Fair warning: if you are secure in your particular faith, a bit of biting sarcasm on my part shouldn't shake you. However, if you're insecure in your religious beliefs, faint of heart, or easily offended, this might annoy you. So kindly hit that back button and go look at the tamer parts of my site. Shoo!
Don't say I didn't warn you =)
Yesterday:
One of my close friends (that runs a mainly fan art/fan fic site, tygerlander.com) got a really weird letter from a supposed total stranger. I seriously do hope this was a joke. Anyway, I've pasted here for your entertainment pleasure my response to the letter, with nothing omitted from the original... weird letter. For easier reading, my responses are in italic text.
(By the way, this was sent to some unnamed girl at cettus_777@hotmail.com. Her original subject was "down with mk")
> Post this on your sites and show this to others:
I'd prefer not to
> Are you a person that is constantly on the web, looking for more and more>
> fan fiction and sites?
nope, I'm a person that's constantly having to deal with morons like you
> Do you write way too much fan fiction and read too > much?
if you think there's something wrong with READING too much, I don't know what to say, except that I'd have a more intelligent conversation with a drunk cockroach.
>Is that kind of stuff all you think about, your favorite show, and h> ow > when it isn’t on you have to go to the computer?
nope, actually all day I mostly think about sex. and when sex isn't on I usually go pray to the dark lord Zorak.
> I was like that. I am better now. Shows and such appealed to me,
that's what they're supposed to do.
you see, it's a business. you like, you watch, they get money.
and it wa> s > what I thought about a lot. I planned the day around it. But pokemon is > making animals fight each other and what with denouncing the the evils and> > goodness of truth and love?
I don't know how much the holy babble has brainwashed you, but it's called: HUMOR I trust you're probably averse to kids' shows with talking animals in them, too
> There are no evils to truth and love. and
I can think of plenty of evils to love, especially when there's not a tube of lube handy
> Darkwing Duck looks like it has some black magic in it. (Morgana. Ugh.)
scared of the pagan goddesses are you?
don't worry, the Mother Goddess loves all Her children, even the hopelessly lost, those who can't think for themselves, and those at the lower end of the intelligence spectrum.
> Well, I don’t watch them anymore. I don’t think about it constantly an> ymore.
if you constantly think about Jesus or whatever the hell you fundie Xtians do all day, you need to see a sex therapist
> You know, once, with one obsession, I stayed up past 5 o’clock in the > morning on the computer. How sad is that?
I'm assuming you don't work night shift.
The computer isn't here to hurt you, unless you stick your fingers somewhere near the power source.
> Mortal kombat is violent, cruel, with false gods.
to me jebus christ is false.
oh wait, there's no christian video games, because xtians just don't understand the concept of "fun", only the concept of "bothering others for no reason and spouting their drivel"
> Man, cut off, you know?
we're mostly strong, independent, atheist/pagan females here. calling us "man" is an insult
>f you’re like that, stop it. Stop making all th> ose > websites and think about God first.
yup, next time I have a nice night in with my vibrator or current sex partner, I'll think of jebus christ writhing naked up on that cross.
no wait, that's not what you meant, was it? maybe I should visualize the christian god's face on the game character I'm currently beating up?
> Yeah, yeah, I know, I gotta practice > what I preach. I’m not always thinking about God first either.
I should hope not >But, you > know, he loves you. Go to www.fatherjoefix.com.
here's the concept of a working url:
IT HAS TO WORK
giving us dead URLs certainly won't lead us to jeezus
>he’s my priest. He’s a> nice > guy. He’s catholic, but he’ll counsel any person of any religion.
don't you mean "brainwash"? > > So think about what I said. Go to “Our daily bread. com” and “Daily > refections.com” especially during these months.
hello, earth to christian dumbass:
learn how to paste or type a working URL, or do I have to stare at a "this URL cannot be retrieved" message for salvation?
BILL GATES! HALLELUYAH!
> Subscribe for the stuff > they’ll send you.
you must be joking
>But watch out for what religious stuff you read.
don't worry yourself about that, all religious propaganda gets put in the guinea pig cage for my piggie to pee on
> And w> atch > out period. Do what you think is right.
responding to xtian drivel is what I consider right.
> Sometimes it can be hard. And > revenge and stuff? You should always forgive people, cause then why should> > you be forgiven if you don’t?
okay, I forgive you for wasting my time, now fuck off to your little church friends and stop bothering us.
believe me, we don't wanna hear it
> tell God your sorry,
for what? playing games?
if your little god doesn't allow fun, you can definitely count us out of your little group.
do some reading on the Pagan tradition, do some reading on modern Wicca, agnostic beliefs. then you'll see that beliefs and living a fulfilling and normal life where you think for yourself can mix.
