Buck Cross slowed his horse to a walk as he approached the McCloud homestead It had been ten years since he had ridden away from here. Ten years which he had spent with the Kiowa. Ten years alone.

He hoped Kid and Lou were still living on the ranch in Sweetwater, which they had bought from Sam and Emma shortly after the Pony Express ended. Buck had been working in Rock Creek, sometimes as Teaspoon’s deputy, sometimes doing odd jobs. Despite Teaspoon and Rachel’s best efforts Buck often felt restless, as if something important were missing from his life. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was, he only knew that he was growing weary of waiting for it.

The letter from Kid and Lou had been a godsend. Lou was pregnant and the Doctor had advised her to take it easy. Reading between the lines and recognizing Kid’s subtle request for help Buck had eagerly packed his few belongings and ridden for Sweetwater.

Almost two years after Buck had ridden back into Sweetwater, Kid rode out. Those two years had been good to the young family and their friend. Five months after Kid and Lou’s wedding, Lou delivered their son. Alyosius Cain McCloud came into the world with his father’s face and his mother’s eyes. It had been a hard delivery and both Kid and Buck were glad that Theresa was there to help her sister through the birthing. Before the day was over and Louise could finish the birthing of her first son, Kid, Buck and even young Jeremiah had finished two bottles of whiskey in celebration and were passed out in the kitchen.

For the birth of her daughter, Mary Charlotte, a year and a half later Lou and Theresa made sure they had hidden all of the liquor in the house. As they worked on imaginary chores in the barn, in a vain attempt to avoid hearing Lou screaming in pain, the men were not amused.

Four months later Kid and Lou called a family meeting. Although the prospect of facing Cody or Jimmy across a field of battle filled him with dread, Kid felt he could no longer ignore his desire to return east and fight for the land he loved and the beliefs of the people he had left behind. Lou’s face betrayed her fears at Kid’s words and Buck saw tears glisten in her eyes.

But Lou held her husband’s hand and gave him her silent support. She knew the guilt and anguish that Kid had felt when the war had started and the agony he felt when reading the lists of the dead in old newspapers from the east. In the time since their marriage Kid and Lou’s love had grown stronger and more comfortable as it is wont to do with two people who worked together, had children together and grew to rely on one another. It broke Lou’s heart to see Kids torment and finally she asked him to go. Go and fight for what he believed in, for the memories he held close to his heart. It had broken her heart to say those words to him and she vowed she would never reveal to him just how scared she was. But Kid knew and he loved her all the more for it.

A powerful storm raged the morning Kid rode east. Riding towards an unknown destiny in a young country at war with itself. Buck felt it did not bode well for Kid, but he knew Lou needed him to be strong and so he kept his fears to himself.

He had spoken with Kid at great length the day before. Kid had asked and he had agreed to stay on at the ranch until Kid was able to return. Both men refused to voice the unspoken thought that Kid might not return, as if by refusing to speak the words, they could keep the realities of war at bay. Buck knew Kid was relying on him, not only to help with the ranch, but also, to look after and protect Lou and the children. Buck felt a great deal of pride that Kid had entrusted him to care for the one thing most dear to him, his family. As Kid rode out the only thing Buck could think to say was “Ride Safe”.

Lou’s hands shook as she read the telegram aloud. She had already read it silently to herself three times before gathering the others into the kitchen. “Mrs. Louise McCloud. Stop. Kid seriously injured. Stop. He requests you come immediately. Stop. Capt. Kirby Smith. Stop. Military Hospital Gettysburg PA. Stop.”

Lou’s eyes watered as she spoke, but she remained calm and determined. Over Buck’s protests she announced she was leaving alone in the morning to bring Kid home. Ever practical she stated that Theresa needed to stay and look after the children and the farm required both Buck and Jeremiah to manage all of the work. Buck let his protests die on his lips and the following morning watched Lou ride away. Again he said the only thing he could say, “Ride safe.”

Only this time he was not silent due to already having had his say. This day his silence was due to guilt. In the few short months that Kid had been gone Buck had felt his presence every day. But it was a silent and unseen presence and almost before he knew it Buck realized he had pushed that presence to the back of his mind. With Kid gone, Buck finally realized what he had been denying to himself for the last year or more. He was in love with Lou. He didn’t know how it had happened or when it had happened, but one day he had sat across from Kid and Lou at the dinner table when he suddenly realized how much he wished he were Kid. The realization struck him like an unseen fist to the gut delivering a blow from which he might never recover. In some unknown way his fond affection for Lou had grown from affection to love and from loving her to being in love with her.

As days grew to weeks Buck found himself wishing that Lou would return without her husband. He worked from dusk until dawn trying to work those feelings away. Every night Jeremiah would have to force him to stop and go to bed. Buck grew to dread sleep and the dreams it brought. Dreams of a life with Lou, a life without Kid.

As late summer waned into the early days of fall, Lou sent a telegram to tell them when she and Kid would be arriving in St. Louis. She asked that Buck meet them there. Although puzzled as to why Lou wanted him to meet them in St. Louis, he quickly telegrammed back that he would.

One week later found a very weary Buck riding into St. Louis a day late. As he approached the front desk of the hotel he heard familiar laughter coming from the dining room. Walking to the doorway he looked in to see Lou and Kid in the far corner. Although the sight was dimmed by candlelight the love and joy on their faces were evident for all to see.

