"THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW"
by
Richard O'Brien
PROLOGUE
MAGENTA: Michael Rennie was ill
(As Usherette) The day the earth stood still
But he told us where we stand
And flash gordon was there
In silver underwear
Claude rains was the invisible man
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and king kong
They got caught in a celluloid jam
Then at a deadly pace
It came from outer space
And this is how the message ran.
CHORUS:
Science fiction - double feature
Phantoms do the Dr X will build a creature
Oohhs etc. See Androids fighting Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in forbidden planet
Oh - at the late night double feature
Picture show
I knew Leo G. Carrol
was over a barrel
When tarrantula took to the hills
And I got really hot
When I saw Jeanette Scott
Fight a triffed that spits poison and kills
Dana Andrews said prunes
Gave him the ruhnes
And passing them
used lots of skills
But when worlds collide
Said George Pal to his bride
I'm going to give you some terrible thrills
Like a -
(Chorus)
SCENE ONE
Wedding bells are ringing -
(Phantom voices)
BRAD and JANET are both
breathless.
JANET: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful - didn't Betty look
radiantly beautiful - I can't believe it - just an
hour ago she was plain Betty Munroe and now she's
Mrs. Ralf Hapshatt.
BRAD: Yes, Janet - Ralf's a lucky guy.
JANET: Yes.
BRAD: Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful little cook.
JANET: Yes.
BRAD: And Ralf himself will be in line for promotion in a
year or two.
JANET: Yes.
BRAD: Hey, Janet, I've got something to say
I really loved the skillful way
You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet
(Phantoms)
The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)
The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
So please don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's ...
Damn it - Janet - I love you.
(Phantoms)
The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)
There's a fire in my heart and you
fan it. (Janet)
If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's ...
Damn it - Janet - I love you.
Here's a ring to prove I'm no joker
(Bell voices)
There's three ways that love can grow
That's good - bad - or mediocre
Janet - (Janet echoed B. backing voices)
I love you so.
(Phantoms)
JANET: Oh it's nicer than Betty Munroe had. (Oh Brad)
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad. (Oh Brad)
That you've met Mom and you know
Dad. (Oh Brad)
I've one thing to say and that's ....
Brad - I'm mad - for you too.
Oh Brad.
BRAD: Oh damn it.
JANET: I'm mad.
BRAD: Oh Janet.
JANET: For you.
(Phantoms)
BRAD: I love you too - there's one thing left
to do and that's....
Go see the man who began it (Janet)
When we met in his science exam
it (Janet)
Made me give you the eye and then
panic (Janet)
Now I've one thing to say and that's ....
Damn it - Janet - I love you.
Damn it Janet.
JANET: Oh Brad I'm mad.
BRAD: Damn it Janet.
BOTH: I love you.
--------------
NARRATOR: I would like - if I may - to take you on a strange
journey.
It seemed a farily ordinary night
When Brad Majors, and his fiance'
Janet Weiss... (two young ordinary healthy
kids)... left Denton that late November evening
to visit a Dr. Evrett Scott ex tutor and now
friend to both of them...
It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy -
black and pendulous - toward which they were
driving, it's true also that the spare tyre they
were carrying was badly in need of some air - but they
being normal kids and on a night out - well - tyhey
were not going to let a storm spoil the events of
their evening.
On a night out...
It was a night out they were to remember for a
very - long - time.
SCENE TWO
SOUND OF CAR RADIO
A car approaching through a stormy
night.
CAR STOPS. CLICK RADIO OFF.
BRAD: Hmmm...
JANET: What's the matter, Brad darling?
BRAD: I think we took the wrong fork a few miles back there.
We'd better go on ahead up the road and see if we can
find our way back.
(They move off)
BLOWOUT
BRAD: Oh darn! Janet.
JANET: What was that bang?
BRAD: We seem to have a blow-out in the front off-side tyre.
JANET: Oh... (pause)
(LIGHTNING)
BRAD: You'd better stay here and keep warm while I go for
help.
JANET: But where will you go? We're in the middle of
nowhere.
BRAD: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few
miles? Maybe they have a telephone I might use.
JANET: I'm coming with you.
BRAD: There's no point in both of use getting wet.
JANET: I'm coming with you. Besides, darling, the owner
of the phone may be a beautiful woman, and you
may never come back.
BRAD: Ha Ha Ha.
(Phantoms take up the laughter -
They exit)
(MUSIC)
JANET: In the velvet darkness
of the blackest night
burning bright - there's a guiding star
no matter what or who you are.
BRAD & JANET: There's a light
ALL: Over at the Frankenstein place
BRAD & JANET: There's a light
ALL: Burning in the fireplace
JANET: There's a light... Light in the darkness of
everybody's life.
