By Anna Murphy
Jimmy approached the ranch tentatively the next morning. He had left Rachel's early saying he wanted to take care of some things in town. He knew he had already raised suspicion showing up suddenly and without any explanation, especially Rachel's. She had hovered around him all night after he returned, asking repeatedly what had gone on at Kid and Lou's. Of course she would disguise the questions by trying to find out how Abby and Rose were and other little things. Jimmy played along, answering exactly what she had asked and giving her as little information as possible. He decided he wanted to talk with Lou before anyone else. Standing at the corral Jimmy kept debating whether to go inside since it appeared everyone was still asleep. Lou answered the question for him when she stepped outside to feed the horses.
"You sure are up early this morning. I never knew you to get up before someone dragged you out of bed. I guess you're full of changes you haven't told us about yet," Lou commented as she approached her friend.
"Yeah, I guess I am. I was kind of hoping I could talk to you alone before I see the rest of your family today."
"OK, do you want to come inside? I can make you something to eat. No one else is up yet," Lou offered wondering what he wanted to tell her.
"Actually I'd like to take a walk. We can stay here if you want, though," Jimmy said quickly.
"No, that's all right. Rose wouldn't go to sleep last night; everyone will be sleeping for a couple more hours," Lou said as they began walking.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. Jimmy had no idea where to begin and Lou didn't want to ask him anything since she had no idea what he wanted to tell her. Finally Jimmy let out a deep breath and started talking.
"How old did you say Abby was?" he asked trying to get a conversation going.
"She's six, she'll be seven in November."
"Oh," Jimmy replied and thought about that for a moment. After a brief pause he asked, "How long have you two been married?"
"Six years. Our anniversary was last month," Lou said not bothering to explain what Jimmy had realized.
"Why didn't you tell me about her back then?"
"We didn't find out until after we came home and you were gone by then. It wouldn't have made any difference though, would it? You still would have left and things would have been the same," Lou said finally giving Jimmy a glimpse into just how hurt she had been when he left without saying a word.
The comment stung, but Jimmy knew it was the truth. As deep as his feelings for her were, the news that she had been expecting a baby wouldn't have made his decision to leave any simpler. If he had been around to see them together, waiting for Abby, happy and starting a life he was going to excluded from it would have driven him crazy. Sure he would have been an uncle, but it was something he wouldn't be directly involved in. It would be like watching what he could have had if "Wild Bill" had never been invented by that writer. Jimmy and Lou lapsed into silence again for a while.
"I've been thinking a lot about what I told you yesterday, about the letter I wrote you. I owe you a better explanation than the one I gave you. Lou, when I wrote it, I was angry at the Kid. Well, jealous is more like it. After everything with Noah, Jesse, and Rosemary ended I thought you were the only person left who understood who I really was and I felt like I had lost you. It all sounds crazy, but at the time it made sense to me."
"Jimmy, you didn't lose me. Just because I got married doesn't mean it had to change anything between us."
"I know that now, but back then all I could think of was that you were going on with your life and I would never have anything like that. Once I was gone I decided to look for Rosemary and take a chance at a normal life like the one you and Kid have. I almost married her, you know."
"What! Rachel never said anything to me about it," Lou said completely shocked at the revelation.
"I never told her. I never told anybody. I figured she had gone home so I headed in that direction. I caught up with her in Springfield. We settled down, if that's what you want to call it, in Cotton Ridge. We were together for about six months and I asked her to marry me. She said yes and we had planned to come back here in the spring. We wanted to see Abby and tell everyone we were going to get married that summer. But around March Rosemary started getting headaches the doctor couldn't help her with. A few weeks later he realized she wasn't getting better so he sent her to Chicago to see another doctor. By the time we got there she was so sick they couldn't do anything for her. She died that April and I started wandering around trying to figure out what I did to lose her," Jimmy said, visibly upset at the memory of Rosemary and all he'd been through with her.
