Rock Creek, Nebraska, 1876

Louise McCloud looked over the premises of her home since many years, recognizing every single corner and shadow, had seen them countless times before. But still they all looked different. The news of the town marshal's death, had shocked and paralyzed the few former Pony Express riders who were still alive. Lou had heard from all but one, and though she appreciated their words of respect for her now dead husband, she was sick and tired of hearing how sorry everyone was. What about my grief? she thought angrily for the millionth time, rose for the porch to go for a walk. She did that often, especially since her dear husband's tragic death, but today she knew it wouldn't help her clear her thoughts.

Kid had died only a month ago, when a bank robber had tried to shoot himself out of town. Lou had heard the gunfight, and though she ran her best, she didn't make it in time. Kid was dead when she reached his side, and ever since she couldn't find peace. Anywhere. Fifteen years had passed since the Pony Express riders had walked their separate ways in life, and Lou had given her husband three children. Two were alive at the present, one of them dead from influenza at an early age. That had now been ten years ago, and everyone had told Lou her life would only get better from that. For ten years she had believed them, but now she was ready to give everything up. Even her two living children.

Falling to her knees in heart wrenching sobs, the soft green grass caressed her face and the hands that covered it. She lifted her head from the ground moments later, telling herself she was stronger than that, didn't need to sob and cry like a small child every time something went wrong. But the tears wouldn't go away, though she had cried almost constantly for a month.

She rose, wiping at her face with the back of her hand, cursing aloud at her own stupidity, the tears and sorrow once again turning into hate. She hated Kid for dying, especially before she reached him, and she hated him for leaving her. He had promised he wouldn't, for fifteen years he had promised he would stay by her side always. No matter what. But now he was gone.

She looked out over the flat prairie, the mountains by the horizon nearly covering the sun. It was getting late, a dark shadow cast over the land, which made her cry again. The shadow looked just as dark and cold as her heart and soul felt.

She stopped her sobbing abruptly, almost swallowing her tongue, when she heard someone on a horse approaching. She hid behind a tree, not wanting to meet anyone like she looked, her eyes red and cheeks swollen from tears.

The rider came up the hill, stopping briefly, his back turned to her. She saw a braid of long, dark-brown hair hanging down from his skull, a bedroll around his lower back, probably tied with a string around his waist. He rode without a saddle, a pair of worn buckskin leggings covering his legs and a just as worn shirt on his upper body. He wiped some sweat out of his face with his left hand, Lou spotting a tattoo on the back of it as he lifted it. She knew who this rider was, and it had been almost fifteen years since she last saw or heard from him. She wanted to rush into his arms, feel the strength she lacked in the comforting embrace of another human being, but her nails dug deep into the bark of the tree and she remained hiding. The rider continued on, down the hill toward the old Express station, but stopped before someone living there could see him. Lou left the tree, hiding behind some rocks just feet away from the man on his horse, watching him watching the place where he used to live. Half a lifetime ago. Then he would have called it home, but now it was just another place, and possibly the only white homestead he would ever again see. He sighed deeply, eyes searching for something he didn't really want to see. Kid's grave.

He spotted it, right below him, under a big tree at the bottom of the hill. He watched it for a long time, silently praying for an old friend, then turned his horse around and started off toward whatever nowhere land he came from.

Lou jumped out from her hiding, feeling almost childishly stupid for her behavior, hesitating only a second before finally speaking. "Buck, you ain't leaving already, are you?" she asked directly, the rider stopping his horse with a harsh command.

Buck turned slowly on the horseback, afraid of what he might see, afraid of what the tiny woman might see. He looked up and down her body, which was slightly fuller than before, but still very petite and beautiful. He tried to hide the fear in his eyes, unable to speak.

"I knew it was you," Lou spoke slowly, approaching him cautiously.

"Hello, Louise," he greeted carefully, unaware of the fact that he avoided her eyes. But she saw it immediately.

"Buck, it's been a long time," she stated, the Kiowa nodding silently. "I know."

"What happened to you?" she asked, afraid of coming too close. Something about him scared her, and she knew he felt the same way about her. Buck saw her fear for him, slid gracefully off his horse to at least be on the same level.

"I don't know…" he replied thoughtfully, eyes falling downward, unable to stay at her face for long.

"Wanna… wanna come inside?" she asked, hesitantly looking up at his face.

He looked to his right, down toward the station, eyes brimming with tears.

"No, I should go," he said, nervously turning back to her.

In her eyes he saw her plea, knew she wanted him to stay. He could read longing and despair in those dark eyes of hers, as well as sadness and grief. He knew his own eyes overflowed with the same emotions, something tugging at his soul like a nagging old dog, demanding attention. He avoided her eyes again, looking at the tattoo on his hand, seemingly studying it as if he had never seen it before. Lou took another step closer, standing less than three feet from him now.

"Buck, you've been gone a long time… Won't you please come inside, just for a few minutes?" she begged, her big, calm eyes searching his face for a response.

"Lou, I can't…" he whispered, the tears turning into moist before his eyes.

"Please…"

Looking deep into her eyes he silently nodded, taking a step forward, glad she also started to walk. He really didn't want to be touched, though he knew he needed it.

They walked silently side by side toward the homestead, Buck's horse following behind them, used to silence since a long time.

After hitching the animal to the porch, Buck stood firmly by the house, looking it up and down.

Lou opened the door and took a step inside, glad he followed her moments later without any words spoken. There was something in Buck's eyes, face and whole appearance, something that made her certain he knew what pain she was going through, tried to push it away just like she did. He looked so much older, though his handsome, youthful features remained. She decided it was his sad eyes that made him look so different, wanted to know what had happened to him but was afraid to ask.

She walked into the kitchen, sitting down on a chair. He stood by the stove, stiffly looking around.

"Buck, why didn't we ever hear from you?" she asked finally, Buck closing his eyes for a moment.

"I couldn't be reached," came the silent reply, a simple statement that sounded more like an excuse.

"What do you mean? You could have reached us," she said, motioning for him to come closer, perhaps even sit down.

"I came here many times," Buck began, Lou staring at him in disbelief.

"You what?"

"I came to that hill, where you saw me just now, and I stood to watch you. And Kid, your children, the horses… You've both done very well with this place."

Lou shook her head, she didn't want to hear what he was saying.

"Why didn't you ever say hello?"

"I was afraid to. Lou," he paused, taking her hands in his, trying to give her a sense of what pain he felt by holding them tightly. "I couldn't. I wasn't fair to anyone when I left, and I was pretty sure you didn't ever want to see me again," he said, tears coming to his eyes again, but he held them back.

Lou recollected that day fifteen years ago, when Buck had left Rock Creek. He had fought with Kid about something, both of them bloody and sore, but none of them would speak of it. To the others it seemed very odd that two so close friends could suddenly lash out at each other, speaking words of hate and worse to one another. Buck had left town shortly after that, just gone one morning, with a note on Kid and her front door, and it read: "Take care of her. BC."

Lou's own eyes filled with tears over his sad departure, but wanted desperately to know why he had just packed up and left like that. "Why wouldn't I, Buck?" she asked with concern, just as footsteps on the porch startled them both.

"Lou? We're back!" a cheerful female voice spoke. Buck froze, wanted to run and hide, but as Lou rose and walked out in the hall, so did he.

"Hi, Rachel, thanks for taking care of them for me," she said, giving the still blonde woman a warm hug.

"It was only fun, cross my heart," she smiled, by accident looking over the smaller woman's shoulder, breaking out of the embrace to take a step toward Buck.

Buck saw her sudden approach, backed a step, trying to read her eyes, expecting a hard slap across the face. To his great surprise she took him into her arms, hugging him tighter than any other woman had for several years.

Buck tried to answer the embrace, but his arms hung stiffly along his sides.

"Buck, is it really you?" she whispered and took a step back.

"Hello, Rachel."

Rachel looked over Buck's face and body and then turned to Lou. "Why didn't you say he was coming for a visit?" she asked, turning back to Buck.

Buck's head hung slightly, eyes downcast.

"Buck, where on Earth have you been?"

Rachel had a right to know, he thought, and so did Lou. None of them really knew why he had left, though they both knew it was because of Kid. Something happened between them, and whatever it was, it was big enough to break them far apart.

"Lou, Rachel, I should be going," he murmured, taking a step toward the door, instantly stopped by two forceful hands, one belonging to each women.

"Don't you dare, you're gonna answer some questions!" Lou suddenly spat, the anger for not knowing why he had left before rising quickly, like it had many times over the years. Now she demanded an answer. Buck sighed, allowing them to take him outside, to the porch. He sat on the swing, between the two women, trying to come up with what answer they both wanted and deserved.

"Buck, please, tell us why you left. What happened between you and Kid?" Rachel asked softly, stroking his shoulder.

The pain and awkwardness was obvious, to both her and Lou, but they still wanted to hear the story Buck kept inside his head.

"Buck, Kid never told me and I was too late to force him to, and now I beg you to tell me," Lou pleaded, receiving a painful glance from Buck.

"It was just a fight," he whispered, staring at blind spot in front of him.

Before he could continue, Lou's two children came running toward the house.

"Hi, mom!" the twelve-year-old Jimmy called cheerfully, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw Buck.

He turned around to stop his five-year-old sister Marilee from coming too close to the Indian, took her hand and held it firmly.

"Jimmy, Mari, this is Buck Cross. He's a very good friend, and I want you to treat him like one," Lou said, he children nodding hesitantly.

If it was one thing Kid had taught his son, it was to not trust strangers, and the first thing he learned at school was that all Indians were savages. Dangerous such.

"Hi, Jimmy," Buck nodded, managing a brief smile, turning his gaze to the smaller girl. She didn't know, he thought, she didn't know better than to smile and look her cutest.

"Marilee, come here," Lou begged, her daughter slipping from Jimmy's grip, to come and sit in her mother's lap.

Marilee looked with curious eyes at the stranger beside her mom, but thought if she and Aunt Rachel weren't afraid, he couldn't be dangerous.

Buck managed a smile, looking into the crystal blue eyes of the small girl beside him, saw a lot of both Kid and Lou in her. Her curly, chestnut hair flew in the wind, causing her to shake it out of her face as she kept staring at Buck, not letting her eyes off of him.

"Buck, please continue," Rachel begged.

"No. Not now. Not in front of the children," Buck stated lowly, rising.

Rachel sighed, rising also, wanted to place her hands on his shoulders, but he seemed to sense her intention and took a firm step forward.

"After they're in bed, will you tell us then?" Lou asked, letting Marilee down and rose also.

"Yes."

Buck regretted promising that, wanted to leave before he made them madder with him than they already were, deep inside.

"I'm afraid I can't stay that long. I'm having dinner with Teaspoon, and I should think he's expecting me already," Rachel said.

"Couldn't you bring him over later, I'm sure he wants to see Buck is back," Lou said, Buck shaking his head violently.

"No, I don't want to meet him. Not yet."

"Alright," Rachel said, giving him a concerned look.

"Just be sure to tell me everything you tell Lou, okay?" she smiled, looking at him one last time before turning to her wagon.

Buck and Lou watched her mount the drivers seat and as the woman turned her smiled had grown.

"It's really great having you here, Buck, I expect you to stay until tomorrow at least!"

She waved at the couple on the porch, and was soon only a dust cloud on the road to town.

"Will you?" Lou asked suddenly, bringing Buck back from his thoughts. "Tell me?"

"I guess…"

"You better," she stated, walking inside with the children.

Later that evening, after a little smalltalk at dinner which hadn't been more cheery than their other conversations that day, Lou and Buck sat on the porch swing again, watching the night.

"Well, the kids are asleep," Lou pointed out.

"This isn't easy, Lou. Let me think of a way to start, and you better not interrupt or I don't know if I'll ever get it out," Buck spoke quickly, the words forced out with the last clear thought he had in his mind at that time.

"Alright."

"Kid and I went for a walk, the week after you married. He asked why I had been so down lately, and… and I couldn't think of a good answer, so I simply told him exactly what the problem was."