BRAD: I can see the flag fly
I can see the rain
Just the same - there has got to be
Something better here - for you and me
BRAD & JANET: There's a light
ALL: Burning in the fireplace
BRAD: There's a light... Light in the darkness of
everybody's life.
RIFF RAFF: (from doorway)
The darkness must flow
Down the river of nights dreaming
Flow morphia slow let the sun and light
Come streaming into my life
ALL: Into my life
JANET & BRAD: There's a light
ALL: Over at the Frankenstein Place
JANET & BRAD: There's a light
ALL: Burning in the fireplace
There's a light - light
JANET & BRAD: In the darkness of everybody's life.
JANET: (screams)
BRAD: It's all right, Janet.
JANET: Oh Brad let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened.
BRAD: Just a moment, Janet, they may have a telephone.
(He rings the bell... No answer
... RINGS again... At last the
door opens)
RIFF RAFF: (Looking past them as if for others, or someone
else) Hello.
BRAD: Oh: Uh: Ahh: Hi there, we're in a bit of a spot, I
wonder could you help us - our car is broken down about
2 miles back - do you have a telephone we might use...
RIFF RAFF: (pause) You're wet.
JANET: Yes - the rain has been very heavy.
BRAD: Yes.
RIFF RAFF: Yes - (lightning) I think you better both come inside.
JANET: You're too kind.
NARRATOR: And so - after braving the inclement weather, and some
not too little time - it seemed that fortune had smiled
on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assis-
tance that their plight required - or had they ? -
There was certainly something about this house (to
which, a flat tyre and a wet night had brought them)
that made the both of them feel apprehensive and
uneasy - But, if they were to reach their destination
that night, they would have to ignore such feelings and
take advantage of whatever help was offered.
SCENE THREE
Interior DIMLY LIT.
RIFF RAFF: Wait here.
JANET: (looking around) Oh Brad what sort of a place is
this I'm frightened.
BRAD: It's probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich
weirdos - but you're shivering.
JANET: Yes I'm wet.
BRAD: Look feel this - there's hot air coming from this
grill in the wall - take your raincoat and dry it here.
I'll keep a look out for the undertaker.
JANET: Oh!
BRAD: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.
I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.
(She smiles)
Here dry my coat too.
JANET: O.K.
(We are aware of FRANK looking
at JANET - lights COME UP.
BRAD and JANET whirl around
see FRANK. Freeze)
JANET: Oh!
BRAD: It's alright, Janet.
(RIFF RAFF appears with
COLUMBIA and MAGENTA)
RIFF RAFF, COLUMBIA
MAGENTA: Master.
FRANK: How do you do
I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don't get strung out by the way that I look
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man
By the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover
I'm just a sweet Transvestite
From Transexual
Transalvania.
Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovie
Or if you want something visual that's not too
abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
BRAD: I'm glad we caught you at home
Ah - could we use your phone
We're both in a bit of a hurry
We'll just say where we are
Then go back to the car,
We don't want to be any worry.
FRANK: You got caught with a flat
Well how about that
Well babie's don't you panic
By the light of the night
It'll all seem alright
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
I'M JUST A
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSEXUAL
TRANSALVANIA
Why don'tcha stay for the night (Servants - "night")
Or maybe a bite (Servants - "bite")
I could show you my favourite obsession
I've been making a man
With blond hair and a tan
and he's good for relieving my tension.
I'M JUST A
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSEXUAL
TRANSALVANIA
I'M JUST A
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSEXUAL
TRANSALVANIA
* * * * * *
So come up to the lab
and see what's on the slab
I see you shiver with anticipation
But maybe the rain
Is really to blame
So I'll remove the cause but not the symptom
(FRANK exits.
The SERVANTS undress JANET and
BRAD. They are reduced to 50's
underwear)
BRAD: (aside to JANET) It's all right, Janet, everything's
gonna be all right we'll just play along for now - and
we'll pull out the aces when the time is right.
JANET: This is no time for card tricks, Brad, are you sure
we'll be alright?
BRAD: I'm sure, Janet. (to COLUMBIA, MAGENTA and
RIFF RAFF) Uh. Hi, there - I'm Brad Majors,
this is Janet Weiss - my fiance'e - You are...
COLUMBIA: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's
laboratory, a lot of people would give their right
arm for the privilege.
BRAD: People like you maybe.
COLUMBIA: I've seen it.
JANET: Is he... is Frank... your husband?
RIFF RAFF: The master is not yet married, nor do I think ever
will be - we are simply his servants.
JANET: Then he's very lucky.
MAGENTA: Yeah - you're lucky - I'm lucky - he's lucky
we're all lucky...
COLUMBIA: All except Eddie.
RIFF RAFF &
MAGENTA: SSHHH!!!
JANET: Eddie?
MAGENTA: The delivery boy.
