Buck sat on the bench outside Teaspoon’s office, bored. He watched the townsfolk absently, his eyes constantly return to drink hungrily of the sight of Jenny Thomkins, his mind and soul tormented as he watched her sweep the boardwalk outside her fathers shop, before closing time. She had come back to live with her father 3 months ago, disenchanted with life back east Since her return, they had become firm friends, both of them turning to the other for friendship. Both torn between two worlds, only the other knew exactly what the other was going through. They spent hours sitting together talking of the experiences of their lives and their hopes and dreams. Buck valued her friendship more than he could ever have imagined, and didn’t want to risk that in any way, that was what made his current predicament so hard. His eyes softened as she saw him sitting there and waved at him a smile wide on her face.

He wanted her so badly that he could almost taste it. It was pure torture for him to spend so much time with her and not reveal the depth of his feelings or the strength of his desire. He loved her with every fibre of his soul, and wanted her just as badly. It was not in his nature to be like the other boys, he couldn’t use a woman for his own satisfaction, his heart ruled his actions and he was happy with his life that way. Well he had been until Jenny. Now he knew what it felt like to want someone so badly that it physically hurt.

He watched in fascination as she walked across the street towards him, his eyes transfixed by the gentle sway of her firm, high breasts under her soft blouse. Gulping deeply, he dragged his eyes back to her smiling face, trying to take his mind off the pulsing hardness at his groin. Jenny walked onto the porch, blissfully unaware of Buck’s torment, and sliding onto the bench beside him she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and leaned into the embrace he offered her. Leaning back against his side, she watched her fathers shop absently.

"Hi Buck” she murmured “What are you up to?” she asked

“Nothing just hanging around here.” he spoke determined to carry on a civilised conversation with her, ignoring his carnal lusts in favour of the friendship he valued so highly.

“Wanna have dinner with Father and I tonight?” she asked softly, resting her head back against his shoulder, comfortable and contented in his loose embrace.

“Can’t Jen, I promised Kid and Lou I would spend the evening with them” he spoke quickly, knowing that he could not spend a night with Jen and her father, not until his own intentions were clear in his mind.

“I understand Buck” she spoke softly her eyes closing as he stroked her rain fresh hair. the scent clinging to him, driving his senses wild, his fingers shaking with the strain of not touching her more intimately.

“He doesn’t hate you, you know that dont you?” she murmured quietly

“No but he tolerates me for you” Buck spoke almost absently “I guess that will do for now” he stated

“I’d better get back before he misses me” she mumbled as she stood and placed a gentle kiss on his slightly parted lips.

The feather soft whisper of her lips on his, her soft breath on his face the scent of her hair clinging to him almost took his breath away. He sat there speechless as he watched her walk away from him the gentle sway of her hips inflaming his senses even further.

Buck didn’t know how long he sat there simply watching her walking across the street, until Jimmy sat down beside him, filing the spot so recently filled by Jenny.

“When are you going to tell her” Jimmy spoke softly awed by the emotions he could see on Buck’s face

“Tell her what?” Buck asked his attention not completely back with Jimmy

“About that!” Jimmy spoke nodding his head pointedly at the hard bulge at Bucks groin

“Nothin to tell” Buck spoke trying to deny what Jimmy already knew

“Don’t lie to me Buck” Jimmy spoke “You might be able to hide it from the others, but I know okay” Jimmy finished trying to be a confidant for his friend

“Im not hiding anything” Buck spoke desperately trying to save face

“Buck, I know alright, everytime you are with her you come home hard and wanting her. When are you going to o something about it” Jimmy spoke softly

“Never Jimmy, she is too good a friend to lose just because I cant control my body” Buck stated as he stood and walked towards the way station.

Jenny stood just inside the door of her fathers store, the strong afternoon sun obscuring her presence from the outside world. She couldn’t help but watch Buck from across the street, her mind and body in turmoil.

She stood and watched as Jimmy sat beside him and spoke to him briefly before he stood and walked back to the waystation, his shoulders slumped his whole persona of complete desolation and dejection. She didn’t know what was troubling Buck, but for some time now he had been pulling back from her, the comfortable friendship they had been sharing slowly becoming more strained. She had no idea what was wrong but it seemed no matter how hard she tried to stay close to him the more tense and distant Buck became.

