A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you,
so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an
issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some
cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with
your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to
you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is
extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do
is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged.
The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men.
Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful
affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look
back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable
home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook
him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish
to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets.
To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and
cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not
love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in
the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by
buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.