RIFF RAFF: SSHHH!!!
COLUMBIA: His delivery wasn't good enough.
RIFF RAFF: The master only wanted to help the boy better his
position.
BRAD: That's very commendable...
RIFF RAFF: Yes, it seems like only yesterday since he went...
JANET: Where?
RIFF RAFF: To pieces.
(MAGENTA, COLUMBIA and RIFF
RAFF sing)
RIFF RAFF: It's astounding - Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely - not for very much longer
I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when
The Blackness would hit me - The void would be
calling
ALL: Let's do the Time Warp again (twice)
CHORUS,
NARRATOR
(MR. BASSMAN): It's just a jump to the left
ALL: And then a step to the right
NARRATOR: With your hands on your hips
ALL: You bring your knees in tight
TRIO: But it's the pelvic thrust
That starts to drive you insane
ALL: Let's do the time warp again (twice)
MAGENTA: It's so dreamy - oh Fantasy Free Me
So you can't see me - no not at all
In another dimension - with voyeuristic intention
Well secluded - I'll see all
With a bit of a mind flip - you're there in the
time slip
Nothing can ever be the same
You're spaced out on sensation
Like you're under sedation
Let's do the time warp again (twice)
(MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF make an
extraterrestial sign to each other)
COLUMBIA: Well I was walking down the street
Just having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise
He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes
Oh - he stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing - never would again
ALL: Let's do the time warp again (twice)
CHORUS REPEAT
(COLUMBIA dances to half a verse
of "Time Warp" as sung by other two)
ALL: Let's do the Time Warp again (twice)
REPEAT CHORUS.
SCENE FOUR
The laboratory.
FRANK: Unlock a mind - unmind a lock - it's the same as
the beginning of the end - do you follow?
JANET: No.
BRAD: It's an anagram, Janet.
FRANK: I wonder may I offer you something refreshing.
BRAD & JANET: No.
FRANK: No. You're right I won't - how delightful to have
fresh faces around. Magenta - Columbia - go and
assist Riff Raff - I will entertain - Ahh.
BRAD: Brad Majors.
FRANK: Brad Majors.
BRAD: And this is my fiance'e Janet Weiss.
JANET: Weiss.
BRAD: Weiss.
FRANK: Enchante'. How nice - and what charming underclothes
you both have - but here, put these on. Oh but here.
Thank you thing.
(He hands them robes)
It'll make you feel less vulnerable. We don't often
receive visitors here, let alone show them
hospitality...
BRAD: Hospitality! All we wanted was to use your phone,
a reasonable request which you have chosen to ignore.
JANET: Don't be ungrateful, Brad.
BRAD: Ungrateful!!
FRANK: How forceful you are, Brad, what a perfect example
of manhood - so dominant - you must be very proud,
Janet.
JANET: Yes.
FRANK: Tell me Brad, do you have any tattoos?
BRAD: Certainly not.
FRANK: Oh well... (to JANET) How about you?
(Enter RIFF RAFF)
RIFF RAFF: Everything is in readiness master, we merely
wait for you to give the word.
FRANK: Tonight, Brad and Janet, Paradise is to be mine...
JANET: Oh how wonderful for you.
FRANK: It was strange the way it happened
one of those quirks of fate really
one of those moments when...
Everything looks black the chips are down
Your back is against the wall
You panic - you're trapped - there's no
way out and even if there was it would
probably be a one way ticket
to the bottom of the bay. And then
suddenly you get a break - all the pieces
seem to fit into place - what a sucker
you'd been - what a fool - the answer
was there all the time - it took a small
accident to make it happen.
ALL: (look at FRANK in blank amazement)
FRANK: An accident, (MAGENTA and COLUMBIA repeat
"accident") Oh God, that's how I discovered the
secret - that elusive ingredient - that spark that is
the breath of life. Yes - I have that knowledge I
hold the key to life itself you see Brad and Janet you
are fortunate for tonight is the time my beautiful
creature is destined to be born...
Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator
and then step the reactor power input up three
more points...
JANET: Brad!!
BRAD: It's alright, Janet.
ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
And I've got the feeling someone's
Going to be cutting the thread
Oh woe is me - my life is a misery
Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
of a pretty big downer
I woke up this morning with a start when
I fell out of the bed.
ALL: That ain't no crime.
ROCKY: And left from my dreaming was a feeling
of unamiable dread.
ALL: That ain't no crime.
My high is low - I'm dressed up with no place
to go and all I know is I'm at the
start of a pretty big downer.
ROCKY: (That ain't no crime)
Oh no no no no
ALL: (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
ROCKY: (That ain't no crime)
Oh no no no no
ALL: (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
(That ain't no crime)
NARRATOR: Rocky Horror you need peace of mind - and I want
to tell you that you're doing just fine
You're the product of another time and
feeling down well that's no crime.