He was not only her best friend but he was probably the most important person in the world to her. She might be able to try and fool herself into believing that she came home to be near her father, but deep inside herself she knew that she had come home to find her destiny. A destiny that she was coming to believe would include her noble friend. The man that she loved. Tears welled in her beautiful blue grey eyes as she watched him walk away, his own pain shrouding him like a cloak.

Every time she saw him she couldn’t help but wonder if she told Buck of her own feelings for him things would be different. So badly everytime they were together she wanted to tell Buck of the feelings she held for him. the only thing stopping her was her own fragile emotions. She knew that if she told Buck of her feelings and he rejected her, she wouldn’t be able to live here any longer, bereft of his love and destroying the friendship they shared with her revelations she would be forced to leave the west that she loved so much, but she wouldn’t be able to bear watching him every day knowing that he couldn’t be hers. Knowing that the only man she would ever love would never be hers, she would not be able to live here and be the subject of his pity. Or worse still having to watch him marry and raise a family knowing that he could never be hers would be more then her heart could bear. He would be the only man she would ever love and she couldn bear to see the children that he would have with the woman he loved when she knew that he would never have them with her. She coudnt help but laugh at herself a laugh that turned into a strangled sob as she realised that she hadn’t even told him of her feelings and she was already imagining his children.

The more distant Buck became the more she hurt inside. She couldn’t help but wonder if she had shown the intuitive Buck too much of her feelings for him and had frightened him away. One hand clutched her stomach as the butterflies inside her all took flight making her feel a little sick. She knew that she loved him but she had no idea what the feelings that were coursing through her body meant, but she physically hurt when she wasn’t with him. Her heart beat faster when he was near her, the butterflies inside her taking flight enmasse when he touched her. When she was down the only person who could cheer her, he was the only one that knew her deepest dreams. she shook her head sadly as she realised that he probably knew her better than she knew herself, and now that he was hurting she had no idea what was hurting him.

She lifted one hand to run her fingers down the cold glass almost as if she were trying to touch him through the glass. She was powerless against the feelings she had for him, and powerless against her own fears to tell him of those very feelings. Tears that she wasn’t aware of shedding trickled down her cheeks.

Bill Thomkins stood behind the counter of his store, watching his daughter at the door, knowing full well who had put the pained expression on her face. He stood and watched as her pain and confusion turned to tears and shook his head sadly. God above only knew that Buck was not his choice of a husband for his daughter, and if the truth be known he was the last person that he would want for her, but even he knew that she could do a lot worse then Buck. He could see the devotion and the love for her in Buck’s eyes every time he looked at her and by reputation alone he knew that no harm would come to his daughter while she was with him. He could also see the emotions of his daughter painted all over her face or in the dreamy expression in her eyes when she thought about Buck. The same expression her mother had when she looked at him when they were first married. That was why he knew the two of them belonged together, he knew that the two of them would have their share of trouble and heartache, but he hoped that they could have a long life together, so long as one of them would finally tell the other of what was obvious to the rest of their friends and family.

He took of his apron and walked toward front door of the store and locked it then moved to stand behind his daughter, praying all the while that he was not making the same mistakes he had made with her mother. Placing a gentle hand on her shoulder he offered her whatever support he could and then moved back towards their home. Leaving her to lean forward against the glass she pressed her head on her hand and dissolved into uncontrollable tears.

Lou stood just inside the window and watched as Buck sat despondently on the stairs, is elbows on his knees his head bowed. His whole appearance one of pain and torment, she stood there for a few moments torn between going to her friend and letting him alone to sort through the problems that were troubling him. Buck had been hardest hit of all of them when Noah had been killed, following so closely after Ike’s tragic death.

Nobody had noticed it before but each of the boys, had their own place in their little family, and if her beloved Kid was the conscience of the family then Buck was certainly the heart and soul. Things, while he never spoke of it, hit him harder then they hit every one else, she knew that it was hard for him to cope with the loss of his friends but he would never burden his remaining friends with his pain, so it seemed he suffered longer and harder then everyone else. But she knew now that he was having trouble coping with his feelings for Jenny Thomkins. She could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her, every time he said her name. Lou knew that Jenny was the only woman for Buck just as Kid was the only man for her.

