drowning him, but was willing to fight until one of the other guards had put a bullet through his skull. Kid paled at the realization.
The two men who drug Kid away stared at him oddly.
Kid glanced up at them and tried to hide tears from his eyes, "I'm in debt to you."
"Well, if we don't stick together in this place, none of us are going to make it out alive," the older of the two men said, sticking his hand out to Kid.
"I'm Barney Weathers, and this is my son, Marty. We're from Tennessee."
"People call me Kid, from Virginia," Kid responded slowly, cautious about trusting anyone in this Godforsaken place.
"Well, Kid from Virginia, I tell you one thing. I hope I'm never on the receiving end of those fists," Marty, who was about Kid's age, said quietly, cracking a smile. He had dark brown hair and eyes the same color, eyes that were calm and serene. Barney had those same gentle eyes, but his hair had turned silver. They both looked as if they'd led a life of labor, probably farmed a small patch of land all their life, but they looked content.
The didn't have the edge to them that most of the prisoners had, which prompted Kid to ask, "You haven't been here long, have you?"
"No, just brought in about four days ago," Ben replied, and looked outside to make sure no one was coming after Kid.
"Well, I'm just here to tell you, you'd better watch your back here, understand? You can't trust no one!"
Barney looked at him closely, "Not even you? You appear to be an honest fellow."
Kid sighed ruefully, "I used to be. Used to be so full of my principles that I could only see black and white. This place will change you, and fast. Turn you into something you never thought you'd become."
"Only if you let it," Marty said, his voice strong.
Barney smiled slightly at his son and nodded, "That's right. These Yanks have the power to take everything we own, even our lives. The way I see it, the only things we have that are ours anymore are our morals and our character. You let them take that, son," he was referring to Kid rather than his real son, "and all is lost. They've stolen your soul."
Kid felt a shiver run down his spine, wondering if it was too late for him, if his soul had been stolen.
"So, Kid from Virginia, what do you say? Want to take a risk and trust two crazy Tennessee dirt farmers?" Marty grinned, and Kid found his ability to be cheerful surrounded by the smell and sight of thousands of unclean, sick men, incredible.
Kid sighed and went against his better judgement, but with his heart when he looked up at them and attempted a smile, "Virginians are crazier than Tennesseeians on y'all's best day."
Barney and Marty smiled, and Kid felt his blood grow cold as he looked into their eyes. Eyes that were so much like Ben Raymond's, and so many others that he'd seen staring sightlessly up from the battlefield or prison camp.
They were right, though, he realized. Although survival of the fittest was the only way to guarantee survival in the camp, and although Kid had been growing more fierce by the day, he knew that if it turned him into the animal he was becoming, he didn't really want to survive.
It was time to take his soul back.
Although Lou was ready to ride out the very afternoon that Cody, Jimmy, and Buck had agreed to go with her, she realized that it wasn't practical. There were many arrangements to be made for such a trip, especially when Teaspoon sighed and declared he was going to go with them. Lou found walking back into the bunkhouse after her outburst very hard and humbling, but kept her chin up, defiant that she had every right to be angry. It seemed the others agreed with her, and they all apologized for keeping the truth from her, and peace was restored quickly.
The next two days were a wild flurry of activity. Sam prepared to set up his office in Rock Creek, where he would act as marshal while carrying out his duties as territorial governor. He and Emma agreed to stay with Rachel at the station with their daughters, and help her look after the land and animals. Cody had to ride back to Cool Falls to ask for leave, and Buck and Jimmy were busy buying supplies, and picking out the horses to take. Each of them would take a horse, and a sixth horse would carry supplies. Lou urged them not to take their faithful mounts for fear they'd be confiscated or killed, but Teaspoon pointed out that they'd have to sell the horses when they boarded the train, and attempt to buy more when they got to their final destination of Washington D.C..
With all the preparations that had to be made, Lou had nothing to do but wait. She spent the days being told to rest by Emma and Rachel, who still tried to talk her out of going. This gave Lou long hours to think, and often her thoughts were grim and frightening. The weight of her husband's situation did not dawn on her slowly, as it would have if she'd found out right away that Point Lookout was a deadly place. The weight of it came on like a ton of bricks instantly, and a million new bad thoughts seemed to occur to her every hour.
She went to the doctor one morning and told him her situation. It was the first time anyone besides Ellen had learned of her miscarriage, and the first time she'd had to actually tell anyone. She came unglued in the doctor's cheerful home, sobbing uncontrollably. The old man had wrung his hands and tried his best to comfort the inconsolable young woman. Lou finally gained control of herself, and went on to explain how Kid was in the camp and she was going after him.
"Oh, Mrs. McCloud, I don't think that is a good idea," the doctor told her.
"I know!" Lou said, "But I have to go! What I need to know from you, is what is the danger to the baby? The ride is only about a week, and we'll be taking it slowly. Then we board a train for the rest of the journey."
The doctor scratched his beard and sighed, "It's a risk I wouldn't take, especially given your history, ma'am."
"How much of a risk? And what are the chances of me having this baby if I don't take the journey?"
"Much better than if you do, but I won't lie to you. If you suffered a miscarriage once, it is likely you could again, regardless of where you go. But the strenuous travelling, along with the stress of trying to save your husband, make the chances much greater. Greater than I really want to admit to you. I'm not at all confident the child will make it to term if you go," the doctor cleared his throat, and paused, hesitant to share his next thought, but obviously having more to say.
