(Colin on pigeons)
Spike: "Colin?"
(Lynda is talking to Colin, who is buried under a pile of defective prams)
Colin Mathews was played by Paul Reynolds
(Colin is explaining to Spike and Danny as to how he ended up on the Junior Gazette)
Spike: "So! What happened?"
Colin: "They found out about my academic self-improvement scheme. A little venture to help improve individual pupil performance."
Spike: "What were you doing?"
Colin: "Selling blank report cards."
---------Page One----------
Colin: "Lynda, we've got to do something about these birds, they're picking on me!"
Spike: (looking at Colin's stained umbrella)"I've never heard it called that before."
Colin: "Listen, I've got an idea. I know these guys at the shooting range..."
Lynda: "Colin, think 'preservation of wildlife'."
Colin: "Wildlife?"
Lynda: "Animals, Colin."
Colin: "Preservation of animals...You mean like in the freezer?"
Lynda: "We'll talk later."
Colin: "But those little Nazis are picking on me!"
---------Money, Love and Birdseed----------
Kenny: "Colin, what's wrong?"
Tiddler; "How was Warner Eddison?"
Colin: "Dead."
Kenny: "What?"
Colin: "He had a heart attack last Wednesday two hours after he phoned me to come round. It was his funeral this afternoon, and they were having a sort of a gathering at his house. Do you know what I really wish?"
Tiddler: "What?"
Colin: "I wish that I hadn't pushed past the guy who opened the door, rushed into the house and shouted, 'Hi Warner, I'm a bunny-gram!'.Do you have any idea what it's like to have every single rich and powerful person in town dressed in black and staring at you, while you're wearing a giant pink rabbit costume to a funeral?"
(Pause)
Colin: "Excuse me. I'm just going to the toilet to whimper for a while."
Kenny: "Colin, we've already got someone whimpering in there. Maybe you'd like to go under one of the desks."
Colin: "Fine. Thanks."
(Colin crawls under one of the desks and begins to whimper)
---------A Night In---------
Lynda: "Look, after a mess-up like this you need to get involved in something that'll improve your image."
Colin: "My image is fine."
Lynda: "Look, you can't afford to make any mistakes with babies. Ask any politician who's dropped one."
(Break- Colin hears Lynda's suggestion)
Colin: "No way, Lynda! Some of those shops advertise with us!"
Lynda: "Do you ever think of anything except money."
Colin: "Sure!"
Lynda: "What?"
(Break - Colin is thinking very hard)
Lynda: "Well?"
Colin: "I'm trying to think. It was a long time ago."
---------How to Make a Killing Part Two----------