Suddenly Buck felt he could go no further. Stronger than his desire to go into the room and hug his old friend and welcome him back was the desire to escape. His emotions overwhelmed him and Buck had to lean against the doorway for support. Love for both Kid and Lou, but also feelings Buck did not want to acknowledge. Resentment and anger towards Kid for leaving Lou and for coming back to her seemingly safe and sound. A love for Lou deeper than he was willing to admit, even to himself. For the first time in Buck’s young life he ran. Ran from the hotel, ran from St. Louis and Kid and Lou’s happiness, ran from his own feelings. And for the first time in his life he knew the battle was lost, before he’d even finished the fight, for no matter how far and how fast he ran he couldn’t escape his feelings and the guilt they brought with them.

Buck Cross was riding home, or at least to what he hoped was still home. In the years since he had left he had not heard from any of the former riders. He would ride into a nearby town once or twice a year and send a letter to Teaspoon or Rachel. He would send his greetings and well wishes for all of the riders in his letters, but his pain and his guilt kept him from ever writing directly to Kid and Lou.

Buck realized his horse had stopped, as he had become lost in his thoughts and memories. Glancing down, Buck was startled to realize he was at the base of a grave. Looking at the headstone Buck felt tears in his eyes and a pain in his body that started in his stomach, worked it’s way up through his heart and exploded into his head. Kid McCloud, beloved husband, father and friend. B. 1842 D. 1867.

Buck didn’t know how long he sat on his horse staring at the tombstone of a man who had become not only a friend, but also a brother to him. He might have sat there all night if she hadn’t seen him from the front porch. After giving him time to come to terms with the realization that Kid was buried on the hillside overlooking the ranch, Lou decided it was time to go and greet her old friend.

“He shot himself.” Lou hadn’t meant to just blurt the words out, but as she gained the hilltop and looked upon Buck for the first time in ten years she found herself next to speechless. She was even more surprised at his sudden reappearance than she had been at his disappearance ten years ago. Lou silently regarded Buck. He had grown from a handsome boy into a ruggedly good-looking man. He had become more muscular, his face slightly wrinkled and weathered. Having spent a good part of the last ten years with the Kiowa, he now carried himself with the easy grace of a warrior.

Buck meanwhile was looking at Lou and taking in the changes the years had brought to her. Unlike Buck, Lou had no touches of gray in her long brown hair, which she wore up in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. Hard work had added a few wrinkles, but had also helped to maintain her slim figure. Buck almost smiled as he realized Louise was wearing pants rather than one of the dresses he had become accustomed to seeing her wear after she and Kid had married.

“I’m sorry.” Came his response after several minutes of their silently studying the changes in one another.

“Wasn’t your fault Buck, but thanks anyway. So are you staying or riding through?” Lou asked her question with fear that his answer would be staying, but even more fear that his answer would be riding through.

“I’d like to stay for a while. If that’s okay.” Not realizing he did so, Buck held his breath waiting for her answer.

“Dinner’s almost ready. Wash up and come in when you’re done, I’ll set a place for you.” With that Lou turned and walked away back towards the house. She didn’t realize she too was holding her breath waiting to see what he would do until she heard him dismount and follow, leading his horse behind him. She slowly and silently let out her breath in a sigh of relief.

Dinner had been a loud affair. Theresa and Jeremiah and their respective spouses had been summoned by Aloysius to come to dinner. “Mama has a surprise.”, he had excitedly shouted to them from atop his horse before riding for home. In the past year Jeremiah and Theresa had both married and left the ranch for homes of their own. Aloysius or Junior as most people referred to him, had deeply felt the weight of responsibility this last year now that he was the man of the house. Even though his mother had introduced the man as an old and very dear friend he was still nervous about leaving his mother alone with an Indian. He had seen many Indians in his twelve years. His mother would spare what she could when they would come to her door, their pride hurting, as they begged for food or work. However he had never seen an Indian who looked like this one. Proud and dignified and yet there was something wild and unsettled about him. And his mother had certainly never invited an Indian to the dinner table before!

Buck was unaccustomed to being indoors, but he soon felt at ease in the familiar surroundings with his old friends. He had been surprised when Louise introduced him to her youngest son Noah Lee. The children had been excited to meet another one of the pony express riders and Jeremiah and Theresa were eager to share the changes in their lives with their old friend. Both had married in the last year and Buck felt regret that he had not been present for the occasions. He realized with a start that he had always thought of them as children. When Lou had sent Junior to fetch them and their respective mates, Buck had realized with a shock not only that they had grown and gotten older, but that he was getting older too.

Later that same night after the men had gone out to the barn to look in on the horses and the women had cleaned the kitchen and put the children to bed, Buck and Lou sat on the porch swing drinking coffee and watching the stars come out in the night sky. The unspoken fact that it would have felt like old times, if only Kid were there, lay between them creating an uncomfortable silence. Finally, Buck, who had become so accustomed to silence and keeping his thoughts to himself, could stand it no longer. The time had come to say what he had ridden 300 miles for.

“Lou,” he started, his deep baritone voice cracking from nerves as he spoke. “Louise, I’m sorry.”

Lou, knowing he had more to say, but needed some sort of encouragement from her to continue, tentatively took his hand in hers and with her eyes asked him to continue.

“I’m sorry I left you, both of you, without ever saying goodbye. It was the cowards way out and I’ve been ashamed of it ever since. I loved you both so much and I owe you an explanation for leaving.”

Lou suspected what was coming next and wasn’t sure she wanted him to continue. She had felt so odd ever since seeing him on the hill. Old memories and old feelings flooding back until she was overwhelmed. Unsure of herself and her own feelings, Lou sought to stop what was coming next.

“Buck, it’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

“No, it’s not okay.” Buck practically shouted at her, scaring them both with the force of his emotions. “It’s not okay Lou. What I did was unforgivable and seeing what has happened since….Oh God Lou, I’m so sorry.” Buck felt tears falling down his face, but was powerless to stop them. He felt shame, more shame than one body could hold onto. Ten years of guilt, ten years of trying to deny his feelings, ten years of wishing for what might have been, suddenly broke loose and Buck hardly recognized his own voice as he sobbed his apology.