"Usually the best way around things," Lou smiled carefully.

"Don't interrupt, please. Lou, I… I told him what I really feel… felt, for you. I had a crush on you then, and Kid got mad."

Lou could see Buck's cheeks glow with embarrassment, but he kept talking.

"I told him he could do whatever he wanted, but I had to tell you. That's when he hit me. I had expected it, but I couldn't keep myself from hitting back. I was so mad, not directly at Kid, but I was so mad at whatever gods decided you married him and not me."

Lou's eyes fell on Buck's hands, which were clutching to each other so hard they were whitening. Her own blush took over when Buck's cheeks finally regained their real color.

"Buck, I don't know what to say," she whispered without looking up.

"Then don't say anything. It was all my fault, I was so jealous… Kid had nothing to do with it, he was just caught in the middle. But he made me see I had no place here, that I should leave. So I did."

"No, Buck, you shouldn't have. You should have told me and then went along with your life. I wouldn't have been offended. On the contrary, Buck," she said, taking his hands in hers, their eyes meeting slowly.

"I know. But I couldn't stay. I found a new life for myself with my Kiowa brother. I came every now and then to just look at you, and Kid, I suppose. But I was so afraid he had told you, that you would be mad, so I didn't dare to come down that hill. No matter how many times I tried," he said, looking into her eyes, he saw tears for her dead husband shine in them and wanted desperately to take them away.

"Buck, I'm not mad," she promised with a whisper, letting the tears fall freely.

"What happened to you?" she asked, forcing back the sobs.

"I married, had a kid. A son. But my tribe was attacked by the white soldiers ten years ago, and since then I've been drifting around."

“They were killed?"

Buck nodded, his voice, that just had seemed to finally work again after a so long time, failing him.

"I'm sorry," Lou whispered, more tears falling down her cheeks. Buck hesitantly placed an arm around her shoulders, letting her fall against him and sob all she wanted.

"I heard about Kid by accident, when I visited Cave Creek. The bank robber that shot him had been there too," he spoke above the crying woman's head.

Lou gripped his shirt and cried loudly against his chest, his arm hugging her carefully, hoping it would be some support at all. His own tears brimmed in his eyes, but did not fall. He had learned to control them during the years in pain, and he knew tonight they wouldn't do any good for anyone.

They sat together for several long hours, the night almost turning into day before Lou dried her tears away and walked him to the bunkhouse, where he would spend the night.

2 Years Later

Buck stayed on in Rock Creek, decided he owed Lou to help with the homestead. She had been very pleased when he told her he wanted to settle down, but had told him he owed her nothing. He would have none of it.

Their conversation on the porch swing that night was never mentioned or thought of, at least not in the open. Buck and Lou both thought of it, but would never let the other one know. Teaspoon and Rachel had been filled in on the reason why Buck had left, but they swore to Lou they would never bring it up in front of Buck. They all agreed he didn't need the reminder.

Marilee had become more and more like her mother, both to looks and ways of thinking. Jimmy remained just like his father, more every day. He was still wary of Buck, couldn't understand why his mother had let a new man into her life so shortly after his beloved father had been killed. But he was never rude to the Kiowa man living in the bunkhouse, his father would not have approved of that. He had heard Kid and Lou talk about their Express days, and the name Buck had often been mentioned. Though Kid had never spoken it, it had always been Lou. But he seemed like a nice man to Jimmy, just a little scary sometimes. It seemed he could sneak better than a mouse, even when he didn't mean it, and he often startled the young boy coming into the house or barn.

One evening after dinner, Buck sat in the bunkhouse reading when suddenly Lou came in. Buck looked up, smiling at her briefly before turning back to the book. He never thought that she might have wanted his attention.

Lou sat down on a bunk opposite to Buck, watching him carefully. His hair was down for a change, spread across his back. She couldn't recall ever seeing him without a braid since he came back, and the sight captured her for a moment.

A lock was about to fall into his face, but he took no notice. He was still inside the book, living the adventure written there.

In the last second, his hand subconsciously pulled the hair back over his shoulder, then moved to turn the page.

Lou smiled, biting her lip. Finally, he looked up.

"Oh, sorry," he mumbled, putting the book aside.

"It's alright, I was just not tired, and the kids are asleep. You don't mind that I came in, do you?" she asked.

"Not at all. Uh, the book… I found it in a drawer."

"I know, it was Cody's. He left it behind, probably on purpose," Lou smiled.

"Probably," Buck smiled back.

"Wanna take a walk? It's a hot night," Lou said, rising.

Buck rose too, followed her outside.

They walked in silence for awhile, before they ended up outside Lou's house. Buck nodded and said good-night, turned to walk to the bunkhouse.

"Are you tired?" Lou asked, suddenly.

"Uh, no… Are you?" he turned with a smile.

"Not really. I would like to ask you something, inside," Lou said, opening the door.

"Okay," Buck said, slightly confused, walked inside. They sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, Lou staring at her hands for a moment.

"Buck, do you remember what you said, that night two years ago, when you told me what happened between you and Kid?" she finally asked.

"Sure," he said, eyes falling into his own lap.

"You don't… you don't feel those things for me anymore, do you?" she asked, both looking up, their eyes meeting.

Lou read shock in Buck's, and he read true interest to know in hers. He turned away, cheeks turning a pink shade. That said it all to Lou.

"So you do…"

"No, Lou, I married another woman, we had a child together, I loved her," Buck defended himself.

"I know, you must've, but that doesn't mean you…"

Lou stopped, realizing how desperate she sounded. She sighed, looking away.

"Lou, I…" Buck couldn't finish the sentence either, looked at her face pleadingly.

Lou turned quickly to face him, pressing her lips against his. Buck didn't object, though he hadn't been kissed since his wife died. At that moment he didn't even think of her, it was only Lou. Lou's hands came around his head, and she felt his on her shoulders, stroking them and move up her neck.

Buck felt her trembling lips part from his for a brief moment, then they came back, with even greater passion and lust. Her hand took his, and they rose, still kissing. Lou led Buck upstairs, unsure of what they were actually doing, but did it anyway.

Buck hadn't been with a woman for twelve years, and the memories of what it used to be like, how it used to feel, was what made him unbutton Lou's blouse.

Her hands forced his shirt off, stroked his masculine chest and played with his nipples. His hands hesitantly touched her bare breasts and nipples, his lips covering hers. Lou felt no signs of arousal between their hips, and realized Buck was still too unsure. She opened his pants, sliding her hand carefully down to touch his manhood. He flinched, but stood firmly in front of her, trailing kisses up and down her neck, biting carefully at her soft skin. She sighed in delight and her left hand pressed his head against her chest. Her other hand continued to stroke Buck's yet limp member.

Finally her movements started to pay off, and his manhood swelled more and more. He let his hands drop to her buttocks, squeezing them carefully before unbuttoning her skirt in the back, forcing it down to her ankles. His eyes met hers, and there was a look of uncertainty in his. She kissed him, her tongue slipping into his mouth, her teeth biting playfully at his upper lip. He moaned, and she knew he was ready for something else.

She knelt, taking his member into her mouth, her tongue now playing with his head. He groaned deeply, breathing heavy from excitement. It had truly been a long time.

She rose again, pushing him gently so he fell against the bed. She landed on top of him, forcing his pants off, and with a little help from Buck they soon dropped to the floor.

Buck rolled over on top of her, moving his throbbing manhood closer to her wetness, both of them gasping as he entered her. She smiled, kissing his chest, pulling him down toward her. She grabbed his butt cheeks, squeezing them, one hand moving even lower, to touch his sac. He moaned, letting one hand down to touch her bud, giving her some pleasure as well.

"Buck, please move," she begged breathlessly, desperate to feel his hips move in time with hers, feel him deep inside of her. He obliged, his hands falling on the covers for support as he started to thrust.

She moaned deeply, her orgasm causing her to trash her head from side to side, move wildly beneath him. He smiled just briefly, moving faster.

The longer their lovemaking went on, the harder the tears became to hold back. Buck felt them rise to his eyes, and Lou saw them too. Realizing he cried for his dead wife, and how me thought he was betraying her, made Lou almost embarrassed she didn't cry the same way for Kid. She wiped at his tears, kissing at his wet cheeks, whispering a silent "It's okay."

Buck lifted one hand to touch hers, pressed it against his face, and kissed it. His hips began to move again, and soon Lou was squealing in passion. Buck was not far behind, pumping into her like a wild animal as his relief finally came and he relaxed against her body.

Lou's hand carefully pressed his head against her neck, and no words were necessary to tell him she had truly enjoyed what they had just shared.

Buck panted heavily for a long moment, and as the afterglow of his orgasm settled in, his eyes rolled in pleasure and he had to close them.

When he finally rolled off Lou's godsent body, he groaned once again in delight. She smiled at him, her hand caressing his upper arm. Buck looked into her eyes, wondering what she was thinking, for some odd reason not the least embarrassed over his emotional breakdown just a moment ago. He only wished he had had the courage to give Lou more pleasure. But she seemed very content as it was, and she hugged him against her bosom with a wide smile of thanks.

Buck's eyes closed once again and he felt the covers being pulled over his sweaty body. He slept by her side, feeling as though an old, but yet so strong, dream had come true. Feelings he had sworn to forget, had rapidly come back to him the moment he saw Lou that day, two years ago. Though her face had been ravaged by the tears for her husband, she still looked as pretty as ever.

Lou awoke from tweeting birds outside her bedroom window, the sun already high in the sky. She smiled, letting her hand trace the sheets behind her. Surprised to find the bed empty, she turned around, looking beside her as if Buck would return if she stared long enough. She first almost wondered if she had only dreamed it all, the memories strong but still so unreal. She sighed, looking across the room. Her clothes were nicely folded and put on a chair, and there were no signs of a man whatsoever. She sighed again, her eyes falling on the pillow beside her. She smiled when she saw Buck had definitely slept there, the marks from his weight still visible. She couldn't believe he had actually spent the night in her bed, but at that moment wished it would happen again.

She got out of the bed, looking out the window. He saw Buck in the corral, carrying hay for the horses. She smiled, her fingers rising to touch her lips. She remembered how good his kiss had felt, though he had been stiff and unsure. He had been gentle and careful, like a virgin. Lou tried to wipe the smile off her face, but her eyes were frozen to Buck's body. She turned away moments later, trying to clear her thoughts, when her eyes landed on a picture of Kid. Her face fell, and she walked up to take the picture in her hands. She looked at it, stroked it, the tears rising like so many times before, falling down her cheeks and landed on the glass of the frame. She placed the picture back on the drawer where it had been for so many years, started to dress.

Buck greeted Lou with a smile, climbing out of the corral. Lou nodded back, heading for the barn. Buck was confused over her absent behavior, but returned to his chores.

"Did you see the kids off this morning?" Lou asked, still with her gaze fixed at the barn.

"Sure thing, Rachel came to pick them up," he replied, looking up. Lou nodded again, very absent minded now, rushing toward the barn. There had been no words of love spoken between them, and Buck was slightly scared because of that. What if she doesn't want anything else than what happened last night? he thought, looking after her as she entered the big building, closing the door behind her. Buck sighed, at a loss of what to say or do. He had to speak to her, but what would he say? That he loved her, always had and always would? He knew Kid still existed in her mind, and probably always would, but he knew his old friend wanted Lou to be a happy woman. It had been many years since Buck last saw Kid, and despite their fight he knew Kid would want Lou to marry again. And to whoever would make her happy.

Reaching the conclusion that he would display his feelings for her later, he grabbed the pitchfork and tossed some more hay over the fence, feeling much lighter at heart.

Lou stood leant against the wall, hands covering her face. She knew her children would be back from school and Rachel in a few hours, and she had to regain her composure before then. Last night had felt so good and right, but now it was all crashing down at her and made her sick to her stomach.

She stood erect, wiping at her face where tears threatened to fall down her cheeks and made her way to the stalls. They needed to be mucked out, and she figured the work would make it easier to get her thoughts away from Buck and Kid. It had worked before.

