Rachel slapped Buck's arm carefully, snapping him back to the present. He had been absent all morning, but now they were passing groceries from the store to the buckboard, and when one person in the chain wasn't paying attention accidents had a funny habit of occurring.

"Buck?" she spoke demandingly.

"Uh?"

"Do you mind?" she asked harshly and indicated with her forehead that Jimmy was holding another sack of flour behind him.

"Sorry," Buck mumbled in reply, taking the sack from his friend and put it in the bed of the wagon.

"What's with you today?" Rachel asked when he turned back to the chain of riders.

He was so close to telling her. He was so close to letting her know what was happening, but he couldn't. If he only kept denying it, then it would go away; he was certain of that. "Nothing."

"Don't give me that, I see something's bothering you!" Rachel stated, taking his chin in her hand. "Talk to me, Buck."

Buck shrugged and turned to take some apples from Jimmy. Rachel sighed and let it pass, this time. She had seen him like this a lot recently, but he never told her what it was. She told herself it was Noah's sudden and unexpected death that had made him so bitter, but still that didn't seem to be quite it.

Buck glanced at the group of women walking across the street. They were all blonde, except one of them; she had auburn, silky hair and the prettiest face he had ever seen on a woman. Her body was thin but not skinny, her limbs long and slender and her moves were among the purest he had ever laid eyes on. Sure, he had fallen for women like her before, but none of them had been quite so divine, so graceful. She was truly perfect, in every little detail he could see on the surface. He had been close to her on several occasions; like when they were both at the store, at the livery, and even in the marshal's office once. But he had never spoken to her. He had listened to her talking, had memorized every little word and expression, but he had never dared to turn around and introduce himself. She had just the prettiest laughter, so clear and honest somehow. He had wished so often she would laugh like that at something he said, but he would never dare to open his mouth around her. He was afraid a frog would leap out or something, and Cameelia was the last person he would ever want to see that happen. Cameelia Johnson. The name sounded so perfect in his head and he wished one day he would dare to pronounce it. He knew people called her Cami, but Cameelia suited her much better.

He sighed and turned to take more groceries from Jimmy and put them in the wagon, stealing one more glance of Cami. She was walking around the corner with her friends, all of them carrying books tightly against their chests, apparently heading home from school. He couldn't believe she was only seventeen, and he didn't think he had the right to have these feelings for her. Especially since he didn't know her. He didn't know her at all. He had learned from the conversations he had eavesdropped on that she was studying to become a teacher. Apparently she was already in charge of Sunday school. Buck had never before wished he was little boy again. Then he would actually get to speak to her for a whole day every week! Maybe it would be worth growing up all over again...

The ride home was slow and uneventful. Cameelia still invaded his mind whenever he had a free moment, and often he deliberately took a free moment just so he could think of her in private. Kid and Lou, who had been with them to town, were riding close to one another, snuggling together whenever they thought no one was looking. But Buck was looking. Looking and envying. He fell into pace behind the rest of the riders, glancing up at the newlywed couple in awe. Love like that had never been his, and he knew it never would be. But still a small yet dominating part of him kept hoping. Hoping of a love like that with Cameelia. His entire chest and both arms ached at the thought of holding her close, and his hands became instantly very warm when he thought of what her body must feel like. Her tanned and smooth velvet skin, the soft and seducing curls hanging down her back, her pink, sweet lips... And of course those piercing pearls she had for eyes. Blue, yet almost grey, framed by all black eyelashes. He loved seeing that spark in her eyes when she laughed. And she laughed at almost everything she heard. She seemed so easy-going and fun somehow, and not being able to talk to her was sheer pain. God, he wanted her!