Wanting to offer him a little of the support he always offered to her she walked outside and sat on the step beside him, waiting for him to open up to her, just a little, so she could help him she smoothed her skirt around her knees and rested her chin on her hands watching him.

“It gets easier you know” she spoke softly giving up on waiting for him to break the silence

“No it doesn’t” he answered softly

“Sure it does Buck, its hard at first but it will get better” she reached out one hand to stroke his arm gently.

“Ah Lou for it to get better I would have to tell her” he answered her flatly

“You will find a way Buck” Lou misunderstood the intention of his statement

“I can’t tell her Lou she is probably after Ike the best friend I will ever have, she will never know how I truly feel” he stood his hands in his pockets and walked toward the barn kicking the dirt at his feet as he did.

Lou sat on the steps watching as he walked towards the barn, completely bereft of what to say to him. She sat there for some time trying to understand what was going on inside Buck’s noble mind, when she noticed Jenny walking toward the station, her face tearstained but determined.

“Lou is Buck around?” she asked quietly

Lou paused for a moment unsure if she should tell Jenny of Buck’s whereabouts, especially after what Buck had just told her

“Yeah Jen, he’s in the barn” she finally spoke “But be careful, he is upset about something” she warned the younger girl.

“Aren’t we all” Jen spoke softly as she turned and headed toward the barn.

She entered the barn cautiously not sure what to expect after Lou’s comment. Her eyes scanned the barn, quickly finding Buck seated on a bale of hay in the corner. She walked toward him quietly, her cloudy eyes liquefying as Buck stood and walked away from her.

“Buck what have I done to you, to make you hate me so?” she almost sobbed

“Nothing Jen” He didn’t have the courage to face her and see the pain he knew he was causing, “I’m the problem honey not you” he spoke his voice husky with his emotions.

“What have I done Buck?” she almost begged “Please, tell me so I can make amends please” She almost cringed hearing the desperation in her voice but she was powerless to do anything about it.

Buck listened to the pain in her voice and flinched as if she had hit him. He hadn’t meant to hurt her but he couldn’t continue to spend so muh time with her and keep his own sanity. He ran his fingers through his long ebony hair trying to form the words he needed to say to her in his mind.

“For God’s sake Jen I can’t keep doing this” he spoke hoarsely not daring to turn to face her “It’s killing me”

“What Buck?” she shook her head “What I don’t understand” she spoke her tears flowing afresh “Please tell me what it is?” she spoke

“Dammit Jen don’t ask me that” he cursed “I don’t want to lose what we have” his voice impassioned

“We are already losing it Buck, you keep pushing me away, what else could happen” he heard the hopelessness in her voice.

He turned, his eyes dark with passion and liquid with tears, his face full of an emotion she had never seen I his face before

“You don’t know what you are asking for Jen” he spoke as he stalked towards her. His hands gentle as he traced her face, his fingers trembling as he tilted her face up to his. His lips meeting hers in a kiss of such passion it brought tears to her eyes. His mouth mouthing wetly on hers, his tongue tracing hr lips, sliding between her parting lips sliding erotically across her white teeth before tangling in an erotic duel with her tongue, sucking it deeply into his mouth his lips moving across her own as their tongues duelled. One hand moving down to press her body against his from shoulder to hip, letting her feel what her proximity and kiss was doing to his body, his other hand tangling in her hair pushing her face closer to him.

His kiss stopped as abruptly as it started, Buck setting the bewildered Jenny from him and stalked back to the opposite corner of the barn. “That is what I didn’t want to happen Jen” he spoke flatly “It can never happen again and now we can never have what we once had again”

Jen stood there for a few moments her fingers tracing her kiss bruised lips, she had never dreamed that her first real kiss would bring with it so many emotions. Never had she expected the pain of rejection to be one of the things she would feel. Too distraught and overwrought by her new feeling she turned and ran from the barn her sobs the last sounds Buck heard from her.

Buck spent the next three days moping around the station house, unwilling to go into town for fear of running into the willowy blonde that haunted his every waking and sleeping thought. Not a moment went by when he didn't berate himself for kissing his best friend, now he was haunted by the taste of her on his lips. The feel of her feminine curves pressed against him, the need to touch her almost palpable. The torment he had suffered before was almost non-existent next to his searing desire to make Jenny his in every way possible. He knew the other riders were steering clear of him, because of his foul mood and sudden temper but he couldn't help himself.