She heard Buck's content whisper as he worked on the other side of the wall, the window right above their heads wide open. He sounded so happy and trouble free, but with even tune coming out of his mouth Lou's heart sank further. How could she tell him? For two years he had worked by her side, helped her with the horses, the children and simply life itself. She had felt life was actually worth the sweat and tears, and the children even though they were crying and screaming, and grieving for Kid had been a thousand times easier with her old friend by her side. They had shared meals and conversations together, but last night they had shared something forbidden. They had crossed the line, and it could never happen again. And it wouldn't.

Lou looked up as she saw in the corner of her eye that Buck entered the barn. He smiled at her, and she flashed him a grin in return. But Buck saw in her eyes that her thoughts were elsewhere, and his intentions to tell her he really loved her changed into being the best friend she so badly needed. She had cried on his shoulder many times, and he had soothed her the best he could, with all the words he had wished people would have told him when his family had been killed. And Lou had truly appreciated it. He had seen in her eyes and read on her face the gratitude she felt for his words. But now her face only showed the tears she seemed to always carry in her eyes, and she fell into his embrace with flows of salty pearls streaming down her cheeks. Buck hugged her carefully, pulling away just to take a look at her.

"Lou, is Kid haunting you again?" he asked with a teasing smile, which he knew would bring her spirit up.

She smiled and swatted at his chest. She wiped at the tears and turned back to the stalls.

"I'll help you," he offered, taking a pitchfork too and started to muck.

"Buck, I need to talk to you," Lou murmured after awhile, leaning her fork against the wall.

"Talk all you want," he said without looking up, eyes fixed on the stall floor.

"Not now, later," she said.

Buck knew better than to talk about their night together this soon after she had cried, had experienced many times that her tears usually came back after only a few minutes of complete composure. But this time she seemed to be all right, though still a bit distracted.

Buck worked by her side until there was no more work to do and they went over to the house.

Lou fetched a pitcher of cool lemonade, which they drank in silence. Both of them thought they had to mention their passionate night, but both also wished the other would start. Lou finally cleared her throat, looked up at Buck with the words on the tip of her tongue.

Just then a wagon came into the yard, startling the two on the porch, and Rachel's voice seemed far away.

"Hi, Rachel," Buck greeted, leaving the porch reluctantly, wanting nothing else but to talk to Lou in private.

They had had all day, both being scared for how the other would react, and now it was too late. Rachel jumped down from the wagon, shortly followed by Jimmy. Marilee crawled down unnoticed from the back of the wagon.

Jimmy headed inside, looking almost angrily at Buck when he passed him, but smiled at his mother.

Buck ignored the boy's looks and went to pick Marilee up into his arms. She laughed and pleaded to be put down, but Buck shook his head and held her under his arm as if she was a bedroll, which caused her to laugh even harder. Jimmy turned in the door to look, heard his sister's gasping laughter and giggles. He first thought his father had returned, never having heard his sibling laugh like that with anyone else than Kid before. Almost disappointed he turned back inside to start on his homework.

Buck finally let Marilee down on the dusty ground, and she ran to her mother to hug her tightly. Lou enfolded her into her arms and smiled at her daughter. Buck looked on quietly, Rachel helping herself to a glass of lemonade.

"Were you nice today?" Lou asked her child.

“Course we were!" she smiled and jumped down from her mother's lap.

“They were angels both of them," Rachel smiled, taking Marilee in her arms.

"Especially this young lady!" she chuckled.

Buck felt a smile part his thin lips, and had to almost look away. He felt more and more like a father to Marilee every day, but he knew he had no right to feel that way. And looking into Jimmy's light blue eyes he saw the reason. They were not his kids, and they never would be. They belonged to a man he had considered his friend for a long time. Despite their fight he had always respected Kid. And always would, though he was two years late to tell him that.

He turned back to the happy women on the porch, their smiles warming his heart. Lou looked his way, her face a mixture of joy and bewilderment. He knew he was the cause for at least one part.

The children went to bed later than usually, which both Buck and Lou cursed. They needed to talk, but the children couldn't hear. But something told Buck that Jimmy already knew what they had shared the previous night. His looks were darker than usual, his language short toward him. Buck first thought he was only scared Jimmy would find out, and was fooling himself because of that, but after dinner he was certain. Jimmy had been sitting on the opposite side of the table, glaring at him from under his brow, leaning over his plate much lower than usually. Buck had tried to ignore it, but the boy had stared him out for over an hour. He had looked back, hoped Jimmy would back off, but he had just kept his eyes fixed on Buck's face.

The time was rapidly passing by, and before any words could be spoken, Buck had retired to the bunkhouse. Lou had slept in her bed alone, almost afraid of touching the side of the bed where Buck had slept. She was both confused and angry, at herself and the man who had completely twisted her feelings around, and now she was desperately trying to come up with a good reason for them to stay in separate beds forever. But the reasons she could think of weren't good enough.

Buck smiled in his sleep, the streaks of sunlight beaming through the window not bothering him. In his dream he was in bed with Lou. She lay under his gentle weight, squirming as he moved his hips. She smiled into his eyes, and they both chuckled. She wrapped her arms around his neck, moving also. Buck groaned, kissing her neck, shoulder and face. Lou moaned, pressing him against her body, her fingers digging deep into his shoulders. He felt clearly how she reached her peak in the dream, biting her lip to keep from screaming. She arched her head back, looking with wide-open eyes at the ceiling. Buck plunged forward, also exploding in ecstasy. His deep moan and heavy breath felt so real. He saw Lou smile at him again, wiping the sweat out of his face. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breathes. But when he tried to look up again, his eyelids seemed glued shut. He could hear Lou beg for him to look at her, but he couldn't open his eyes no matter how he struggled. Lou's voice grew desperate and he groaned in both anger and frustration, everything black around him.

Lou stood in the door, watching how Buck squirmed in his bunk. He was still sleeping, but apparently dreaming something, and whatever it was it caused him to moan. First in sheer pleasure, but later in something close to pain. She saw he was close to waking, his eyelids fluttering. She watched him for a few moments longer, before seating herself at the table, hearing him sit up behind her.

"Good morning," she said without turning around.

"Uh, yeah," he whispered, looking around a slight bit disoriented. The dream had made him sweat for real, and he drew a hand through his wet hair. It had all been so real, the feeling of his orgasm still in his legs. He looked at Lou, who sat with her head hanging, leaning her elbows against the table.

"You all right?" he asked, grabbing his shirt and trousers.

"We gotta talk about… us," she said, finally turning to him.

"Yeah, we do," he agreed lowly, pulling his shirt on.

"Buck, I don't know what got into me, I acted without thinking. I'm so sorry for doing that to you, but surely you agree that it was only something two hurting people did because they thought they needed it?" she spoke thoughtfully, trying to recall all the words she had planned to say that night.

Buck looked at his feet, suddenly understanding why she hadn't brought it up yesterday.

"Buck, what happened between us was just something… something very good, but still wrong. Don't get this wrong, it really was good, but it shouldn't have happened. Not between us, it's wrong."

Buck nodded silently, all hopes falling to the pit of his stomach. He knew Lou had a point, but refused to believe it was wrong. He loved her, could never think anything they shared was wrong, but if it was her wish to forget things ever happened, he wouldn't push her into remembering. But he knew he would for the rest of his life.

Summer turned into fall, and fall in turn became cold snow. After Christmas and New Years the nights were dark and lonely for Buck, who had thought of Lou's words every day since they were spoken. He had bit his teeth together and never once let her knew how he felt, thinking it wasn't much different from the days working for the Pony Express. He had watched her every day then too, knowing he couldn't have her. She had belonged to another man then, and she still did. Only difference was, Kid was dead now, and it was time for Lou to move on, but she refused to see it. In the back of his mind he thought maybe she did see it, only she didn't want to move on with him, but there was no way for him to know.

It felt unreal that they had shared a bed for one night and made nothing out of it. Buck had always had something against one-night experiences, feeling dirty and bad about it, as if there were no feelings involved. But now he had in fact done it, and even though he had enough feelings to last them both, they were only bouncing back at him every time he wished Lou would see them.

It was an exceptionally cold winter, the bunkhouse chilly and drafty. Lou wanted to invite Buck to live with her and the children in the house, but knew it was a bad idea. She told herself that in case she couldn't live with him in the same building without sleeping in his bed, she had been wrong before, saying there was nothing between them. But she had acted foolishly once before, and that was enough. Marilee was hardly old enough to understand her father had died, and it wouldn't be fair to her to give her a new dad so soon. Who am I kidding? Lou sighed. There is nothing between Buck and me, he would never be Mari's father! She was angry at herself for even suggesting it, taking her late husband's picture in her hands. She studied it, smiling through the tears as he looked back at her. She couldn't hide from his eyes, he saw her everywhere. Just the thought that he had seen her with Buck in their bed, was what made her cry this time. She had to go see Buck, just to make sure he was still there, for the first time wondering what was keeping him in Sweetwater. It was pitch dark outside, cold beyond belief. She pulled her coat around her slim figure, running as fast as she could toward the bunkhouse.

Entering, she saw a few candles lit and a small, burning flame in the fireplace. Buck lay in his bunk, shivering from cold, two blankets covering his body. He hadn't noticed her come in, the wind from outside not changing his condition the least. Lou looked around, wondering what to do first. She threw herself at the fireplace and tried to revive the dying flames, succeeding only temporarily.

"It's no use," Buck's stuttering words reached her ears.

She turned around and went over to him.

"You ain't sick, are ya?" she asked, feeling his forehead for a temperature.

"No, I'm fine," he said, pulling the blankets closer around his trembling body, closing his eyes hard.

"You gotta get warm," she almost whispered, his skin cold as the air.

"Come inside with me," she said, but he shook his head forcefully.

"I'm not going out there."

"Then there's only one thing to do," Lou said, mostly to herself, looking around for more firewood.

Buck sat up, despite his stiff body, leaning against the wall. Lou threw in more food for the fire, doing her best to keep it alive. It faded again, and Buck had to leave his bunk, though he dreaded it, and sit close to the fireplace. Lou found a third blanket and spread it over his shoulders. He looked up at her face, met her eyes cautiously, then turned back to the fire. His hands were so old and stiff he could barely move them, let alone feel them as he rubbed them together, in a desperate attempt to gain some warmth.

"I'm sorry this had to happen," Lou murmured, rubbing his shoulders.

"I'll live," he replied, actually feeling somewhat better.

"You wouldn't unless I'd found you," she smiled carefully, kneading his back muscles through the blankets, suddenly struck by the urge to do more.

She let go of him, to his great dismay, and sat beside him instead. They looked into the flames, which were dying once again, and simply sat silent side by side for a long time. Buck was still shivering occasionally, though his body was unfreezing more by the minute. Lou's eyes searched for his, found them and stared into them. He looked back, a longing sensation in them which made her shiver some too. But not from cold.

Her hand moved on its own, creeping up behind his head, pulling it to her lips. They kissed briefly, the glowing light from the fire spreading across their bodies as they undressed each other. Buck let her roll him over on his back, the blankets working as a bed for now. She leant down to suckle at his nipples, her tongue licking his tanned skin, moving down toward his bellybutton. He moaned deeply, growing hard only from watching her. She let her tongue slide back and forth below his bellybutton, before finally moving down to touch his most sensitive parts. He breathed heavily as she took him into her mouth, licking and sucking with both tongue and lips, moving up and down his shaft. He grew bigger and harder, hips moving with her sucking and teasing.

She let go of him just before he would loose control, straddling him to once again tease his nipples. He wanted to be inside her, needing it even more this time, though he thought their last encounter would last him a lifetime. She pressed her womanhood against his stomach, making him almost as wet as herself. His hands, finally somewhat warmer, kneaded her buttocks and lovehandles, before touching her breasts and nipples. He pulled himself up to lick his tongue along her side, reaching her right breast and take it into his mouth. She moaned, an orgasm close, moving her hips, unable to help it. Buck smiled, taking a careful hold of her other breast, his warm tongue making the nipple rock hard, causing her body to start trembling. As she came down from her first satisfaction of the night, she smiled and looked into his eyes as he lay back down.

