What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, or glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death
In years that bring the philosophical mind.
Excerpt from Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood by William Wordsworth

Louise had recited those words to herself nearly a thousand times in the last year. They always brought her comfort. And though she had memorized the words long ago, she clung tightly to the small leather-covered book of poetry given to her by Kid on the eve he left to join the war effort.

Memories of that fateful night flooded her mind as she closed her eyes and raised the book to her swollen bosom. If she listened hard enough, Lou could still hear the rolling of the drums in the distance as the group of eager, naïve; young Southern men marched in the processional to the enlistment board. She remembered feeling the fear growing inside of her as the thundering sound of the drums and the footsteps of hundreds of followers became louder and nearer. She knew that the approaching cavalcade was going to carry her new husband away from her for a long, long time, despite Kid's promises that the war would be over in a matter of weeks.

"Kid, please," Lou pled, the tears flowing freely from her eyes, "you don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do, Lou," Kid tried to explain. "You've always fought for what you believed in. Whether it was ridin' for the Pony Express, or fightin' against folks who said a woman couldn't make it on her own out West. Now it's time for me to fight for what I believe in. It's time for me to fight for Virginia, my home."

"But why should you fight for the past when you should be fightin' for the future? Our future...yours and mine." Lou closed her eyes for a moment, trying to temporarily relieve the stinging sensation from the salty tears.

"I just need to. I can't forget who I am, or where I came from, Lou." Kid reached out his arms to Lou and embraced her, holding her tightly and protectively. "I know you may not understand it now, but I pray that one day you will."

"I don't think I'll ever understand this, Kid." Lou responded, her words slightly muffled since her face was now firmly pressed into Kid's chest. Then, she raised her head and looked her husband straight in the eye. "You say you have to fight for Virginia--for what you believe in. Well, just the same, I'll keep fightin' for you, Kid--for us, this family. That's what I believe in."

"You've got enough fight in ya for both of us," Kid let a slight smile cross his lips as he remembered their Express days together. They had their fair share of arguments and disagreements, that's for sure, most of which Lou managed to win. She never gave up. And Kid understood that it was probably the hardest thing he could ever ask Lou to do...give him up for a while so he can fight for his cause.

"I hope so, Kid. I hope so," Lou replied, praying that she would find the strength and courage within herself to survive the loneliness that she was already beginning to feel in these last few moments before her beloved husband left to join the procession of enlistees.

Lou gasped when she heard the tapping of the drums and cadence of marching men stop suddenly in front of the small farmhouse that had become her home. They were coming for Kid...coming to take him away from her.

"Lou, I gotta go," Kid said softly as he leaned down to kiss Lou on the forehead.

"Please, Kid..." was all that Lou was able to say, the tears taking complete control over her.

"I nearly forgot," Kid stated, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a flat rectangular package wrapped in brown paper and tied with a string. He handed it to Lou, who looked up at him with her moistened brown eyes. "Don't open it 'til I'm gone...not 'til you can't see me no more, alright?"

"Anything, Kid. Just promise me this," Lou began. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself. Promise me you'll come home to me."

"I will," Kid responded, his voice low and gentle and his eyes now giving forth tears of his own.

Kid and Lou kissed and embraced each other for one last time before he would leave to join the others. Lou was holding on for dear life, forcing Kid to nearly to have to pry her out of his arms. She never wanted to let go. She wanted to wish this whole awful war away and send them back to Rock Creek where the only family she had ever known still remained.

"I have to go," he said again. "I love you more than anything, Lou."

"I love you too, Kid," she sobbed.

Those were his last words before Kid pulled away from his weeping wife and left the haven of the covered porch where the two had been standing saying their good-byes.

Lou sighed deeply as she watched Kid walk away, and she blew him a kiss when he looked back over his shoulder at her.

"Ride safe, Kid," Lou whispered, knowing that although her words were not audible, somehow Kid would hear them in his heart.

Lou blinked away the tears and kept her eyes fixed on the figure of Kid as it began to rapidly shrink behind the horizon.

It all seems so long ago, Lou thought to herself. Yet, I can still see him and the way he looked before the ravages of war began to show in his once-youthful face.

She had been sitting in the rocking chair in the refurbished Sweetwater farmhouse, previously owned by Emma, for hours now. It was getting late, and although she wasn't really hungry, she knew that she should go out to the bunkhouse to join the others for supper. Otherwise, they would worry about her.

Lou rose from her chair and walked over to the white wicker bassinet where the baby was resting. A bittersweet smile crept across her lips when she looked down to see the tiny form of the sleeping babe curled up under the little blue blanket that Rachel had crocheted for him. Her son, who was only six months old, had given Lou the strength to go on when her hope had nearly run out, but she couldn't help feeling saddened by the fact that he would never know his father and that his father never knew him.

Along with her son, Louise had found so much comfort in being back with her old friends. It never made up for the loss she felt that Kid was not able to share in that sense of love and camaraderie with her, especially since he had always dreamed of returning to the West after the war. But being amongst familiar faces again, seeing the land unmarred by death and bloodshed, was just what she needed to help mend her broken heart. It gave Lou something to hold on to while allowing her to continue moving forward with her life.

Lou carefully lifted the bassinet with the baby and made her way across the parlor to the front door. She exited the house and headed toward the bunkhouse where everyone was surely waiting for her.

When Lou opened the bunkhouse door, she was immediately met with five pairs of eyes. Teaspoon, Rachel, Buck, Cody, and, of course, Jimmy all knew what today was. It was the year anniversary of Kid's death. They didn't want to say anything to her until they received some sort of unspoken, subtle indication that Lou was all right. They didn't want to do anything or say anything that might make her even more upset that she was expected to be.

Lou could feel the weight of their stares upon her, understanding that her family was simply concerned about her and being cautious around her. Lou smiled to signal to them that she was going to be all right and was soon met by similar expressions containing both sympathy and relief.

"Lou, why don't you put the baby down and have a seat," Rachel suggested, gladly noting that the young widow was not as despondent as was expected. "Supper's ready."

Lou put the bassinet on the table and watched as Teaspoon and the boys turned into gaping clowns as they leaned in over the baby. Lou let a little chuckle escape her mouth as she looked at the softened, beaming faces of the men, their voices changing into high-pitched, nonsensical babbling with their baby talk.

"The baby's lookin' more and more like you each day, Lou. But he's got Kid's eyes," Cody said.

Rachel, Teaspoon, Buck, and Jimmy all sent murdering glares in Cody's direction, thinking that he had once again put his foot in his mouth. They dirty looks only ceased when they heard Lou speak confidently.

"I think you're right, Cody," Lou agreed wholeheartedly. "He does have the Kid's eyes."

Everyone was surprised to see that Lou was able to say this without losing complete control over her emotions. They felt that Lou had gotten over a big hurdle with her admission.

"But unless you want to be the one to feed him, I suggest you not wake him," Lou scolded gently.

"How do you expect us to do that, Lou?" Cody asked teasingly. After all, the baby was still breast-feeding.

"Use your imagination, Cody," Lou retorted jokingly, sending a wink towards Teaspoon.

Teaspoon cleared his throat nervously at Lou's warning while he and the others backed away from the baby. As much as they all loved the baby, the thought of the crying and screaming that would most likely accompany his awakening was something they wanted to avoid at all costs.

"I see your feelin' better, Lou," Jimmy smiled, glad to see that Lou's quick wit and sense of humor remained intact through the difficult days she had recently come out of.

"I am, Jimmy. I really am."

Everybody realized that Lou was telling the truth. As Jimmy had seen earlier on that day, the gleam was returning to her soft brown eyes, and the color was returning to her face which had been almost a sickly, ghostly pale for so long.

"Well, let's eat!" Cody exclaimed, knife and fork in hand, ready for Rachel to dish out some of her delicious Creole stew.

"Some things never change," Buck shook his head and laughed at Cody's statement.

"Thank God," Lou whispered.

Lou was extremely thankful that some things from the past had gone unchanged, even if it was something as insignificant as Cody's eating habits. It meant that, though they had all been through so much in the last few years with the experience of war, their inner persons stayed the same, the essence of who they were had not been altered by the hate and bitterness that had enveloped them.

Lou ate her supper silently basking in the pure joy and goodness of being surrounded by family. It was these simple pleasures that gave Lou the most comfort and solace these days...seeing her old friends again. After the end of the Pony Express, the way station in Rock Creek was shut down and sold by the company. However, since Emma held the deed to the property, house, and other buildings on the homestead back in Sweetwater, which was vacant, the remaining members moved back to their original home with Emma's blessing.

Rachel continued her teaching in Sweetwater, as did Teaspoon with his work as Marshal and chief law enforcement officer. Though he was a bit older, the years had been good to him, his mind and his reflexes both as sharp as ever.

Of course, Cody had joined the army, working primarily as a tracker in the West, so he did not see firsthand most of the atrocities of the war that took place back East. While on leave, he returned to the old Sweetwater station and the only real family he'd known as often as he could.

When the news of Kid's death reached him, Cody came back immediately to help Lou begin her life anew in Sweetwater. Along with Buck, who had returned after a brief stay in the Kiowa village with his brother's tribe, Cody assisted Lou in rebuilding her life and starting the horse ranch that she and Kid had always planned to have.

Though Jimmy had been restless for a long time following the end of the Pony Express, wandering from one lawless town to the next, serving as deputy or marshal in a few, he had stayed in close contact with Rachel, Teaspoon, Buck, and Cody. He wrote to Lou a few times while she was away in Virginia, but not nearly as much as she would have liked. Jimmy had always asked about Kid, somehow wanting to find reconciliation with him as they had not been on the best of terms when Kid announced that he was leaving Rock Creek to fight for the South and against everything that Jimmy felt he believed so strongly in at the time. Perhaps it was that guilt that Jimmy felt which caused him to return to Sweetwater when he read Lou's letter telling him that Kid had died in the war. Even more so, perhaps it was the tremendously deep feelings that Jimmy still had for Lou that compelled him to her side.

Jimmy had been a constant companion to Lou in the year following Kid's death, and she cherished his friendship more than ever, feeling as if maybe at times she had taken it for granted during their Express days. The feelings that Jimmy still had for Lou were unspoken but understood. And Lou was able to draw strength from him even in her darkest hours. He never let her down; he would never let her give up hope or her will to survive.

Jimmy had even been with Lou when the baby starting coming a month early. Lou had been so grateful to her friend that she chose to name her son after him even when Jimmy tried to persuade her to call the child after his father. But at the time, Lou didn't think she could call out the name 'Kid' without bringing tears to her eyes, and she didn't want her son to look upon her saddened face. She also had told Jimmy that when she and Kid talked before about starting a family, Kid mentioned that he wanted to name his son after his best friend, whom he loved so dearly despite their differing opinions. Somehow, knowing this helped Jimmy find the absolution that he so desperately needed after he and Kid parted so badly. "Lou? Lou?"

Suddenly, Louise was brought out of her reverie, realizing that she was still sitting at the bunkhouse table, staring off into space, even after Rachel had already cleared away the supper dishes.

"Huh?" she replied absentmindedly.

"You musta been off in another world," Jimmy stated.

"Oh, I guess I was," she smiled.

"Rememberin'?" Jimmy asked tentatively.

"Mmmhmm," Lou nodded. "I was just thinkin' how happy I am that we're here together again and how much I appreciate what you've all done for me this past year. I know I don't always let on, but it's meant a lot to me. I don't know how I would've pulled through otherwise."

Rachel smiled and put her hand on Lou's shoulder reassuringly. "We know that, Lou. We're just glad we could be here for you when you needed us."

"That's right," Cody confirmed. "We all may have had our differences before, but like Teaspoon always said, 'we're a family, and family sticks together'."

"We always have," Buck began, "and we always will."

Teaspoon was glowing with pride at Cody and Buck's recollection of things he'd once said to them. "Well, I'm glad to see I've had a positive influence on you boys. Frankly, I thought you never heard a word I said!"

"Oh, we heard what you said, Teaspoon," Jimmy commented with a chuckle. "That don't mean we always listened to what you said, though."

Everyone at the table burst out into laughter, except Teaspoon, who was feigning hurt feelings at Jimmy's last remark.

"No, but seriously, Teaspoon, we may not have always understood everythin' you said at the time, but I think we've found that most of it all makes sense now," Jimmy confessed.

"Well, glad to see I managed to get through that thick skull o' yours, Hickok," Teaspoon replied with his typical crooked grin.

Laughter once again filled the tiny bunkhouse, but it was soon drowned out by the loud wailing and hollering of baby James. Lou reached over and lifted James out of his basket, the crying persisting.

"Kinda sounds like you when you get mad, Lou," Buck teased.

"Uh-uh," Jimmy shook his head with a devilish grin on his face. "I don't think it's even close!"

"You better hush up, Jimmy Hickok, or I'll hand over this baby over to you along with his dirty diaper," Lou responded impishly, holding James out in her arms towards Jimmy.

"No way!" Jimmy held up his hands as if to surrender. As much as he loved the baby, he wanted to stay as far away from him as possible when he was in need of changing or was spitting up food. "We had enough trouble with that baby that was left here that one time."

"It's a good thing you learned how to handle them better since then, Jimmy," Buck remarked. "As I recall you were goin' to give it your spurs to play with!"

"Well, how was I s'posed to know? Ain't like I'd ever been 'round babies before," Jimmy defended. "At least Cody wasn't here. He'd probably given the baby his gun to try out."

"Very funny, Jimmy," Cody said sarcastically.