Unable to settle at the station he packed his belongings in his saddlebags and tied a bedroll to his saddle and made his way to his horse in the barn stopped by Kid as he saddled his horse.

"Where are you going Buck?" he asked quietly

"Away" Buck spoke his voice flat

"Buck talk to me, where are you going?" Kid asked trying to understand what was going on inside his friends mind

Buck turned to Kid knowing that he would understand "Kid I have to get away for a while." He turned back to finish saddling the horse. "I can't be here Kid, this is killing me" he spoke so quietly that Kid had to strain to hear him "I can't be here and not have her". Knowing that of all his friends, Kid would be the one most likely to understand his plight.

"Are you coming back?" Kid asked softly knowing the torment that his friend was enduring

Buck turned and looked at the man he had come to love as a brother with tears in his eyes

"I don't know Kid" he paused "I honestly don't know" they embraced and Buck mounted his horse and walked it towards the barn door

Buck turned to raise a hand of farewell to Kid

"Say goodbye to Lou for me" he spoke and turned to ride away from the only true home he had ever known.

"Buck" Kid called as he jogged to Buck's side "Take care of yourself Buck" he clasped his friends hand then stood back as Buck spurred the horse into a gallop. Kid stood and watched as Buck's horse blended into the horizon.

"He's leaving isn't he?" Lou spoke softly as she walked to Kid's side falling into his embrace Lou pulled out of Kid's embrace and walked briskly to Thompkins store, determined to get to the bottom of Buck's problems, leaving a confused Kid standing in her wake. Waiting almost patiently for Jenny to finish serving a customer, she stood at the door until Jenny came around the counter to talk to her.

"Lou, What is it?" she murmured as she placed her hand on Lou's arm, seeing the pain on Lou's face she knew that something was wrong

"Jenny, what happened between you and Buck?" Lou asked flatly

"Why has something happened to Buck?" she asked quietly her voice filled with trepidation "This is all my fault" she murmured "I should have told him how I felt" she murmured almost to herself.

"If you leave now you might catch up to him Jen" Lou urged her taking her hands in her own almost begging her to follow him. "Please Jen Please bring him home to us" Lou's own tears overflowed, neither girl noticing Thompkins standing in the doorway watching them.

Jenny pulled Lou into a tight embrace "I will Lou, If I can I will" she released Lou and walked out to the back of the store and her home.

Changing into the Indian dress she felt more comfortable in and packed a few things into a bedroll, turning she was surprised to see her father standing at her bedroom door.

"You're going after him aren't you?' he asked almost rhetorically

"I have to father" she murmured "I love him" her eyes met her fathers and he knew that she meant her words

"God knows I would have chosen a different man for you, but if he is what you want then Good Luck Jen" he spoke, pulling her into his embrace "I won't stand in your way or make things difficult for you. You could do worse than him, and he loves you, even I can see that" he released her.

"Find him Jen" he hugged her again "Find him and be happy Jen" he spoke softly

"Now go or you won't be able to catch him" Thompkins spoke pushing her hair back from her tearstained face.

Jen kissed her father on the cheek and then ran down the stairs and out to their stable, not bothering to saddle her horse she swung onto its back, slung her bedroll over her shoulder and galloped out of the barn hoping against hope that Buck had gone to the place he always went when troubled and praying to all the God's that she knew that she could convince him of her love and to return with her to what she hoped could become their home.

Jen rode like her life depended on it, because in some ways it really did, she might be young but she knew in her own mind that a life without Buck in it was not the life she wanted for herself. She wanted everything he had to give, she wanted all the happiness and joy he could bring to her, she wanted the children and the happy times they would have. She knew there would be sad times too but she wanted to be by Buck's side through the good and the bad, there was no other person she could imagine sharing her life with and she hoped he felt the same.

She arrived at the pond, sweaty and dusty, no sign of Buck having been there recently. Knowing that eventually he would come here, this place that he found such serenity at she knew that if she stayed here he would find her rather than the other way around.

Sliding from her horses back she hobbled it, to leave him eating the sweet grasses by the side of the pond and unable to resist she slipped her moccasins from her feet and her dress from her body and slid into the cool soothing waters of the pond.