"Are you warm yet?" she asked, stroking his chest and abs.

He nodded with a wicked smile on his face, rolling her over on her back. He let his swollen head touch her sensitive bud, which sent her over her peak again. He smiled again, entering her fully. This time he felt good about satisfying her first, but she wasn't done yet. She moved her hips so violently he nearly gasped, totally forgetting to move his own. She nearly laughed at him, grabbing his shoulders. As he finally started to move she let her head fall against the blankets, moaning with his every thrust. He groaned and let out a heavy sigh, having to let himself rest for a brief moment before continuing. He trailed kisses down her neck and shoulder, taking her nipple into his mouth again. She nearly screamed in total bliss. His hips moved with stronger force, thrusting hard. His loud moans mingled with hers, and they rolled around on the blankets, both unable to lay still in one position. Their hips moved against each other, moaning louder still. Buck felt how he had lost all control of his body, felt it move on its own, one single thought in his head. To stay conscious. His vision was blurred by white dots, and a fresh sensation of dizziness overtook him. He moved violently, letting all desires he had suffocated through the years with Lou claim his body, made him move until his whole body trembled in ecstasy. He felt Lou's fingers dig into his shoulders, the pain quickly overtaken by his orgasm. He screamed straight out, feeling his seed shoot deep into Lou's body, her womanhood tightening around him. He kept moaning and trembling, couldn't stop. Lou smiled, hugging him against her.

She knew she had just given him the best of his life, his body shivering violently even minutes later. She had seen Kid react the same way once, and though they had had great sex after that, nothing could satisfy her like the way he had trembled and moaned that night. Like Buck was now.

Buck fell deep into Lou's sweaty embrace, shuddering, biting his lips together to keep the moans from escaping. She had left him senseless, and he again had to focus on his breathing to keep from fainting. As he finally regained some control of his body, his muscles were so cramped he could barely move anyway. He stiffly lifted his head, looking into Lou's dark eyes. She smiled, kissing him, staring back at him.

"I love you," he whispered, finally daring to speak the words he had thought since the very day he met her.

Lou closed her eyes, let him kiss her, knew if she spoke now she would say something she would regret later. But to Buck it didn't matter if she answered or not, as long as she stayed with him. That was answer enough.

Lou gently pushed him off of her, rising. Buck looked up at her with a frown, her hand reaching down to take his.

He sat up, reading in her eyes that she wanted him to join her, wherever she was going. He smiled, took her hand.

Lou moved to Buck's bunk, laying down carefully. Buck stood over her for a moment, looking down at her, the fire behind him making his contours burn with a glow of orange and yellow. She pulled him down, his lips touching her slim middle. He kissed her belly with light lips, inhaling the scent she had carried with her always, the scent he had smelled before and almost gone crazy thinking he couldn't have her. But now she was there, and all his.

She let her hands play with his hair, as his warm breath flew lightly over her skin, tickling her to a giggle. Buck lay down in the bunk, leaning on his left elbow and looked at her. His hand traced her side, fingertips just barely touching her. She pulled him down to kiss his lips, letting her hand come around his neck. She pulled back instantly, looking at her hand in terror. It was bloody.

Buck was first confused, and Lou sat up in the bunk to look over his back. She carefully touched the swollen areas where small rivers of blood trickled, from the place where she had let her fingers dig into him, trying to keep from going insane as he rode her. She smiled carefully, kissing his shoulder.

"Looks like I hurt you," she said, hoping he wouldn't be mad.

"You could never hurt me, Lou, don't worry," he spoke sincerely, taking her chin in his hand.

He kissed her deeply, his tongue touching hers with a sudden hunger for her body. She looked into his eyes, where feelings of confusion and bewilderment flowed. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he looked away, laying down with a sigh. The wounds on his shoulder didn't hurt that bad, and he thought he would be sleeping soon.

"Buck, don't you want me again?" she asked with a seducing look in her luminous eyes, sinking down against the sheets as well.

Buck looked at her, eyes big with further confusion. He hadn't been very sexually active during his marriage, as the tribe he lived with was going hungry and couldn't afford more than one child per family. When his son had been born, he was only sleeping with his wife when it was for certain she would not get pregnant. Doing it twice in one night was something he had never dared to even think about. Though he had wanted to, many times.

It was obvious Lou was more spoiled than that. He looked into her eyes for a long moment, breaking out in a wicked smile. She smiled also, when she felt his hands stroke her body, searching for her sensitive spots. They made respectful love, sleeping peacefully in each other’s arms.

Buck awoke a few hours later, lay beside her just watching her sleep. He couldn't believe she was actually there again, in his arms. She had said before that they had acted wrongfully doing what they did, but now he was more than certain she had changed her mind.

Lou woke at the crack of dawn, her head resting on Buck's left arm. His head lay against the wall, arms and legs spread across the bed. Lou noticed she lay basically the same way, their limbs tangled together. She watched the silent heave of his chest as he breathed, eyelids fluttering slightly as he dreamt. She carefully pulled her legs free, rising from his arm. He felt her weight leave him even as he slept, turned his head to his right just by instinct. Lou stared at him, praying he wouldn't look up, but his eyes opened slowly, squinting in the bright light from the morning sun. He smiled at her, her hand landing over his face, forced his eyes shut. She placed a kiss on his cheek and left the bed. It was enough for Buck to go back to sleep, and she grabbed her clothes from the floor, dressed quickly, rushed over to the house.

She told herself it was because she wanted the children to find her in her own bed, alone, but in her head she knew she was only running from the feelings that wouldn't go away. The feelings she knew Buck had for her, and she had for him. But she didn't want them, none of them. She just wanted to be left alone, even though she could never imagine life at the homestead without Buck there. She was torn in both directions, unable to keep from sweating in the presence of Buck, and yet unable to love him like he loved her.

She crashed on her bed, pressing her face into the pillow, biting her lip to keep from crying. She realized her tears didn't always mean her sorrow for Kid anymore, instead she cried for the love Buck was willing to give her that she couldn't give him back. Not as long as Kid existed for her, dead or not, and she knew he always would. She fell asleep and slept until the house started stirring.

Buck showered and walked over to the house, fully rested and feeling satisfied for life. He smiled at Marilee on the porch, playing with a doll she had received on her birthday. It was Saturday, both kids home, and in a way Buck was glad he wouldn't have to see Rachel. He caught a certain light in her eyes every time she looked at him, as if she wanted to tell him she knew everything. But how could she know? And if she did, why wouldn't she say something? He decided to leave that for the gods to answer, walked into the house.

"Ma's not here," Jimmy's dark voice spoke, stopping Buck dead in his tracks.

"Uh... You know where she is?" he asked, almost cold sweating, scared his shirt would fall apart right before Jimmy's eyes and reveal the red marks on Buck's back.

"By the creek. She wants to be alone."

Buck nodded, turned. He knew when he wasn't wanted, and in the presence of Jimmy he often felt that way. The child seemed to have taken over Kid's soul and spirit, and through his light-blue eyes he showed exactly what Buck could imagine Kid would if he was alive, and knew about the things that were going on between his wife and the long lost Kiowa.

Buck left the house instantly, sitting down with Marilee.

Jimmy looked on from the window, a darkness spreading across his face. He envied the way Mari smiled with Buck, laughing at the way his voice changed when he spoke to the doll. Jimmy envied the way Mari always seemed to be loved, whoever she was around. She had always had a father as far as she was concerned, and always someone to look after her. Jimmy had no one since Kid died. He wanted no one else either, but watching Buck and his sister play on the porch, made him so angry he wanted to jump through the window and break it up. But instead he just turned back to his books, hoping to catch up on some Biology for school.

Buck went looking for Lou, leaving Mari in her brother's care. He knew the boy had said she wanted to be alone because she had been crying, Marilee had said so. Buck couldn't think of anything he would rather do than to embrace her like he always did, hug her and soothe her, and if she needed it, he wanted to make love to her. He felt embarrassed for thinking that, but after their night in the bunkhouse he couldn't help it. He found her sitting in the middle of the creek, on the usual rock where he had found her many times before.

He stood and watched her for a moment, her hair catching a glowing look in the sun, flowing down her back. He let out a deep sigh, leaning against a tree. His knees went weak just from watching her.

Lou heard Buck approach, but she didn't turn. She had indeed been crying, but not over Kid. She had cried for Buck, whom she knew would never be more than a lover, no matter how much he wanted to be more than that. She couldn't love him like he loved her, she had decided that now. Still a voice told her she was already loving him, but she fought those thoughts with all her being. It wasn't fair to anyone.

The creek was not icy, the currents seeming stronger than ever around the tiny woman. He wondered how she got there, to that rock in the middle of it all. She finally turned to him, looking into his eyes. She saw the love he felt for her, and she felt warm all over. Just like last night, by the fire, when his looks alone had made her do something stupid again. She knew she was leading him on, but she couldn't help it. When he looked at her with those black eyes she saw exactly what she wanted, what she desired and what she could have any day if only she told him the words he wanted to hear, but Kid constantly reminded her that she belonged to him. She saw in Buck's eyes that he knew what she had been through, what pain she felt and what loneliness she faced in her dreams. But she also saw the love he had developed for her, the desire he had and the life he wanted her to share with him. She turned away, looking at the afternoon sun, which was finally beginning to warm the snow and bring promises of spring. But Lou's heart was still cold.

Buck looked around and noticed some smaller rocks in the creek, figured Lou had used those. He wanted to be close to her, but was afraid to walk out on those rocks. They looked a slight bit too small for his feet.

"Lou, can you come back, I wanna talk to you," he spoke, the woman looking up suddenly.

"Please?"

Lou sighed, started to balance her way back on the small rocks. She jumped the last few feet to the bank, landing in Buck's arms. She looked up at his face with concerned eyes, smiling a bit embarrassed. She backed away, but his arms had closed around her and she was forced back into his embrace.

"Lou, what's wrong?" he asked, her knees going week again, the warm sensation in her returning from hearing his soft voice.

She looked into his eyes, meeting the same warmth and nervousness. He leant forward and kissed her, hugging her closer. She returned the kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth. They kissed for a long moment, both breathing heavily when they parted.

"I felt so lonely when I woke up, why did you go?" he asked, looking at her pretty face with sparkling eyes. Sparkling from love.

"I had to see to the children," she said, feeling like she lied only a little.

"Couldn't you have come back?" he asked with a teasing smile.

"I had to think," Lou said, sighing.

She couldn't lie looking into those eyes of his, the warmth and love radiating from them too strong. Her knees gave way again, and she had to lean against his chest to stay on her feet.

”Think? About us?"

"Yes. I woke in your arms, feeling so happy at first, but then I thought of Kid. Buck, can't you see? He's never gonna let me go, and I won't let him either."

Buck looked away, backing a step from her body, ready to scream and hit something, but only sighed deeply.

"I know."

"Buck, I'm sorry," Lou whispered, searching for his eyes.

When he finally met her stare the warmth was gone, replaced with anger and jealousy. But the love remained.

"I can't believe I fell for it twice," he murmured, starting for home.

"Don't just walk away! We need to talk, Buck, you can't just go!" she called after him, but his hand only waved at the air behind him, in a gesture to make her leave him alone.

He watched him leave, sighing in despair, at a total loss of what to do.

"I told you she wanted to be alone!" Jimmy called from the porch as Buck entered the barn.

Buck made no effort out of hiding his anger, glared at the boy. He closed the door behind him, only to reappear outside moments later, his horse bridled and ready to be exercised. Jimmy frowned, watched the Kiowa gracefully mount his horse. Buck rode quickly from the station, leaving no doubt that he wasn't going to return for long.

Lou looked after him as he went, her voice trapped in her throat, unable to holler after him the words he wanted to hear. The words he had spoken to her and not required anything in return for. The words she had only spoken to one man before in her life, but still wanted to tell another. Yet she was afraid that first man would ruin things if she did. She sighed and headed for the porch, where Jimmy waited with Marilee behind his legs. The boy looked at his mother with a concerned frown, but she didn't notice him.