Lou was bewildered by the sudden change in Buck and frightened by the raw emotion she saw in his face.

“Buck, it’s alright. It really was all such a long time ago.” Lou reached out her other hand to place it on Buck’s arm, wanting to comfort him and take his pain away.

Buck felt as if burned by her touch. Jumping up from the swing he began to pace the length of the porch, trying to bring his emotions under control.

Fearing his response, but knowing he needed to continue, Lou asked, “What happened to you Buck? Why didn’t you come to St. Louis?”

“I did.” He softly replied. So softly Lou almost missed his response.

Lou couldn’t have been more surprised if Buck had suddenly sprouted two heads. “But Buck, we were there, we waited for you and you never showed up. What happened?”

“Lou, I should go. I have no business being here. I think it would be best if I left.” Buck started down the porch stairs, suddenly more unsure of himself than he had ever been in his life.

“Buck, please don’t go. I deserve to know what happened.” Lou’s voice stopped him in his tracks and for several long minutes Buck stood, rooted to the spot. He felt himself torn in many directions, a part of him longed to escape to the barn and ride his horse far away from here. A part of him wanted to bound back up onto the porch and beg her forgiveness. In the end his honor won out and he slowly turned back to Louise and began walking toward the porch. He had come here to make peace with his past and beg his friends’ forgiveness. He had lost that opportunity with Kid and he didn’t want to make that same mistake with Lou.

Taking back his seat on the porch swing next to Lou, Buck began. “Lou, I did show up in St. Louis. I made it as far as the hotel lobby. I was late by a day, the weather had been bad and it had slowed me down. I was nervous and worried, we didn’t know how bad Kid had been hurt and I wasn’t sure what to expect. I only knew that however bad it was, I was going to be there for him. If I had to spend the rest of my life helping him I would do it. Oh God Lou, I felt so guilty, I could never forgive myself.”

“Buck, I don’t understand.” Lou interrupted.

“It was my fault Lou. It was my fault Kid got hurt. I didn’t want him to come back. Ever! I was in love with my best friends wife and I didn’t want him to come back to her, back to you.”

“Buck”, Lou tried to interrupt as he continued with his story.

“When I got to the hotel I saw you, the two of you. You were sitting in the restaurant eating, you were holding hands and laughing. I’d never seen you look happier or more beautiful and I’d never been so angry in my life. I hated Kid. Hated him for having your love, hated him for leaving you, hated him for coming back. I couldn’t bear to feel that way and I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the two of you together so happy and in love. So I left.”

“Oh Buck,” Lou hardly knew what to say. She had long suspected Buck had feelings towards her, but she had never realized the depth of those feelings and the internal struggle that had been raging within him. Hoping to comfort him in some small way she continued. “Kid never suspected. He always knew you loved him Buck. We both knew.”

“What happened Lou, how did he die”

“The war happened, it changed him. That night you saw us at the hotel, Kid thought we were still riding for the express and he was laughing at how jealous Cody would be of the meal we were eating.” Lou sighed remembering how changed Kid had been after the war.

“Was it his injury?” Buck asked needing to know what had happened to his friend, despite the pain reliving the past might bring to Louise.

“No, it wasn’t that. Kid got shot up pretty bad, but it was the memories that he couldn’t heal. Kid had nightmares and talked in his sleep sometimes. I also got letters. Letters from men who had served with him. Kid had been doing some scouting. He met up with Lee at Gettysburg. Lee was discussing charging the wall and asked Kid his opinion. Kid didn’t think it would work, but he was so in awe of Lee that he kept his thoughts to himself and agreed that it would work. He felt so guilty. He knew those men were marching to their deaths. He marched with them, he made it over the wall. Sometimes I think it would have been better if he had died in that charge.” Lou felt herself shaking and was surprised to feel tears in her eyes. She thought that she was all cried out for what the war had taken from her and for what it had done to her beloved Kid.

Buck felt regret at bringing the painful memories up and sought to make things right. He slowly and tentatively gathered Lou into his arms and settled her onto his lap, cradling her head against his shoulder. He was fearful that she would reject his efforts, but Lou had been without a companion for a very long time. She had had to be strong when her husband died and in the years since had called upon all of her reserves of strength in order to survive running the ranch and raising the children on her own. She missed having someone to help her through the hard times, someone to lean on. Somehow Bucks actions felt very right and natural to her. She couldn’t explain why and realized that in the end it didn’t matter.

Hour’s later Lou had finished her tears, years of pain had finally broken free. Buck had held her, stroking her hair and whispering to her. Senseless words and phrases, without any real meaning, meant only to be comforting. However after Lou had finished crying and Buck had finished comforting her, neither wanted to break the physical contact they now shared and so they had sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts and emotions. Finally Buck took Lou’s chin in his fingertips and tilted her face up to him. They stared at one another for what seemed to be an eternity, but were in actuality only minutes. And then they kissed. A sweet tender kiss meant to comfort and assure.

Reluctantly breaking the kiss Buck and Lou continued to stare into one another’s eyes, both unsure of how to proceed. This time it was Lou who instigated the kiss, tender at first and then slowly the kiss changed to one of passion and desire. Lou felt stirrings within her, which she had believed she would never feel again. Stirrings she had not felt since her days spent by Kid’s side.

The sudden, unbidden memory of her husband caused Lou to break the kiss and scramble off of Buck’s lap. Looking at him, his eyes full of passion to match her own, Lou realized that if not for her sudden memory of Kid she might have made love to Buck right there on the porch swing. Shocked by the realization and embarrassed by her actions Lou turned and ran into the house, running to her room and closing the door behind her.