Lou finished putting a fresh diaper on the baby and returned him to his bassinet. He'd stopped crying at least, but it was nearly feeding time.

"I'd better go now and feed him before he goes at it again," Lou stated.

"I think that's a good idea," Cody replied as he fingered his ear, trying to fully regain his sense of hearing.

"I'll be back in the house soon if you need anythin'," Rachel mentioned.

"Thanks, Rachel," Lou smiled. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Lou," everyone said in unison.

After Lou left the bunkhouse, Buck, Cody, Jimmy, Teaspoon, and Rachel all glanced around at each other, thankful that Louise seemed to be well on her way to getting over her grief. They knew that the loss of her husband, whom she had only spend a few months with during their two years of marriage, would never be something that Lou would completely recover from. However, she was making good progress, and they all prayed that things would only get better.

"Mmm, it's such a wonderful day," Lou sighed dreamily as she closed her eyes and felt the cool breeze that flowed off the pond kiss her cheeks.

"Yup," Jimmy nodded in agreement, removing his black hat so that he could feel the warm sun shining on his face. "It sure is."

Jimmy loved watching Lou enjoy herself so much after the Hell she had been through during the past few years. He never wanted her to feel anything but happy and content. Any pain or unhappiness that she felt, he felt as well. Jimmy understood it was because he loved her so much.

It seemed that every time Jimmy looked at Lou, it was as though he was staring at a painting. Everything about her seemed almost too beautiful to be real--the way the sunlight illuminated her auburn hair, accentuating the reddish and coppery highlights, the way the gentle wind moved through the ruffled collar of her blouse. It was as if the perfect image she presented would shatter if he reached out to touch her, as he often felt the urge to.

Louise had caught Jimmy staring at her, and she tried her best to suppress the blush she felt would shortly follow. It feels good to have someone look at me that way again, Lou thought to herself.

Jimmy continued to watch Lou, who sat in the tall, summer-scorched grass, her legs fully outstretched in front of her, and leaning back on her arms that supported her head and upper body. Jimmy was reclining in a similar fashion, absentmindedly chewing on a piece of straw, completely consumed in his thoughts of Lou and how close she was sitting next to him.

Jimmy felt his heart stop as her arm momentarily brushed his when she readjusted herself and leaned further back, allowing her head to fall gracefully to the ground below. Jimmy followed suit, and soon the two were lying together in the grass, basking in the beauty of the day and the serenity of the moment, their eyes closed to block out the blinding rays of the midday sun.

"I remember when I was a little girl I used to wade and swim in the pond for hours," Lou reminisced fondly. "My mama used to have to drag me out, and by then my skin was so wrinkled I looked like a prune!"

Jimmy had to laugh at this image of a very young Lou being pulled from the water by an angry mother.

"Well, what are you waitin' for?" Jimmy proposed. Lou whipped around on her side and faced Jimmy; her head propped up on her hand. Her eyes widened at the suggestion.

"Jimmy, I'm a grown woman now. I don't think it's really proper to pull up my skirt and go wadin' in the pond."

Jimmy could feel Lou's eyes burn in to his cheeks, so he opened his eyes and turned to face her.

"The fact that somethin' wasn't proper never stopped you from doin' anything before," Jimmy practically dared, his tone of voice very mischievous.

"Are you darin' me, Jimmy Hickok?" Lou asked, though she already knew the answer.

"Let's just say I'm encouragin' you just a bit," he smirked.

"Oh, really?" Lou returned the look with a playful grin of her own.

"Mmmhmm," Jimmy nodded.

"Well, we'll just see about that."

Suddenly, Lou rose from the grass-covered ground where she and Jimmy had been enjoying a picnic lunch together and boldly pulled the back of her skirt through her legs, tucking it in at the waist. Then she pulled off her shoes and stockings, causing Jimmy to gasp slightly at the sight of Lou's bare legs. He could see almost up to her knees now, but Lou didn't seem to care. In fact, she was really enjoying the risk and impropriety of it all, reminding her very much of her days riding for the Pony Express before she had become a wife and mother.

Then, Lou walked toward the pond almost defiantly and stepped into the refreshing, clear blue waters with no sign of restraint or inhibition. It was exhilarating! She hadn't felt this whimsical and carefree in a long time.

"I never back down from a dare!" Lou called back at Jimmy, while she stood in the middle of the pond, her hands on her hips, feeling the cool, tingling sensation of the water on her legs and feet.

By now, Jimmy was laughing away heartily at the sight of her with her skirts pulled up, knee-deep in water.

Lou began to progress further out into the depths of the pond when she felt the thick muck take hold of her left foot when she attempted to walk. But it was too late. Before she realized that one of her feet was immobilized, she lost her balance and went crashing down into the waters. Splash!

"Lou!" Jimmy cried out as he watched her tumble forward so that now she was completely drenched.

Jimmy ran to her immediately, not even taking off his boots before he went splashing into the pond.

"Lou! Are you alright?" Jimmy asked, a certain degree of panic in his voice.

"I'll be fine, Jimmy," Lou replied, unharmed but more embarrassed than anything else.

Suddenly, realizing that Lou was okay, Jimmy started laughing at her. Lou, who was still sitting in the muck, her clothes entirely soaked through with water and mud, was not amused in the least.

"I don't see what's so funny!" Lou pouted as she looked at Jimmy through narrowed eyes.

His laughter continued, undaunted by the slightly stabbing glare that Lou was giving him.

"Do you think you could contain your laughter for a moment and help me up?" Lou asked, her tone of voice indicating that she did not appreciate the fact that Jimmy was finding so much humor in her situation.

Jimmy tried his best to contain his laughter and extended his arms out to her. Lou took him by the hands, and when she was almost standing upright, she pulled Jimmy with all her might causing him to fall over and land in the water as she had.

"Now that's funny!" Lou blurted out.

Now that the shoe was on Jimmy's foot, Lou could not stifle the gut-wrenching laughter that was threatening to overcome her. Soon, they were sitting in the middle of the pond, playfully splashing each other and laughing hysterically.

"I don't remember when I've laughed so much!" Lou commented, her eyes now shedding tears due to the bout of laughter.

Jimmy stopped laughing and looked at Lou with all the sincerity and honesty in the world radiating from his dark eyes. "I'm glad, Lou. I'm glad to see you so happy."

"I am happy, Jimmy," Lou smiled and her eyes shined in such a way that Jimmy knew that it was true. "And it's not that I don't miss Kid, because, Lord knows, I do. I always will. But I've realized that I have to let myself experience happiness again. Kid would want it that way. I feel him with me all the time, and I know now that's what he wants."

Lou paused for a moment and her facial expression became serious. She sensed that she was about to make some sort of revelation to both herself and to Jimmy. She continued, her eyes focused on his, and spoke openly. "I'd completely shut out any shred of joy for almost a year, Jimmy, even so much that I still felt bitterness and sadness at the birth our son…and I know that was wrong."

"Ah, Lou, don't be so hard on yourself," Jimmy tried to reassure her. "I've seen you with James, and you're a great mother. I see all the love you have for Kid shinin' in your eyes when you look at him."

"Oh, Jimmy, thank you so much." Lou reached over and hugged him, not realizing that she was about to make him even wetter than he already was. But Jimmy couldn't have cared less. "That means a lot to hear you say that."

"Well, it's the truth," he replied earnestly.

"I guess we should get back to land before someone comes out here and sees us like this," Lou suggested.

"Guess so." Though Jimmy definitely did not enjoy sitting in the middle of the pond and getting all wet, he was thoroughly enjoying his time alone with Louise. He cherished these special moments with her, as did she.

Lou struggled somewhat, but she finally managed to rise to her feet. She held out her hands to Jimmy as she had before and asked, "Need a hand?"

"No thank you, Lou," Jimmy smiled as he shook his head. "I ain't fallin' for that one twice!"

Lou began giggling as she watched Jimmy fight to gain sure footing in the sticky muck below. It appeared that he was going to fall back down again several times, but he eventually pulled himself up.

"There. See? Told ya I could do it," Jimmy noted.

"Mmmhmm," Lou nodded roguishly, observing his wobbly legs trembling beneath him.

Jimmy and Lou trudged through the water together, their arms entwined behind each other's backs for support.

When the two reached dry land, their eyes suddenly met, and soon Lou found herself gazing at Jimmy in a way she had not done before. Both still had wide smiles on their faces, remnants of their previous laughter, and were breathing heavily due to their plodding through the mud and water. Their clothes were sopping wet, making Lou's off-white blouse somewhat translucent in the golden sunlight. Her hair and face had also gotten wet, causing beads of water to cascade from her temples down her cheek to her chin where they promptly dripped off.

Jimmy and Lou stood there silently gazing at each other for what seemed to be the longest time. Their breathing had returned to normal. Suddenly, Lou felt a warm flush sweep over her entire body, causing the breeze, which had only just felt chilly as it penetrated through her wet clothes down to her skin, to disappear from her senses. Lou's smile soon faded and was replaced instead by a look that Jimmy had never seen her give him before as she began to fall deeper and deeper under the spell that Jimmy was unaware he was casting.

Jimmy's face then formed a similar expression. He recognized the look in Lou's eyes very well indeed. Though it was a look that had not been graced upon him before, Jimmy recognized that it was the look he had only seen when Lou looked at Kid.

It was not as if Lou had never thought of Jimmy as more than a friend before. They had always been exceptionally close, often feeling as though they were one and the same. Jimmy and Lou had an unspoken understanding with each other, and their love was never verbalized or really acted upon. Lou needed Kid and loved him in a way that was different than her love for Jimmy. Both of them knew that.

But Lou's feelings for Jimmy had grown even deeper in the past year. Without his constant and unfailing friendship and support, Lou thought that she might not have been able to go on. He'd made her fight to live again and be happy again when she only wanted to stay in bed and wish it all away. Jimmy helped Lou get back on her feet after the birth of her son, and together with Buck and Cody, they rebuilt the old Sweetwater way station into a budding horse ranch.

Although Lou had recognized the tremendous amount of gratitude and esteem she'd always felt for Jimmy, the feeling that flooded her sensations this time was new. It was something else…something more…not just mere gratitude.

The feelings for Jimmy that had been slowly, but surely, building up inside her became conscious. And though Lou would never for a moment want to go back and change the choices she made long ago, she could not deny what she felt for Jimmy. These feelings at once became crystal clear, and Lou no longer felt the need to restrain them.

Their bodies instinctively drifted closer as though they were being drawn together by some form of external magnetic force. Jimmy could feel Lou's warm breath on his face as they gravitated even more toward each other, not stopping until their lips finally met.

Their arms slowly wrapped around each other, their bodies now pressed firmly together.

Lou sensed a quiet, gentle passion in the kiss. It was very unlike the one prior kiss that she and Jimmy had shared that night long ago when they were escorting Elias Mills to his hanging. That had been electric and torrid, yet somewhat forceful in the way Jimmy had reached out and suddenly pulled Lou into his manly embrace.

No, this one was different; it was better. The great deal of intimacy in the kiss was unparalleled by the previous one, the memory of which had managed to stay crisp and fresh in both of their minds, though they would experience many others since then.

Perhaps it was the mutual yearning in Jimmy and Lou's hearts that made it so impassioned. It was something in which they partook equally, both feeling the same erotic impulses driving them together, heightening their shared sensations, but shutting out the rest of the world around them. It was only the two of them now, and soon, it became one desire, one heart beating as one.

Jimmy and Lou felt as if they were the only man and woman on Earth. All the years of bottled and repressed love was flowing freely between their lips. And it was not until Lou became aware of the high-pitched shrill of a baby's cry that she and Jimmy separated.

The kiss abruptly came to a halt when Lou realized that baby James must have awakened from his nap.

Jimmy's arms loosened the tight hold he'd had on Lou. She smiled at him, almost apologetically, as she left his embrace and walked over to where the wailing baby was lying in his basket, his arms and legs flailing wildly. Lou lifted James up into her arms, nuzzling his head against her bosom.

"Does he need changin'?" Jimmy wondered, breaking the long-standing silence that had existed between him and Lou.

"No," Lou replied. "He's just hungry. I didn't think he'd be hungry so soon."

She turned her focus back on her wriggling son. "Are you hungry, James? Is it time for lunch?" Lou questioned the child, her voice turning into playful baby-talk as she rocked him gently in her arms.

Jimmy couldn’t help but smile at the beautiful sight of mother and child. But behind the smile was the intense, and slightly bitter, longing that Lou was his wife and James was his son.

However, Jimmy didn't let on.

"Shouldn't we head back so you can feed him?" he suggested.

"Well, it's a long way back, and I'm afraid he won't stop this cryin' 'til he gets what he wants. By then, we'll both be deaf!" Lou responded.

Jimmy didn't quite know what Lou was getting at. "Do you have a bottle?"

"I fed him before we left, so I didn't bring one," she commented. "I didn't think he'd be hungry yet, but I guess babies never act like you expect them to."

"Well, what should we do?"

"I'm just going to have to feed him now," Lou said plainly.

"What, right now? Here?" Jimmy cried out in disbelief, his face glowing a darker shade of pink as he now understood what Lou was proposing to do.

"Yes, Jimmy," Lou began. "Unless you have a better idea?"

"Nope," he responded quickly.

"I'll turn around, that's all." Lou spoke matter-of-factly and confidently, as if she had no qualms or shame of Jimmy being in her presence while she breast-fed her infant son.

"Alright, I guess," Jimmy shrugged.