ALL: That ain't no crime.
ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
ALL: That ain't no crime.
ROCKY: And I've got the feeling someone's going
be cutting the thread.
ALL: That ain't no crime.
ROCKY: Oh woe is me - my life is a mystery
Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
of a pretty big downer.
(That ain't no crime)
Oh no no no no
(Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
FRANK: Well really - that's no way to behave on your
first day out.
ROCKY: Well nobody's perfect - But I do think
you made a pretty good job of the body work.
FRANK: You are the result of may hours of toil - and now
my beautiful creature you're ready for the ultimate
test.
ROCKY: Oh dear.
FRANK: But first meet the family, Magenta, Rocky.
MAGENTA: Hello Rocky.
ROCKY: Hello Magenta.
FRANK: Riff Raff - Rocky.
RIFF RAFF: Hello Rocky.
ROCKY: Hello Riff Raff.
FRANK: Columbia - Rocky.
COLUMBIA: Hello Rocky.
ROCKY: Hello Columbia.
FRANK: Hello. Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think?
JANET: I don't like men with too many muscles.
FRANK: I didn't make him for you dear.
He carries the Charles Atlas seal of
approval -
A weakling weighing 98 pounds
Got sand in his face when kicked to the
ground
His girl split on him
And soon in the gym
The sweat from his pores
As he worked for his cause
Made him glisten and gleam
And with massage and steam
He was thin but quite clean
He was in good shape
ALL: But the wrong shape
FRANK: He ate nutritious High-Protein
And swallowed raw eggs
Tried to build up his shoulders,
His chest, arms and legs
Then a magazine advert with a new muscle plan
(said)
ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.
FRANK: He'd done press ups and chin ups
Clean and jerked. Done the Snatch
Thought dynamic tension must be a catch
So he re-read the advert to see how it ran
ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.
(A large container 6'6" - 7' high -
4.5' wide resembling a 1940's fridge
with the "Eddie" air-brushed on the
door becomes lit - the door opens
- "Eddie" appears.
COLUMBIA: Eddie.
He is battered and shows the
occasional seam, wearing extremely
thick crepe soled shoes, (black
leather drainpipes, skin tight) -
drape coat - no tie, open necked.
(Must hint of Frankenstein's Monster)
Clothes mustn't look new. INTO -
EDDIE: Whatever happened to Saturday night
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life and I thought I was divine
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go
And listen to the music on the radio
A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll Show
And you climbed in the back and you really had
A good time
ALL: Hot Patootie bless my soul
I really love that Rock and Roll (four times)
EDDIE: My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when
I'd melt
And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was
mine
Get back in front and put some hair oil on
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song
With your arm round your girl you'd try to
sing along
You felt pretty good cause you'd really had
A good time.
ALL: Hot Patootie bless my soul
I really love that Rock and Roll. (Repeat 8 times)
(EDDIE exits back into the container)
FRANK: One from the vaults.
ROCKY: How can you keep him around. He's so ugly.
FRANK: A certain naive charm
But no muscle
We had a mental relationship -
But a deltoid and a bicep
A hot groin and a tricep
Makes me shake
Makes me want to take
Charles Atlas by the hand.
ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.
FRANK: I don't want no dissension
Just dynamic tension
JANET: I'm a muscle fan.
ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.
FRANK: Dig it if you can.
ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.
(BLACKOUT)
NARRATOR: There are those who say that life is an illusion -
And reality as we know it, is merely a figment of
our imaginations. If this is so, Brad and Janet are
quite safe. But - there are some who have a far
more physical philosophy - those who would stop at
nothing to satisfy their base desires -
It could be that Brad and Janet are among those who
hold the devil's reins.
SCENE FIVE
"JANET'S ROOM"
Voices in BLACKOUT.
JANET'S: Oh Brad - Oh yes - Yes my darling -
What if..
BRAD'S: It's all right Janet - everything's going to be all
right.
JANET'S: Oh I hope so my darling. I'm so fri...
(Lights UP)
You!
FRANK: I'm afraid so Janet but wasn't it nice...
JANET: You beast - you monster - what have you done with
Brad?
FRANK: Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should?
JANET: You tricked me - I wouldn't have - I've never -
never.
FRANK: I know - but it wasn't all bad was it?
Not really even half bad - in fact, I think perhaps
you found it quite - pleasurable - Mmm - so soft
so - sensual.
JANET: Ahh - no - stop - I mean help - I - Brad - Ohhhh -
Brad.
FRANK: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now - do you
wan't him to see you like this.
JANET: Like this? Like how? It's your fault you're to
blame... I was - saving my self.
FRANK: Well I'm sure you're not spent yet and it was an
enjoyable experience was it not?