The words Buck had spoken at the creek echoed in her head. How he wanted to wake up beside her, how he had missed her and then the unspoken sentence; how much he loved her for being his. And she had popped the dream right as it was about to come true...

Buck let his horse wander, riding on until the night became too cold. It was dark since many hours back, and he had to bite his teeth together hard to shut out the chill. He had tried to think about Lou, but there had been too many distractions. She had walked in and out of his mind, but he couldn't focus on her alone. His anger was too strong. She had deliberately made him think she cared for him, but now she was telling him she only cared for Kid. He had been dead soon three years, and Buck cursed him for staying on. Why couldn't he just leave and let Lou's life have its course? He thought, finally turning for home. He was pretty sure the McCloud family would be asleep by now, and even if they weren't they wouldn't notice him come back. He would sneak his best and not light any candles. He didn't want Lou to see him. Didn't want to see her.

As he finally came closer to the old Pony Express station, he heard voices. This surprised him, and all his anger turned into curiosity.

"This will go quick, lady, just sit back and relax."

"Get off of me!"

Buck heard Lou's dark growl even from where he sat straddled across his horse up on the hill above Kid's grave. He listened again.

"Now, be still and no one gets hurt, I'd hate to damage that pretty face of yours!"

"Don't you dare touch my daughter!"

"This beauty? No, no, why would I touch her, when I can give her enough pain hurting her mama?"

"You filthy pig!"

Buck decided he had heard enough. He could see only shadows dancing in the faint light from the house, but he had only heard Lou and two men speak. Maybe he could handle this, he thought.

"What do you want?!" Lou cried angrily, fighting the grip of the strong man.

"We want our gold," he replied, shaking her arm.

"What gold?! We don't have any gold!" Lou assured him, her voice growing unwillingly desperate.

"Your husband found gold five years ago, and we're here to collect it. And don't lie, it won't do ya no good!" the second man spoke, his voice revealing he must be at least five or so years younger than his partner.

Buck let his horse into one of the corrals behind the barn, sneaking around the corner. The shadows of the dark night were on his side, and he could easily rush over to the bunkhouse without being seen or heard. "That was five years ago, we don't have it now!" Lou yelled, receiving a slap in the face.

"I told ya to be still!"

"Look, missy, we know your husband struck gold only half a mile from here, and a friend of his ended up in the same jail as us," the older man spoke, sitting down beside Lou.

Lou knew exactly who this 'friend' was. He had gone under the name Folston, and had worked alongside Kid for a few months, as they were digging for gold on the station property. They had found only a little, but it was enough to give them a smaller fortune. Folston had drawn a gun on Kid and gotten away with half the valuable goods. They never saw him again, but heard he was caught a few weeks later, then trying to rob a bank.

"See, Folston told us about your gold, and the son of a whore thought he'd be there to share it with us!" the younger man laughed, waving his gun around.

"Be still with that thing, you know I hate guns!" the older man said harshly, swatting at his partner.

"But Folston had a little accident!" the younger man continued to laugh.

"Yeah, fell on a pillow and forgot to breathe…" the older man, which was beginning to sound more and more like the leader, smiled wickedly.

"So, here we are! Ready to relieve you of that gold!"

"There ain't no gold, we sold it and used the money to rebuild this place," Lou stated calmly, a shadow flashing behind the older man. She tensed, her ears listening for any signs of Buck, hoping it was him who had just passed behind the men. It had to have been.

Buck sat right around the corner of the house, the two men with guns pointed at Lou and the children only ten or fifteen feet away. Now he waited, looking for an opening of some sort, hoping the men would split up eventually. The moment came sooner than he had expected.

"Troy, get the horses, I'm taking this lady inside. She's gonna show me where the gold is or pay."

The younger man nodded, uncocking his gun. He strolled confidently toward the barn. Buck followed him, waited until he was inside. Troy felt a hard fist at the base of his neck; fell to the ground before he could turn around and see who had hit him. Buck looked around, saw a sack of potatoes standing by the door. He lifted it above his head and slammed it in Troy's face, causing his enemy to lose conscious. He sighed in relief, panting for a moment. He slipped gracefully out the door, careful to stay in the darkness.

The other man and Lou had moved inside, and he saw now the children were tied to the porch. Jimmy saw him, looking over his shoulder nervously, stated the man with the rifle was nowhere near a window. "He's got mom," he whispered, Buck nodding, gesturing for him to be silent.

"I'll get her out of this, I swear," he whispered back, pulling his knife from its sheath.

Just then Lou and the other man came toward the door.

"Where is the gold, lady, I'm gettin' tired of this!" the man growled, pushing her out. This was just the moment Buck had waited for, the man for a split second not focused on his surroundings.

He let out a cry and launched himself at the older man. The two fell to the ground, Lou throwing herself out of the way, watching with horror in her eyes as Buck fell beneath the heavier man, both struggling to hold the knife The older man's fist hit Buck square in the face, and the Kiowa was temporarily defeated. That was all his opponent needed, and he scrambled to his feet, started to run toward the barn, Buck's knife in his hand.

Buck was on his feet an instant later, grabbing the rifle as he rose. The old man turned to see the weapon pointed at him, threw the knife toward the porch with all his last strength. The rifle went off, and Lou breathed somewhat lighter after seeing the outlaw fall to the ground. But Jimmy's cry was all she needed to turn to her children, again skipping a heartbeat in fear.

"Are you alright?" she asked, bending to her knees at Jimmy's feet.

"Buck!" Jimmy and Mari hollered as one, both struggling the ropes to free their hands, unable to point in the right direction for their mother.

"Oh my God," Lou breathed, crouching at Buck's side, taking his head in her lap.

The knife was half-way inside his gut, and he struggled to swallow the blood rising to his mouth. He couldn't breath normally, struggled to sit. Lou held him down, telling him to be still, but his panic rose as his breath became even more strained.

"It's alright, Buck, you're gonna be fine," she whispered, stroking his forehead.

Jimmy managed to get his hands loose, and freed his sister.

"Jimmy, get a doctor! Hurry!" Lou called, her own panic rising as more blood came out of Buck's mouth.

"God, Buck, be still!"

Jimmy ran to the stables, passing the still unconscious outlaw, grabbing a horse and a bridle. There was no time to saddle up.

"It hurts," Buck panted, his eyes wide open, condense lathering his face despite the cold night air.

"It's alright, you'll make it. Just be still, Buck, you hear me?" Lou pleaded, unable to force the tears back anymore.

Buck's eyes closed and he started to see white dots before his eyes. Lou's caress became more desperate as she kept the hair out of his face, murmuring a pray to her white God.

"Buck, don't you dare leave me," she begged, hugging his upper body against her own.

"It hurts so bad," Buck whispered, his head falling against her chest.

"Don't you leave me, Buck! Dammit, stay with me!" Lou cried, the tears falling down her cheeks. In the corner of her eye she saw Jimmy ride past them in a fast gallop.

"Buck, don't die," she whispered.

The minutes felt like hours, and Lou couldn't stop crying. Buck's shirt and jacket were bloody, the knife still in him. He still couldn't breathe, swallowing hard to get rid of some blood.

"Buck, stay here, you can't leave us. We need you, Buck, you hear?"

Buck tried to nod, but more blood forced its way out his mouth and he nearly choked.

Lou leant her head against his, her tears falling into his damp hair. "I love you," she whispered into his ear, kissing his forehead. "I love you so much, don't leave me."

Buck forced his eyelids open, looked into her unsteady gaze, feeling tears come to his own eyes.

"I'm sorry, Louise," he whispered, closing his eyes again.

Moments later Lou gave up a heart-wrenching growl, sobbing loudly against Buck's forehead.

Teaspoon paced past Lou and Rachel outside the doctor's office. The two women were both crying silently, hugging each other. Jimmy and Mari both knew this was a time when they were supposed to shut their mouths no matter what, kind of like when their father had been buried. Their mother had needed Rachel and Teaspoon more than her children at that moment, and so even now.

Jimmy had seen the way Lou looked at Buck when she saw he was hurt, the way the world had ceased to exist when she sat by his side. He had also noticed the desperate plea in her voice when she spoke to Buck, and he would never forget the pain inside her he witnessed come out when Buck had passed out in her arms. He knew Buck had saved them all, and not because he had to. But because he loved them, because he loved Lou. Jimmy stared at his feet as he realized why Buck had stayed in Sweetwater all that time, why he had spent two nights with Lou. Why he had tried to become Jimmy's friend, and why he had been like a father to Mari. It wasn't his fault; it was his feelings that had made him do all those things. The feelings that made him love Lou.

Jimmy looked up to see his mother bury her face against Teaspoon's arm, the tears for Buck falling endlessly from her eyes. Just then the door opened and doctor Barnes came out.

"It wasn't easy, but the knife is out," he said, still wiping his hands on a towel, his white apron bloodstained.

"Will he be alright?" Teaspoon asked for all of them.

"Only God knows, I'm afraid. He's not very strong, and he's suffered great blood loss. But he's fighting, and right now that's the best thing he can do. You can see him if you like," Barnes said and turned inside, shortly followed by five equally nervous souls.

Buck lay perfectly still in a bed by the wall, his middle bandaged tightly. He had a fever, sweating a great deal. Barnes touched his forehead to make sure everything was all right, then left the room.

Lou sat on the edge of the bed, every muscle tensed and the tears dry for now. She knew she would cry more later, and was glad she didn't have to show the others her pain quite as much right now. She stroked Buck's hand, hoped for a response of some sort, but he didn't move. Not even a moan.

The others stayed in the room for almost an hour, then were asked by doc Barnes to leave. Buck needed all the rest he could get. Lou begged she could stay, and the torment in her eyes made Barnes nod his agreement.

She sat by his side, holding his hand. She wished he could hear her, but didn't know for sure. She leant down to kiss his forehead, when a sudden moan made her tense again.

"Buck?"

He moaned again, evidently very uncomfortable. Lou carefully pulled the blanket down to his waist, scared the bandage would be all red and soaked with blood, but it was clean white.

"Buck, can you hear me?"

He sighed, the pain creasing his forehead, his breath straining more by the minute. Then his eyes suddenly fluttered open and he looked at her, squinting from the bright candle by his head.

"Buck?" she whispered, smiling widely at him, carefully touching his cheek. The fever was down.

"Lou?"

Buck's voice sounded very dry and hoarse, and Lou looked around for a glass of water. She had seen it when she came in, but not thought about it until now. Her mind had definitely been elsewhere.

"Here, drink this," she said, bringing the water to his mouth.

He drank, but was afraid to swallow. When he finally had to, the pain went through him violently, and despite that he was prepared it was like being shot in the back. He had no idea it would hurt so bad.

"Easy, you'll be alright," Lou whispered him, stroking his face.

They were both silent for a moment, when Lou decided she should tell doctor Barnes Buck was finally awake. She turned to leave when Buck's weak left hand caught her arm.

"Did you mean what you said?" he asked, panting slightly in pain.

"What, Buck?" she asked softly, sitting down again.

"What you said before. You said…" he sighed in pain again, closing his eyes.

"I meant it, Buck," Lou smiled, placing a fast kiss on his forehead, then left the room before he could stop her.

After doctor Barnes had finished his examination of Buck and stated he was out of any immediate danger, he left to get some sleep before the break of dawn He suggested Lou would do the same, but she refused to leave Buck's side. She returned to his room and sat down on the bedside. Buck was very tired, but her presence kept him willingly awake. He smiled weakly as she took his hand.

"I thought Kid was the only man for you," he spoke drowsily, Lou realizing the candle by his side kept his eyes half-closed. She bent forward to put it out.

"Thanks," Buck murmured as she sat back up.

"Kid will always be there, you know that. Like your wife is always there for you. They're just not breathing, that's all."

Buck nodded slightly, closing his eyes. The darkness that enfolded them was much more pleasant than the dim candlelight, but it made him sleepier.