With that, Lou turned her back to Jimmy and sat down on the grassy plain. Jimmy could tell that Lou was unbuttoning her blouse from the angle he had above her and saw her bring James to rest on her bosom, though he could not actually see her flesh.

It was a powerful image--something Jimmy had never before witnessed. He could see the smiling profile of Lou from the way her head was tilted downward and slightly to the left, allowing her to gaze into the child's azure eyes, which he had no doubt inherited from his father.

Eventually, the curiosity of it all got the better of Jimmy when he boldly, and unthinkingly, blurted out, "Don't that hurt, Lou?"

As soon as the words left Jimmy's mouth, he felt embarrassed that he could have even had such a thought and voiced it out loud.

Lou laughed at Jimmy's question, causing the blood that had rushed to his face to instantly subside.

"Well, it's somethin' you get used to after a while," she chuckled.

"Oh," he replied sheepishly.

"I think you've had enough," Lou said to James. She placed him back in the bassinet, where he promptly fell into a peaceful slumber, and buttoned her blouse back up before rising and facing Jimmy.

Jimmy looked deeply into her dark brown eyes that seemed to have even more life and sparkle in them than they had only a few minutes ago. And he understood why. Since Kid's death, James had become her lifeline…the primary factor that sustained her. Jimmy also realized how the act of feeding a baby, to some degree, possessed the same level of intimacy that bound a mother and her child as did a kiss that bound a woman and a man.

He approached Louise slowly. When they were standing close, their bodies separated by only a few inches, they reached out to each other as they had done before. They clasped the other's hands, their fingers laced together by their sides, while the breeze carried strands of their wet hair away from their faces.

No words were spoken, as the two appeared to communicate through some sort of telepathic link that existed between their hands as well as their hearts.

Their heads moved even closer until Jimmy and Lou once again felt their lips meld together. The kiss was brief, yet no less passionate than the one before. And Jimmy knew that the first kiss had not been an accident.

When they separated just enough so that they could see into each other's eyes, Lou sent Jimmy the most subtle, yet telling, smile. He returned the look, his face glowing with all the love and desire that he'd kept locked away for so many years. He knew that his dream had come true. Lou loved him just as he loved her.

The wind rustling through their damp clothes, Jimmy and Lou stood together, their fingers still entwined, for what seemed like an eternity, never wanting the glorious moment to end. However, Jimmy somehow felt that that he had to break the silence, almost for fear that he was only dreaming.

"I guess we should get goin' soon," Jimmy spoke, his voice soft and low.

"I s'pose your right," Lou reluctantly nodded. "The others will be worried about."

Neither one of them wanted to tear their fingers away from the other, especially Jimmy, who was afraid, that if the external bond was broken, that maybe the intense internal connection might disappear as well. But when Lou finally did let go and down over the bassinet that held James, Jimmy was relieved that the feelings they'd shared remained intact. He could still sense Lou's velvet touch lingering on his fingertips, the taste of her sweet breath still on his lips. And he knew that Lou felt the same way.

Jimmy waited until Lou had picked up the bassinet in one hand, rising to face him, and he placed his arm around her shoulder, carrying the picnic basket in his other hand. Lou, in turn, wrapped her free arm around his waist as they began to walk silently back to the farmhouse together.

Cody was sitting on the porch step of the bunkhouse scribbling something on a pad of paper as he often did. Though he had learned his lesson long ago about spinning tall tales about Teaspoon, Rachel, and the other riders, Cody continued in his writing, exaggerating his feats and accomplishments during the Pony Express days or the Great War.

Cody looked up quickly when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps but then returned his focus to his task at hand. However, he soon did a double take, raising his eyes again to verify the previous vision, when it struck in his mind that Jimmy and Lou were returning from their picnic…and they were soaking wet!

"What the hell happened to you two?" Cody interrogated as if he was a parent and Jimmy and Lou were disobedient children.

Jimmy and Lou barely heard Cody's question as they had been laughing about the fact that they were still wet and their backsides were covered with mud from when they had fallen in the pond.

"Jimmy? Lou?" Cody repeated himself, rising to his feet and placing his hands on his hips as his two friends stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"What is it, Cody?" Jimmy asked nonchalantly.

"Look at you!" he began. "You're completely drenched!"

Lou and Jimmy glanced over at each other and started giggling again. They knew how they must have looked, but somehow, Cody seemed to be making more a spectacle of himself with all his questions and fussing.

Jimmy looked down at himself and then at Lou for a moment, feigning sudden recognition of the fact that they were wet. "Well, look at that, Lou?" Jimmy stated sarcastically. "Cody's right! We look like a couple of drowned rats!"

"Why, you're right, Jimmy," Lou added in the same sardonic tone as Jimmy's. "Wonder how that happened?"

Cody just looked at them with utter confusion. He knew they were teasing him, but he still didn't know how they had ended up in such a predicament and managed to find humor in it.

Jimmy and Lou were thoroughly enjoying ribbing Cody. He was usually the easiest target, and sometimes they could take it too far. But this was not one of those occasions.

"I don't know, Lou," Jimmy responded to her mock question. "But thank you, Cody, for makin' us aware of this situation."

Jimmy patted Cody firmly on the shoulder as they walked by him and went in to the bunkhouse.

"Did you see the look on his face?" Lou laughed.

"Mmmhmm," Jimmy nodded. "I guess we surprised him, huh?"

Rachel had noticed the slightly moist Jimmy and Lou enter the bunkhouse, but like Cody, she was complete dumbstruck for a few moments. Then, she finally managed to speak.

"What on Earth?" Rachel wondered as she stood in the middle of the room, her hands on her hips, demanding some sort of explanation as to why the two were dripping and leaving muddy footprints on the hardwood floor.

Lou glanced at Jimmy for a second and cleared her throat before setting the bassinet down on the table.

"Uh, nothin', Rachel," Jimmy replied, trying his hardest to stifle the laughter that was building up inside him.

"Don't look like nothin' to me," she stated sharply.

"Lou? What's goin' on?"

"Oh…well…Jimmy and I went swimmin' in the lake," Lou stammered slightly over her words. She, too, was doing her best to suppress her silliness and giddiness but failing miserably.

"Swimmin'?" Rachel echoed, folding her arms across her chest in a disbelieving manner.

"Actually," Jimmy at last began to explain, "I dared Lou to go wadin' in the pond, and she did. But then she fell over."

Lou interrupted Jimmy and finished the rest of the story. "Then Jimmy thought I was hurt, so he came runnin' all the way in to get me and fell in too!"

"Lou, you know that ain't how it happened," Jimmy mildly scolded, as Lou was making him seem clumsy when it was she who had caused him to fall. He turned his gaze back to Rachel. "I offered Lou a hand to help her get up, and she yanked me down in the water with her!"

Again, both Lou and Jimmy began cracking up completely, Lou soon doubling over due to the sidesplitting laughter.

"I see. Well, you two best get changed out of those wet clothes. You're already leaving a muddy puddle on my clean floor," Rachel admonished gently.

"Alright, Rachel," Lou acquiesced. "Watch James for me while I go back to the house?"

Rachel nodded.

Lou threw a quick, bashful smile at Jimmy as she gathered her wet skirt in her hands and turned to exit the bunkhouse. Rachel carefully watched the strange interaction that was taking place between Jimmy and Lou. Something funny was going on, she just knew it. She planned to get down to the bottom of it, however she didn't inquire about it directly.

"It's good to see Lou so happy again," Rachel told Jimmy, who was in the process of finding clean, dry clothes to change into.

Jimmy took Rachel's question at face value, not realizing that there was a degree of suspicion that lay masked behind it. "Yup, it sure is," he happily agreed.

"It's been a long time since I've seen her this way," she continued, allowing the probing and suspicious curiosity behind her remarks to become apparent to Jimmy.

He suddenly looked up from the dresser where he'd been rummaging for dry pants, a shirt, and long johns, and asked, "What are you gettin' at, Rachel?"

"I don't know, Jimmy," Rachel replied, her brow creased with a combination of confusion and worry. "But I do know that I don't want to see Lou get hurt."

"What's that s'posed to mean?" he inquired, his voice now turning extremely defensive.

Rachel approached Jimmy tentatively and placed a comforting hand on his forearm. "Jimmy, it doesn't take a genius to see that you're in love with her. We've all known it for a long time."

"Yeah, so," Jimmy said, shrugging off Rachel's revelation, though it bothered him that his inner feelings had become so obvious to everybody around him.

"Jimmy," she shook her head, the pain she felt for Jimmy building up in her eyes, "all I'm gonna say is Louise is still sufferin' from the loss of Kid. She's probably very vulnerable…and I think that maybe you should give her some time and some space."

"Rachel, it's been over a year since Kid died! How long are we s'posed to let her wallow in self-pity and make herself miserable?" Jimmy could feel the anger well up within him at Rachel's unjust and unfounded accusations. What makes Rachel think I would do somethin' to hurt her? Jimmy thought. "Lou deserves to be happy, and I aim to see that she is."

"I know you want Lou to be happy. Lord knows, we all do!" Rachel asserted. "All I'm sayin' is she needs more time to sort things out for herself. She's got a son to look after and a future to build for him. And she still has a lot of grief inside her."

Jimmy sat down at the bunkhouse table. He knew that some of what Rachel was trying to tell him was true. Lou would probably never completely get over the loss of her husband. But what right did Rachel have to tell him that he couldn't make her just as happy as Kid had? Jimmy loved her. He loved her just as much and, to some extent, maybe even more than Kid. Rachel had no right to destroy his happiness and joy at the thought that Lou finally returned his love and affections after all these years.

Jimmy looked at Rachel, his dark eyes full of emotion. "I love her, Rachel."

Rachel smiled at him understandingly and sat down, joining Jimmy at the table. "I know you do, Jimmy," she replied comfortingly. "I just sayin' you should think about what I said."

Jimmy's only response was in the form of a downcast nod. He had been so happy only a little while ago, reveling in the passion of his and Lou's time by the pond…the way they held each other and kissed. It was so magical. A secret wish had been fulfilled for him. But Rachel had to go ahead and ruin it all with her motherly sensibility and reasoning. Damn, Jimmy cursed under his breath.

Rachel left Jimmy alone in the bunkhouse with his thoughts, having already given him the advice he never wanted or asked for.

Maybe Rachel's right, he thought. I always believed that there would never be a woman for me since I couldn't give her the kind of ease in life she deserved. Like I once said, why should I love someone when I can only bring them pain? What kind of life can I offer when I can't look to the future 'cause I never know what's gonna come up from behind? It wouldn't be fair to her…it wouldn't be fair to Lou. I don't know what made me think this time would be different. I'm a fool for lettin' myself fall for her.

Jimmy heard the faint sound of baby James snoring in the basket that was still sitting on the bunkhouse table. He looked over at the child and became even more determined in his feelings that his being with Lou would only hurt her and her precious son…Kid's son. All these horrible scenarios flashed inside Jimmy's mind, and he couldn't imagine the thought of endangering Lou's life. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something happened to her; he wouldn't make James grow up an orphan as he and the other riders had.

Jimmy sat hunched over the table for quite a while, his teeth tightly clenched his jaw set deliberately, and his brow squeezed down close to his eyes as his forehead wrinkled with intense pondering. Only when he heard the sound of the bunkhouse door open and then shut behind him did his concentration break.

"Jimmy?" Lou called out softly.

Jimmy didn't answer. His back stayed facing toward Lou as he blinked away the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.

"Jimmy?" she tried again, the concern evident in her tone of voice.

Lou stood behind Jimmy, puzzled as to why he was not acknowledging her presence. She placed her hand on his shoulder so gently that if it were anyone else, he might not even realize it was there. But even the softest and lightest of touches from Lou penetrated all the way down into the deepest, innermost core of Jimmy's being.

Jimmy wanted to just get up and grab her up in his arms right then and there. No questions asked. Instead, he pushed back any impulse to do so and simply rose from the table and stormed out through the bunkhouse door.

Lou was left standing there alone, in utter shock. What just happened? she wondered. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes and threaten to take all control over her emotions. She took a long, hard swallow, attempting to suppress the lump of sadness and confusion that was forming in her throat. Rachel came back into the bunkhouse, having seen Jimmy rush out, saddle up his horse, and ride away without a word to anyone. She was immediately met with Lou's liquid eyes, and Rachel couldn't help but feel pity on the young woman who looked as though her heart were breaking.

"Oh, Lou," Rachel searched her soul to find some words that might comfort Lou. She had a feeling that something like this might happen when she realized that Jimmy's feelings had gone too far.

"Rachel, what happened with Jimmy? What did you say to him?" Lou was too upset to be angry with Rachel, as she knew that she must have said something to make Jimmy run off like he did.

"I only told him that he needed to give you some room, some time to finish healin'," she replied gently.

"What?" Lou snapped back, shocked that Rachel could have interfered in such a way in her relationship with Jimmy. "How could you say somethin' like that?"

"Lou," Rachel proceeded to explain her line of reasoning, "I just told Jimmy that I didn't want to see you get hurt."

"You don't understand, Rachel!" Lou lifted her finger to wipe away a tear that had begun to descend down her cheek and then continued more calmly, "You see, Jimmy would never do anythin' to hurt me. Jimmy loves me."

Rachel's heart went out to Lou completely. She hadn't meant for this to happen. She had only hoped to prevent Lou from getting upset and being hurt, but it seems that Rachel hadn't counted on such a reaction…not so soon.

"I know he loves you, Lou," Rachel assured. "He has for a long time. I just don't want you to rush into somethin' you're not prepared to handle yet because you're still so full of grief over Kid's death."