(Lights DIM)
You did like it didn't you. There's no crime in
giving yourself over to pleasure - is there?
We could try for an action replay - Oh Janet
you've wasted so much time already - Brad needn't
know. I won't tell him, Mmmm.
(BLACKOUT)
JANET: Are you sure you won't tell him. Ohhh...
SCENE SIX
"BRAD'S ROOM"
Voices in BLACKOUT.
JANET'S: Oh Brad - Oh yet - Yes my darling.
BRAD'S: It's all right Janet everything's going to be all
right.
JANET'S: I hope so my darling.
(Lights UP)
BRAD: You!
FRANK: I'm afraid so Brad - but wasn't it nice.
BRAD: Why you - What have you done with Janet?
FRANK: Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should?
BRAD: You tricked me, I wouldn't have - I've never -
never.
FRANK: I know - but it wasn't all bad was it? Not really
even half bad, in fact, I think you found it quite
pleasurable - Oh so soft - so sensual.
BRAD: Ah. No - stop. I mean - Janet - Ohh Janet.
FRANK: Shhh - Janet's probably asleep by now - Do you
want her to see you like this?
BRAD: Like this - Like how - It's your fault. You're
to blame - I thought it was the real thing.
FRANK: A bottle of coke? Oh come on Brad admit it. It
was enjoyable wasn't it? You liked it didn't you?
There's no crime in giving yourself over to
pleasure - is there?
(Lights DIM)
We could try for an action replay. Oh Brad you've
wasted so much time already - Janet needn't know.
I won't tell her - Mmm...
(Blackout)
BRAD: Are you sure you won't tell her - Ohhh...
RIFF RAFF: (on intercom) Master - The labooratory is empty.
Rocky has vanished - the new playmate is loose
and somewhere in the building.
FRANK: Oh - Wow - What a - Mmm - Oh - Coming.
SCENE SEVEN
Laboratory. Enter JANET.
JANET: What's happening here - Where's Brad? - Where's
anybody? If only we hadn't made this journey - if
only the car hadn't broken down - if only we were
amongst friends or sane persons.
NARRATOR: "If" and "only" - two small words - words that kept
repeating themselves again and again in Janet's
thoughts - but it was too late to go back now - it
were as if she were riding a giant tidal wave, it
would be folly to fight against it - her only chance
would be to ride it out - adapt - and perhaps also -
survive.
(Enter ROCKY)
ROCKY: Oh! It's you - look I'm trying to hide from my
creator and his minion - they scare me - I feel
that all is not well here. I have been thinking a
lot about - (Eddie) I have a feeling of foreboding.
JANET: It's all like some terrible dream.
ROCKY: Is it true you don't like men with too many muscles?
JANET: Well...
ROCKY: Have you got any lip gloss?
JANET: I'm engaged to Brad, just the same as Betty Munroe was
to Ralf Hapshatt. But Frank's kisses overwhelmed
me with an ecstasy I had never dreamed of before -
hot burning kisses - I could see Brad's face before
me, and my mind screamed - No!! - but my lips
were hungry, too hungry - I wanted to be loved,
and loved completely - my body throbbed excitedly -
Oh Brad, Brad my darling how could I have done
this to you.
ROCKY: This room is a womb to me.
JANET: Yes - there you see, it's instinctive - you returned
here for one thing - security. Oh where's Brad -
(She fiddles with TV monitor)
What have they done with him?
NARRATOR: Janet's feelings ran wild as she frantically manipu-
lated the selector switch on the T.V. monitor - The
screen threw up images of empty rooms and corridors -
finally she stopped - at Frank's bedroom.
(sees FRANK kissing BRAD) Aaahhh!!
ROCKY: Oh you can't rely on anyone.
JANET: Oh Brad! - how could you?
NARRATOR: If one is suffering the pangs of remorse for a
sexual indiscretion - it ould seem logical that the
transgressor would be sympathetic toward a loved
one caught in a similar misdemeanour - But emotion
is an irrational and powerful master - and from what
Janet witnessed on the monitor - there seemed little
doubt that she was indeed its slave.
JANET: I was feeling done in
Coudn't win
I'd only ever kissed before
I thought there's no use getting
into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting.
Now all I want to know
Is how to go
I've tasted blood and I want more
I'll put up no resistance
I want to stay the distance
I've got an itch to scratch
And I need assistance
CHORUS: Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a - Touch me.
I want to be dirty
Thrill me chill me fulfil me
Creature of the night.
Then if anything grows
When you pose
I'll oil you up and rub you down
And that's just one small fraction
Of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand
And I need action.
REPEATS.
(CHORUS. After Janet has sung it at least once
by herself, ROCKY comes in with ("Hot Patootie
Bless My Soul, I Really Love that Rock and Roll")
and sings it against Touch-a Touch-a etc.)