"What is it, please?" Lou asked, leaning forward and putting a hand on his arm.
"Well, the child isn't the only one in danger. If something should go wrong out there on the trail, with you so far from medical help, then you might not make it either. And even if you do get to a doctor, miscarriages can often be fatal to the mother as well, especially if damage was done before."
Lou sat back on the sofa and took a deep breath. She'd never considered her own life in danger.
"Thank you so much for your time, Dr. Brooks," Lou smiled shakily as she stood up and wiped at her eyes, "You've been so helpful."
Dr. Brooks looked at her knowingly out from under bushy eyebrows, "I haven't changed your mind, have I? You'll still go?"
"I have to go," Lou nearly whispered.
"Well then, listen closely. You be sure to eat plenty out there, and see a doctor as soon as you get to Maryland, understand? And when you get your husband out, you stay in Maryland, or get yourself to Virginia. Don't you risk the trip back!"
"Yes sir," Lou smiled weakly, and left the office, her head wheeling.
Am I doing the right thing? she wondered as she walked out to the porch.
"There you are!" Jimmy's voice suddenly broke through her thoughts.
Lou jumped in surprise, and quickly went to wipe her swollen eyes and blotchy face, surprised that he'd come to meet her on her way home from the doctor.
"What is it? What's wrong? What did the doctor say?" Jimmy asked in one breath.
"He told me not to go, just like I knew he would," Lou said sadly, and looked up at Jimmy miserably, "I know that I shouldn't, but I have to Jimmy," She paused, "don't I?"
Jimmy looked deeply into her eyes, too distraught by the terror and sorrow in them to admire their beauty for once. She wanted him to tell her it was okay to go, or to stay. She was so torn that she was willing to let him make the decision for her, something he'd never known her to do before.
"Uh-uh, Lou," Jimmy smiled, shaking his head, and reaching out to touch her chin, "You know the choice isn't mine. You do whatever your heart tells you to do, all right? And whatever you decide, things will work out like they are supposed to, okay?"
She looked very young and fragile as she gazed into his confident and loving eyes, and Jimmy felt very protective and brotherly as he put an arm around her shoulder and started guiding her back to the station.
"We're leaving in the morning, Lou. You have until then to decide," Jimmy whispered as they walked up the stairs to the main house. He leaned down and kissed her cheek gently before he opened the door. Lou stepped inside, as obediently as a child. She watched him from the window with wide eyes as he turned and jogged back to the bunkhouse.
"It's going to be a long night," Lou said aloud, to no one in particular as she turned and walked wearily up the steps. The decision she made that night could affect the life of her child and her self. Staying meant a greater chance of having a child, of living to raise it, of being able to tell her child about his or her noble father, if the unthinkable occurred. Going meant risking her child's life, her own life, and there was a possibility of failure to get him out or being too late, as Cody and Teaspoon had both made her clearly realize.
But going carried with it the possibility of looking into Kid's eyes one more time, of telling him how much she loved him, whether they were successful or not, whether one or the other didn't make it. At the very least, it could be a chance to say goodbye, to touch his dear face, to secure it forever in her memory. At the very least…
At the most it could mean having Kid at her side to hold her when she woke up in a terrified sweat, after a nightmare about losing him or the child. It could mean having him there when the time came to bring the child into the world, or if it wasn't meant to be, to give him or her back to God.
Jimmy wasn't surprised to see Lou walking out of the house with a determined stride at dawn the next morning. Her husband's life was something she could entrust to no one, except herself, and no risk was greater to her than the risk of going through life without him.
With infinite respect for her courage and her devotion to Kid, Jimmy was instantly at her side, taking her hand and leading her up to the appaloosa Teaspoon had selected for her to ride.
"Have I ever told you that you are an amazing woman, Louise McCloud?" Jimmy smiled broadly at her, and felt foolish to feel tears at the back of his own eyes.
"I think in the past the word you used was crazy. And I think you were right then," Lou smiled, the rising sun hitting her eyes and turning them a brilliant copper.
"That's the one I vote on," Cody commented after overhearing the exchange between them. He blinked innocently when they glared at him, and retreated out of hearing distance.
"You ready?" Jimmy wondered.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Lou smiled, and allowed Jimmy to boost her onto the horse.
Rachel, Emma, Sam, Alice and Louise all lined up on the hard packed dirt.
"You three take care," Teaspoon smiled at them, "And we'll be back in a few months, complete with Kid."
"No doubt you will," Sam grinned, "You boys and girls watch your backs!"
"Like we always do," Buck grinned.
"Ride Safe, all of you!" Rachel said, tears filling her eyes. Emma put her arm around the younger woman's shoulders.
"Don't you worry, Rachel! Soon, everything will be as it should be," Teaspoon smiled, and before tears filled his own eyes, he motioned to the boys and Lou, and they turned and galloped out of the station, like they had so many times before.
Only this time, they rode East instead of West, toward the war that had been brewing on the horizon since their earliest days together, and had now exploded into a furious storm.
To Be Continued…Chapter IX
Copyright 1998-This work is not to be reproduced without the permission of the author