"I know you mean well, but I don't need your help," Lou stated coldly. "And you're right, I do miss Kid. I miss him more than anythin'. But I also know that he wants me to be happy. I can feel him tell me every day that I need to live again. And that's what I plan to do."

Lou paused for a moment and sent an apologetic look to Rachel before continuing. "Oh, Rachel," Lou started, almost pleadingly wanting the older woman to understand how she felt and how deep her emotions really ran. "It's true, I have been terribly unhappy since Kid died. But lately, it's been different. Ever since that day at the cemetery a couple of weeks ago, I've felt this tremendous sense of peace…not only with Kid's passing, but also with myself. I don't think I can explain it really. I feel I have Kid's blessin' to go on with my life."

Rachel listened attentively as Lou poured out the most intimate feelings of her soul, showing just how much Lou confided in her. Maybe Rachel had misinterpreted the signals she saw. True, she realized, Lou had seemed so much better in the more recent weeks, though she'd slowly improved throughout the whole year. But there is quite a noticeable change now that I hadn't bothered to see. It's somethin' different.

"Do you want to tell me what happened at the pond between you and Jimmy?" Rachel asked gently, not wishing to push Lou into talking with her, but wanting to know nonetheless.

Lou sat down on a bench at the table, and Rachel followed suit.

Lou sighed deeply before she began sharing her feelings. "We were in the pond, laughin' and jokin' and talkin'…I'd never felt so alive before, not since before Kid and I left for Virginia. When Jimmy and I came out of the water, I don't know, I found myself reachin' out for him in a way that I hadn't before, not even since we've grown so much closer this year.

"Suddenly, somethin' inside told me that this was right. My feelin's for Jimmy suddenly became clear to me when I looked into his eyes. All these years what I'd felt for Jimmy was somewhere between a friend and a lover. Many times, I was confused as to which I felt that love was closer to. But then, I knew, and I hadn't a doubt in my mind about my feelin's for him. I simply acted without thinkin'…I followed my heart and my soul." Lou paused and looked away from Rachel for a moment, soon after returning eye contact. "We kissed."

"My feelin's for Jimmy are as plain as day now," Lou confirmed, a blissful smile crossing her lips. "Everythin' was so right and so natural. We acted on pure desire and instinct--both of us. And I know in my heart of hearts that Kid understands that.

"I think back and realize that Kid always knew that I'd loved Jimmy as more than a friend or a brother. I think he knew it even before I did. Kid knew I'd been torn for a long time, even while we were married, though I never allowed myself to admit this to him or anyone else…or myself. But now, I'm not torn anymore, and it's not because Kid's not around to hold me back. It's because I've identified what I'm feelin', and I'm finally able to admit those feelin's to myself."

Lou reached over and took hold of Rachel's hands, giving them a loving squeeze. Rachel was fighting back the tears that were forming in the corner of her eyes at Lou's confession. Rachel knew that Lou had gotten stronger, and Lou's admission made all the more apparent. So, she didn't say a word and let Lou proceed.

"For the first time in over a year, Rachel, I feel the world openin' up to me again. I'd shut myself away, only allowin' myself to feel pain and sorrow, though I was surrounded by the love and support of true friends. Even the birth of my son didn't erase all that pain and grief." Lou's eyes overflowed at the thought that she could have retained any bitterness in her heart following James' birth. Although, Lou knew that any bitterness was merely a reflection of her sadness that Kid wasn't there with her to share in the birth and life of their son.

"Each moment I would spend with Jimmy helped that remainin' pain to slowly melt away. The moment when it all vanished from my heart was when I became drawn to him, with no feelin's of shame or guilt or regret. What I felt was pure and true. A wave of passion and peace swept over me all at the same time when I was with him. I know what I'm feelin'," Lou stated with great determination and confidence.

And what are you feelin', Lou? Rachel asked in her thoughts, though she already knew the answer based on what Lou had been telling her all this time. But Rachel needed to hear Lou say the words. And Lou needed to say them.

Lou paused for a moment, yet her eyes never strayed from Rachel's. Lou was finally going to speak the words that she had never actually voiced out loud, though they had been whispered silently in her heart for years.

"I love him, Rachel," Lou admitted. "I'm in love with Jimmy."

"Lou!" she gasped. Rachel could tell that what Lou was saying was true, and that the love she felt had changed from the brotherly love of a dear friend to the love of a woman for a man. She could see it plainly in Lou's dark, expressive eyes as well as in her face, which shone with all the radiance of a woman in love. Rachel had been so wrong, and she hated herself for getting between the two who were obviously deeply in love.

"Oh, Lou, I'm so sorry," Rachel sobbed. "I was afraid that you didn't really share in Jimmy's feelings. I thought you might do somethin' that both of you would later regret because you were confused and still hadn't come to terms with Kid's death."

"I know you were only tryin' to protect me and Jimmy from doin' somethin' for the wrong reasons. But I'm certain of my feelin's. I came to terms with Kid's death that day by the grave when I felt his spirit pass through me tellin' me I got to live my life. I know that whatever I do, I have his blessin' from Heaven. He's always with me, and nothin's gonna change that, not even my fallin' in love with Jimmy. It won't diminish what we had."

Rachel smiled through her tears, which flowed as a result of both her regret in meddling and her joy in Lou's certainty of her love. She was so overcome by emotion, but then she remembered that Jimmy had galloped away angry and depressed. "I think you'd better ride out there and find your man." Rachel squeezed Lou's hands gently, "and get those doubts I gave him out of his mind!"

Without a word, Lou rose from the table and scurried out of the bunkhouse to find Jimmy. She had to tell him. She had to let him know what she had only just been able to verbalize to Rachel and to herself for the first time--that she loved him.

After hurrying out of the bunkhouse, Lou quickly saddled her horse and rode out to the place where she knew Jimmy would be. She didn't even care that she was wearing a dress and that she had to sit astride the horse, causing her white petticoat and pantaloons to be revealed. All Lou thought about was getting to Jimmy and telling him what she felt so deeply and impassioned in her heart.

It was a short ride to the pond where Lou and Jimmy had returned from not long ago, but she rode as hard as she could, urging her faithful horse Lightning to carry her there quickly. Rider and horse were as one, just as they had been during their days working for the Pony Express, days that seemed long gone.

Lou rode right up to where she saw Jimmy brooding by the pond and pulled Lightning to a screeching halt. It was the same spot where she and Jimmy had kissed. Warm memories of that kiss brought a sudden flush to her face. It was a moment that she had never wanted to end. It was a moment that Lou felt marked a new beginning for her…for her and Jimmy.

Jimmy was aware of Lou's presence, but he did not stir or even shift the gaze of his steely eyes away from the shimmering blue waters of the pond.

"Jimmy?" Lou called out softly as she dismounted her horse and stood beside Jimmy.

"Go home, Lou," he replied coldly, unable to look into those beautiful brown eyes for fear that his heart might overpower his head and allow him to fall further for Lou, and not be able to turn back.

"I have somethin' to say to you, Jimmy Hickok," Lou began adamantly, "and you're gonna hear me out."

"You can save your breath, Lou," he cut her short. "I already made up my mind that what happened earlier today won't happen again."

"You are positively infuriatin'!" Lou cried out in frustration.

Jimmy, who had been refusing to look Lou straight in the eye, finally rose to his feet, approached her, and glared at her with his dark, piercing eyes. Lou did not flinch or back down, knowing that Jimmy was thinking too much with his often overly paranoid mind and not allowing his heart to govern his decisions or actions.

"Don't you see? I care about you too much to let you get hurt because of me," Jimmy declared. "'Sides, Rachel was probably right, you're still vulnerable since Kid died. It wouldn't be fair of me to take advantage of you that way."

"And don't I get a say in this matter, Jimmy?" Lou demanded with equal force.

Lou had ridden here to spill her heart out to Jimmy, to tell him that she loved him, and he was making it all so much more difficult that it had to be. But that's Jimmy for you…always trying to protect the ones he loves even if it means costing him his own happiness.

Jimmy shook his head at Lou's question. "No, Lou. We can't do this. I can't do this to you."

"Didn't anythin' that happened between us mean anythin' to you?" Lou asked, her eyes starting to glaze over with the tears that were forming. She knew that it had meant something to Jimmy and that he was only trying to push back his feelings like he always did. However, the fact that Jimmy was denying his true feelings because he felt the need to shield her from some imaginary danger hurt Lou deeply.

"Of course it did," Jimmy admitted, "but it ain't that simple, Lou."

"Why, Jimmy? Why isn't it that simple?" Lou was not going to let Jimmy get away from her so easily. If he wanted to throw everything away, he was going to have to fight her first. She deserved an explanation. He owed her at least that much. "All I see is the way we feel so strongly about each other. What could be simpler or more pure than that? You once told me that if you love someone, then nothin' else matters. Why won't you let yourself be truly happy?"

"Because you deserve so much more than I can offer," Jimmy tried to reason with her, though she thought his logic was terribly flawed. "You need someone who can help build a future for you and James. I can't do that…not with the way things are…not ever. I'm sorry, Lou."

"So you're just gonna walk away, huh?" The tone in Lou's voice made it obvious that she was a force to be reckoned with, but Jimmy shrugged off her cool remark.

"Yep."

Jimmy lowered his head, his eyes losing contact with Lou's, and he turned around and began walking away. Why are you makin' this so hard on me, Lou? Don't you see, I love you more than anythin', but I can't let my reputation ruin your life, Jimmy thought. You'd be better off without me.

"Well, I'm not gonna let you walk away," Lou asserted, with no response from Jimmy.

I'm not gonna let you turn your back on me and walk away again, Jimmy, Lou thought to herself. I'm not gonna let you throw away this chance at happiness, for you and for me.

The distance between Jimmy and Lou continued to grow. Then, all the feelings and emotions that had been building inside of Lou began bubbling in her throat, and she finally voiced with all her might, "I love you, James Butler Hickok!"

Jimmy stopped dead in his tracks when he heard these words echo in his ears. He couldn't have been more surprised or caught off guard. He turned back around with lightning speed as if he were being called out by some gunfighter. Only this time it was Lou who was calling him out. She was forcing him to deal with his own feelings as well as hers. It was time he stopped walking away.

His eyes met with Lou whose stance had not changed since she first dismounted her horse and came to talk to Jimmy. He still couldn't believe what he was hearing. Could she actually mean what she said? he asked himself. All he had to do was look at Lou and know that she did.

Lou approached Jimmy, who stood completely motionless and dumbstruck. Soon, she was standing less than arm's length away from him. She stood tall and defiant, her jaw firmly set, her chin held high, and her fiery eyes burning into Jimmy's in a way that made his icy heart melt.

"I love you," Lou repeated, the stone hard look totally erased, her face now softened and her eyes pleading. This time, Lou's words were quiet and gentle, almost said in a whisper.

Jimmy simply stared at Lou in silence for the longest time, drinking in the sight of her. He wanted the time to stand still, afraid that if he spoke or moved or even breathed it would all vanish into thin air.

Jimmy wanted to remember this moment always. He wanted to capture the way Lou looked, everything about her, so he could hold on to it forever. The little strands of auburn hair dancing around her face, the rhythmic flapping of her dress in the subtle afternoon breeze. He thought she had never looked so beautiful as she did that moment.

Jimmy reached out and tenderly caressed Lou's cheek where a single tear had begun its slow descent. He then began to trace her soft, silky lips with his fingers, touching in a way that was so gentle, yet so passionate, that it sent a wave of ecstasy and euphoria travelling from her head down to her toes. Lou closed her eyes for a brief instant as she reveled in the rapture of that eternal moment.

"I love you, Jimmy," Lou whispered once more. She knew that Jimmy had heard her and understood her the first time, but it was almost as if she thrived at hearing herself say the words over and over, words that she had not had the strength to speak out loud until now. "Please, let me love you," she said pleadingly.

"Oh, God, I love you!" Jimmy sighed.

Of course Jimmy loved Lou. How could he not love her? He loved her for her courage, strength, intelligence, and her belief in his goodness. It would be hard not to love someone who sees in you all the things you want others to know that you are…and all the things you want to be. Lou sees Jimmy's heart and soul, and not the reputation that he is often forced to live up to.

Upon his admission, Jimmy felt as though his heart was going to burst into a million pieces due to the release of all the years of pent-up emotions. Jimmy recalled the thousands of times when he had wanted to openly declare his love for Lou, but he hadn't. It was partly out of worry that Lou would not share his feelings, partly out of loyalty to his best friend, Kid, but mostly out of his own fear that his love truly was a curse to others, that him caring for someone would only bring them pain.

But now it was out in the open. Having heard Lou say that she loved him gave him the courage to say what he'd felt since the day he found out she was a woman and not the young boy she'd been masquerading as. Though the two had demonstrated in non-verbal ways that they loved each other, actually hearing the words seemed to make all the difference.

Finally, the two embraced, gripping each other so tightly, neither one ever wanting to let go. They had held each other secretly in their hearts for so long, and now they cold hold each other in their arms. With their love professed, the rest of the outside world could go to the devil for all they cared. The moment had carried them away to a special place where all their doubts and fears no longer existed and only pure happiness and bliss were felt.

"I love you, Lou," Jimmy announced in encore, the two still entwined in each other's arms. "I've loved you for so long, but I couldn't let on."

"I know, Jimmy," Lou reassured. "And I always loved you. My love for you may not always have been the same as yours for me, but I promise you, it is now."