BLACKOUT
SCENE EIGHT
RIFF RAFF: Aaaggghhh - Mercy!
FRANK: (with whip) How did it happen - I understood you
were to be watching.
RIFF RAFF: I was only away for a moment.
FRANK: See if you can find him on the monitor.
(Click - Brad's empty room -
switch - switch - switch -
Janet's room)
FRANK: Oh Bradlette
RIFF RAFF: I've located him in the female's quarters, Master.
FRANK: Rocky!!
BRAD: Janet!! How could she. That's it - it's over.
NARRATOR: Over! What was over? Not the night that was
certain. Brad and Janet's engagement? Their love
for one another? Who could say - for questions such
as these are not to be answered by the academic
they must be left for the heart to solve and Brad
you may be sure, had plenty of heart.
BRAD: Once in a while
She don't want to call you
Speaking on the telephone
And once in your life
She won't want to know you
You look around
The one you found she is gone
And that's all the time
That it takes
For a heart to turn to stone
The sweeter the wine
The harder to make the break
You hear someting
About someone you thought you'd known
So baby don't cry
Like there's no tomorrow
After the night there's brand new day
And there'll be no pain
And no more sorrow
So wash your face
And phone my place. It'll be okay.
And that's all the time
That it takes
For a heart to beat again
So give me a sign
That a lover makes
You look around the one
Found is back again...
FRANK: How maudlin - how pathetic - Your baggage has
dared to defile my beautiful creature - oh Rocky
how could you.
(Static - on monitor - outside -
a figure creeping toward hidden
camera)
RIFF RAFF: Master - we have a visitor
BRAD: Great Scott - Scotty - Dr. Evrett Scott.
RIFF RAFF: You know this earth - this person?
BRAD: Yes, I do he's an old friend of mine.
FRANK: I see - so this wasn't simply a chance meeting -
you came here with a purpose.
BRAD: That's not true - my car broke down - I told you.
FRANK: I know what you told me, Brad - but this Dr.
Evrett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.
BRAD: He was a science teacher at Denton High.
FRANK: And he now works for your Government -
doesn't he, Brad? He's attached to the bureau
of the investigation of that which you call
U.F.O's - that's right, isn't it, Brad?
BRAD: He might be - I don't know.
RIFF RAFF: The intruder is entering the building, Master.
FRANK: Ah he's in the Zen room. Seal off all exits - and all
doors - except for those that lead here -
Riff Raff - bring Rocky and Janet here - I think we
should make this a social occasion. The three
unexpected guests shall entertain us with a floor
show - which I shall direct.
SCENE NINE
Enter DOCTOR SCOTT in wheelchair
COLUMBIA pushing him.
COLUMBIA: Hi - Ho - Silver.
BRAD: Dr. Scott!
SCOTTY: Brad - what are you doing here?
FRANK: Don't play games, Dr. Scott. It was part of your
plan, was it not, that Brad Majors and his female
should check the layout for you - unfortunately for
you all there is to be a change of plans - I'm sure
you're adaptable, Dr. Scott - I know Brad is.
SCOTTY: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes
as a complete surprise to me. As does the set up
you have here - I didn't exptct it to be quite so...
FRANK: Sophisticated - Dr. Scott? Or should I say Dr. Von
Scott?
BRAD: What exactly are you implying?
SCOTTY: That's alright, Brad... Ah - this machine here...
BRAD: What do you think it is, Doc?
SCOTTY: At this precise moment it's hard to tell - but it
seems to be made of a metal that is not of this earth
- I would say that it was from another planet.
(Doors OPEN. Enter JANET)
JANET: Dr. Scott!!
SCOTTY: Janet!
FRANK: Rocky!
ROCKY: Piss off.
FRANK: Listen - I made you and I can break you just as
easily - I'll pull your plug out
SCOTTY: I suppose you intend to do with us as you did with
Eddie.
COLUMBIA: Eddie!
MAGENTA &
RIFF RAFF: Sshhh.
BRAD: Eddie - I've seen him, he looks terrible.
FRANK: What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?
SCOTTY: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things -
you see Eddie happened to be my nephew.
BRAD: Dr. Scott!
SCOTTY: Yes, Brad - my sister's boy. I knew he was in with
a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined - aliens.
BRAD: Tell them, Doc.
SCOTTY: From the day he was born, he was trouble
He was the thorn in his mother's side.
She tried in vain,
NARRATOR: But he never caused her nothing but pain.
SCOTTY: He left home the day she died.
From the day she was gone
All he wanted
Was a rockin' roll porn and a motor bike.
Shootin' up junk,
NARRATOR: He was a low down cheap little punk.
SCOTTY: Taking everyone for a ride.
CHORUS: When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy,
You knew he was a no good kid.
When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife,
FRANK: What a guy.