"I know. But it sounded like you wanted him to. Like you wanted him to come back instead of me. Don't get me wrong, I used to think like that about my wife too, but I've come to terms with that she's gone. I guess I was just hoping you'd do the same."

"I know that, Buck, but it's gonna take a little time. To just 'come to terms'… You know how much I loved him, and despite everything that's happened between you and me, he'll always be the man I married," Lou spoke, hoping she made more sense than she thought she did.

"But nothing happened between us before you married him," Buck stated, opening his eyes again.

"You're right, but still… Buck, even if I'd known how you felt for me all those years ago, it wouldn't have made no difference. I'd married Kid anyway."

"But now… Would it make a difference now?"

"Don't ask that, Buck, it's not fair," Lou whispered, looking down on her hands.

Buck's hand left hers and he reached for her chin.

"I know, I'm sorry," he apologized, forcing her to look at him.

"Buck, there's no other man I'd rather share my life with than you, but if Kid was alive…"

"He's not," Buck stated firmly, letting go of her face, his hand landing heavily on the bed.

"Are you very tired?" Lou asked suddenly, stroking his arm.

Buck took a careful breath, the pain returning. He knew doctor Barnes had given him something before, which had eased most of the pain, but now, whatever it was, was wearing off.

"Lou, tell me the truth before I fall asleep. Do you want me to stay?"

Lou smiled faintly, leaning in against his face. "I love you," she whispered, kissing him with feather-like lips.

Buck's body was filled with a sudden warmth, a feeling of desire and love both blinding and deafening him for a moment. He smiled weakly at her, wished he had the strength to rise and kiss her back. But he had to do with just watching her dark contours.

"I'll be here when you wake up," she promised, stroking his clammy forehead.

His hand carefully took hers and he squeezed it as tightly as he could in his weakened state. She squeezed it back and then watched him close his eyes. He fell asleep very soon, his dreams sweeter than in awhile.

Lou watched him for a moment, then carefully lay down on the bed beside him, resting her head on his arm. At first it almost felt awkward, but as the sound of his breath slowed somewhat and he drifted deeper into his slumber, she softened and snuggled up against his chest. She smiled as she too fell asleep, a careful arm across his chest, feeling his heartbeat and breath. She was surprised when she was suddenly woken by his arm hugging her back, holding her against his body. She squeezed him tighter, then fell back to sleep.

Buck and Lou kept their secret from the others, but considering how much time they spent alone at doctor Barnes' clinic, both Teaspoon and Rachel had some pretty good guesses. Two weeks passed before Buck was allowed to move about in the room.

"You sure you're up for this?" Lou asked, supporting him with both her hands.

"Don't worry, I can do it," he said, mostly to himself, stretching first his left leg, the his right.

He took a wobbly step forward, Lou's arm around his waist squeezing his middle tightly. He chuckled at her scared face expression.

"I'm fine," he smiled, resting his arm on her shoulders.

"Just take it easy, you're not fit for much more just yet," Barnes warned him, gesturing that he returned to the bed.

Lou sat by his side like so many times throughout the weeks he had been there, holding his hand in hers. This day she searched for the tattoo she had seen glimpses of before, but never asked about. He willingly let her examine it, curious eyes looking over every little detail. It was a thin, black circle parted in the middle by a white and a red stripe. On the red stripe's side of the circle was a miniature white horse, which looked pretty rough and simple. But it was still a horse. On the other side of the circle was a red buffalo, looking just as barbaric as the horse.

She finally looked up at his face, but she didn't have to ask.

"The circle is the holy Earth on which we live, and the stripes that part it are my red and white heritage. My world. The buffalo resembles my red brothers and means I will always be one of them, and will always have food where they have food. But the horse is what will take me back to where I belong, in the white world. The only place where I will find true happiness," he explained.

"Sounds almost like a prophecy," Lou said, studying the tattoo again.

"Yeah, I guess it does… And I think it came through," he smiled.

Lou met his eyes, looking deep into them, smiling too.

"I think it did," she whispered against his face, kissing him carefully.

He kissed her back, smiling into her eyes. She gave him a careful hug and then rose from the bed. Buck looked up at her in sheer surprise.

"Where are you going?"

"Now that you're living the life of a royalty here, I have a lot more chores to take care of at home. Besides, I've been here all day already," she said, the disappointment in his eyes tugging at her heart.

"I'm sorry."

"No, for what?" Lou asked.

"I don't want you to do all the chores around the station, it's not fair."

"Jimmy's helping. It's okay, Buck, you need to rest and get well. We managed before you came, didn't we?" Lou smiled.

"But you're glad I did show up," he argued playfully.

"Yes, Mr. Cross, I'm most grateful for your help."

That said she left for the door. He looked after her, wanting to go with her, but had to stay in bed. For at least another week, if doctor Barnes had his way. He sighed as she waved her goodbye with a smile. Bored and restless he turned to the window, but he couldn't see much. Basically just the sky.

But lying there gave him time to think about everything that troubled him. Lou, their feelings for each other and also her children. But mainly he thought about his feelings for Lou. What she thought about him didn't really matter, he was still torn between his heart and his mind. He wanted so much to give her all she lacked in life, but every time he smiled at that thought, he wondered just as much what he had to offer her. Those thoughts consumed many hours each day, and sometimes even the nights. He realized he had to ask her what she really wanted from him, and then figure out if he could provide it. ***

"I don't want anything from you," Lou almost whispered, a frown on her face. "I want you, nothing else."

"Are you sure? I can't give you much, no matter how dearly I want to," he spoke honestly, holding her hand in his.

"All I want and all I need is right here, Buck, I promise. I love you, I really mean that. When I saw you lying there with that knife threatening to take you away from me, I got so scared. I've never been so scared, I think. Perhaps only when Kid died… But as I was that scared I realized I loved you. I thought I was losing you, and that made me so angry and frightened at the same time I couldn't even think straight. If you'd died, I don't know what I would have done," she whispered out the last sentence, tears rising to her eyes.

Buck took her hand to his lips and kissed it carefully, looking into her eyes calmly, letting her hand fall on the sheets.

"I love you, Lou. This is just so unreal... I've loved you all these years, and you never even noticed me. I mean, why would you? You always had Kid, and he wouldn't go anywhere. I wanted him to, but even when I tried I couldn't make him," he said with a crooked smile, cocking one eyebrow.

Lou's knees went week and she had to sit on the bed. She sighed deeply, smiling out of sheer happiness. Her cheeks felt warm too.

Buck drew a deep breath, taking her both hands in his. He collected himself for a moment.

"Louise, will you marry me?"

Lou looked into Buck's eyes with disbelief and doubt flowing from her face. Her lips parted in a stiff smile.

"You... you want to...? Oh, yes!" she broke out in a wide grin and threw herself against his chest.

Buck bit his teeth as his healing wound stretched uncomfortably, but Lou's answer was still echoing in his head.

"You sure?"

"Any day!" Lou laughed, hugging him the tightest she could, her lips kissing his warm neck. Buck smiled and held her firmly against his body, letting her soft, sweet hair cover his face as he leant his chin on her shoulder. This was no doubt the best day he had had in years.

The secret engagement was never spoken of, and by the time Buck was finally allowed to go home, after three long weeks in bed, the happy couple was making plans for their wedding. And still no one knew a thing about what was going on between them. Not for sure, anyway. Not yet.

Buck purchased a gold ring with a small diamond, which he kept in his pocket, waiting impatiently for the right moment when he would slip it onto Lou's finger. Where it belonged, and the waiting was killing him.

"Shouldn't we tell them soon?" he asked one night, sitting on the porch swing with Lou by his side, cradled against him.

"I think it's about time," she smiled, looking at the dark sky. It was still cold out, but sitting on the porch was something they had done often and always enjoyed. So even now.

"When do you want to marry?" Buck asked.

"Well, Valentine's Day sounds nice…" she smiled, hugging him even tighter.

"It's not very far away, are you sure?"

"Definitely."

She smiled again, and he grinned back.

"Then Valentine's Day it is!"

The next day Lou, her children and Rachel were in town, picking up supplies. They met Buck and Teaspoon by the hardware store, and Lou saw her chance. She walked up to her secret fiancé and loped her arm around his waist. He glanced at her cautiously, and she smiled. This was a perfect time. Buck cleared his throat.

"Uh, everybody," he began, relieved when Lou took over.

"Buck and I have something to say," she smiled, as Buck took out the ring form his pocket. Lou knew he carried it, but had never seen it. Its beauty struck her deaf for an enchanted moment.

"Louise and I are getting married," Buck spoke in one quick breath, taking his fiancée's hand.

Rachel and Teaspoon glanced at each other with big eyes, and Jimmy bit his lip. They had all expected something like this to happen, but not this suddenly.

"Don't look like that, we thought you'd be happy for us," Lou said with a faint smile, eyeing her friends and son.

"God, Lou, we are happy for you!" Rachel promised with a wide smile, hugging her petite friend tightly.

Buck got a pat on the shoulder from the older man, then turned back to Lou.

"It's time to do this right," he said, carefully placing the ring on her finger, his own hands shaking uncontrollably.

Lou threw herself around Buck's neck and whispered in his ear. "I love you."

Words of congratulations and happiness were spoken by Rachel and Teaspoon, but Jimmy kept quiet. His sister Mari smiled and laughed with her mother and new father, and Jimmy felt he was obligated to join in. But his smiles never really showed in his eyes, and Buck knew why. He would talk to Jimmy later, but right now it was time to celebrate.

Teaspoon and Rachel insisted they had lunch at the restaurant on their treat. Buck and Lou couldn't disagree.

Buck found Jimmy behind the barn the following day, by Kid's grave. He approached the teenage boy carefully, removing his hat in respect for his late friend.

"Jimmy, can we talk?" he asked.

"I have homework to do," Jimmy murmured back.

"It's Sunday... Sure you need to study right now?"

"Yeah..."

Buck nodded behind Jimmy's back, turning around. He had never been good at this, and Jimmy wouldn't make it much easier either. He had to find another way.

"Buck?"

He turned back to Jimmy, who had also turned. They now faced each other, eyes locking.

"What can I help you with?"

"Uh... Are you really gonna marry mom?"

"Yeah, if you let me."

"Why wouldn't I?" Jimmy asked nervously, scratching his head.

"Because I'm not Kid, and I'm not the man your mother married when she had a choice. And because I'm not your father."

Jimmy knew Buck was right. He had been unfair.

"I know. But..."

"Jimmy, sit down," Buck asked, buckling his knees in the grass. Jimmy hesitantly sat by his side, eyes searching the ground for something interesting.

"I know you loved your father. And I'm not asking you to give me the same feelings, I'm just asking you to let your mother be happy. And if that involves me, then... I'm sorry, but you'll have to deal with that too. I didn't come here to marry your mother, things just turned out that way. I want you to know that."

"I do, don't worry," Jimmy assured, still staring at the ground.

"No, Jimmy, I don't think you do. I love your mother, and unless you've ever been in love I couldn't see how you know what it's like. Imagine you wanted something so bad you could lay down your life to have it, and someone still told you it wasn't yours anyway. I respect the love you have for your father, and I'm only asking you to respect your mother the same way."

That said, Buck rose and started for the bunkhouse. He had stated his point to Jimmy, and though he felt awful about it, he would probably call off the wedding if the young boy wouldn't let him have Lou. He hadn't been there for half as long as Kid had, and he had no right to disturb the peace within the family. No matter how much he loved and desired Lou. He only wished he had talked to Jimmy first.

"Buck, wait!"

Jimmy had stood up and was now following the Kiowa.

"Are you gonna be the new marshal in town after you marry my mother?" he asked.

"No, why should I?"

"That's how dad was killed. He was the marshal here, and a bank robber shot him."

"I know."

"If you marry mom, and die like that and leave her crying like dad did..."

"I'm not gonna leave her crying, Jimmy, I swear," Buck smiled, carefully taking the boy's shoulder, leading him toward the house.

"You're gonna stay forever?"

"If you let me, I guess so."

"Is mom happy with you?"