Buck sat for long moments after she left, lost in his own thoughts. He felt certain that she was feeling many of the same emotions that he was feeling and a part of him wanted to go after her and finish what they had started. He realized though that the situation had gotten out of control, neither of them had seemed to be able to focus on anything but each other, until Lou had broken the kiss and the embrace.

Sighing, Buck headed for the barn and a sleepless night.

Lou watched him from her window until he disappeared into the barn. Waiting until she was sure that he had gone to the barn to sleep and not to saddle his horse and ride out, she then returned to her bed and her own sleepless night.

Junior watched the Indian in awe as he completed some of the early morning chores in the barn. He had many scars on his bare torso and Junior thought it was neat the way the scars rippled and the skin around them stretched as the muscle under the skin moved with Buck’s exertions. He didn’t realize that Buck had opted to work in the barn rather than go into the house and face Louise. Junior was only aware that his morning chores were done and he had half an hour to himself before it was time for breakfast. He quickly decided to spend that time in the barn with the Indian rather than in the house with his mother. He had heard her in the kitchen slamming pots and pans and had decided to avoid seeing her this morning for as long as possible.

“You could give me a hand.”

Junior jumped as Buck’s deep baritone voice floated across the barn to him. “Yes sir.” Junior quickly grabbed a pitchfork and rushed over to help Buck muck out the last stall.

Buck turned to hide a grin as Junior began to help muck out the stall, standing as far away from Buck as possible within the confines of the small space. He could tell he made the boy nervous and felt very strongly the need to reassure him. Perhaps it was because Buck saw so much of Kid in his eldest son, or maybe it was because he missed having children of his own. Whatever the reason, Buck sought to put the boy at ease.

“Do you want to know how I got them?” Buck asked, both of them knowing he was referring to the multitude of scars.

Junior shyly shook his head yes, afraid to say anything that might upset the Indian.

Grabbing a shirt and shrugging it on Buck took the boy and led him to the back corral, sitting on the top rung he began to tell the boy stories of his past. Leaving the more gruesome aspects out he told the boy of some of the adventures of his express days and then some of the more mild stories of the twelve years since.

Lou stopped in her tracks as she came upon Buck and her oldest son. Aloysius was looking at Buck, a worshipful look spread across his face. Lou felt a tug at her heart as she realized that despite her best efforts, there were some things she couldn’t give her son. She knew that her son was at an age where his relationships with men were becoming more important to him. She had done her best, but what her son really needed was a father. Suddenly feeling very sad and missing her husband, Lou turned her attention back to the scene before her. She and Buck had not discussed his life for the past decade and he never mentioned personal news in his letters to Rachel and Teaspoon. She found herself wondering if he had children and a wife back home, wherever that might be. She realized that she hoped he didn’t.

“You two are gonna miss breakfast if you don’t get a move on.” Lou’s voice rang out in the early morning air, causing Buck and Junior to jump off the fence in surprise. Junior ran to his mother and gave her a halfhearted hug as he muttered a quick “good morning.”. Quickly letting her go he turned and ran towards the house and his waiting breakfast. It hurt Lou that her son felt he was becoming too old to display his affection for his mother in front of others. She knew it was a natural part of his growing up and turning into a man, but that didn’t lesson the hurt.

Buck saw the hurt on Lou’s face and wanted in some way to comfort her. After his actions last night he was unsure of her feelings and what he should do or say. Pretending to occupy himself with checking the latch on the corral fence, Buck sought desperately to think of something to say. As she had so often in the past Lou beat him to it.

“So, are you joining us or not?” Lou stared at Buck’s back, trying desperately to keep her emotions under control. She had spent a long and sleepless night reliving her actions on the porch. She wasn’t ashamed of what she had done, but she was surprised at her actions. She had formed a close and strong friendship with Buck in the time he had spent with her and Kid after the express had ended. She had never thought though, that those feelings extended beyond a close and loving friendship. As soon as she had realized that the Indian on the hill was Buck and not some stranger, she had felt a sense of joy and happiness that she had not experienced in a long time. She realized even now that her feelings were more of a loving friendship and joy to be seeing him again, but Buck had grown into a handsome and sensual man and she could not deny the strong physical attraction she also felt.

“Well, I could stand to eat.” Buck turned and flashed her a grin that reminded her of the old happy times they had once shared. Taking her hand in his, surprising them both by the action, Buck led Lou back to the house.

Following breakfast Lou sent the children off to school and began to clean the kitchen. Buck stood by her side drying the dishes she was washing and putting them away. The children’s excited morning talk had helped to eliminate any uncomfortable moments between the two adults, but now that they were alone they were both feeling a sense of shyness and perhaps embarrassment. As Buck reached for a plate to dry, his hand accidentally brushed against Lou’s causing her to drop the cup she had been holding. They stood there for a moment, looking at the broken cup, neither one willing to look at the other.

“I’m sorry.” Buck whispered the words, causing a shiver to run down Lou’s back.

“It’s just a cup Buck, nothing serious.” Lou replied as she reached into the sink to begin picking up the pieces.

Buck placed one hand on hers and with the other hand removed the pieces of the cup from her grasp, placing them back into the sink. “I am sorry about the cup Lou” he stated in a soft tone as he began to turn her so that she was facing him. “And I am sorry for my behavior last night. But I am not sorry for the way I feel and I am not sorry for this.” Buck had gently tilted her head up so that she was looking at him as he spoke and he now very slowly, giving her the chance to back away, bent his head towards hers and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

Lou did not want to back away. She wasn’t entirely sure of what she was feeling, but she was still a young woman who had known great passion with her husband and her body now cried out for that passion. Buck’s touch and actions were causing waves of desire to course through her, surging through her body like the tides lapping at a beach. Lou gave into her physical desire and returned Buck’s kiss, opening her mouth to taste him more fully.