JANET: Made you cry.
SCOTTY: And I did.
NELL: Everybody shoved him.
I very nearly loved him.
I say hey listen to me
Stay sane inside insanity.
But he shut the door and threw away the key.
SCOTTY: But he must have been drawn in to something.
Making him warn me in a note which read
ALL: What's it say, What's it say.
SCOTTY: I'm out of my head.
NARRATOR: Hurry or I may be dead.
SCOTTY: They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.
Chorus
(Repeat)
FRANK: What a guy,
JANET: Made you cry,
SCOTTY: And I did.
(Repeat)
FRANK: Say a prayer for Eddie, I just defrosted him. (He
pulls out a bag of blood and gore) His destiny is in
the bag.
MAGENTA: I'll put him down the waste disposal.
FRANK: Clever girl.
BRAD: Why you...
FRANK: (Flicks a switch) There, that should restrain you all.
JANET: My feet - there's something wrong with my feet.
SCOTTY: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels.
BRAD: It's as if we were glued to the spot.
FRANK: You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools - O.K.
it's startime - Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on
programme 8 secure all levels at zero -
MAGENTA: Relax.
SCOTTY: You won't find earth people quite the easy mark that
you imagine - this sonic transducer! It is I suppose
some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular
transport device!
FRANK: You'd better believe it, baby.
BRAD: You mean...?
SCOTTY: Yes, Brad - it's something we ourselves have been
working on. But it seems our friend here has found
a way of perfecting it - a device that is capable of
breaking down solid matter and then projecting it
through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself.
JANET: You're going to send us to another planet?
FRANK: Planet - Shmanet Janet
Tell you once
Won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
Y'apple pie
Don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed
It should be all you need
You're as sensual
As a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it
Did ja hear a bell ring?
Y' got a block
Take my advice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
The transducer
Will seduce yah
It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind-fuck can be nice
You'd better wise up - Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up
Build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
NARRATOR: And then she cries out.
JANET: Stop!!
FRANK: Don't get hot and flustered
Use a bit of mustard.
ALL
(Voices building) *You're a hot dog
But you'd better not try to hurt her
Frank Furter
(* This keeps repeating and one by one they
are released by FRANK signalling MAGENTA
to pull the switch - in turn they make for
FRANK and are sprayed by RIFF RAFF and
become drugged. He rushes them into the transducer
entrance)
(MAGENTA keeps singing
after everyone else has stopped)
FRANK: Magenta, relax.
(RIFF RAFF sprays her)
Columbia - The artistes are in a molecular
state somewhere between entrance and exit.
(RIFF RAFF sprays her) When they've pulled
themselves together - see that they are
prepared for the floorshow.
COLUMBIA: Oh Wow - I can dig it - much - far out - what a
gas - that's groovy - I'm hip, man - it's like a
trip - oh nice one - freak out baby - dig you later.
FRANK: It's not easy having a good time - even smiling
makes my face ache - and my children turn on
me - Rocky's behaving just as Eddie did - maybe
I made a mistake in splitting his brain between the
two of them.
MAGENTA: When do we return to Transalvania? - I grow weary
of this world.
FRANK: Magenta I am indeed grateful to both you and your
brother Riff Raff - you have both served me well -
loyalty such as yours must be rewarded, and you
will discover that when the mood takes me, I can
be quite generous.
MAGENTA: I ask for nothing, Master.
FRANK: And you shall receive it in abundance - come - our
guests will be growing restless. (exits)
(MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF look
at one another - they make an
extraterrestial sign. EXIT)
NARRATOR: And so, by some extraordinary coincidence - fate
it seems had decided that Brad and Janet should
keep that appointment with their friend Dr. Evrett
Scott. But, it was to be in a situation which none
of them could have possibly foreseen - And, just a
few hours after announcing their engagement Brad
and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit - This in
itself was proof that their host was a man of little
morals and some persuasion -
What further indignities were they to be subjected
to... ? - And what of the sonic transducer and the
floorshow that had been spoken of? - What indeed? -
From what had gone before it was clear that this
was to be no picnic.
SCENE TEN
Each enters singly - wearing black
stocking and suspenders and black
underwear and finally they become
a slow-motion chorus line.
COLUMBIA: It was great
When it all began
I was a regular Franky Fan
But it was over when he had the plan
To start working on a muscle-man
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love of a certain dope
Rose tints my world keeps me
Safe from my trouble and pain.
ROCKY: I'm just seven hours old
Truly beautiful to behold
And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled
Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust
Rose tints my world keeps me
Safe from my trouble and pain.