Jimmy was so overcome by raw emotion that he could contain his tears of joy no more. He never thought the day would come when Lou would feel for him what he felt for her. Jimmy had essentially resigned himself to the fact that he was going to spend the rest of his life alone.

But now everything had changed. Jimmy began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and for perhaps the first time in his life, he had hope that he had found happiness and true love. It was Lou.

Lou was everything to Jimmy. She embodied all that was good and strong and beautiful in the world. Lou was wife, mother, friend, lover…the epitome of survival in the American frontier. Lou had made something of her life by breaking the barriers that had traditionally kept women in the West confined to a very limited number of roles, all of which were subordinate, most of which were abhorrent. The fact that Lou had been able to knock down those walls and make a better life for herself had won her the undying respect and admiration of Jimmy long ago. His love quickly followed.

Never before had Jimmy met a woman like Lou. She could do it all. Lou could ride, shoot, and hold her own just as good as any man, but she was also very much a woman. No one could ever mistake or deny that now. Every time Jimmy looked at Lou, even when she was working around the ranch dressed in pants and a work shirt, he wondered how anybody could have ever thought Lou was anything but a woman…no, a lady.

So many images of Lou from the past flashed before Jimmy's eyes as he held her close in his warm embrace. He remembered when he first found out that she was not a boy. It was when he and the others were helping to apprehend Boggs who turned out to be Lou's father and had kidnapped her younger brother and sister. Lou's hair was disheveled, her face bruised and bleeding, but once Jimmy got over the instant of shock, he could easily see the beauty that lay hidden beneath the bruises and cuts, the short hair and boyish clothing. That was the beginning of it all, whether Jimmy realized it then or not.

Jimmy also remembered when he had fallen for Sarah Downs and the other riders were teasing him about his feelings. Lou had stood up for him and even tried to help him woo Sarah, though her plans went somewhat awry. Jimmy could never forget the way Lou talked about how he should buy Sarah a cameo on a beautiful gold chain. She had such a dreamy expression on her face, and Jimmy understood how hard it must be for Lou disguising herself and not being able to be who she truly was…to be able to wear fine dresses and jewelry and such. That's not what makes you a woman, she replied. And she was right.

But the time that really caused Jimmy to see Lou in a different light was when Emma had called him and the other riders into her house for Lou's 'coming-out party'. When she descended the steps in that gorgeous lacy pink dress, her face beaming with the most adorably bashful smile, it was a real turning point. It was this image that prompted him to buy that dress for her in Blue Creek when they shared dinner and a dance.

Jimmy had only been fortunate enough to see Lou dressed as a woman only a handful more times during the Pony Express days. Like when he saw her in that revealing saloon dress. It showed Jimmy another side of Lou that he'd never seen. She could be enticing, alluring, and seductive. He'd known she was beautiful, but the way Lou looked and carried herself added another dimension to her femininity, and another layer to his love for her.

Jimmy knew that he could never look at Lou the same way again, although he knew that if Kid caught him looking at her like that he might regret he had. Kid…Oh, Kid, I'm so sorry, Jimmy thought. You knew what a gem you had, still you chose to leave her and fight. I only hope you'll forgive me for lovin' her so much.

"Jimmy?"

Suddenly, Jimmy was brought out of his world of memories and past images when he heard Lou whisper softly in his ear.

"Huh?" he muttered.

Jimmy and Lou loosened their grasp so they could look upon each other, but their hands were still together. Lou looked so beautiful and serene, Jimmy thought.

"I think we ought to get back, now," she said with a tinge of hesitation. "I should help Rachel with supper."

"Yeah, I guess so," Jimmy acquiesced. "She'll need all the help she can get since Cody's around. He eats enough for three or four. I don't know how he manages to survive on army rations when he's workin'."

They both chuckled at Jimmy's remark, knowing just how true it was.

Then Lou looked down at the ground momentarily and the laughter faded. She raised her eyes and gazed deeply into Jimmy's eyes. "Jimmy, I want to always remember today. And I want you to know that no matter what happens between us, I meant what I said."

"I know, Lou," Jimmy smiled slightly. "I did, too." Lou didn't really know what she meant by her statement 'no matter what happens between us', but somehow deep inside, she must have sensed that the tremendous sense of euphoria she was feeling might not last forever. She also knew that Jimmy understood that as well.

"C'mon," Jimmy began, "let's get the horses." Jimmy and Lou walked back to where the horses were grazing in the tall grass by the pond. They both felt as though a great weight had been lifted off of their shoulders in their confessions of their love. It was such a relief, yet it began to feel somewhat frightening all at the same time. They were entering into a new and strange territory with each other, treading in new waters. But that's just the way love can be sometimes, they thought…they hoped.

Supper was a most interesting affair that evening. Jimmy and Lou were positively glowing after their admission of their true feelings that afternoon. Rachel also had a twinkle in her eye since she knew what had gone on between the two. Though Teaspoon and Buck were fairly quick to pick up on the subtle glances exchanged between Louise and Jimmy from across the table, Cody was relatively clueless and oblivious as to what was going on around him.

Teaspoon and Rachel shared glances of their own, Teaspoon asking Rachel with a questioning raise of his eyebrow if he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing, and Rachel's grin giving the silent confirmation. Through all the looks and gazes, smiles and winks, no one actually spoke, save for the occasional superficial small talk or comment on how good the food was that night.

Following supper, Lou excused herself and left the bunkhouse earlier than the others so that she could put baby James to bed. He'd had a long day, especially after being outside in the sun during lunchtime. When she reached the house with the baby in tow, she opened the front door and walked inside. Lou closed the door slowly, peeking outside and over to the bunkhouse, secretly hoping that Jimmy would shortly follow her to the house.

It had been a perfect, wonderful day, and it was now an even more lovely night. A full moon shone brightly in a cloudless dark blue sky. A million stars twinkled above like tiny diamonds in contrast to the velvety background.

Louise placed the sleeping baby inside the parlor of the house while she went back outside to enjoy the fresh night air. She left the front door ajar so that if James were to stir, she would hear him easily and be by his side in a moment.

Lou paced back and forth along the porch somewhat impatiently, observing the movements silhouetted in the windows of the bunkhouse against the glowing yellow-orange light of the oil lamp. Lou wanted Jimmy to come to her. She didn't quite know why. She had no particular expectations of what might happen between them if he did. All Lou did know was that she wanted to look into his eyes and feel the way she felt when she was with him.

She grew weary of her pacing fairly quickly, so she decided to sit down on the porch swing and relax a little. As Lou swayed rhythmically, breathing deeply the crisp, refreshing night air until it filled her lungs, she remembered not so long ago when she would sit on the porch swing of the little house in Virginia for hours, awaiting and hoping for another man's arrival…Kid's.

Lou remembered never feeling quite so alone before as she was in Virginia when her husband was away fighting. Their nearest neighbors were many miles away, and even they were not folks with whom Lou felt any particularly close friendship or bond.

She tilted her head back slightly, sighed, and closed her eyes. With the fingers on her right hand, Lou began to unconsciously trace the gold wedding band that she still wore on the ring finger of her left hand. She never took it off, not even to sleep or to bathe...not even when Kid died and she was no longer a wife, but a widow.

Then her hand moved up towards her neck, where a similar gold band was strung through a delicate chain. Lou remembered the night Kid died in the army hospital. He had been so thin and gaunt from his two years of fighting in the war that the ring would easily slide off his bony finger. So, Kid had tied it around his neck using a piece of string and kept it tucked away inside his shirt so it would be safe and close to his heart.

After Kid passed on, Lou took the ring and vowed to wear it always as a token of their love and as a memento of their brief marriage and life together. She felt that having the ring with her was like having a little piece of Kid to hold on to.

Lou had been so caught up in her memories that she did not even realize that Jimmy had left the bunkhouse in search of her. He stood at the bottom of the porch steps, watching Louise and the way her head was tilted and leaning against the chain that supported the swing.

Then he saw the placement of Lou's hand near the ring that hung around her neck. The ring encircled her thin, delicate fingers and glistened in the moonlight. Suddenly, Jimmy felt sad and hurt. He knew that Lou was thinking about Kid. He knew Lou still loved Kid and always would. Kid would forever be a part of her, even after death.

Jimmy began to have doubts about having come to Lou. Of course he still loved her, and she loved him. He understood that. But Jimmy could not abide being in second place. Someone else would always come first, and that someone was Kid.

Seeing that Lou was still unaware of his presence, Jimmy decided to simply turn back and leave. Besides, she really did look so peaceful sitting there, her auburn hair shimmering against the light that was streaming out from beyond the half-open front door. It was better this way, he thought, at least for tonight. As he turned around to leave, Lou suddenly sensed his presence and called out to him, "Jimmy?"

Jimmy wheeled back around to face Lou, feeling somewhat embarrassed that he had been caught trying to leave.

"Jimmy, please stay," she spoke softly, as she rose from the swing and stepped forward near the railing. She held on to one of the support beams of the porch covering with one hand and leaned in towards it. With the look on her face and the way she was standing just so, the moonbeams hitting her porcelain complexion, Jimmy found it impossible resist her request. He approached the house once more and started up the steps slowly. Lou followed Jimmy with her eyes and body until he stopped directly in front of her. They gazed into each other's eyes as they had so many times that day and soon fell into each other's arms, Jimmy's prior doubts carried away in the ephemeral breeze that floated by.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come," Lou voiced her apprehensions.

"I nearly didn't," Jimmy admitted, "not with the way the others were lookin' at me with those smirks on their faces."

Lou couldn't help but laugh. She could just imagine Teaspoon, Buck, Cody, and Rachel eyeing Jimmy with great curiosity when he excused himself, knowing exactly where he was going, and probably speculating as to why he was going.

"But why did you come, Jimmy?" Lou asked as she gently pulled herself out of his embrace so that she could look into his eyes.

"You didn't want me to?" he questioned back.

"No, of course not," Lou apologized for the way her question must have sounded. "I did want you to come…very much so."

"I did, too," Jimmy responded sincerely.

Jimmy and Lou smiled at each other longingly, their mutual desire slowly growing inside them. Soon it became too strong to hold back, and they leaned in closer toward each other and kissed.

Lou wrapped her arms around Jimmy's neck, one hand running through the long, sensual strands of his hair. Jimmy pulled her even further into his embrace, one arm encircling Lou's slender waist and the other gently caressing her chin and neck.

Both were breathing extremely hard due to the passion and length of the kiss which no longer served as an outlet to their yearning and sexual appetite, but rather became the spark that ignited the fire that burned deep within the core of each one of them.

Jimmy deepened the kiss, and so grew the intensity and desire. Lou tried to pull Jimmy even closer to her, but he was already pressed firmly against her body, only the thin layers of clothing separating them. But still, Lou wanted to be even closer to him, to feel her body directly against his, to feel his skin tingling against her own.

She wanted him, and he wanted her.

They wanted each other so badly at that moment that they could hardly stand it. It felt as though they would explode if they didn't release all that love and raw desire soon enough.

When it began to feel unbearable, Jimmy and Louise drifted toward the front door, their lips never breaking apart and their arms still intertwined. They pushed the door open, and then Jimmy kicked it shut with his boot-clad foot, their kiss continuing even stronger than before.

Sensing that the kiss was about to lead to something more, Lou gently broke free and looked up at Jimmy, her eyes shining with all her heart and soul and love and desire. Love and desire she had for him. There was no one else that night, no one else in this world or any other that could disturb them.

Lou strolled over to the table where baby James was sleeping away and carefully lifted the bassinet. She walked toward the staircase, motioning Jimmy with her eyes to follow her upstairs.

Jimmy followed Lou to her bedroom where she placed her son in his cradle and covered him with a little knit blanket. She leaned in and kissed baby James, never taking her eyes off of Jimmy who stood just inside the doorway.

Jimmy shut the door not so gently, causing the nightgown that hung on a hook on the inside of the door to fall on his head. Lou let out a little chuckle, concealing her grinning mouth shyly with her hand as Jimmy struggled slightly to remove the article of clothing that had fallen over his face and covered his eyes.

He smiled in return, his cheeks flaming hot as he approached Lou with a 'come hither' look on his face. As Jimmy neared, Lou backed away from him playfully until she could go no further and came up against the bed. Lou sat on the bed, leaning back alluringly and seductively. Jimmy bent down and leaned in over her until his body was fully resting on top of hers.

He soon realized that he was still clutching the white nightgown that had fallen off the door and onto him and looked at it devilishly and then back at Lou and finally tossed it over his shoulder and onto the floor with a smirk and a shrug. After all, Jimmy knew that Lou would not need the gown that night.

Lou giggled at Jimmy's action and facial expression. It had been a long time since she was so playful and carefree with a man…since she had made love.

Both faces again turned serious as Jimmy leaned in further to kiss Lou while unbuttoning the top of her dress at the same time. Lou quickly followed his example and began unbuttoning Jimmy's black shirt, acting purely on the primal urges and instincts that governed their every move and touch.

Lou pulled back his shirt, exposing his bare chest and broad, muscular shoulders, and stroked and massaged his upper back with her fingertips.

Jimmy gently opened the top of Lou's dress and pushed the material back revealing the ecru camisole and corset that she wore underneath. Jimmy proceeded to move his lips downward, travelling from her lips, placing soft kisses down the delicate curvature of her jaw line and neck.

Lou giggled quietly at the way Jimmy's nose lightly tickled her skin when he kissed her.