Floating aimlessly around in the water she was not startled to hear a horse approaching and glancing surreptitiously around she was not surprised to see it was Buck astride the horse. Unfamiliar with what she was about to do, she blushed deeply to the roots of her hair but she knew that if she wanted to keep him there was no other path for her to tread.

Rolling onto her back she floated closer to the center of the pond, her lustrous blonde locks fanning out about her in the water as she pretended that she hadn't heard his approach, all the while conscious of every tiny sound reverberating around her.

Buck sat astride his horse certain that he was dreaming, his eyes not willing to leave the vision that had confronted him Jenny floated in the pond before him completely naked, her pale translucent skin skimming just above the surface of the crystal clear water. A strangled groan escaped his lips as he watched her fanning the water with her hands moving with the current her hands created. Sliding from his horses back his knees weak with an arousal so powerful that he wasn't sure he would still be able to stand he gripped weakly to the horses side as he watched her transfixed by her beauty.

Her fanning out around her head in the water like a glistening golden halo, her beautiful gray eyes closed in relaxation, her breasts emerging from the water, pale and flawless tipped with deep pink nipples erect and beaded with droplets of water, her tiny waist flaring out into lush womanly hips, her secret places concealed from his view by lush blonde hair, he long supple legs occasionally fluttering through the water. Unable to stand the torment of being unable to have her any longer he glanced quickly around and staggered into the shade of the trees that lined one of the banks of the pond.

Jenny knew the moment, that Buck disappeared from the side of the pond and frowned tears welling in her eyes thinking that she had disappointed him in some way. Knowing that if she did not fight for him today she would lose him forever, she quickly stood and not even worrying about covering her nakedness followed him silently into the trees, praying that she could convince him of her emotions. What she saw, however, was not what she expected to see.

Buck was leaning against a tree, his head cushioned against one folded arm, almost shamefully as his other hand stroked his erect manhood, the drawstrings on his trousers pulled open just far enough to release himself from his pants. Never before had she seen a man in this state of arousal, often when she was growing up in the Lakota village she had seen boys and young men naked but this seemed all together different from the limp and flaccid members she had seen. Curious she watched as his hand stroked, gentle moans escaping his lips as he sought satisfaction from the burning desire that pounded in his groin, completely oblivious to her proximity.

Not sure of what she should do, but knowing that the rest of her life was going to be shaped by her next actions, she moved forward walking slowly closer and closer to the man that she loved. Extending her hand, she placed it over his own watching as his head flew up his eyes searching hers. He removed his hand as he watched her, moving it over hers only briefly showing her how to hold him and the rhythm he liked before he threw his head back and sighed a deep sigh filled with pleasure his eyes closed his hair trailing down his back and across Jen breasts as she pressed her body against his back.

Her hard, almost painfully erect nipples pressing into his back as she stroked his manhood. Emboldened by her own actions and the obvious pleasure she seemed to be giving him, she rested her face against his back as she reached her other hand around his body and wrapped it around his pulsing manhood, before letting her fingers trail down to trace lightly over the sac that nestled beneath his shaft, taut and firm, his moans and the uncontrolled jerking of his hips telling her more than any words could of the pleasure she was bringing him.

His head rocking backwards and forwards his hips jerking erratically she was unprepared for the spurt of moisture she felt as she rubbed her thumb across his tip. Peering around his body, she watched as stream after stream of hot fluid left him. Fascinated by what she was seeing she continued to stroke him until she felt his hands cover hers, looking up into his eyes she was amazed by the depths of love she saw shining in Buck's eyes, smiling into her face as he moved to cover his mouth with his own their loving just beginning.

Buck turned and stepped back from Jenny, just looking at her, his loving chocolate gaze almost a physical caress. She watched as his gaze traveled from her face to her pert round breasts and lower to the downy hair covering the secrets of her womanhood, almost able to feel his touch on her body as his eyes caressed her.

"Jen I am no good for you" he spoke his eyes full of liquid apology "Loving me will only hurt you" he paused "hurt us both"

"You are the other half of me Buck, how can you not be good for me" she murmured tears overflowing from her own eyes

"I couldn't bear it if one day you hated me Jen" he stated flatly, his eyes locked on hers as he tried to make her understand his feelings.