BRAD: It's beyond me
Help me mommy
I'll be good you'll see
Take this dream away
What's this, let's see
I feel sexy
What's come over me
Here it comes again
JANET: I feel released
Bad times deceased
My confidence has increased
Reality is here
The game has been disbanded
My mind has been expanded
It's a gas that Frankie's landed
His lust is so sincere
FRANK: What ever happened to Fay Wray
That delicate satin draped frame
As it clung to her thigh
How I started to cry
For I wanted to be dressed just the same.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever -
Can't you just see it.
Don't dream it - Be it
Don't dream it - Be it
Don't dream it - Be it
(This continues fading slowly and
through this comes SCOTTY's
thoughts - as he sings, the blanket
reveals his stocking-clad legs)
SCOTTY: Hmm.. We've got to get out of this trap
Before this decadence saps our wills
I've got to be strong and try to hang on
Or my mind may well snap
And my life will be lived for the thrills
BRAD: It's beyond me
Help me mommy
JANET: God bless Lilly St. Cyr.
FRANK: (screaming) MY MY MY MY
I'm a wild and an untamed thing
I'm a bee with a deadly sting
Get a hit, and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the party and the sounds rock on
Gonna shake it till the life has gone
Rose tint my world
Keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
(They all sing "We're a wild and
an untamed thing" - right through
twice.
RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA enter
dressed in extraterrestial
national costume)
RIFF RAFF: Frank n Furter
It's all over
Your mission is a failure
Your life style's too extreme
I'm your new commander
You now are my prisoner
We return to Transalvania
Prepare the transit beam.
(ALL freeze)
FRANK: Wait - I can explain
(He is left alone)
On the day I went away
ALL: Goodbye
FRANK: Was all I had to say
ALL: Now I
FRANK: Want to come again and stay
ALL: Oh my
FRANK: Smile and that will mean I may
I've seen blue skies
Throught the tears in my eyes
And I realise I'm going home
Everywhere it's been the same
ALL: Feeling
FRANK: Like I'm outside in the rain
ALL: Wheeling
FRANK: Free to try and find a game
ALL: Dealing
FRANK: Cards for sorrow cards for pain
I've seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realise - I'm going home
I'm going home
I'm going home
SCENE ELEVEN
MAGENTA: How sentimental.
RIFF RAFF: And also presumptious of you - you see when I said
`we' were to return I referred only to Magenta and
myself - I'm sorry however if you found my words
misleading - you see you are to remain here - in
spirit anyway -
(He produces a ray gun)
SCOTTY: Great heavens - that's a laser.
RIFF RAFF: Yes, Dr. Scott, a laser capable of emitting a beam
of pure anti-matter.
BRAD: You mean you're going to kill him? - What's his crime.
FRANK: Oh Brad.
SCOTTY: You saw what had become of Eddie - Society must
be protected.
RIFF RAFF: Exactly, Dr Scott - Now Frank-n-Furter, your time
has come - say goodbye to all this - and hello to
oblivion.
FRANK: Do your worst - inferior one.
COLUMBIA: No!! No!!
(She throws herself between
RIFF RAFF and FRANK - BLATTT -
She and FRANK are both killed.
ROCKY bellows and beats his chest,
picks up FRANK. RIFF RAFF fires
again and again until finally ROCKY
dies. Spectacularly)
BRAD: Good God.
RIFF RAFF: Yes.
JANET: You've killed them.
MAGENTA: I thought you liked them - they liked you.
RIFF RAFF: (screams) They didn't like me - They never liked
me. You saw the way things were - the way they were
going
SCOTTY: You did right.
RIFF RAFF: A decision had to be made.
SCOTTY: You're O.K. by me.
RIFF RAFF: Dr. Scott I'm sorry about our nephew.
SCOTTY: Yes - perhaps it's for the best.
RIFF RAFF: You should leave now, Dr. Scott
While it is still possible
We are about to beam the entire house
Back to the planet of transexual
In the galaxy of Transalvania
Go now -
(RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA look at one
another. They start to laugh quietly -
it builds)
MAGENTA: I wonder if I remembered to lock up the dogs -
(they laugh louder)
RIFF RAFF: No matter, Magenta - activate the transit crystal.
BRAD: I've done a lot
God knows I've tried
To find the truth
I've even lied
But all I know
Is down inside
ALL: I'm bleeding
JANET: And super heroes
Come to feast
To taste the flesh
Not yet deceased
And all I know
Is still the beast
ALL: Is feeding
Ahh Ahh etc. ...
(Chant)
NARRATOR: And crawling on the planets face
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time
And lost in space
ALL: And meaning.
(SCOTTY, BRAD and JANET are
left alone with nothing
but the wind.)
BLACKOUT
EPILOGUE
MAGENTA: (as usherette) Science Fiction - double feature
Frank has built and lost his creature
Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet
The servants gone to a distant planet
Oh - at the late night double feature
Picture show - I want to go - Ohh -
To the late night double feature picture show.
THE END