"It's what she says. I hope she is," Buck said thoughtfully, nodding to himself.

"Then get married all you want. I won't be in the way, I swear," Jimmy said, looking up at Buck's face.

"You sure you mean that?" Buck asked and Jimmy nodded.

"I mean it, Buck. Or should I call you dad now?"

"I'd be honored if you did, but Kid is your dad, Jimmy. Not me."

"I know, but Mari says dad to you."

"She's a child, and she hardly knew her father, not like you did. When she gets older I expect you to tell her all about what a great man he was. Will you?"

"Of course! Dad..."

Buck chuckled, carefully hugging the boy's shoulders. He wasn't married yet, but he had a felling it would be heaven.

February came sooner than they had expected, and Lou was busy most of the day trying on her old wedding dress, trying to decide if she would make any adjustments to it or not. Buck knew she was nervous, and stayed out of her way. He had seen and experienced her anger before, and wasn't going to put his foot in his mouth, only to eat it raw later. He settled with watching her and worked happily by her side at the homestead.

But one night, only a week before they're wedding, he couldn't contain his own desires anymore. They sat, as usual, on the porch swing, the chilly night embracing them. The children were asleep, and everything was silent around them. Buck let his arm rest on Lou's shoulders, content with having her close. The embrace soon became kisses, Buck grazing her ear with his lips.

"Buck, don't," Lou begged, pulling away.

"Why not?" he whispered.

"I want our wedding night to be special, not just another night in bed, do you understand?"

"Don't worry, Lou," Buck smiled, hugging her again. "Our wedding night will be perfect!"

"It better be," she smiled, resting against his chest again, dreaming of their wedding day.

The 14th of February found Buck nervously pacing in the back of the town church. Teaspoon had promised to hand over Lou in his care, and Rachel was the matron of honor. Buck had been without best man until the 10th, when a very familiar face had showed up. William F. Cody locked his best, as usual, and said he had heard about the wedding from Rachel. She had kept it a secret Cody was coming, wanted to surprise the happy couple. And she sure did.

Lou drew a deep breath, looking at herself in the mirror. It was only her and Rachel in the room at the moment, Teaspoon had left briefly to check everything was in order. There would be only a very private ceremony, with only Sam and Emma Cain, their four children and Cody's family present, but Rachel, himself and Cody had secretly ordered flowers from Boston, and had decorated the church unrecognizably.

"How do I look?" Lou asked.

"You look fine, honey, don't worry," Rachel smiled warmly, giving her a careful hug.

"I have the dress, it's old, I have the shoes, they're new and I have the necklace I borrowed from Emma. But what about something blue, I gotta have something blue!" she suddenly cried, staring terrified at Rachel.

"This is blue," Rachel said, handing her a package.

"If you hurry, you can put it on before Buck explodes out there!"

"You sure I have time? Aren't everyone here already, aren't they waiting?" Lou asked nervously, looking over the package, "What is it, anyway?"

"Open and see. Now, Sam and Emma are on their way, but the ceremony isn't until ten minutes. Hurry, girl!" Rachel smiled, Lou disappearing with a grateful smile into the next room.

She opened the package with shaky hands, her fingers cold and heart pounding frantically. Inside, wrapped in silky paper, lay a light-blue nightgown, which reached to her knees when she held it in front of her. She watched her reflection in the full length mirror on the wall, eyes teary when she though of Buck's reaction when he saw her in the nightgown. She smiled, quickly dropping her beautiful white dress, which she wore to her first wedding, to the floor and pulled on her new nightgown. The satin fabric caressed her slim figures perfectly, and she had to stand and watch herself in the mirror again. When she heard Teaspoon enter the other room, she pulled her wedding dress up to her shoulders again, fastening it. She couldn't help but wonder what Buck was thinking at that moment, on the other side of the magnificent building.

"Lou, are you done?" Rachel asked behind the door, startling the bride.

She came out again, and took Teaspoon's arm, just as music came to her ears. She turned to Rachel and mouthed a "thank you" before walking ahead of her out the door.

Buck stood by Cody's side, turning slowly to see his bride by the older man's secure arm. He was ready to faint, although he had seen her in that dress before. But now it was for him she wore it, and her beauty made his heart skip a beat. Almost two.

The small, white flowers in her hair reminded him of when she had married Kid, but her hair was worn differently, especially since it was longer now. She smiled cautiously as she came up beside him, and carefully grabbed his arm. He smiled back, unable to take his eyes off of her, even as the ceremony was started and the usual speech begun, the few guests there were smiling and silently very excited.

Well outside the church, Jimmy ran to a carriage behind the building, driving it up front to meet the newlyweds. Buck and Lou stayed side by side, everyone laughing and wishing them luck.

"Darn, Buck, I never knew!" Cody smiled, slapping his friend's back.

"Don't hurt him, Billy, I'm sure he'll need all the strength he can get tonight," the blonde man's wife said in an ordering tone, to finally break out in laughter with everyone present.

Buck threw a loving glance in Lou's direction, which was missed no one, and then turned to look at the wagon Jimmy was driving. It was an open carriage, with leather seats that faced each other behind the driver's seat. It was decorated with flowers and neat a sign saying "JUST MARRIED!" in the back. Lou smiled at her son, who for the occasion was wearing a dark suit and a matching hat. He also wore black gloves, and took a polite hold of the brim of the hat as he turned to his mother.

"Hop in, I'm driving you home!" he smiled.

Buck gave the others a surprised look, not having even guessed this wedding would be so glamorous. He opened the small door on the side of the carriage, helping his bride up and then mounted the wagon himself. They waved goodbye to their friends, who saw them kiss tenderly as the white horse trotted off.

Lou had insisted they would not have a wedding reception, as it was both their second wedding. She found it a slight bit inappropriate that they celebrated their first loved ones had passed on. Buck agreed after a few moments of contemplation, and the tricky bit was just to make everyone else see what they meant. But now the nervous part was over, and they had dinner alone in the house. Jimmy and Mari would spend the night at Rachel's, and they had all promised to come and help with the morning chores at the homestead the following day. Buck and Lou both thought they were spoiled to have such friends, but wouldn't trade them for anything.

After a meal of lobster and other seafood, white wine and potatoes, they sat on opposite sides of the table, just watching each other. Buck leaned his head in his left hand, glancing at her between the lit candles and whine glasses. She smiled almost uncomfortably, shyly glancing back. The two rings she wore glistered in the candlelight, the small flames reflecting in her warm eyes. He looked down at the table for a brief moment, shaking his head slightly.

"This is great," he almost whispered, afraid his husky male voice would destroy the love floating in the air between them.

"I know," she smiled back, her white, perfect teeth shining as her lips parted slightly.

Buck felt an incredible urge to kiss those lips, and had it not been for the table, he would have been all over her in an instant. But Lou had other plans.

She rose from the table and went around to take his hand.

"Come," she smiled, leading him upstairs.

He smiled behind her back, following her like a faithful dog, his desires building instantly. He had a good feeling about this particular night.

Lou went inside the bedroom, turning quickly to kiss his lips. He tried to answer the kiss, but she pulled away, letting go of his hand. He watched her from his position in the middle of the room, as she went over to the picture of Kid. She placed it backwards, smiling at Buck over her shoulder.

"He'll have to stay out of things for one night," she said. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

In a flash she had left the room. Buck stood there, looking at the turned picture, then at the bed. He removed his suit jacket and tie, hanging them over a chair. His shoes came off too, and his hands moved back to remove the string keeping his long hair braided. He let his wavy locks fall free, just as he heard a pop from the other room. He looked at the door, wishing he could see through it, but didn't walk over to open it. He knew Lou had been planning something, he just didn't know exactly what. He sighed almost nervously, lying down on the bed, folding his arms behind his head.

Soon Lou returned to the room, now wearing nothing but the nightgown from Rachel. In her hands she held a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

Buck sat up instantly, shocked and enchanted at the same time. He stared at her, all kinds of words going through his head, but none that would do her justice.

"Wow...!" he exhaled.

"You like it?" she asked, setting the bottle and glasses on the bedside table, then swung around a little to show him her outfit.

"It's... It's great, where did you get it? I'm pretty sure I haven't seen it before."

"Gift from Rachel," Lou answered casually, a mysterious grin on her face.

"You look beautiful," Buck whispered, smiling reassuringly.

Lou smiled too, then gained a more serious look. She watched him on the bed, seduction in her eyes. He looked back, her intentions pretty clear to him. She could tell she was already arousing him, his lust filled eyes following her around the room when she moved.

She came to a stop at the foot end of the bed, and Buck lay down again. He wasn't going to object to whatever Lou had in mind, and drew a deep breath, feeling like king of the world. Lou would normally have shook her head and said something smart at his behavior, but this time she had other intentions in mind.

She let her left knee onto the bed, followed by both her hands and then her other knee. She stood on all fours by his feet, and Buck was finally becoming slightly nervous. She let her right hand stroke his leg up to his knee, then back down. She repeated the same thing on his other leg with her other hand, looking deep into his eyes. Buck's breathing was increasing in speed, but he still looked calm and controlled.

She moved, still on her knees, in between his legs, stroking his thighs. He exhaled deeply, rushes of blood leaving his head. She let her right hand stroke his hip, only inches from the area begging to be touched, and he groaned lowly. She stroked his other hip, moving to straddle his stomach. His eyes closed and opened almost instantly, his breathing now more shallow. She caressed his torso through his shirt, tugging at the first button by his neck. His hands moved up to touch her, but she forced them down on the covers, shaking her head with a vicious grin. Her lips touched his neck, tracing his Adams apple, moving to the other side, until she reached his ear. He breathed a heavy sigh, her touch causing goose bumps on his entire body. She let her lips meet his, slowly and almost drowsily kissing him until he sighed once again in delight. Her hands brushed his hair back, and she kissed his hair line, trailing small touches with her lips down his forehead and nose. He moaned his pleasure, closing his eyes.

She ran her index fingers along both his earlobes, again kissing his lips. She could feel his erection behind her, almost keeping her in place. She moved away from it, making him once again groan in frustration. He wanted to scream for her to touch his throbbing shaft, just once, but her lips covered his as if she knew what he was thinking. Her warm tongue touched his, and a wave of desperation came over him. He grabbed her head with both hands, raising his upper body to kiss her deeper. She pulled away, again smiling a teasing smile, pushing him back against the pillow.

He looked into her eyes with plea, and finally she moved lower. She unbuttoned his shirt, kissing the hot skin exposed, pulling the white clothing out of his trousers. Forcing the shirt off his chest, she moved to nibble at his nipples. A clear moan reached her ears, followed by a gasp. His manhood was swelling with her every touch, and he knew it would hurt is she didn't touch it soon. Just once. She moved from one nipple to the other and back, tracing the small amount of hair between them with her fingers. His breath was straining more and more, sweat appearing on his face and chest. Lou let her fingers sensually touch his ribcage, moving down rib by rib. He closed his eyes and arched his head back, thinking he would finally have her touching the right spot. To his surprise she climbed off of him, moving slowly down to his feet again. His socks came off quickly, and Lou kissed his feet. She stroked his legs, as far as she could come on the inside of his trousers. When she finally pulled out, her hands moved to unfasten the only thing keeping them apart at this point.

She was very careful, her hands not even grazing his erection, opening his pants slowly, sensually. He moaned and quivered slightly, the frustration developing into sheer desperation.

"Lou, please!" he whispered.

"Patience," she smiled back, pulling the trousers off his hips. She moved down to touch him with her mouth, but pulled away just before he would have met her with bucking hips. He was starting to sweat a lot, groaning again as she pulled his trousers to his ankles, forcing them completely off. They fell to the floor, followed by her nightgown.

Seeing her body made him quiver in desperation again, and when he thought she was finally done with her torture, she moved on his side to unbutton the cuffs of his sleeves.

She pulled his arms out of the shirt one by one, then leant down to kiss his stomach. Though Buck wasn't actually restrained to the bed, he couldn't make his arms move. They lay limply on the bed, and even as her tongue circled his bellybutton, they wouldn't budge. Lou let her fingertips gingerly touch the pinkish scar, that would forever prove his devotion to her. She kissed it lightly, almost with the same concern a mother has for her baby, then moved to sit between his legs again.