Then, Jimmy moved his hand to caress her breast, so tenderly, yet so passionately that Lou felt a wave of exhilaration sweep over her, making her feel as if this were the first time any man had touched her in that way. At the same time Jimmy kissed her shoulders and the area around her collarbone. His lips were so soft and plush, like velvet.

The two young lovers moved onto the bed completely and lay side by side in each other's arms. Lou stopped for a brief instant and looked deeply into Jimmy's eyes and whispered, "I love you, Jimmy."

Jimmy felt his heart surge even more when he heard those four magnificent words. "I love you, too, Lou," he replied in a similar fashion.

The kissing resumed, and slowly they began undressing each other more and more. By now, Lou had removed Jimmy's shirt entirely and was kissing and stroking his strong masculine torso while he rolled under her and began taking off her shirtwaist. Lou then helped him with the corset, guiding his hands over her chest as she unfastened the clasps and hooks on the front of the garment.

Jimmy and Lou sat up on the bed together, enfolded in a sensual embrace, their lips exploring each other's face, neck, and chest, reveling in the sheer ecstasy of the moment. They explored each other's bodies with their hands and eyes like a young couple making love for the first time, but they moved together harmoniously and so in tune with the other's needs and desires that they appeared like familiar lovers at the very same time.

Everything progressed slowly and naturally. Eventually, there was absolutely nothing that came between the two. It was flesh on flesh, blood on blood…heart to heart. Separate bodies and desires converged into one--a single quest for love and intimacy--sharing in each other so perfectly, trustingly, completely.

Jimmy began to wonder if this was what heaven felt like. Sure, he'd been with other women before. He'd shared their beds…but never their souls.

But Lou gave herself to Jimmy completely, and he to her.

Their hearts beat together as one, their breathing synchronized, as they reached the climax of their passion. Then Jimmy and Lou felt the shared sensation of utter bliss pass through them like a cool, invigorating breeze on a sizzling summer's day. All of their suppressed emotions and hidden yearnings had been released, and the feeling was unparalleled.

Lou and Jimmy basked in the afterglow of lovemaking. Their faces were still flushed with pink and red splotches, and the tiny beads of perspiration on their skin glistened in the moonlight that was streaming in through the flimsy lace curtains.

They laid together on the bed, secure in each other's arms, each holding their eyes fixed on the other's. Lou looked at Jimmy questioningly for a moment, her eyes wordlessly asking him, Do you want to go back to the bunkhouse and join the others? Though she wanted so much for him to stay with her, she understood that if he did, Teaspoon, Buck, Rachel, and Cody would definitely know that something was going on.

Jimmy smiled and shook his head slightly as if to say, No, I want nothing more than to stay with you and hold you all night long. There's only you and me tonight.

Lou was happy and smiled in return, repositioning her head so that it was nuzzled in the hollow between his shoulder and his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his ribcage and the current from his breath passing over her face.

Jimmy raised his hand to Lou's head and began stroking her hair soothingly, running his fingers through the long, luscious auburn locks that had been cut so short only a few years before. He'd always imagined what it would feel like to be this close to her…to feel her body against his and smell the sweet scent of her hair tickling his nose. Jimmy knew that his dreams had come true. Lou was finally his.

Both wanted the darkness to envelop them forever, morning never to come, as they lay together content in the silence, the only sounds being their quiet breathing and the chorus of crickets and locusts that was carried by the breeze in through the open window.

There was never a more peaceful moment. And soon, Jimmy and Lou drifted off into a joyful slumber, pondering for the first time if maybe their dreams could even begin to live up to reality and the wonderful memory that they had created together in their love.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Excerpt from Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"By Elizabeth Barrett Browning. That's one of my most favorite poems," Lou informed Jimmy. Lou and Jimmy had just awoken from their night of passion together. Though the morning was really no different than the one before, everything somehow seemed to be infinitely better to them. The sun was shining brighter and more brilliantly than before, the birds were singing louder and more prettily, and the air carried a rejuvenating freshness as it filtered in through the window and rustled the lacy curtains.

"But what does it mean?" Jimmy asked in reference to the poem that Lou had just read him.

Lou sat up more fully in the bed where she and Jimmy still lay, their nakedness covered only by a thin white sheet that Lou had tucked up under her arms.

"Well," she began, "this woman, Elizabeth, is in love with this man, Robert, who she later ends up marryin'. She's writin' about how much she loves him with all her heart and soul...she says, 'I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach'," Lou repeated dreamily. "Then she says that she's puttin' all her heart and energy--her passion--into this love instead of the things she used to spend time grievin' over. 'I love thee with a passion put to use in my old griefs.' The way she loves him is so pure and trustin'--'with my childhood's faith.' She loves him completely, with everythin' she's made of. 'I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!' Finally, she says that not even death's parting will stop her from lovin' him...her love will only grow stronger. 'And, if God choose, I shall love thee better after death.'"

"That's beautiful," Jimmy responded softly. "I guess it just takes a while to get used to all those fancy words, huh?"

"Yeah, it does," Lou agreed.

Lou closed the little poetry book and looked down at it, tracing with her fingers the gold embossed lettering on the front of the brown leather cover. "I read from this book every day, memorized most of it by now. Kid gave it to me before he left to fight."

Jimmy could see the tears beginning to well up in her soft brown eyes. He pulled her closer to him, believing that her tears were tears of sorrow at Kid's loss, and maybe tears of regret of what they had done that night. He wrapped his strong arms around her delicate frame.

"I'm so sorry, Lou," Jimmy sighed.

Lou looked up at him questioningly. "Whatever for, Jimmy?"

"Well, weren't you cryin' because Kid's dead? Because...because of what we did?"

Lou smiled slightly, adding even more confusion in Jimmy's mid.

"Actually, I wasn't," Lou stated plainly, much to Jimmy's relief. "I was just thinkin' about the poem. It's just so beautiful that it always brings such strong emotions to me."

"Oh. But when you read that poem, you're readin' it for Kid, aren't ya?" he asked, the hurt at what he believes the answer might be evident in his voice and even more so in his eyes.

"I read it for the men I love...both of them," Lou assured. "I read it for Kid, knowin' that I will always love him and that we'll be together again one day in Heaven." She paused for a moment and took Jimmy's hand in hers, looking deeply into his dark eyes. "I read it for you, Jimmy, for the love I feel for you with every ounce of my heart and soul. And I read it for me, remindin' myself that love should fill the spaces in my heart where only grief and pain once dwelled. And it does. My heart is filled with love...love for you, Jimmy!"

"I love you, Lou!" Jimmy exclaimed.

Jimmy pulled Lou into him, feeling somewhat ashamed for fearing that she was only thinking of Kid even after they had made love that night. He knew Lou loved him, but he could never completely rid himself of the doubts he had...doubts more in himself than in Lou. Jimmy supposed that it was merely a result of so many years of repressing his own feelings and watching Lou from the sidelines, watching her share her love and affection with someone else...his best friend. He had built quite a high wall around himself, around his heart, that even though he loved and trusted Lou completely he could never fully rid himself of the protective layer that remained to keep him from getting hurt. But Jimmy didn't realize that it was his own fears and insecurities that had hurt him the most and kept him alone.

While still in Jimmy's embrace, Lou spoke to him gently, yet deliberately. "Jimmy, I need you to remember this. I need you to remember that my feelings for Kid don't stand in the way for what I feel for you. I know you been hurt before, but you gotta trust me and believe that what I say is true."

"I do, Lou. I guess my skull is still so thick even after all these years," Jimmy said with a chuckle.

"That's alright," she replied. "I guess this all did happen pretty fast...not that it's bad or anythin'."

"I'm glad you feel that way," Jimmy began, leading into a question that he didn't even know he was about to ask. "Because I have somethin' to ask you."

Jimmy pulled back so that he and Lou sat face to face. He licked his lips nervously, Lou looking at him curiously wondering what he was going to ask, her heart somehow knowing even before he actually spoke.

"Lou, will you marry me?"

Lou's eyes widened for a moment just before the tears of happiness began to spring forth. She gazed into Jimmy's eyes and knew instantly that he was earnest in his request. She didn't even have to think about what her response would be. Her heart already knew, and her eyes and smile told Jimmy the answer even before her lips did.

"Yes! Oh, yes," Lou whispered.

She was so overcome by emotion that she could barely speak the words that her heart was singing inside of her.

Lou and Jimmy fell together and kissed.

Jimmy thought that this was the happiest moment of his life. The woman of his dreams, the woman he had hungered after for so many years, would be his. Lou would be his wife, and he wanted to shout it out from the highest rooftops of the world. Nothing could ruin this moment for either one of them, and nothing did. As if Lou were reading Jimmy's mind, she moved her lips just far enough away from his so that she could speak clearly, "Let's go tell the others!"

Jimmy and Lou quickly got out of bed, and attempted to dress themselves as rapidly as possible. Jimmy was doing such a bad job in his hastiness that he buttoned his shirt up unevenly and stepped into his pants the wrong way, causing the back to be where the front should be. They both laughed out loud as Jimmy was acting like a lovesick schoolboy.

After dressing, Lou picked up baby James in his bassinet, and she and Jimmy ran out to the bunkhouse where they were certain everyone was in the middle of eating breakfast.

They came barging through the bunkhouse door with such speed and determination that Teaspoon, Rachel, Buck, and Cody were all completely taken by surprise. Jimmy and Lou glanced at each other and giggled at the way they had been met with four pairs of eyes filled with a mixture of shock and wonder. They quickly straightened themselves up, wiped their smirks off of their faces, and walked into the lions' den calmly and confidently.

"Glad to see you two decided to join us," Rachel spoke, sending a smile and a wink in Lou's direction.

"Yeah, Cody was gettin' ready to finish off your portion of bacon and eggs," Buck added jokingly.

"Now, Buck, that ain't true," Cody retorted, quickly forgetting the way Jimmy and Lou had busted in the bunkhouse only moments ago.

The two lovers glanced at each other a second time, somewhat amused at the small talk that was being passed around the table. Wordlessly, Jimmy and Lou briefly conversed using their eyes and decided who would be the one to break the good news to the others.

It would be Jimmy.

"Everyone," Jimmy called out, proceeding only when he got their complete attention, "Lou and I have an announcement to make."

Jimmy and Lou looked at each other yet again and smiled brightly.

"We're gettin' married!" they cried out simultaneously.

Their announcement was met with silence, bulging eyeballs, and gaping mouths. Though everyone was well aware that Jimmy and Lou had been growing exceptionally close lately, the news still came as a great surprise. It all seemed so soon.

Jimmy and Lou's faces fell when they saw the expressions on their friends' faces. It was definitely not the kind of reaction they were expecting. They had hoped that the others would share in their love and happiness.

"Well ain't you gonna say somethin'?" Jimmy finally said.

Rachel put down the pot of food she had been serving and was the first to approach the newly engaged couple. "Oh, Lou!" she cried as she hugged the young woman who was like a daughter to her. "Jimmy!" Rachel also hugged Jimmy and was truly happy for the two even though her outward appearance had not immediately indicated so. "I'm so happy for you both!"

Lou smiled gratefully when she saw the sincerity in Rachel's eyes, which were beginning to glaze over with tears of joy.

"Thank you so much, Rachel," Lou replied, handing off baby James to Rachel at her request.

Teaspoon also rose from his seat at the breakfast table, followed by Cody and Buck who were both now grinning widely.

"Congratulations, darlin'," Teaspoon said, bringing Lou into his fatherly embrace. Then he moved on to Jimmy and patted his shoulder affectionately. "Jimmy, I always knew you'd turn out to be a hell of a man." He beamed with pride when he looked at Jimmy, still remembering the hothead he had been, and now he was a man. "You got yourself the best woman in the world, son."

Lou blushed at Teaspoon's kind remark.

Jimmy smiled and nodded in affirmation. "That I do. And I consider myself the luckiest man in the world that she'd have me."

"It ain't luck, Jimmy," Lou corrected gently, "it's love."

Buck approached Jimmy and Lou next and hugged them both tightly, offering them his best wishes and some advice. "You take good care of her, Jimmy," he smiled and shook Jimmy's hand warmly.

"I will," Jimmy responded with a little chuckle, "but I have a feelin' its Lou who will take care of me."

"You better believe it!" Lou laughed, jabbing Jimmy lightly in his side.

Cody's bright turquoise eyes radiated with honesty and genuineness when he looked at Lou, whose face was glowing with a light that shone from within, from her heart. "I'm glad to see you so happy, Lou."

Lou enfolded Cody in her arms and thanked him, "That means so much comin' from you, Cody!"

"Jimmy," Cody began, extending his arm out to Jimmy, who accepted it gladly. Then, Cody's lip turned up on one side, smiling that crooked smile of his, and said, "Like I told Sam once when he and Emma were goin' to that weddin', just don't go shootin' the bouquet of flowers outta her hand."

Everyone laughed at the image Cody created. The bout of laughter and tears of happiness only ceased when Rachel cried out, "Well, let's not just stand here! We got a weddin' to plan!"

The next few weeks went by like a whirlwind for Jimmy and Lou. They were more in love than ever and were about to be married. Neither had ever felt quite so happy before.

In that time, Rachel had been running about making all of the necessary preparations and arrangements for Jimmy and Lou's wedding day, which was only a few days away. Though she had first thought that they would want to have the wedding in the church in town, Jimmy and Lou both decided that the one place that they really wanted to be joined together was at the Sweetwater way station. Nowhere else held such a strong place in their hearts and memories as did the place where they had become friends, laughed together, grieved together, and fallen in love.

