Danny's Story

All went well until that fateful day when I was 29 and a half weeks pregnant and went in for my ante-natal checkup.
All of us were there.Billy put the gel on my blossoming tummy for the doppler to detect the heartbeat.
Nothing was found.The midwife called the doctor,she too found nothing.They reassured us that the baby was in an awkward position.So just to check we were sent to the main hospital in Portsmouth.There I was monitored.They did detect a heartbeat,we were so relieved.I still had this awful feeling that something was wrong as only a mother will know.
After an hour the doctor came in,took loads of blood samples and then talked about the heartbeat.They had made a mistake,it was MY heartbeat they had detected,our world from that moment on shattered............
The ultrasound showed our child in a mass of black liquid,lifeless.
I was asked if I would like to be induced now or later.I chose to go home and be with my sons,to tell them that baby had died.
This was so hard to do.Thankfully my mother-in-law was with us and that was a comfort as the kids had a welcome distraction.
The next morning John and I left the house knowing that our baby would never see our home or his brothers.This is a journey I will never forget.
It took 3 days before I delivered Danny.He was so beautiful,so perfect,so still.........

We held him,kissed him,cherishing every moment.I still remember his smell.
We had him blessed after I went into theatre to have the placenta removed.The blessing helped greatly.
Daniel Adam Gledson was now an angel and I shall never forget how beautifully handsome he was,if only his heart had been stronger.

The funeral was a week later in a sacred place dedicated to all the babies who were born still.
Danny will remain in our hearts forever.He will always be the brightest star in the night sky.

A Prayer That Was Read at Danny's Funeral Service

Letter for Daniel on your 1st birthday

My dearest darling Danny.

I can not believe its been a year since I last saw you. Last saw your tiny pink face so soundly asleep. I cant believe it's been a year since we held and kissed your tiny hands and eyes.

Oh Danny, my sweet angel, let me tell you how much mummy and Daddy miss you, how your brothers Sam and Billy ask about you and see you in the sky at night when the stars are shining out.

Our hearts ache for you, our need is so so great it really rips, but I must hold on to the fact that you ARE with us, in our hearts, minds and souls.

Where you grew, from a tiny bud into a flower, now grows your sister. She is 30wks old right now, and she will be born, very close to your due date 23rd October 1999. I am going to tell her all about how special you are, how much we miss you, and how you are our guardian angel, and will be hers too. It does feel very strange, carrying her at this time, but she is our hope, she is a piece of you, like you are a piece of all my children.

But you live on and on, you will live forever, in my heart, where I will cherish you, hold you, kiss you, feel you, forever.

Daddy and I planted a rose bush at your graveside today, a white rose, pure as you are, small as you are and as delicate. You are the purest child ever, never knowing pain, sorrow grief, but knowing only love.

We all love you so much Daniel Thinking of you on your Birthday, and forever more.

All our love Mummy, Daddy, Samuel and William