Buck felt Lou open her mouth to him and felt a surge of victory. He closed his eyes and lost himself to his emotions. He was barely aware of his own actions as he pressed his hand to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him until their bodies met. Lou’s mouth left his, but his disappointment quickly turned to pleasure as she began to trail kisses down his neck, stopping to lick and then gently suck the hollow spot at the base of his neck. Buck felt himself harden at Lou’s actions and gave a brief thought to ending the moment, but as Lou began to unbutton his shirt he realized nothing on earth could force him to walk away from her.

Lou meanwhile had become fascinated with her exploration of Buck. As she began to unbutton his shirt she saw up close the first of his scars, an arrow wound on his upper left shoulder. Knowing it had caused him pain and wanting to take that pain away she tentatively ran the tip of her index finger along the scar. She became anxious to see the rest of him and quickly finished unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it down over his shoulders. She had not unbuttoned the cuffs and his shirt would not pull off of his arms. Lou quickly decided she liked the idea of being able to touch him, while he was powerless to touch her.

Glancing into his face and giving him an impish smile, Lou returned to exploring his scars, as fascinated by them as her son had been earlier, but in a wholly different way. She then moved on to explore the ridges and hollows created by his muscles. Lou’s fingertips moved to Buck’s hardened nipples, and he let out a gasp as she flicked her tongue out to taste one. Buck once again closed his eyes and lost himself to her explorations as she gently licked and then carefully nibbled first one nipple and then the other.

Buck’s eyes flew open as he felt her begin to tug on the buttons of his pants. “Lou” he gasped out in a begging voice. She couldn’t be sure if he was begging her to stop or begging her to continue.

“I want to see you Buck, all of you.” Lou plainly stated, her passion making her voice husky and soft.

“I want to see you too.” Buck stated his voice full of desire.

Lou slowly stood back, facing him, full of the knowledge that if she continued there would be no turning back. Her breath was ragged and her hands trembled as she looked into his eyes and began to unbutton her shirt. Slowly she worked her way down the row of buttons, untucking her shirt from her skirt. Buck still trapped by his own shirt simply watched, neither of them saying a word for fear of breaking the spell which had seemed to fall upon them. As she unbuttoned her cuffs she gave him a small smile and let her shirt fall to the floor. In a matter of seconds her skirt followed. Moving to the kitchen table and turning one of the chairs around, she motioned for Buck to sit down. Curious to see what she would do next, Buck quickly complied, settling his still trapped arms behind the back of the chair.

Lou moved around to stand in front of Buck, gliding her hands across the bare skin of his chest as she moved past him, raising goosebumps on him. Lifting one small foot to the seat of the chair and placing the toe of her boot on the seat in-between Buck’s legs, Lou bent to unbutton her shoe.

Buck enjoyed his vantagepoint, as he was now able to see down the front of Lou’s sleeveless chemise. Buck was entranced by the gentle sway of her breasts as she unbuttoned and removed first one shoe and then the other.

Finally Buck could stand it no longer, he had to touch her, feel her, taste her. Ripping first one arm free from his sleeve and then the other, Buck quickly grabbed Lou’s leg and imprisoned her foot beneath his leg. Startled and then amused by the turn of events, Lou cocked one eyebrow and tilted her head in question as she looked at Buck. He answered her by slowly trailing his hand up the length of her slim leg, coming to a stop at her garter. Ever so slowly, he pulled her garter and stocking down until his hands came to a stop at her ankle. Bending, he placed a soft kiss on her knee as he removed her imprisoned foot from under his leg. Finishing his task of removing her stocking and dropping it to the floor beside him, Buck ran his hands along her leg, feeling the curves and muscles.

Letting go of that leg and motioning for her to raise the other, Buck repeated the process with the same delicious slowness and intent. Placing both of her feet firmly on the floor, Buck raised Lou’s arms above her head and stretching his own arms, removed her chemise. Moving so that he now sat on the edge of the chair, Buck held a breast in each hand, gently exploring their fullness and rubbing his thumbs across the hardened nipples. Guiding her with his hands, Buck moved one breast to his mouth and gently began to suckle her. In much the same way she had previously teased him, Buck gently teased the engorged nipple with his tongue and then with his teeth. Lou moaned as new waves of desire flamed through her.

Placing her small hands on the back of his head, Lou sought to pull him closer, to silently plead for more.

Buck’s hands dropped to the buttons on Lou’s pantalets. His efforts to see her, all of her, exposed to him, were hampered by the small buttons which refused to cooperate with his trembling fingers. Muttering a soft curse, Buck ripped the buttons from the fabric with his teeth and swiftly removed the last article of clothing, which had hidden her from him.

She stood before him, glorious in her naked and aroused state. Her skin was flushed, her nipples hardened and Buck could sense her need. Placing one hand on her buttocks and using the fingers of his other to expose her, Buck bent forward to taste her.

Lou gasped and trembled as sensations shot through her body. Entangling her hands in his hair, Lou urged him on. Her body, long deprived of such close and intimate physical contact, quickly raced towards a climax.

As Lou felt her release, she screamed Buck’s name and felt her legs begin to give way. Standing from the chair, Buck gathered her to him and began to kiss her, drawing her tongue into his mouth. Breaking the kiss he whispered into her ear, “I need to be inside you.”

Quickly, Lou and Buck removed the remainder of his clothing and Lou got her first look at his full magnificence. Buck held his breath as she reached out and began to trail her fingernails up and down the length of his manhood.