"Why didn't you tell us? Jimmy, we could have helped you. Why didn't you come home?" Lou asked, wishing she knew what else to say.
"Rock Creek was never my home, Lou. It was somewhere I lived for a while. Back then everyone was clear on how they felt about Rosemary, so I didn't know how to come back here and explain what happened."
Lou couldn't think of anyway to respond to that. She had never particularly liked Rosemary, but always assumed she and Jimmy felt welcome in her home. Looking back on things, though, she could understand how Jimmy would have thought they wouldn't have been received with open arms. Teaspoon, who had always been the mediator, wasn't around to say what everyone was thinking: it was all right, they forgave Rosemary.
Even so, Lou couldn't help wondering why Jimmy thought the Kid wouldn't have wanted him back in their lives though. There would have been some pride to swallow on both sides, but it wouldn't have been impossible. They had been friends for so long it seemed like they could have worked through that. Finally Lou told Jimmy the first thing that came to mind.
"I wish I could say something to you to make you believe we would have helped you. I know you don't like to admit you need other people, but it might have made things easier on you."
"I just wanted to forget about that part of my life. Now that I've seen your girls it made me start to wonder about what could have happened between me and Rosemary if she'd lived. Deep down I always wanted a life where I could say, 'Look, there's my house. There's my wife and those are our children.' Just a nice, simple, peaceful existence. Envy settled in yesterday and I think seeing the Kid would have either ended in us arguing or me leaving without the courage to come back. You understand, don't you?"
"Of course I do, but you have to know Kid isn't looking to get into a fight with you about anything. He just wants to see you; get to know you again. We've all lost so much time it would be awful if you two didn't start speaking again. Just leave the past behind you. It will be a lot easier."
It was never easy for Jimmy to say when someone else was right, so he let the silence speak for him. Instead of trying to argue with Lou over his reasons for not seeing the Kid he just silently admitted she was right. Lou figured she had finally convinced him to come back to the house so she started to direct him back there. About half an hour after they had left Lou and Jimmy returned to the house.
"Abby what are you doing up so early?" Lou asked when she realized the girl standing next to the corral fence was her oldest daughter.
"Granpa said today he was going to teach me more about horses and riding. I didn't want to miss anything."
"Is Granpa awake yet?" Lou asked.
"No. You and Daddy always say not to disturb him when he's sleeping, so I didn't look in his room to see if he was up."
"Is Daddy up?"
"No."
"So you haven't eaten breakfast yet, huh?"
"Yes I have. I made my own," Abby told her mother, incredibly proud of herself.
"What did you make?" Lou asked, automatically knowing her daughter was too young to have anything but a mess.
Abby didn't reply, but looked down at the ground, feeling very guilty. Lou took her by the hand and the three walked into the kitchen to see what had happened. The scene that greeted them was not as bad as it could have been. There were a couple of eggs on the table and water all over the floor, but otherwise the kitchen was not very out of order. It only took a few minutes to clean it all up and Abby was told again that she was too young to make her own breakfast and was sent out to the barn to feed to horses.
"I never realized what a handful kids are," Jimmy commented.
"This is one of our easier mornings. Usually Rose is up and trying to walk around and Teaspoon is trying to stop her from falling. Then Abby remembers she forgot to do something the night before and has to do it now. It's pretty chaotic most days."
"Well, I don't think I'd mind it too much. Abby sure is a sweet little thing, very curious. She'll be quite a handful when she gets older and stops listening to what you tell her to do."
"Thanks. I needed to hear that. I've been figuring this parent thing out as I go along. I don't need it to get any harder."
"Well, she reminds me a lot of me when I was her age. Maybe she'll turn out to be like her Uncle Jimmy. After all, from what she said yesterday, she knows all about me."
"You were enough of a handful when I met you. I don't need to think about what you were like when you were a child," Lou laughed while she poured two cups of coffee.
To Be Continued...Chapter 6
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