Jimmy and Lou also agreed that they wanted the wedding ceremony to be small and intimate. Teaspoon would preside over them, as he had during Kid and Lou's wedding.

The day before the wedding would take place everybody went into town to finish up the last minute errands. Teaspoon, Buck, Cody, and Jimmy went to buy the wedding rings and also to pick up the new suits they had been fitted for. Rachel went with Lou to the dressmaker's shop to check out the final alterations on her wedding gown while a friend in town watched baby James for the day.

"Oh, Lou," Rachel beamed, watching the radiant young woman spin around modeling her gorgeous wedding dress. "You look so beautiful!"

And she did. This wedding dress was made entirely of ecru satin and was accented with matching lace. It had a scooped neckline that hung low on her shoulders with ruffles of eyelet lace going all the way around to the back. The bodice was fitted and showed off Lou's lovely figure and curves perfectly, flaring out at the waist and flowing all the way to the ground. The sleeves were short and puffed slightly, gathered just above her elbow with lace that cascaded down several inches. Compared to the dress she wore when she married Kid, this one was relatively simple, but no less beautiful.

"Thanks, Rachel," Lou smiled at her friend in reply to the compliment.

"Jimmy's eyes are just gonna pop right out of his head when he sees you in this," Rachel commented. The dressmaker came over to the corner where Lou and Rachel were standing admiring the gown and said,

"She's right, you'll make such a lovely bride. The dress looks like it was made for you. Would you like me to wrap it up for you so it doesn't get all dirty?"

"Yes, thank you," Lou responded. "I just want to wear it a little bit longer."

"Alright," the dressmaker nodded, "you just take as much time as you need."

Lou turned back around and looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror. She liked what she saw very much and imagined how she would look with Jimmy standing next to her. The thought brought a subtle smile of satisfaction to her face, which was already glowing with exuberance.

Rachel watched Lou from behind, seeing the peaceful expression on her face in the mirror and the glint of love in her eyes. She remembered not long ago seeing Lou dressed all in black, her eyes dull and lifeless, filled with tears at the loss of her beloved husband. It was good to see Lou happy again…and in love again. But deep in the recesses of her mind, Rachel just hoped that Jimmy wouldn't do anything to cause that radiance and gleam on Lou's face to disappear. Though Rachel knew Jimmy loved Lou, she couldn't get over the nagging feeling that haunted her, only surfacing to a conscious level in brief flashes, that this was all happening too quickly and might end in sorrow. Rachel quickly snapped back into reality when she heard Lou's soft voice asking her, "Rachel, do you think I should wear my hair up or down?"

"I think it would be fine either way," she answered. Lou began playing with her hair, twirling it up in a bun high on the top of her head and holding it with one hand, turning sideways to get a better view of how her profile would look.

"Hmm, I think I like it down, Rachel," Lou finally decided. "I'll just pull up some of the strands nearest my face and twist them on the sides with a ribbon."

"I know! Then we can get some wildflowers and put them in your hair like a crown," Rachel suggested. Lou smiled. "That sounds great. I want to thank you for all your help, Rachel. You've always been there whenever I needed you, and I appreciate all you've done."

"You're so very welcome, Lou."

The two women embraced. But then a thought crossed Lou's mind, and she began to break up in laughter.

"What?" Rachel wondered.

"Oh, I was thinkin' about how the fellas are doin'," she began. "You know how much they hate gettin' all dressed up, 'specially Jimmy!" Rachel nodded and laughed in agreement. "You're right. He must be fussin' somethin' terrible!"

"Jimmy, you can't go to yer own weddin' dressed like a ranch hand, now can ya?" Teaspoon commented, noticing how much the young man was pulling at the well-starched collar on his new, white linen shirt.

"But Teaspoon, a body can't hardly breath with this thing chokin' around the neck!" Jimmy complained. Buck and Cody were no happier than Jimmy to have to get all fancied up, wearing ties and everything, but they were definitely finding great humor in the situation and the way Jimmy was squirming and tugging at his new suit of clothes.

"I mean, what if this tie cuts off all airflow and when I try to say 'I do', nothin' comes out 'cause I'm bein strangled to death!" Jimmy protested again.

"Jimmy, when you're up there and you see Louise walkin' down that aisle towards you, lookin' so purty in that white gown o' hers, her face smilin' like you never seen before, you're gonna forget about all yer fussin' and want to say 'I do' and carry her off right then and there," Teaspoon reassured.

Jimmy realized that what Teaspoon was saying was true. He loved Lou more than anything, so he could deal with being uncomfortable for a few hours on the outside because he'd be so happy on the inside that he won't care about what he's wearing.

"I guess you're right, Teaspoon," Jimmy conceded.

"Course I'm right," Teaspoon said immodestly, but humorously.

"I can't wait to see Lou in that dress," Buck commented, his mind traveling back to the time when she married Kid. She'd looked so beautiful.

"And I reckon Jimmy here can't wait to see Lou out of that dress," Cody remarked snidely, an impish grin stretching from ear to ear.

Teaspoon knocked the brim of Cody's hat, causing it to fall off and onto the floor. "Son, can't you ever keep from puttin' yer foot in yer mouth?"

Jimmy shot Cody a dirty look, but the glare soon faded as a mischievous smile cracked Jimmy's lips. Of course, he couldn't deny the truth present in Cody's words. Though he had been with Lou before and made love to her, he never got over the sensation it gave him when he was with her, touching her in the way a man touches a woman, feeling her close and the warmth of her naked body against his. Every time was like the first time, only better.

"Hickok! Wild Bill Hickok!"

With lightning speed, Jimmy turned around to face the entrance of the shop when he heard a gruff and husky voice call his name out from behind. There he saw a middle-aged man with wildly disheveled hair that came out of his head from all angles and a beard that looked just as awful. But all Jimmy could see was the look in the man's eye, a look, regretfully enough, that he knew only too well. This fellow wanted a piece of 'Wild Bill'.

Jimmy closed his eyes, trying to make believe that this was not happening to him again…not now. He'd lived a fairly peaceful existence lately, temporarily free from the fruitless challenges of drunken drifters and vagabonds. Why did it all have to begin again now? Now when he was so happy, about to be married to the woman he's loved for five years. Jimmy sighed and supposed that the vacation couldn't last forever.

"Hickok!" He called out again, angry that Jimmy had not acknowledged him right away.

Jimmy still gave no answer. He thought that maybe if he ignored the man, it would all just go away.

"I'm Clancy Douglas. You killed my brother back in Rock Creek, and I'm here now to make you pay!" the man sneered, revealing his sickeningly blackened and rotten teeth.

Teaspoon approached the man and tried to restrain him before Jimmy was called out into another gunfight. "Now hold on just a minute," Teaspoon stated forcefully. "I'm the marshal here in Sweetwater, and we don't want none of yer trouble so why don't you just…"

Teaspoon was cut off abruptly when the man pulled out his gun and aimed it at his chest. Buck and Cody instinctively went for their guns but since they had been trying on their new suits they did not have them strapped on.

"I don't want no trouble with none of you. I just want him." Clancy Douglas kept his eyes fixed on Teaspoon, motioning with his gun that he meant Jimmy.

Without a word, Jimmy picked up his gunbelt and began walking towards his challenger. Jimmy passed Clancy as he exited out of the shop, sending him a disdainful look on his way to the streets, and Clancy soon followed.

Buck and Cody sent each other nervous glances before joining up with Teaspoon and rushing out of the tailor's shop as well, grabbing their guns as they ran. Jimmy stood in the middle of the streets of Sweetwater and, like a well-oiled machine, strapped on his Navy Colt, his holster hanging over his left hip, the ivory handle protruding from the top and the tip of the shiny silver barrel from the bottom. Once his gun was in place, he pulled his black leather glove onto his right hand and removed the suit jacket that he had been trying on, handing it to Teaspoon who was standing on the sidelines with Buck and Cody.

"Son, you don't have to do this," Teaspoon spoke low and calm.

Jimmy did not respond with words, but the look in his eyes--the pain and anger they emitted--and the tight line drawn straight across his lips told Teaspoon, Yes, I do.

Jimmy returned to his spot, a sudden gust of wind blowing dust and rubble all around him.

For a while there was not a sound heard all around. Time seemed to have stood still. Passers-by were stopped on the sidewalk staring silently while the two men stood in the middle of the main thoroughfare, moving their fingers slightly, warming them up for the draw that would determine their fates.

Mothers pulled their children closer to them, holding their hands over their ears to shield them from the gun shots that would be ensuing.

Teaspoon, Cody, and Buck looked on sadly, realizing that as much as they wanted to stop what was about to happen, they could not. Nothing could stop destiny. And whether they liked it or not, Jimmy's destiny would always be ruled by men who felt that they were invincible against the iron will and lightning reflexes of Wild Bill Hickok.

Finally, Clancy called out, "It's your draw, Hickok!"

Immediately after, both men reached to draw their guns from their holsters, but only one shot was fired. Clancy's gun had not even managed to clear the leather. He looked down at the bleeding hole in his heart, almost in disbelief, before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed into a ragged heap in the dust.

Lou was in the dress shop down the street when she heard the shot ring out in the distance. In that moment, she felt the pain of terror gripping at her heart and tightening in her chest. Something inside of her told her that it was Jimmy, so she ran out of the shop, dropping her packages on the sidewalk, and into the street, Rachel following not far behind.

"Jimmy!"

Jimmy spun around and saw Lou running towards him, and before he knew it, she pulled him into her arms.

"Oh, Jimmy!" Lou cried. "I'm so sorry!"

"Why, Lou?" Jimmy muttered. "Why does this always have to happen?"

Lou did not answer, for she had none to offer. She only held him tighter and pressed him closer to her, feeling that maybe she had enough strength to protect the both of them, though Lou knew deep inside that she could not protect Jimmy from his fate or alter the life he was destined to lead. Jimmy's cards had been dealt long ago, and there could be no turning back. All the love in the world could not change that. However, Lou chose to push these thoughts and harsh realizations out of her mind for the time being.

Nobody felt the least bit sorry for Clancy Douglas, the man who Jimmy had shot and killed. He'd asked for it. When someone that determined in his mindset with nothing but vengeance driving his emotions and actions comes looking for trouble, he usually finds more than he can handle.

No, it was Jimmy who everyone was worried about. He had been forced to kill yet another man, forced to once again live up to the reputation that had been thrust upon him against his will by a dime-store novelist seeking his own kind of revenge.

Jimmy buried his head down between Lou's neck and shoulder. The two stood together in the middle of town holding and rocking each other gently, and eventually, they walked back to where their friends were gathered outside the shop.

Following the incident in town, Jimmy hardly spoke to anyone, even to Lou. He was about to be married the next morning, but he could not bring himself to experience any shred of happiness after what had happened.

Lou tried her best to comfort and console Jimmy, as did Teaspoon, Rachel, Buck, and Cody, but it appeared to be of no use. Jimmy was back to his brooding self again, shutting himself off from anyone who wanted to help, bottling up and burying all his anger and fear and doubts deep inside where they would fester and grow uncontrollably.

That night, when Lou first got into bed with Jimmy, she felt as though she was lying down next to a stranger. Jimmy seemed so cold and distant, and although Lou could not blame him for the way he felt, it still hurt her that he would not open up to her. So, finally, Lou decided that she needed to initiate the conversation.

"Jimmy," Lou began cautiously, "I don't want to push you or nothin', but I want you to know that I'm here for you if want to talk about what happened today."

Jimmy looked into Lou's eyes and saw that she understood his pain. Jimmy knew he could deny Lou nothing, and he moistened his lips with his tongue and began to speak.

"Lou, I don't know what made me think things had changed," Jimmy admitted, sounding somewhat defeated and disillusioned. "I've done nothin' but try to live a good, honest life, but it seems that no matter how hard I try, my past mistakes keep followin' me and comin' back to haunt me."

"I know, Jimmy, and I'm so sorry." Lou held onto his hands and brought them up to her bosom, clutching them at her heart. "But you don't need to go through any of this alone…not anymore. I'm always gonna be here for you. I love you, James Hickok, and nothin' that happens is ever gonna change that."

"I love you, too, Lou…I love you so much." Jimmy sighed deeply, his eyes beginning to glaze over with tears which shone brightly in the lamplight. Oh, God, Lou. I love you with all my heart, but I don't want to hurt you, Jimmy thought to himself. I know you think you're strong enough to take what life can throw at you, but all I know is that I couldn't live with myself if somethin' happened to you because of me.

Jimmy felt such anguish eating him up inside, but he kept a tight hold on his emotions and just prayed that Lou would not be able to read it in his eyes. He couldn't let Lou see the doubt he felt. Jimmy did not doubt Lou or her love for him; he doubted himself. He doubted his ability to protect her from any unexpected danger that might arise as a result of his notorious, albeit unfounded, reputation.

"Well, I think we should get some sleep," Jimmy changed the subject. "Tomorrow's a big day."

"Yes, it is, Jimmy," Lou agreed, her tone of voice laced with serious concerns for him. As much as Jimmy tried to conceal his doubts and fears, Lou was able to sense them. She always had. He might be able to succeed at temporarily fooling Lou's mind, but her heart would always know the truth.

And she did. It was plainly written on his face, and Lou did not want Jimmy to jump into something that he wasn't wholeheartedly ready for.

"Jimmy," she continued, "I also want you to know that if you feel you're not ready for this…if you're not ready to get married, I--"

Lou was silenced by Jimmy when she felt his index finger softly press against her lips.