Buck let his head fall far back, staring at the ceiling, thanking his lucky star she had finally decided to give him what he needed. He could take her torturing treatment no longer, every vein in his body ready to pop with unsatisfied lust. But he had never seen her so sexy and desirable, and he couldn't recall ever wanting her this much.

He felt her fingertips stroking his shaft with feather-like touches, the most sensitive part of his entire body teased by the tip of her warm tongue. He let a long moan echo in the room, taking a strong hold of each side of the bed with his shaky hands, unable to contain his lusts and desires any more. Lou continued to tease him until his toes curled and he thought he was going to faint. He hadn't even noticed his moans becoming a monotone rhythm, an almost painful noise coming out every time she let her tongue touch him. Finally she let it circle his head, and he groaned deeply, his fingers clutching the sides of the bed even harder. She heard him refer to both God and Jesus in a pleading tone, and thought since he didn't believe in either in a religious way, it was okay to call upon them at a moment like this.

Lou felt she wanted to give him this, would even let him come should he need it, because they had all night to satisfy each other. She knew he would give her back exactly this, teasing and satisfying, as soon as this was completed. She let her strokes become closer, more intimate touches, taking half his length in her mouth. He let out a loud gasp, her hands pulling his foreskin as far back as it would go. His legs began to quiver, hips bucking furiously, only to be stopped by her hands. He whimpered, trying to lie still as much as trying to stay controlled. She had him right where she wanted him, and he knew she wasn't doing this only to satisfy him. It was just as much for her own cause, which made the experience even better.

Her hands began to play with his sac, the inner sides of his thighs and the underside of his sex.

"Nooooo!" Buck exhaled, feeling a quick ejaculation coming on.

Lou seemed to sense this, lifted herself above his middle and sat slowly down on his erection. She felt what she had suspected all along, that he was bigger now than any of the other times. She couldn't start to move right away, or she would only hurt herself. The sudden change of pace and her contractions around his manhood were enough. When she finally started to move her hips he came instantly, screaming her name with torture and pleasure both at the same time. Intense shockwaves of feeling tensed every nerve and he screamed again. He had been big enough to last a little while longer, and Lou could easily give herself some more pleasure before he started to soften inside of her.

She lay against his chest, stroking his muscles with one hand. The other brushed some damp hair from his sweaty face, before he caught it and brought it to his mouth.

"Did you like that?" Lou asked, voice creamy and very sensual.

"I owe you one," he whispered with a smile, before just as sensually taking two fingers into his mouth.

He sucked at them gently, before Lou replaced them with her mouth and tongue. They kissed hungrily, exploring the other one's mouths. Lou lifted her head and smiled, leaving his now limp member. Buck rolled on top of her, raining kisses down her neck.

"You're forgetting about the champagne," she smiled, playfully tangling his hair with her fingers.

"You kinda distracted me," he scolded her teasingly, biting lightly above her right breast. She gasped.

Lou pushed him gently aside, leaning to take the bottle in one hand and a glass in the other. She poured him a half-full glass and then one to herself, smiling shyly as she let hers meet his. She offered her glass to Buck, who drank slowly, looking into her eyes. He then lifted his glass to her lips and let her refresh herself with the almost dry alcohol. Both their heads started to swirl almost instantly, but the more they drank the better the sensation. Soon they were a tangle of arms and legs again.

Buck felt it his turn to give her back what she had just given him, therefor started to gently tease her nipples with his fingers, kissing her lips hungrily, tasting the champagne in her mouth. He let his lips kiss her face, cheeks and forehead, eyelids and chin. She gently massaged his biceps as he continued down on her neck, kissing and nibbling every inch of her warm skin there. She gasped silently as his lips brushed against her ear, then moved lower once again, this time all the way down to her breasts.

He was getting ready to mount her, his manhood swelling more with every gasp and moan. He started to suckle at her nipples, which were already reddening and rock hard from the teasing of his fingers. She moaned deep down in her throat, hands again messing with his hair, trying to make him take more of her breasts in his mouth, pushing his head against her bosom. He let go of the nipple he had massaged with his tongue and started on the other one, his left hand sliding down her stomach to find her secrets. She moaned loudly as his forefinger found her pleasure bud and started to rub it gently. He let go of her breast and let his tongue lick her skin, between the mounds that had kept him on air ever since the first time he saw her. They were perfect, so firm and proportionate with the rest of her body, and yet so soft and somehow even innocent. Up until a few months back he could only imagine what touching them would be like, and he sure had imagined a lot, but he was almost ashamed of the way he had welcomed them the first time Lou let him have her. But he was dead set on justifying that, starting now.

His tongue, wet and warm, slid down her breast bone, across her abdomen and to her bellybutton. He circled it back and forth, still rubbing her clitoris with his left hand. She was close to climax, and as his right hand came up to enfold her breast, she reached the limit. The next breath she took was heavy and strained, her hips moving with his rubbing. She let out a stifled scream, her legs trembling as her orgasm finally hit her. Buck smiled, leaving her stomach to let his face close to her womanly treasure. Lou was surprised at first, thinking since he had not shown any signs of that this was a way known to him how to give a woman satisfaction, he simply wouldn't do what he did now. But he sure did it, lapping his tongue against her midsection, both hands massaging the outsides of her thighs. Her legs quivered and she pressed his face between them, almost afraid she would suffocate him. But he continued to give her pleasure, until she felt her entire being tremble again, another climax very close.

By now Buck was more than ready to enter her, and so left her briefly, to move between her legs. He let half his member inside of her, pulling back out slowly. She groaned, as did he, and their hips moved against each other, meeting the other part's thrusts. Soon he was as far in as possible, and he began to move slowly, the sounds of long thrusts and low moans filling the room. But this was not enough, Buck felt he had to give her something less ordinary. He dreaded to pull out, and it took all of his mental strength to resist her steamy love tunnel for only a brief moment. Lou allowed him to move her to a sitting position, wrapping her legs around his back. The closer she pulled herself, sitting across his legs, the more of his rock hard manhood disappeared inside of her. She groaned deeply, her muscular thighs hard against Buck's sides. She moved upward, riding him in this almost awkward position, until her back refused to keep her sitting and she fell backwards. Buck held her up with his strong arms, leaning down to kiss her chest. His own legs started to spread as his second climax came closer and closer. He couldn't wait, though he didn't want their lovemaking to end. He had never performed more than twice in one night, and he doubted there would ever be more. Lou was by now moaning just as monotony as Buck had only a little while earlier, her hips bucking at and incredible speed. She used his shoulders for support as she pulled herself with renewed strength up and down his shaft, his heavy breath in her face and their sweaty bodies moving as one. As she finally felt those familiar tingles of feeling as her body convulsed in another orgasm, Buck's member was ready to explode. He couldn't stop moaning either, feeling Lou's endless contractions around him, her gasps and groans echoing in his head. He knew this night would forever remain in his mind, every little detail registered He heard his name more than once, just as Lou felt the sensation of something warm flowing freely inside her belly. His hips continued to move for a short moment, before he fell headlong on the bed, Lou following to lie on his chest with her legs still around his waist. Buck panted heavily, looking into her eyes with a lazy smile.

"I love you," Lou smiled back, kissing his cheek.

"Pardon my French," Buck began, kissing her deeply. "But that felt damn good."

Lou agreed, grabbing her champagne glass again. She climbed off her now lawful lover, drinking as much as she could swallow in one breath.

"Don't you know champagne is supposed to be enjoyed slowly and passionately?" Buck asked with a challenging grin.

"Since when are you the expert?" Lou shot back, handing him his glass.

"Slowly," he said, bringing the glass to his mouth and sipped at it. "And then passion," he spoke huskily, kissing her lips, parting them with his tongue to brush against hers.

They remained for a long time just bickering about trivial things, often refilling their glasses. Buck knew he had long since had enough, but the taste was finally becoming quite tempting, and it gave him a reason to yield when Lou decided she was more right than he was. He would just raise his glass and the fight was forgotten. They spent the next couple of hours talking, about the past and future and their possible children together.

Lou was first to bring to life both their thoughts. She kissed him lightly on the lips, straddling him again. After a long time of kissing and touching Buck felt the now very familiar feeling of blood leaving his head, and Lou willingly let him turn her on her back to enter her carefully. They made real love, both moving slowly, sensually. Buck had experienced this with only one other woman, and she had been his wife. If there was one thing they did, it was making true and pure love.

Their lips barely ever parted for several long moments of lovemaking, and when they finally did, it was Buck who pulled away.

"I can't finish this," he said, serious eyes locking on hers.

"You're gonna have to."

"I can't. I don't want this to end," he almost whined, kissing her sweaty forehead.

"It won't," she whispered into his ears. "We're married, remember?"

Buck smiled, moving his hips again. A long, sweet orgasm made Lou arch her head back and moan lowly, Buck needing just a few more moments to find completion. Together they stayed connected like that, both spent and totally overwhelmed with love for the other. Buck was the one to eventually leave her body, and take the champagne bottle in his hand, pouring the last drops into his glass. Lou noticed how his hand shivered when he tried to replace the bottle on the floor.

"You are so drunk!" she laughed, sitting up against the headboard.

"Yeah? Then what does that make you?" he chuckled, leaning against her chest, kissing her over his shoulder.

They shared the last of the champagne, spending the hour in silence, both comfortably hugging the other. An idea formed in Lou's head, and though she was tiring from the hard exercise they had both willingly endured, she wanted to see just what Buck was really made of.

"Buck, honey, would you lie on top of me, just for a moment?" she begged, making her voice as pleading as possible.

"Lou, honey, I don't think so," Buck replied firmly.

"You don't have to do anything, just lie on top of me."

"There is no possible way, Lou," Buck assured, stroking her leg.

"Too bad," she sighed, stretching out on the covers, showing him every inch of her womanly features, faking a yawn to show her sudden disinterest.

Buck contemplated for a moment, his thoughts beginning to go in places he mostly shut out. In one swift movement, he lay on top of his petite wife, kissing her neck.

"I thought there was no possible way," she smiled, feeling his stiffening member at her leg.

"I can't help it!" Buck sighed, sliding his tongue against her breasts.

Lou watched her husband sleep beside her. The alcohol and physical exhaustion had finally claimed him, and the fun was over for tonight. But Lou wasn't at all disappointed. He had given her more than she had ever thought possible, and feeling his gentle heartbeat against her hand, which she had placed on his chest to make sure he didn't go anywhere, filled her with such love and warmth she had to smile. He had been there for so long, yearning her, wanting her, and not until now had his dream finally come true. She clutched his hand, her fingers entwining with his, their wedding rings lightly touching. She lay herself down on his chest, the quilt covering them and keeping them warm. She knew tonight she would sleep deeply, and for some odd reason she thought maybe she would dream about him, her newfound love and dear husband. She couldn't go to sleep fast enough, closing her eyes hard to force on the dream, which she knew awaited not far away, hand in hand with Buck, her true love.

Love Chaser
Written by: Joey Tempest
Someone's at your door tonight
Someone's wants your love
Is it real or just imagination
You decide to wait inside
'Til the break of dawn
In dreams you see yourself
Seeking affection
He'll know just who you are
He'll know just where you've been
He'll know just what to do
Love chaser!
If you look deep in his eyes
Then you're in for a big surprise
He can take your breath away
There's nothing you can do or say
You can feel that someone's at your back
You can hear his pounding heart
But something tells you not to be afraid
'Cause even in the darkest night
Someone's at your side
But when morning comes it all
Starts to fade away
Love chaser!
If you look deep in his eyes
Then you're in for a big surprise
Love chaser!

Author's Note: This story and the song matches so perfectly I just had to add the lyrics. (Yes, and give the story the same title!) Thank you so much Gizmo, for helping me find the complete lyrics and writer of the song. I haven't heard it since it was popular in the US in the early 1980's!