“I can’t wait.” His voice seemed to come from some far off place as he turned her so that her back was to his chest. Bending her over the kitchen table, Buck gathered her hands into his and held them flat to the surface of the table as he entered her from behind.

As they became absorbed in the sensations they were feeling, the slow steady pace of their lovemaking increased. Buck reached with one hand and began to stroke Lou with his fingers. Placing his other hand flat on the table for support, he began to feel that his own climax was near.

Suddenly, Lou bucked and moaned, a near scream escaping her throat as her own climax overtook her. Feeling her contractions and hearing her pleasure pushed Buck over the edge and he too reached his release, spilling his seed deep within her.

Staying in that position, firmly entrenched within her, Buck began to kiss the back of her neck and then gave her a playful bite on her shoulder. Feeling himself harden again as her muscles continued to spasm around his shaft, Buck withdrew, turning Lou onto her back, wanting to look into her eyes when he made love to her again.

The tears he saw on her face stopped him cold. Concern and fear replaced arousal as he gathered her into his arms. Holding her close to him and stroking her hair and back, Buck felt her tears fall from her face onto his chest. Instinctively, he knew she had not made love to anyone since Kid had died and he could only imagine the state her emotions were in.

“Lou, it’s okay. I know you miss him, but Kid is gone and he wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone forever. I love you Lou. I want to be with you and I want to make love to you and if you’ll let me I want to build a life with you. You don’t have to answer now, for now we can be friends, just like old times.” Buck spoke the words slowly and from his heart.

Lou’s tears subsided and she realized that although she was still unsure of the depth and direction of her feelings for Buck, she wasn’t sorry about what had happened. But she did feel some guilt, as if she had somehow betrayed Kid, and slightly embarrassed. Straightening and stepping back from Buck, she smiled and looked at him and replied, “Friends?”

“Well, very good friends considering….” Buck stated giving her a cocky grin and raising one eyebrow as if daring her to contradict him.

Laughing, Lou bent to scoop her clothing up from the floor. “Well friend, I suggest you get dressed. Jeremiah will be her any minute and I don’t think you want to explain to him why you are standing naked in my kitchen.” With that Lou turned and ran up the stairs to her room, flashing him her backside and causing him to laugh out loud.

Minutes later a quickly dressed and still chuckling Buck strode out into the yard to greet Jeremiah as he rode in.

“Good morning.” Buck yelled to Jeremiah as he came riding into the yard. Hoping to give Louise time to get dressed and fix her disheveled appearance, Buck began to ask Jeremiah about the day to day operations of the ranch.

Buck wasn’t surprised to hear that Lou had become a successful horse breeder and cattle rancher. He was however, surprised to hear that she had given the cattle operation over to Jeremiah and Theresa as their wedding presents and she now solely concentrated on the horse breeding.

Jeremiah explained that he came over occasionally to help Lou with things, but that she and Junior managed most of the work themselves.

Lou approached the men in the barn. She had changed into an ankle length split skirt and light blue blouse. Her skin was still flushed from their lovemaking and Buck thought she had never looked more beautiful.

“Good morning Louise.” Buck spoke as if they had not just made love twenty minutes previously. “Jeremiah was just telling me about how well you’ve done with the ranch. Kid would have been real proud. You’ve done real good Lou.”

Lou blushed at Buck’s words, hearing in his tone that he too was proud of her. “Well, I had a lot of help.”, she replied reaching up to tousle Jeremiah’s hair as she smiled at him. Jeremiah and Theresa had worked hard alongside her and she felt that giving them the cattle ranch was the least she could have done.

Buck felt the sting of guilt as Lou’s words reminded him that he had promised Kid to help Lou and to look after her and their family and in the end he had not only broken that promise, but abandoned Lou to the difficult life of raising a family and running the ranch on her own.

Not realizing the pain her words had caused, Lou was surprised at the sad look that crossed Buck’s face. “Well Buck, think you still remember how to fix a fence? Jeremiah and me were going to spend the day doing that. Think you could stick around to help?”

Looking forward to exercising and stretching his muscles after so many days in the saddle, Buck gladly agreed to lend a hand.

Several hours later found Lou, Jeremiah and Buck hard at work on the fences. Unaccustomed to wearing white men’s clothes, Buck had long since removed his shirt in the summer heat and Lou more than once had to force herself to focus on the fence and not on Buck.

“Well, I think it’s just about lunch time. Why don’t you boys wrap this up and I’ll go fix us some lunch.” Lou turned and headed towards the house as Buck and Jeremiah finished with the section of fence they were working on. Then they too headed for the house.

Lou had set soap and water on the porch for the men and they quickly washed up before heading into the kitchen. The three of them made quick work of the meal as they reminisced about old times.

“Jeremiah, I think Buck and me can finish up what’s left. Why don’t you head on home.”

“That’d be great, I’ve got a few strays to round up. Buck, I’ll see you Saturday in town won’t I?” Jeremiah asked.

“What’s Saturday?” Buck replied.

“It’s the first ice cream social and dance for the summer. Lou, you’re gonna make him come to it, aren’t you?”

“Sure am.” Lou responded with a laughing tone. She suddenly realized just how much she was looking forward to going.

“Well there you have it. I guess I’ll be there.” Buck now knew what Lou and Jeremiah had been whispering about earlier in the day and knew when he’d been had. He decided it was best to just accept it and move on.

Shaking Buck’s hand and giving his sister a kiss on the cheek, Jeremiah headed out.

“Let’s go finish up that fence. The dishes can wait until later.” Lou was feeling a bit nervous about being alone again in the kitchen with Buck.