>and pray and ask for forgiveness in Jesus's > name.Through jesus you can speak to God.
I'm not prayin' to anyone that's not approachable straight away. I can talk to all the pagan deities face to face about anything I want (and Apollo is much hotter)
> say, God, tell me what to do.
HAHAHHAHA
if you can't THINK for yourself, what the hell am I doing even talking to you?
if I needed gawd or jeezus telling me what cereal to have for breakfast, I think I'd tell one of my friends to shoot me
>He works in so many ways we cannot even > imagine.
not at my place he doesn't, he wouldn't get past the security system and the dog I bet he's after my CD collection! the thief
> my computer wouldn't log on to the net this morning ( a week or > more ago). but it did when i was going to send this out to websites. See?
oh halleluyah! a network outage or your own computer illiteracy guides you!
idiot
> confirm with God so you know what is the right thing.
okay then.
christian gawd, am I right in telling one of your more stupud followers to shut the fuck up? if I'm right, give me no sign
...
guess I'm right. lol
> God, if i'm supposed> > to send out this email, please show me that i am supposed to. don't bargai> n, > a man wrote.
hang on hang on, I'm not gawd.
no wait, yes I am. get me a big jar of your mother's chocolate chip cookies!! and hurry up or you're spending an extra 15 years in purgatory!
oh and get me some beer
> confirm. God will always love you.
I think I prefer my vibrator
but love him back and love> > and follow Jesus.
if jeezus jumped off a bridge, would you jump?
I think we both know the answer to that one.
> Jesus and God love you even if you don't love them right now, so that > should give you help. and the Bible will give you all you need to know,
yes, slaughtering infants, sleeping with my father and brother, killing people who eat pork, killing all people who don't believe in my religion!
oh, and the world is flat, and everything revolves around the earth!
wow, the holy babble kicks ass!!
by the way, I'm being sarcastic.
bu> t > there are so many and some have differences. Jehovah’s witness I don’t> agree > with,
that makes you a good tolerant little xtian sheep doesn't it
>cause from what I’ve heard there’s at least one thing different > in > their’s.
yup, I've never gotten a fucked up email from a Witness. that's the difference, fundie
> > read stuff like Genesis and the Prodgigal's Son first. read the Bible, but>
who the fuck is Prodgigal?
yo moron, don't you mean The Prodigal Son?
funny how I know your own holy book better than you
> sometimes things might scare you, like the end of the world, so don't read> > Revelations first.
whoo Stephen King's the Stand was great!!! THAT'S relevations for you!!
if you think we're scared of a novel, you're sadly mistaken
> learn about the Holy Spirit,
don't want to know about something that impregnates old grannies and virgins
>for instance, Galatians > 5:16-25, and never blaspheme.
oops. guess I've done wrong all this time then.
my insincere apologies.
>Go to church, and tell people about God,
you mean "annoy people"?
no way, I do that enough at work already.
nowhere in my religious system is there a clause that the Great Mother wants me to annoy people by pushing my religion onto them.
mak> e > websites > for Him and good stuff.
yup, welcome to jesussex.org!
now that's a dead url. I was being sarcastic.
just thought I'd point that out
fuck, how old are you? 10?
> Tell your parents, your family, friends. i haven't> > shown this thing that i'm writing to my family, i'm scared to.
and with good cause, you little moron
show it to your family, they'll beat some sense into you, spare the rod and spoil the child
> DON'T BE SCARED. I have tried to tell them stuff.
yes, like the other day I told my mom I lost my fifth pair of panties this week! boy was she upset
> I also think that from sundown on Friday night to sundown on Sat. night it> > is the Sabbath, not on Sunday morning.
I don't even KNOW what to say to that
> Email me to ask questions talk, etc.
you got your wish, toots
> you might be confused with the Bible, so ask a preacher you trust, or any > person you trust
I don't belong to an organized Coven, so I'm out of luck there I guess. lol
>, and you'll help them with God by doing that.
what? saying "why does the babble say the world is flat?"
when they > figure it out, they'll get closer to God if they let themselves.
I don't want to be anywhere NEAR the virgin impregnating, child killing, serial killer xtian gawd
if you > always trust him, and you allow yourself to love, and love him, you'll be > fine. God won’t ever abandon you.
stalker!!! I'm gonna ring the cops! gawd's stalking me!!!
> God be with you
and may the force be with you.
lol
nah, I hate star wars
anyway little child, one day you'll discover the wonders of free thought if you let yourself.
it's not that hard, your brain's used for something you know.
let your mind and heart guide you and not some priest or a fictional book.
that concludes my presentation. that was fun lol
feel free to ask me about using your brain
~Luce~
Yup, that was it. I hope you enjoyed that, I had fun writing it.
By the way, I never DID get a response =(
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