15 Steps To Getting Chicks
	Dirt bag Style

Alright, first of all for all you novices out there, here is your introduction to picking up chicks. We will stop at nothing to get and then get with a girl.

Step One: Drink beer. No wait, drink excessive amounts of beer before chicks arrive.

Step Two: Dress yourself appropriately. You might want to do this before step one but variety is the spice of life.

Step Three: Position yourself in the right location. Whether it is at a bar or at a private party, anywhere close to points of traffic are the best. A doorway, ladies' room or even sources of alcohol are good places to start.

Step Four: Identify hot chicks.

Step Five: Don't forget to continue drinking heavily.

Step Six: Offer chicks a drink. It can be beer, wine coolers, even Zima, it doesn't matter.

Step Seven: Try to act like a gentleman, be polite and lie, lie, lie like you've never lied before.

Step Eight: Now that you have established yourself as a "ladies man" at the party, it is time for your trademark. This entails identifying and moving in on girls that seem to be interested in other guys. I mean after all, who does this Joe think he is. There are several procedures for making this move. Dancing or better yet, grinding you way in is probably your best bet. Whatever you do, you must succeed in upsetting your opponents every move. Or if you can't dance, offer to play a drinking game. Girls love these games. If "Joe" tries to play, you will out drink him and he will act like a fool after a couple drinks and this makes you look better.

Step Nine: Tell her she's special, that you care and all that other bullshit.

Step Ten: Repeat this process with every hot chick in the room.

Step Eleven: It is now time to choose. Sometimes it is better to go with morally casual behaviors over pure looks. Within reason.

Step Twelve: Bring chick to an isolated area, but not your room.... yet. Secluded hallways, or even restaurant bathrooms can work well. Get some personal information, show interest and keep the bullshit flowing like the beer you've been drinking. Note: You are still drinking at this point.

Step Thirteen: It's now time for "The Move". Determine the location of the night's continuing events. If it's early (before 2:30) it has to be her place. This gives them a level of comfort that will ultimately speed the process along. After 2:30, she wants it and will go anywhere and do just about anything. If it is her place, never invite yourself in. During the inevitable goodnight kiss, work your magic and repeat step #9. I cannot reveal what the "magic" is, but it has everything to do with getting the chick really horny.

Step Fourteen: Seal the deal. Enjoy a night of passion and be cordial the next morning.

Step Fifteen: Defensive maneuvers. When you girlfriend asks what you did last night do the following three things: Lie, deny, and make counter accusations.