Realizing what she was feeling, and feeling a little bit of the same, Buck quickly agreed.

The two old friends spent the next few hours working on the fence, peppering their conversation with “do you remember that time” and “how bout when”. They had just finished laughing about the time Cody had emptied Buck’s medicine pouch and the revenge Buck had taken on him, when Junior walked up.

“Mama, we’re home from school.”

“Junior, could you help Buck finish up here?” Lou asked her son.

“Sure mom.” Junior and Buck began to work in companionable silence as Lou headed back to the house to take care of the younger children and start dinner. The two of them had just finished repairing the last section of fence when they heard the dinner bell ringing.

“Go on down to the house Junior, I’ll put the tools away.”

“Nah, that’s okay, we can do it together. Maybe you can finish telling me that story from this morning.”

Buck and Junior gathered the tools and walked them to the shed, Junior listening intently as Buck finished his story from their morning in the barn.

Once again, Lou had laid out soap and water on the porch and the two of them made quick work of cleaning up before heading into the kitchen and their waiting dinner.

After dinner Lou washed the dishes and helped the younger two children with their school lessons while Buck and Junior completed the evening chores in the barn.

Heading back into the house, Buck was happily surprised to find Lou serving up apple pie and fresh milk for them. The younger children had already been put to bed and so it was only the three of them still up.

“Junior, your bath’s all ready. Hurry up and then you can have some of this pie while we work on your lessons.” Lou looked at her son, who every day was growing to be more like his father, and smiled. This had become a nightly ritual for the two of them ever since Theresa and Jeremiah had gotten married and moved to homes of their own.

Aloysius headed to the small room Buck and Kid had built onto the house after listening to Lou beg for a “bathing room”. Built behind the kitchen stove, for warmth in the winter but with windows to open to the breeze in the summer, Lou had been delighted when the boys had finally finished it. Although Kid, Buck and Jeremiah had continued to use the outside shower, Lou had taken two baths a day for the first month after it was built.

Listening to the sounds of Junior rushing through his evening bath, Buck chuckled as he remembered Lou’s initial joy with her “bathing room”. Knowing exactly what he was thinking, Kid and Buck had teased her often enough about using up all of the water in the well, Lou too began to chuckle.

As Junior walked into the room he gave them both an odd stare. Adults are weird he thought to himself, but he knew better than to say it out loud.

“I guess I’d better go take that shower.” Buck stood, gathered the soap and toweling Lou had already set out for him, and headed out the door.

A short while later Buck stood in the barn, freshly showered, wearing clean pants but no shirt and looking for his comb and razor. Finding his shaving kit, but no comb, Buck decided to head to the house to borrow one from Louise.

Seeing that only the kitchen lamp was still lit, Buck entered the house quietly, as he assumed that all of the children were now asleep upstairs. Entering the kitchen, Buck found Lou alone at the table, reading as water heated on the stove.

“Hey Lou.” Buck was quiet, not wanting to startle her or wake the children.

“Buck, something wrong?” Lou had not actually been reading the book in front of her, but had instead been thinking about the morning’s events. Not sure why Buck had come back to the house, Lou was suddenly nervous.

“I couldn’t find my comb. I was hoping I could borrow one from you. Maybe some hot water for shaving too?”

Lou had long ago become accustomed to Buck’s shaving habits. Although Buck did not need to shave every day, when he felt the need to do so, he preferred to do it at night. He had somehow become convinced that it was better to do it at night and neither Kid nor Lou had ever been able to convince him to shave in the morning.

“I already put water on for you Buck, let me go get you a comb.”

Disappearing into the little room and returning seconds later, Louise handed Buck a comb as she took his shaving kit from him. Having done so many times for Kid, it was simply a matter of old habit as Lou proceeded to ready Buck’s shaving supplies. By the time Buck had combed his hair, Lou had sharpened Buck’s straight razor on the leather strop and used his powder to whip up shaving lather in his mug. Almost without thinking, Lou turned to Buck and began to use the brush to spread lather onto his face. As Lou’s eyes met Buck’s, both sets of eyes filled with long ago memories, the sudden realization of what she was doing suddenly stuck Lou and startled she stopped her motions and silently stood there, unmoving and unsure of what to do next.

Buck slowly lifted both of his hands to hers, caressing her fingers as he took the brush from her. “Why don’t you bring me a mirror Louise, I can finish this.”

Buck had often witnessed Lou preparing Kid’s shave and he realized that her actions were the result of her old habit and not the result of their morning together. For a brief moment the realization stung, but he pushed the pain away, refusing to allow the memory of their time together that morning to be tainted.

Silently Lou turned and once again disappeared into the small bathing room, returning with a mirror, which she handed to Buck. Buck began to shave over the kitchen sink as Lou, without saying a word, left the room and headed up the stairs.

Fearing he was making a bad effort at righting the wrong he had committed so long ago and concerned that he would never be able to reconcile his and Lou’s relationship, Buck decided to concentrate on the task at hand.

Just as he finished his shaving and gathering his kit back up, Lou descended the stairs, scissors in hand, a smile on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I thought maybe I’d trim your hair for you.” Lou hesitantly stated as she made her way back into the kitchen.

Looking into her face and seeing her slightly red and swollen eyes, Buck knew she had been crying. The warrior in him wanted to gather her into his arms, mount his horse and carry her far away from this place and the memories it held for them both. He wanted to take her to the mountains, the plains, anyplace where he was free to be himself, and make love to her until her body and her mind had forgotten all memories of Kid.

Realizing he could not do this, knowing it had been only a brief and passing fantasy Buck responded, “I think that would be a great idea Lou.”

Without realizing he did so, Buck sat in the same chair as he had earlier that morning during his and Lou’s lovemaking, and proceeded to allow Lou to trim his hair.