"I would never hate you Buck, even if the entire world scorned us I would still love you dearly” she murmured

"If we finish what we have started here Jen" he lifted a hand to tenderly lift her hair back from her face "I will never let you go Jen" he spoke telling her his intentions

"Buck" she stepped closer to him, her nipples rubbing against his shirt as she looked up at him, her tears trailing mournful streaks down her pale cheeks.

"I love you Buck, I realize now that I came home for you." she paused and lifted one hand to cup his handsome face "I might have fooled myself for a while into thinking that I came home to be close to father but I know now why I was drawn back here she paused watching him intently "the only thing that could hurt me would be if we were to not finish the dance we have started." She stopped and slid her arms around his waist burrowing against his chest, not wanting to see his denial in his face.

"We were destined to be together Buck from the moment you found me in the Lakota camp, I should have realized that when you fought for me but I didn't and I am sorry. All I want is to spend my life at your side and I don't give a damn what the rest of the town thinks" she spoke.

Buck tried one final time to change her mind "What about your father Jen?" he asked quietly

"He knows how I feel Buck, and while he didn't exactly give his blessing, he did accept my wishes" she paused "I doesn't matter though even if he didn't that would not have stopped me. You are my soul mate Buck, nothing can come between us" she looked up into his face searching for some sort of response from him.

Buck looked into her silver gaze and couldn't resist, he lowered his head to tenderly capture her lush lips kissing her wetly. Bending slightly he lifted her from her feet and aligned their bodies more evenly, her delicate feet at least eight inches from the ground hanging limply as she twined her fingers in his hair, her lips sliding wetly across his. His large hands spanning her waist, sliding lower to cup her buttocks and press her body tighter against his.

Her hands tangled in his soft black hair, moving through his silken tresses to rub erotically across his scalp and neck, pressing his mouth ever closer to her own. Their tongues meeting wetly, his tongue rubbing erotically across her smooth white teeth tasting her. At her gentle gasp he lifted his head, his own eyes passion glazed and heavy lidded with desire. Seeing her flushed cheeks and closed eyes he leaned his head forward to place gentle butterfly kisses on her eyelids, before, as if drawn by an irresistible force his lips returned to her mouth.

She met the return of his lips with as much passion as she had his first kiss, but this time, she trapped his bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled gently on the soft flesh, eliciting a soft moan from him, as he drew her closer against him, his tongue trailing across her lips as sweet as honey and begging for him to taste them.

He slid one hand along her torso, gently cupping her lush round breast, his thumb moving to caress the deep pink nipple at its peak, alternately rubbing it erotically and flicking it teasingly. She moaned against his mouth, feelings never before felt coursing through her young body.

Buck lifted his head and watched her as he flicked her pebble hard nipple, watching her tilt her head back and moan her pleasure to the skies, her eyes closed, her arms falling limply at her sides, feeling nothing but the sensation of his hand on her breast. Encouraged by her enjoyment he lifted her higher in his arms, clasping his arms around her waist as he held her, her breasts now level with his face. Smiling wickedly he leant forward and flicked her nipple with his tongue, loving the unreserved moans of pleasure that escaped her lips. Circling her hard nipple with his tongue he sucked as much as he could of her pert young breasts into his mouth, and, hearing her keening moans of pleasure as he repeated the whole exercise with the other breast. Her hands not still for long, she reached up and caressed his head again pushing him ever closer to her aching breasts. Feeling his potent erection against herself, she knew that their dance of love was only just beginning yet still she wondered if it were possible for this to feel any better than it did at the moment, her own secret places feeling moist and swollen, wanting nothing more than to give Buck as much pleasure as he was giving her.

"Buck, Please" she moaned "Please" she moaned over and over unsure what she was asking for yet certain that she needed Buck to help her

"Shhhh Eagle Feather" he soothed her as he slid her back down his body gasping himself as her body rubbed against his throbbing erection "I know it feels so good my darling, but this is just the beginning" he smiled at her look of disappointment and anticipation as he leaned forward to claim her mouth again, at the same time gently swinging her into his strong arms. He stepped out of the buckskin trousers that now pooled around his ankles and carried her from the grove of trees.

His lips never left hers as he strode towards the pond and the sealing of their destiny.