Virus Alerts =--=

Lewinsky Virus:
  Sucks all the memory out of your computer,
  then e-mails everyone about what it did.

Kenneth Starr Virus:
  Competely examines every aspect of your computer,
  then compiles a complex report that discredits every aspect of your computer.
 
Ronald Reagan Virus:
  Saves your data,
  but forgets where it is stored.
 
Mike Tyson Virus:
  Quits after two bytes.
  Spits everything out.
 
Oprah Winfrey Virus:
  Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB,
  then slowly expands to 200 MB. Dr.

Jack Kevorkian Virus:
  Deletes all old files.

Ellen Degeneres Virus:
  Disks can no longer be inserted.

Titanic Virus:
  Your whole computer goes down.

Disney Virus:
  Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

Prozac Virus:
  Screws up your RAM,
  but your processor doesn't care.

Joey Buttafuoco Virus:
  Only attacks minor files.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:
  Terminates zome viles, leaves, but it vill be baaack.

Lorena Bobbit Virus:
  Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy,
  then discards it through Windows.

Viagra Virus:
  Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Clinton Virus:
  Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory.
 
 

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Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten millon strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but Ph balanced for a woman.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.
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AT&T condom: "Reach out and touch someone."
Bounty: The quicker picker upper.
Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?
Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....
M&M condom: "It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!"
MCI: for friends and family
Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter
Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are
The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before