“Well, that should just about do it,” Lou announced as she began to brush the trimmed bits of hair from Buck’s back with a dampened rag. “Looks better if I do say so myself.”

“Thanks Lou, I’m sure it does.” Wanting to repay her the favor in some small way, Buck headed to the stove. “Why don’t I give you a hand with this.” So saying, Buck lifted one of the kettles filled with steaming water and proceeded into the room where he knew Lou would soon be taking her bath. Returning to the stove, Buck gave Lou a small grin and winked one eye at her. Lou laughed at the familiar gesture and was still chuckling a minute later when Buck returned to the kitchen.

“Come here,” Buck whispered, taking her hand in his and leading her to her bath.

Louise felt tears come to her eyes as she saw what Buck had done.

Several of the candles placed around the room had been lit, their flames flickering now and then as an occasional gentle breeze edged its way into the room, fluttering the curtains. The oil lamp on the table had been turned down low and soft shadows danced on the walls. Placed in the center of the room was Lou’s large tin tub, Jasmine scented steam rising from it as bubbles shimmered on the surface of the water.

“Buck, thank you,” Lou softly uttered.

Placing his fingers on her lips, Buck gently shushed her. Raising her hand up and placing it on his bare chest, Buck began to unbutton the cuff of Lou’s sleeve. Finishing the task and lowering that arm to her side, he raised her other hand to his chest and repeated the process.

“Buck, it’s been a long day and I’m really tired.”

Knowing Lou was unsure of his intentions, Buck smiled at her words. “Lou, just relax. Let someone take care of you for a change,” he whispered as he began to unbutton her shirt.

Realizing that Buck had no hidden motives behind his actions Lou began to relax and resigned herself to Buck’s gentle undressing.

Minutes later Buck bent and lifted a naked Lou into his arms. Walking the few short steps to the tub, he gently eased Lou into the steaming water. Lou let out a soft moan and Buck was immediately concerned that he had made the water too hot for her, but her moan was immediately followed by a smile on her face as a sigh of pleasure escaped her lips. Lou opened her eyes and then closed them again, practically purring her pleasure as Buck ran a soapy wash cloth up and down the length of her arm. Proceeding to her back and taking his time, occasionally stopping to give a soapy massage to her knotted muscles, Buck proceeded to thoroughly wash every last inch of her. As Buck picked up one small foot and began to massage the bottom of it and run the soapy wash cloth between her toes, Lou stretched her other leg and wiggled her toes at him, which Buck took to mean “Keep it up and don’t forget the other one”. When she thought it could get no better, Buck began to run the wash cloth in between her legs, washing her inner thighs and using the subtlest of pressure every time he ran the washcloth across her budding womanhood. Lou moaned again at the pleasure Buck was giving her, but as much as she wanted to, her heavy eyelids refused to open to allow her to watch Buck’s actions. Using the slightly rough weave of the wash cloth and varying his pace and pressure, Buck took his time to bring Lou to her orgasm. Unlike her earlier orgasm which had come upon her quickly and almost violently, this one came upon her slowly and gently, a sweet and subtle transition from arousal to fulfillment. Riding his hand for several minutes, Lou felt the last traces of tension leave her as she slowly rode down the wave of her last and longest orgasm.

Lou opened one eye and looked at Buck, the question of what was to come next plain on her face. Lowering the wash cloth into the water Buck laughed, low and sensually, as he moved behind Louise and began to unpin her hair. As he pulled the pins out of her hair, Buck leaned to whisper into her ear. “Not tonight Louise. The next time I make love to you I want your eyes open and looking at me. I don’t want you half asleep, I want you awake and demanding, like this morning.” He followed his words with a gentle nibble on her ear lobe.

Just as Lou made up her mind to feel insulted at Buck’s words she felt warm water being poured into her hair. As Buck worked the soap in her hair into a thick lather, massaging and lightly scratching her scalp in the process, Louise decided to be mad at him tomorrow.

After several minutes of this heavenly treatment, Buck proceeded to rinse the soap from her hair. Standing her in the tub, using his hands and the last pitcher of water, Buck rinsed the last traces of soap from Louise’s hair and body. Wrapping her in several towels, Buck once again bent to lift Lou, this time out of the water and setting her down in a chair. Unsure of what he had planned, and too tired to wonder on it much, Lou sat patiently in the chair with her eyes closed. Her patience was rewarded when a minute later Buck began to carefully brush the tangles from her hair.

Speaking to her in a slow and steady voice, Buck, keeping his deep baritone voice barely above a whisper, told to her tales of sunsets, sunrises and fields of flowers that he had seen, wanting to share their beauty with her. In his voice was the unspoken desire that he had wished her to be there with him, by his side, at those times. Unknowingly, Buck spoke in Kiowa, but it made no difference to Lou, who had quickly fallen asleep.

After brushing the last of the tangles from her hair, Buck ever so carefully lifted Lou from her chair and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. Laying her down on the bed, Buck carefully extracted her from the toweling she was wrapped in and eased her into the nightgown which had been lying on the foot of the bed. Covering her with the sheet and thin quilt, Buck placed a lingering kiss on her brow and turned to walk out of the room. As he did so, a flash of silver caught his eye. Turning to the small table beside Lou’s bed, Buck saw, bathed in moonlight, a silver framed picture of Kid. In the bright light of the moon, Buck could see where Lou’s fingers had rubbed the frame, wearing it down in several places. A sigh of guilt and pain left his lips as Buck turned and walked out of the bedroom.

Knowing sleep was far off, Buck proceeded back to the kitchen to empty, clean and dry Lou’s tub before returning to the barn for another restless night.