The words had come out thick and dry, and he felt the tears weren't far away. But he forced them back and focused on the blow that was coming.

"What!?!" Teaspoon cried and stared hard into Buck's eyes. The marshal calmed himself somewhat and swallowed. "Son, I can't let you do that. Explain why," he demanded.

"I don't fit here anymore. I never did, but now there's nothing here for me anymore. I have to leave."

Buck's language was short and his voice dark, and in his eyes Teaspoon saw the pain and grief his young rider was experiencing.

"Son, this is your family."

Buck shook his head.

"I used to think so once. But this family doesn't exist anymore. I've thought this through, you can't make me change my mind," Buck spoke.

"I know," the marshal sighed and looked down on the ground. A silent drizzle was beginning to spot the dry dust, stirring it up in the wind. "Son, at least wait until after the rain."

"No," Buck shook his head. "I have to go now. Please understand."

Teaspoon nodded. "What do I tell the others?"

"Don't. Not for a few days at least. I need to leave, they can't track me down."

Teaspoon looked up again. He had expected this for a number of uncertain months, but he never did know how he would take it. His feelings and bonds to this young man were strong and he knew Buck knew he could always come back; no one would blame him. But if Buck said he needed to leave, then Teaspoon knew that was the truth.

"Can I tell Rachel?" he asked.

"I already did. She didn't believe me."

Teaspoon let go of the rider's leg and sighed a deep and frustrated sigh.

"You got everything you need?" he whispered.

Buck nodded and looked down. He glanced toward the house and saw Rachel standing on the porch. He could see through the rain that her cheeks were tear-stained. He hated this, but there was no other way. He had to leave. He had to get away from Cami. It was the only way to stop the flow of emotions that washed over him every time he saw her. Every time he thought of her. He thought if he didn't see her ever again, the fire would eventually fade and he would be able to really sleep at night again. Without dreaming about her. Sure, he enjoyed those dreams most of he time, but not the emptiness of waking up alone. That was hell.

Teaspoon nodded and clasped Buck's well hand.

"Take care of yourself now, son. And if you ever need to, please come back to us."

Buck nodded and took the reins again. He kicked his horse into action and ignored the words Teaspoon called after him.

"Ride safe!"

He let the horse have the reins and galloped as fast as he could away from the post station. The tears flowed from his eyes for many reasons, and though he didn't want to cry he made no effort to stop it. Though he promised himself this was the only and last time he would ever cry over this. Over the people he left behind. Over Cami.