"Shhh…I don't wanna hear you talkin' like that. I love you, and I'm not gonna let some dead man stand in the way of me marryin' the woman I love."

Lou managed to smile and leaned in to kiss Jimmy gently on the lips.

"Goodnight, Jimmy," Lou whispered.

"'Night, Lou."

Shortly after, Lou fell asleep in Jimmy's arms while he spent most of the night deep in thought.

The next morning, everybody was awake bright and early to do all the last minute preparations and decorations for the wedding ceremony. Though it would be a very small affair, consisting only of Jimmy, Lou, Teaspoon, Rachel, Cody, and Buck, they were still planning to make it into a grand event.

Before breakfast, Rachel, Cody, and Buck put the decorations up all over the house. Bouquets of flowers and ribbons hung from the front porch, and streamers were woven between the banisters and railings. Even the corrals and pens had bows and wreaths adorning the fence posts.

After a light breakfast, Rachel would take Lou back to the house and help her fix her hair and lay out her wedding gown while Teaspoon, Buck, Cody, and Jimmy would stay in the bunkhouse and get themselves all spruced up in their new suits of clothes.

"Well, boys," Teaspoon spoke, "it looks like it's time for us to get ourselves lookin' respectable for these lovely ladies."

"Come on, Lou. Let's get you ready," Rachel stated excitedly.

Rachel and Lou were on their way out of the bunkhouse, toting baby James in his basket, when Jimmy called back at Lou.

"Uh, Lou," he said, the uncertainty emanating in his voice, "can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Jimmy," Lou smiled before turning to Rachel.

"Rachel, I'll see you in the house in a few minutes."

Rachel nodded and left the bunkhouse with the baby. Teaspoon cleared his throat in a first attempt to signal to Cody and Buck that they should leave Jimmy and Lou alone to talk, but the two young men obviously did not pick up on the subtle hint. So, Teaspoon tried it again, only this time the message was more overt.

"Boys, I think we should go get the horse and buckboard ready, don't you?"

After a hard glare from Teaspoon, they finally got the point and followed him out of the bunkhouse, closing the door behind them.

Lou and Jimmy were alone. Jimmy approached her and stood close, taking her by the hands and squeezing them tightly and affectionately.

Jimmy looked down at the hardwood floor for a brief moment, trying to collect all the thoughts that had been racing through his mind since the night before and form them into something even mildly coherent. He raised his focus back on Lou.

"Lou, I just wanted to apologize for yesterday." Lou shook her head, "No, Jimmy, there's no need to. It wasn't your fault."

"I know, but I keep thinkin' that maybe if things were different…if I had been a different kind of man that…" Jimmy stumbled over his words, unable to finish his sentence, and quickly looked away from Lou again. Lou brought her hand to his chin and gently guided his head back toward her forcing him to look into her eyes. She knew how tortured Jimmy was. She saw through his doubts, and it was enough to break her heart. She loved him so much and wanted nothing more than to see him happy.

"But I fell in love with you…with you, Jimmy," Lou reassured, "and all I want is for you to be happy."

"I know you do, Lou," Jimmy whispered as he tried not to choke on the tears that he felt would spring forth at any moment. "And I want to know that you're alright, too…to know you're safe and taken care of."

"I will be," she responded softly, but confidently. Jimmy reached out and caressed Lou's tender cheek with his fingers, holding her face in his hands as he did in his heart.

"I love you, Lou," Jimmy spoke, for what was probably the thousandth time since he first uttered those words a few short weeks ago.

Lou smiled delicately in return. "I love you, too, Jimmy."

Jimmy and Lou pulled each other close in a passionate embrace and kissed for what they both subconsciously realized would be the last time. They held each other with all their heart and all their soul…and all their might. They never wanted to let go.

"I best get ready," Jimmy finally voiced.

"Yeah," Lou sighed, realizing that Jimmy did not mean that he had to get ready for the wedding, but that he had to get ready to leave.

Jimmy half-smiled and then kissed Lou softly on the forehead before she turned to exit the bunkhouse. Lou could still feel Jimmy's kiss lingering on her forehead, the warmth of his breath against her face. She turned around and looked back at him and saw the look saying 'goodbye' and 'I love you' in Jimmy's dark, misty eyes. Her eyes told Jimmy the same thing, and also told him that she understood.

Lou closed the door of the bunkhouse behind her and leaned up against the wooden frame, closing her eyes for a few moments, before walking back to the house where Rachel was waiting for her.

Her heart told Lou that she would not see Jimmy again for what might be a long time. Still, she decided to continue with the charade that they were getting married, hoping that maybe something would change his mind and make him come back to her.

Oh, Jimmy, why can't you let yourself be happy? Why can't you let me make you happy? Lou cried to herself.

Back inside the bunkhouse, Jimmy began to pace around nervously. He had to leave. There was no other choice for him right now. As much as he loved Lou and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, Jimmy could not rid his mind of his fears. He resigned himself that he would be happier to leave Lou knowing that she was alive and well and taken care of rather than stay with her and potentially bring her harm.

Jimmy's decision to leave became final when he spied baby James' rattle sitting out on the table. He picked it up and stared at it for the longest time. All he could think about or see were visions of Kid. James had the same bright azure eyes of his best friend.

Jimmy became even more certain that he was doing the right thing in leaving. Not only could he not live with himself if something happened to Lou, but now she had her son to think about as well. Lou would protect and defend James with her life. And Jimmy felt that, in his own way, he was protecting Lou and her baby by letting her go, though he knew that he would never let his heart let go.

Lou allowed Rachel to primp her and fuss over her all she wanted because Lou knew how much Rachel lived vicariously through her. She was enjoying herself too much for Lou to spoil her fun. In fact, Rachel appeared to be totally oblivious to the fact that Lou was being so quiet and reserved when she was supposed to so happy and anxious to be getting married.

After Rachel pronounced that Lou was the absolute image of perfection, the two went downstairs and outside where they would take the buggy and wait by the pond for the others, who would arrive shortly after.

By the time Teaspoon, Cody, and Buck came back into the bunkhouse to join Jimmy in getting dressed, Jimmy was already finishing up gathering his few belongings so that he could be on his way.

"Jimmy? Ain't you ready yet?" Cody asked. "And why are ya goin' through your stuff like that?"

Teaspoon and Buck glanced at each other knowingly, for they realized that Jimmy was packing up and moving on.

"Jimmy?" Teaspoon called out.

Jimmy finally stopped rummaging through the drawers and turned around to face Teaspoon and the others. He looked at the faces of his friends and simply sighed and shook his head.

"I can't do this, Teaspoon," he began. "I can't do this to her."

"What do you mean, Jimmy?" Cody wondered. "Lou's already waitin' for you by the lake. She thinks she about to get married!"

"Don't you have the guts to tell her yourself?" Buck shouted, the anger at what Jimmy was doing to Lou rising in his throat. "Ain't you at least gonna tell her goodbye?"

"I already did," Jimmy snapped back at Buck. Then his voice grew low and soft, full of regret and apology. "I mean…she knows."

"But we heard the buckboard drive off," Cody remarked, his brow knit with confusion. "She and Rachel are on their way."

"Maybe they did," Jimmy admitted. "I didn't say it with words, but Lou knows I have to do this…she knows I have to leave. I guess she could tell that I didn't want her to watch me leavin', and she just didn't have the heart to tell Rachel."

"More than likely she's just wishin' and hopin' you'll change your mind," Teaspoon corrected. He paused and then looked deeply into Jimmy's eyes and saw the determination in them. "But I guess there's no chance of that."

Jimmy lowered his eyes and shook his head.

"Lordy, Lord," Teaspoon muttered as he scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I know this is somethin' ya feel ya need to do, but I'm tellin' ya, Jimmy...I'll never understand it. You keep runnin' away like this, but one day you're gonna have to face up to it…you're gonna have to face up to Lou. I know I always said ya can't save a person from himself, but I guess I never realized just how true that was 'til now."

"I know," Jimmy nodded sadly. "I thought Lou and I had enough love together to save me from my destiny…I don't know, maybe we still do. But all I can think is how I'd rather spend the rest of my days alone and know she's safe."

"Well, I guess this is it then," Teaspoon sighed loudly.

"Yeah, it is," Jimmy replied.

"Will you at least write to us and let us know how yer doin'?" Teaspoon asked.

"I will."

Buck extended his hand out to Jimmy, and the two shook hands.

"Try not to stay away too long, Jimmy," Buck tried to persuade.

His remark was met with silence from Jimmy, and everyone understood that it would probably be a long time before they would ever see their dear friend again.

"Goodbye, Jimmy," Cody added. "Take care of yourself."

Jimmy hugged everyone and said his good-byes. Soon he saddled up his golden palomino and rode off into the distance.

"Ride safe, Jimmy," Teaspoon whispered as he watched the figure of the man who had once been such a hotheaded teenage boy rapidly shrinking and fading into a cloud of dust.

Just when the little white farmhouse and crickety windmill were nearly out of sight, something inside made Jimmy stop and look back over his shoulder at the place that had been the only true home he'd ever known, the place where he had met and fallen in love with the only woman that he would ever hold in his heart. His hand traveled to the inside pocket of his jacket where he took the two golden wedding rings out and held them up to his lips, closing his eyes and sighing deeply, imagining the woman and the life he felt that he had to give up. But when Jimmy opened his eyes again, he knew. Yes, Jimmy would return someday. A slight smile crossed his lips as he realized that no matter which path he would choose after this moment, it would eventually lead him back to Sweetwater…back to Lou.

Jimmy knew that no matter where he went or how long he and Lou stayed apart, that he would always keep Lou in his heart, as he kept the matched wedding bands in his pocket. Jimmy and Lou were bound together by love…and would be for all eternity. It was a bond that neither distance nor time could sever. And it was this fact that gave James Butler Hickok the strength to urge his horse forward and leave the sweetest memories of his life behind.

"I don't know what could be keepin' the boys," Rachel wondered.

She and Lou had been waiting by the pond for quite some time, waiting for Teaspoon, Jimmy, Buck, and Cody to show up so they could start the wedding ceremony. "I suppose their just fussin' with their suits or their hair or somethin'," Rachel surmised.

Lou did not acknowledge Rachel's comments. Instead she was standing on the bank of the pond silently staring off into the sparkling waters, watching the sunlight dancing in the tiny ripples and currents with the occasional goldfish poking its nose through the surface.

Lou knew that Jimmy wasn't coming, which is why she did not stir when she heard the sound of riders approaching.

"Teaspoon, where's Jimmy? Teaspoon?" Rachel asked, confused.

Teaspoon glanced over at Buck and Cody, not quite knowing how he was going to break the news that Jimmy wasn't coming…that Jimmy had left for good.

Rachel then realized what was going on when nobody answered her question. The look in Teaspoon's eyes was more than enough to give it away.

Lou finally turned around when she felt Teaspoon's gentle hands on her shoulders.

Lou looked into Teaspoon's eyes, which were brimming with heartache and sorrow for her. But the expression and slight smile on Lou's face told Teaspoon that she had known that Jimmy was leaving. Deep down, maybe she always knew that he would go. And this was something that Lou had accepted and come to terms with. Teaspoon could see this in her eyes. He could see her tremendous strength and will to survive, and he realized that Lou would not grieve at Jimmy's parting.

"Lou?" Rachel called softly as she went over to see how the young woman was doing.

Moving her focus to Rachel, Lou finally spoke with an odd look of contentment on her face. "I'm alright, Rachel," she assured. "When I left Jimmy in the bunkhouse earlier, I knew it was goodbye. We never actually said the words, but we both knew." Lou paused for a moment and sighed deeply. "I just wanted to come out here by the water, where we first admitted our feelin's for each other, because I know he didn't want me to see him ride off. I guess I realized that Jimmy and I chose our separate paths long ago, and no matter how hard we tried make them converge, it just wasn't meant to be. Somehow, I guess I always knew that, and so did Jimmy."

"But he does love you, Lou. You have to believe that," Rachel said.

"I do, Rachel," she nodded. "And I love him. I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world. I've been blessed to experience love not once, but twice. Not many people can say that. Even though Kid's no longer in this world, he's still with me. And I know that no matter how far Jimmy goes or how long he stays away, he's still here," Lou said as she placed her hand over her heart.

"If he'd stayed," Lou continued, "I would have married him and been happy to be with him for the rest of my days. I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth if he asked…there's no question in my mind about that. But I know that Jimmy's always been torn inside--haunted by his demons--and he'll never let himself be truly happy. It don't matter what I do or how much I love him. It's somethin' he's gotta work out on his own."

Teaspoon, Rachel, Cody, and Buck all marveled at the young woman in front of them. Lou had been through so much in the past few years, and now, even though she had been jilted on her wedding day, she could still come out smiling. She was probably the strongest woman that any of them had ever known. She knew when to hold onto something and fight, but she also knew when to let go.

"I wonder if we'll ever see him again," Rachel mused sadly.

Lou looked out over the hills into the plains that seemed to stretch out forever and then set her gazes back on the shimmering blue waters of the pond that was filled with so many wonderful memories of the love she shared with James Butler Hickok. Then a subtle smile crept across her lips and a wave of hope and optimism swept over her as the gentle gust of air that kissed her cheeks seemed to tell her the answer. "Yes. I think we will. He'll come back someday. But 'til then, I'll see him in my dreams."

Lou blew a soft kiss and sent it off into the breeze where she knew that somehow Jimmy would receive it and know that it was from her. "I'll see you in my dreams, dearest Jimmy," she whispered. "I'll see you in my dreams."